Jun Dishes

verb/diSH/ : food or sex or gossip or fiction in real life

Fifty Shades of Big Brother USA Fans

Recently, I had one of those days that made me question what the fuck was wrong with certain people out there. Following the news and keeping up with the times, you know there’s no shortage of bad people in the world. But I’m referring to, specifically, certain fans of Big Brother. That’s not to say there aren’t fans who remind me on a daily basis of all the good in the world. There are all types of fans, and I’ve touched on this before.

But, on that particular day, I was dealt yet another reality check about just how sick and vile some fans can be. But I suppose there must be filth, to balance out the fabulous, in Big Brother fans. And so I compiled a list of every shade of the Big Brother fan base. Keeping in mind we all “stumbled upon it” at some point to get to where we are today.

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How many of the shades describe you?

~ ~ ~ Fifty Shades of Big Brother USA Fans ~ ~ ~

1            Those fans with an Asian fetish obsessed with the host, Julie Chen, who would watch Big Brother and anything else out there as long as they could lay their eyes on The Chenbot.

2            Those fans who stumbled upon Big Brother while channel-surfing but stayed on the channel to finish the episode, and liked it.

3            Those fans who stumbled upon Big Brother because friends/family/colleagues/f*ckbuddies or some otherwise fan of the show mentioned it/pressured them, and liked it.

4            Those fans who stumbled upon Big Brother, period, and liked it enough to try to tune into most of the rest of that stumbled-upon season.

5            Those fans who stumbled upon Big Brother, period, and got hooked into watching the rest of that season.

6            Those fans who stumbled upon Big Brother, period, and got hooked into watching the rest of that season and then went back to watch all the missed episodes online.

7            Those fans who stumbled upon Big Brother, period, got hooked on the show and also discovered Showtime After Dark and tuned in to that too “every once in a while” for the rest of the season.

8            Those fans who stumbled upon Big Brother, period, and also discovered Showtime After Dark and got hooked on watching both for the rest of the season.

9            Those fans who got hooked on Big Brother and Showtime After Dark and also went back to watch all the missed episodes from that stumbled-upon season, online.

10           Those fans dedicated to watching some of the next season of Big Brother.

11            Those fans dedicated to watching all of the next season and “maybe sometimes” catching Showtime After Dark.

12            Those fans dedicated to watching the next season of Big Brother and Showtime After Dark and also following live feed updates through Twitter or Facebook.

13            Those fans dedicated to watching the next season of Big Brother and Showtime After Dark and also joining some fan forum to follow live feed updates.

14            Those fans dedicated to watching the next season of Big Brother and Showtime After Dark and also joining some fan forum to follow live feed updates and discuss all things Big Brother.

15            Those fans dedicated to watching all of the next season of Big Brother and Showtime After Dark and also downloading some live feeds apps on their smartphones.

16            Those fans dedicated to watching all of the next season of Big Brother and Showtime After Dark and also subscribing to the live feeds.

17            Those fans dedicated to watching all of the next season of Big Brother and Showtime After Dark, subscribing to the live feeds and sharing updates with other fans or perhaps creating an app for smartphones.

18            Those fans who keep up on what’s happening in the Big Brother world in-between seasons via Twitter of Facbeook.

19            Those fans who keep up on what’s happening in the Big Brother world in-between seasons and share information with other fans on Twitter of Facebook.

20            Those fans who keep up on what’s happening in the Big Brother world in-between seasons and join fan forums to discuss all things Big Brother.

21            Those fans who keep up on what’s happening in the Big Brother world in-between seasons and also start their own blog site to discuss all things Big Brother.

22            Those fans who stumbled upon Big Brother, period, and eventually got caught up on every episode there ever was of Big Brother except season one.

23            Those fans who stumbled upon Big Brother, period, and eventually got caught up on every episode there ever was of Big Brother except season one, and also international versions of the show.

24            Those fans who tuned in to watch Big Brother since the first episode of the first season in 2000, and most of the subsequent seasons.

25            Those fans who tuned in to watch Big Brother since the first episode of the first season in 2000, and all subsequent seasons.

26            Those fans who have seen every episode of Big Brother there ever was in the whole wide world of reality television.

27            Those fans who found their favorite BB alum through social media and rejoiced a little bit.

28            Those fans who found their least favorite BB alum through social media and scowled a lot.

29            Those fans who found BB alum through social media and follow their post-Big Brother life from afar.

30            Those fans who found BB alum through social media and reach out through some form of communication.

31            Those fans who get a response/reply from BB alum and rejoice.

32            Those fans who get a response/reply from BB alum and scowl.

33            Those fans who get a response/reply from BB alum and rejoice by touching their genitals for pleasure.

34            Those fans who get a response/reply from BB alum and scowl and immediately hate them with a burning passion.

35            Those fans who get a response/reply from BB alum and rejoice by swearing their love and devotion to them, literally.

36            Those fans who get a response/reply from BB alum and scowl with burning hate, and begin planning their online demise.

37            Those fans who read other fans’ public forms of communication with BB alum and act in any way close to the last six items above.

38            Those fans who publicly interact regularly with BB alum as fellow human beings.

39            Those fans who publicly, and privately, interact regularly with BB alum as fellow human beings.

40            Those fans who have coffee or kosher food or pastrami with BB alum, or even have them over to their homes.

41            Those fans who become angry if certain BB alum do not respond/reply to them in public, or in private for that matter.

42            Those fans who cannot go a day without obtaining information about certain BB alum.

43            Those fans who dedicate large parts of their days to obtaining as much information and eBay items as possible, for BB alum.

44            Those fans who create multiple online accounts to dedicate large parts of their days to obtaining as much information as possible, about BB alum.

45            Those fans who dedicate most of their daily 24 hours to stalking BB alum while touching their genitals for pleasure.

46            Those fans who dedicate most of their daily 24 hours to stalking BB alum, while plotting their slow and painful deaths.

47            Those fans who dedicate most of their daily 24 hours to stalking BB alum, and discussing them on fan forums, while touching their genitals for pleasure with other fans of their kind.

48            Those fans who dedicate most of their daily 24 hours to stalking BB alum, and discussing them on fan forums, while plotting slow and painful deaths with other fans of their kind.

49            Those fans who dedicate most of their daily 24 hours to stalking BB alum, and discussing them on fan forums, while touching their genitals for pleasure while plotting slow and painful deaths of BB alum.

50            Those fans who threaten, anonymously on the internet, to rape or stab or otherwise have the intent to kill some BB alum and their families but would take a bullet for certain other BB alum.

~ ~ ~

If I’ve left anything out, it’s because I had to choose fifty. And shame on you for pointing it out. Oh, and I dedicate this blog to ALL fans of Big Brother, filthy and fabulous, because without you there would be no Big Brother.

Always dishing,

Jun

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