Jun Dishes

verb/diSH/ : food or sex or gossip or fiction in real life

Shirtless Sean Correlation

Shirtless Sean was pushed back to the two-minute mark this episode, which was a good thing. I even have a very accurate non-scientific chart to prove it.

AccurateNonScientificChartYes, you can see the correlation too!

The “later” we see Shirtless Sean, the more entertaining the episode is, overall. And this episode we get to see a different Shirtless Sean, pretending to wake up in nothing but his black boxer briefs and walking around from room too room. And I say, “pretending” because he had no morning wood going on. Duh. Wait, what?

Black Boxer Briefs Sean

Some other “Wait, what?” moments:

– Selma is one of those cookie-cutter disproportionately gorgeous and skyscraper high maintenance but too-good-to-be-true cock-teaser chicks who was born in Baghdad and follows her family’s strict conservative rules, including eye-fucking Sean but not kissing him. And Sean makes lots of mistakes like taking her out to the desert, which she hates; in the blazing sun and heat, which she hates; and makes her go rock-climbing, which she hates. She sums up their one-on-one date very early when she says to us “He took the Iraqui to a desert.”  I still like her though.

– AshLee is one of those, horrible fungus-growing furry boots in warm weather-wearing, lady creatures.

Ahslee Furry Boots

I still like her though.

Amanda Exorcism

– The producers are amazing to us, and horrible to the ladies. Score one for the producers, as they make the obviously volleyball and otherwise athletically-challenged bachelorettes train for roller derby.  But it did result in Amanda falling chin-first on the floor hard enough to not exactly break her jaw but hard enough to finally cast out the exorcist that had taken over her body. And then she gets sent home.

Laughing Security Guard

– Leslie H. gets a pair of diamond earrings, to keep, and that seems to be her kiss of death as she’s sent home. Why? Because she got that perfectly proverbial Pretty Woman date that apparently “all women wish for”. Do we? And none of it matters because even the security guard at Neil Lane knows she’s too goofy. Yes. Goofy. Beauty and brains and humor aside, you have to be able to draw a man to you in his hopes that you will do everything fast and slow and hard and soft and right until he is putty in your arms. But all Sean got was goof. Leslie H. was just too goofy. Case closed.

Tierra Squat

– Since ABC insisted on showing us everything that was going to happen, for week after week this episode, we already knew that Tierra’s forehead beast would be roaring with hunger. As someone who has gained a ton of weight while on a reality show myself, I can tell you that Tierra’s constant feeding may be calming her forehead but is plumping up the rest of her body.  She is now even more comfortable squatting, than sitting, like she’s dropping a deuce.  But Sean likes Tierra, and her hungry forehead, so he doesn’t mind that she goes from hysteria to giggles and so gives her a rose on the Roller Death Derby group date. I guess that special Roller Derby Forehead Beast gang-sign Tierra flashed to us worked after all.

Tierra Forehead Beast Sign

Ugh. I went to sleep angry over Tierra’s antics. But she’s one of the primary reasons I now tune in, so…

Always dishing,

Jun

Posted under: Reality TV Dishes, The Bachelor / ette

Tagged as: , , , ,

6 comments

Feel Free to Dish!