The last round of dates before who goes where and with whom couldn’t have been more boring, and it was in Thailand! Because all the real stuff happens in the fantasy suite and we don’t get to see the fantasy suite footage. It’s not even about whether or not anyone has sex. And I don’t know if Sean really is the born-again virgin he claims to be or if he is just taking sex off the table to be safe Christian. I do believe he saved a few families from just a little less loss of liquid DNA and pride, so it may actually be a good move.
This isn’t to say Sean isn’t enjoying all the press with full-page photos of his half naked body being here, there, and everywhere. But we all know that the only thing worth watching last night was at the end when Sean basically barfed in his mouth sending AshLee home, and then she went cold and hard “fuck you to the depths of hell” death-stare on him.
But we knew, when we saw Sean watching AshLee’s anything-but-private video message to him, she was going home. Sean stood there like he had a lump of fresh shit in his pants as he watched her cry, because he knew he was about to send her home. AshLee went from walls up to walls down and out and she should probably work through some things with a high-priced therapist.
When a guy says he never has to “guess” how you’re feeling, that’s not necessarily a good thing. And then if you follow up with a “I want a cushion ring with diamonds all around on the band and my ring finger size is a 6.5,” again not good. But I think AshLee would be great on a show like Big Brother.
Unfortunately, this is The Bachelor. But I’ll spare you the boring details and get to some interesting points of the episode:
1. For some reason, the producers choose to give us a few seconds of Sean knee-down as he waits for his date with Lindsay. Does anyone know why?
3. There were also some sauteed delicacies of the insect kind, and Sean pressured Lindsay into eating them, both big and small. And Lindsay, good girl she is, did not spit them out. I knew she wouldn’t.
But whether or not she spit or swallowed is not the be-all and end-all. It’s important, but more important is the fact that Lindsay needs to ripen a little longer. Maybe move out of Missouri and live on her own a bit before rushing into becoming a Mrs. Anybody. She’s too young, in body and mind.
Check out her “I love you” delivery to Sean:
“There’s something that I do want to tell you.”
“What?” Sean replies.
“I love you.”
Yup, that was it. It was horrible, like 5th grade love in the hallway horrible. Plus, these two kiss too much. I’m all for kissing, but not if it’s to suck up awkward silences.
4. Catherine’s date was not about dangerous caves or eating bugs. Catherine’s date produced a photo such as this:
So I’m assuming Catherine wins Sean’s heart and second-hand virginity in the end. Besides she’s the only one Sean says “You’re smokin’ hot” to face-to-face, all season. And if that isn’t a sign of love, I don’t know what is. No, but really, we girls all need to hear that kind of neanderthal shit from our men every once in a while.
5. Poor Sean, as far as all the “most difficult decision up to this point” points. But not poor Sean, because he actually had a final three group of ladies that didn’t consist of bitches “America loves to hate”. And they all three said yes to the fantasy suite in the end, even if they all put their disclaimers out first.
Let’s see what happens next week during the “Women Tell All” episode!