Jun Dishes

verb/diSH/ : food or sex or gossip or fiction in real life

Someone Spilled Coffee On My Mac

So,eone spilled coffee on ?y ?qc:

That, up there, is me typing on an AZERTY keyboard. Because, yes, someone spilled coffee on my Mac. And it’s not working currently.

Oh, it was bound to happen. I had gone too long shaking my head at other Mac users who’d spilled shit intended for drinking, right over and onto their exposed and vulnerable keyboards. But in my case, it wasn’t even me who did it.

DryingTeepeeMacAnd so with my Mac currently “drying” open upside-down like a teepee, I am using my husband’s Mac. And as this is Belgium, his has got an AZERTY keyboard.

AZERTY

I didn’t even know what an AZERTY keyboard was until I’d traveled to Paris my senior year of high school, with my French teacher and the rest of the French Club. Me and my Aol email address were ready to send some emails from France, and that’s how my first AZERTY experience happened. Until that point I had never given thought to what computer keyboards in other countries would look like.

There’s a German QWERTZ keyboard too, but I’ve never come across one yet.

But here I am struggling and going back and deleting at least three times per line, so far, corrections to typos my QWERTY-ruled fingers are making. Where the Q and W were, now sit the A and Z, and vice versa. And your M no longer sits next to your N, but next to your L instead. And punctuation and accents? They’re all over the place and not where you want them to be, even the almighty question mark and period are in different places on the different keyboards.

And I’m dealing with this in the most dramatic way, all because someone went and spilled coffee on my keyboard. Who? Someone I don’t want feeling any worse than they already do, no use crying over spilt coffee right?

The coffee actually spilled over just half my keyboard, but enough to make my screen go black and power to zap out. I swear I heard it zap. My jaw dropped down to my tits and hot obnoxious tears welled up in my eyes.

  1. I yanked my Mac off the table and turned it keyboard facing down, and shook it with violent force hoping that the coffee would miraculously all spill out from under the keys.
  2. I launched myself into the kitchen to grab some towels, and with my Mac still keyboard-face-down I pressed into the keys with the towels hoping I would somehow sop up some more rogue coffee.
  3. I panicked and tried to turn it on, to no avail. This was a horrible move on my part. I know now, hours later, that I shouldn’t even try to turn it on for at least two days.
  4. Last, I raised my Mac above my head still keyboard-face-down, and I pressed my lips up into the keyboard and began sucking excess coffee out into my mouth.

Yes, I blew my Mac. I didn’t stop to think about what I was actually doing becuase it was working. As I sucked with the force of a Korean vacuum, coffee began flying out of my Mac and into my mouth. And I didn’t stop to spit, oh no, I was on a roll and there was no time to spit after every suck. Surely I must have gotten most of the coffee out?

I don’t know. I’ve done the Google run and there’s lots of advice and some depressing stories. I don’t own a blow dryer, I just don’t use them, but I do have dry rice. These are both things my fellow online coffee spillers recommend I use in an effort to save my Mac. I wouldn’t even care if I’m required to steam or fry my rice, I’m willing to do to rice whatever it takes to save my Mac.

But until it’s saved or *egads* replaced, I’ll be using lots of foul language while I struggle to get better at typing on this AZERTY keyboard. As a writer, this is torturous. And realizing there are greater things out there to send a prayer up for, I ask that you keep my Mac in your thoughts if you have thoughts to spare. I’m gonna go get some rice now.

Always dishing,

Jun

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