Way back in, oh, 2009 there was a “25 Things About Me” list on Facebook going around like a nasty cold sore. One of those lists you had to make if you were “tagged” by someone who had already made a list themselves. Ugh. But in the name of good facebookmanship, I made that list.
Fast forward four years and I truly laugh reading some of these, particularly ones that need editing. Most of the items needing an edit have been covered in my Someone Interesting post. But I’m betting some of you will find the outdated items just as funny as I do.
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1. I have a middle name, it’s “Mi”…Jun Mi Song. It’s a pleasure to know me, er, you.
2. I hate guys who shave their chests / bodies…ew, who told them that was a good idea? I’m down for the occasional rug burn on, but I’ll pass on the whole-body experience thank you very much.
3. I love calling girls assholes, because if / when I do, it’s completely warranted. I can think of a few assholes off the top of my head right now…assholes.
4. I discovered the art of self-pleasure at an incredibly young age, 5 to be exact, and it happened in kindergarten, by accident…details to be shared under separate cover should there be further inquiry.
5. After reading “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret” (Judy Blume) I couldn’t wait to get my period. How anti-climactic it was when it finally came…in summer school…while taking a practice PSAT exam. I then went home and told my mom who launched into the “no tampons, you going to lose the your viirgin” lecture…right…
6. I don’t have a “type”…just be funny…and smart…and somewhat aloof by nature (none of these mutually exclusive mind you) and you have a fighting chance. Big boyish smiles melt my heart…even when they’re attached to jerks. I’m working on this.
7. I miss my dad more than anything I have ever or will ever miss. If you knew him, you know why. If you never knew him, just know that many good things about me came from him. I would give up a lot of things just to have him back, I just wish someone would offer me such a deal.
8. I have two tattoos…but I have had three done. One’s been covered because it became meaningless and I covered it with something meaningful. I gave up my ladybug and now bear my dad’s “dragon” on my right shoulder.
9. You will never hear me say I regret anything…and it’s because I don’t. Everything is an experience…and I wouldn’t change a thing. You is what you is.
10. Yes, if you don’t already know, I left a stable job of five years to go on a reality show called Big Brother. And I won…$500K. But contrary to popular belief, I didn’t go on the show for the money. I just wanted the attention…and to mind-fuck the poor souls stuck in that house with me. FUCK, that was fun. And yes, I still get recognized…even when I’m on vacation with no makeup on and wearing my glasses trying to relax…
11. I have played the piano since I was 7…damn well too…and only recently realized that I stopped after playing at my aunt’s wedding…that ended in an abusive divorce / marriage. Yuck. I have since purchased a great keyboard and am getting re-acquainted.
12. My favorite spot in all my travels…Plitvice Lakes in Croatia. I would love to have back the feelings that trip gave me, and the strength of the friendship I had with my travel partner on that trip…again. I miss her.
13. I have few fears in life (and this #13 doesn’t faze me) but those few things can affect me deeply…on top of the list is being alone when I’m old…never becoming a mother…(almost) losing my mom again…
14. I love to feed people good eats made by my hand, there are only one or two things that make me happier and orgasm is one of the two. #2 is a toss-up between holding happy babies and walking out of LV with a new purchase.
15. My gut has led me my whole life and never let me down…broken hearts don’t count because that wasn’t my gut talking. I wish people were strong enough to follow their gut more often…fyi, it’s my gut that leads me to do what cowards deem “spontaneous”, and it always turns out the right course of action for me in the end anyway. Anyone who wants to argue this point come forward.
16. I used to be fat. Not in an “Omg, I ate too much tonight, I am so fat” fat, but like, FAT. Blame it on lack of will power, the fact that being born a preemie led to years of having food stuffed in my face…and oh, the “munchies” freshman year…but shit, I worked hard to work that all off. Booyakasha!
17. I dropped my brother on his head when he was 4 months old. I gave him a nasty scar and made him cry for what seemed like 3 hours…I then listened to him breathe all night while he slept for fear he might die from the trauma. I still feel guilty. I’m sorry little bro. Howz that scar?
18. People who are overly clingy or needy or overbearing get my cold shoulder, and my, what a cold one it is. Don’t let me fool you, I enjoy shutting you out. I give of myself because I WANT TO, not ever because YOU want me to. This includes people of either sex. Save your breath, if I want you in my life you don’t have to work that hard.
19. I have spent a night in jail…yes, it was cold and dirty and pretty scary. I was gangsta tho! Props to my lawyer for working his magic, HAHA.
20. I hate being cold…especially my feet. It’s right up there with toothache. I’d rather be hot, and shed layers as necessary.
21. I never finished my undergrad…and eventually just snatched up an AA in Liberal Arts at a CUNY…maybe I should have gone to school out-of-state instead of oh, at NYU / my backyard, but college bored me to tears. Surprising? To some yes…especially after they make disparaging remarks about people who never finished school and I tell them they’re assholes for not showing more tact.
22. I once scoffed at facebook, and I consider it superficial and wonderful at the same time. I do, however, share a lot about my life on it, so if you find yourself one day cut from my friends list it’s because I don’t want you knowing about my life. It’s my prerogative. And if one day you find yourself cut, move on. I don’t understand people who obsess about friending anything with a heartbeat. Let’s be honest, if you don’t really give a shit about whether or not I’m having a bad day, do I want you seeing all my bizzzzness?! That reminds me, must make some cuts today.
23. In general, I use the word “friend” sparingly…there’s plenty of room in my life for acquaintances, degrees of separation and coworkers, but friends are few and to be cherished. Don’t be insulted if I don’t call you a friend…and if you ask me if i’m your friend then we both know the answer don’t we?! Dig deep and ask yourself who your real friends are.
24. I speak my mind because I hate putting on an act…unless it’s during foreplay, then it’s acceptable. Speaking of foreplay, great sex is hard to find. Sex is too easy to find, but who wants easy?
25. This is me. Really. Take it or leave it, and if you can’t handle it, then that’s okay too. Go on living your life because I’m not going to change. If I am your friend I am Maximus Aurelius to you…but you know that already.
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