Jun Dishes

verb/diSH/ : food or sex or gossip or fiction in real life

RIP Morning Poop

I don’t know if you have a designated time in your day to take your daily poop. I’m a morning pooper for sure. But I know I’m on the endangered list heading towards extinction, because the morning poop is a sacred one and I am losing control. I remember watching that secret single behavior episode in season four of Sex & The City, and thinking how snoresome Carrie’s “eating jelly and crackers” was compared to some of my secret single behaviors. At a poker table I’d call Carrie on her crackers, and raise her a crispy pig’s foot.

For sure, one of my secret single behaviors was the morning poop. Was, because I’m now married and a mother, and my secrets are now on a different level than they ever were when I was single. Was, because sometimes I don’t even get to rest and poop until it’s not morning. However, I have been fighting and will continue to fight for my right to get my morning poop on.

When I was single, it was easy. If I was living with a boyfriend then I just made sure I was up first to morning poop with sufficient time to air the bathroom out. If I was living alone, then it was all about me and I thrived as a morning pooper. Stay-over boyfriends, sex friends, just friends and booty calls alike were always out of my place by the time I morning pooped. Staying over some guy’s house from the dirty night before meant making my super early coffee-laden walk of shame home, with plenty of time to get in my morning poop.

Fast forward to now, and I find myself missing my morning poop times and slightly mortified by the fact that I’m about to publish this blog.

But it’s not about the poop, that would be too literal and really disgusting to write about as a non-scientific topic. It’s about the luxury and the freedom of not worrying about anyone but yourself while you sit half-naked behind a closed door when you want to, or need to. Very personal and vital time. But some, not all, secret single behaviors can live on but most have an expiration date. Sleeping in until I’m ugly swollen, pooping when I want, and trying on my drawer of bikinis in my candle-lit bedroom on a monthly basis are some which have been buried in my secret single behavior graveyard.

I miss them, but I’m okay with letting go because because nowadays I’m more concerned and content with not letting go of my little Noah’s hands. He’s now just shy of his first birthday, and in addition to this very clingy phase he’s going through he insists that we spend most of our day drunk-walking him around the house.

Noah

This last year has flown by and I don’t even know how many mornings I was able to observe my time of morning poop, unfortunately I did not keep track of this. But I know that from time to time I look back with fond memories on those times in which I freely pooped.

RIP Morning Poop.

Always dishing,

Jun

Posted under: Reality Dishes

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18 comments

  • purrwing on March 6, 2013 at 5:26 pm said:

    Reply

    Yeah… so…. um…. well…….you tried on your bikini underwear once a month by candlelight? :)
    I second what kcsmum said!

  • Do you know to this day my wonderful kids are 14 and 18 that I stay in the bathroom way to long. I taught my kids at a very young age that we all need our privite times. I would go in there and they wouldn’t bother me at all not even a peep. I started going in there and sitting down and rathering my thoughts, letting off steam, just getting a minute to myself. I realized when they were older that I still was doing that even if I didn’t need to. I love the bathroom.

    • Jun Song on March 6, 2013 at 7:20 pm said:

      Reply

      Hahahaha! I love the bathroom too! :)

      I’m so gonna teach Noah about “private time for the bathroom”…hopefully he’s as cool as your kids! :)

  • OkieChris on March 6, 2013 at 6:15 pm said:

    Reply

    I’m an in and out pooper. Maybe because of the kids. I never thought about it before. I do know I think about the damnedest things while in there!

    Love you Jun! May your morning poops return at sometime.

  • purrwing on March 6, 2013 at 8:20 pm said:

    Reply

    Jun, you may (won’t) appreciate this story. My stepdaughter had no lock on the door of her ensuite bathroom. Sometimes while she was on the pot, my (her) toddler grandson(son) would barge in and ask adorably, (in a shouting, demanding voice) “I help you wipe?” So, you always have that to look forward to. Hahaha!

  • Jun, I had to tell you this and hope you can understand how funny this is.

    The other day I had my laptop open and up and running and my daughter 18 was highlighting my hair. My kids are 15 and 18 by the way. My son walked by and said why are you reading about anal sex? I said I’m not its just a blog I read from one of the BB winners. That started an entire conversation with the 3 of us. They are both BB fans so they sorta remember you. Then the poop blog was talked about, etc, etc, etc. Then for some unknown reason we started talking about sex farts. This was a very odd conversation to have with my kids, my son is so shy. Anyway then they both said the word queef? I said what is queef? Jun do you know what queef is? I didn’t…..They didnt have words for sex farts when I was going.

  • If I may be so bold…most of my blog reading of your is during my morning poop! 6-630 M-F…like clockwork!

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