Jun Dishes

verb/diSH/ : food or sex or gossip or fiction in real life

MAAS: Momz Against Anal Sex

My mother, momz, is against anal sex. This is somewhat a continuation of Things My Mother Told Me, but the anal sex topic was never covered there. Actually, it’s not a topic I thought I’d ever cover.

But my mother arrived from New York just this morning, for a three week visit, and after all the hugs and feel-good reuniting at Brussels International Airport, she sat me down for a talk when we got home. Noah had just gone down for a nap and my husband Davy gone off to work, and my mother thought it the perfect time to ambush me.

Apparently she’d read recently in some Korean women’s magazine about the perils of engaging in anal sex and she’d neglected to tell me earlier. Because on Skype, “Maybe somebody listen us.”

Well, she got right to the point even demonstrating things with her hands.

AnalDemo

As if.

Yes, I was getting the anal sex talk from my mother. Different, way different, than just the sex talk. It was our third or fourth in my adult life, and it was the most graphic one by far. I don’t know of many other Korean moms like my momz. But then again I don’t know many other Korean moms like myself.

It was simple. The information my mother possessed about anal sex was fact, to her and therefore should be so to me. Anal sex, basically, makes something tight like your anus become something loose and open.  And of course, there’s a visual representation of “Before and After”.

BeforeAndAfterThe thing is, while I am cackling and “Umma!”ing at her, my mother is completely serious about it even bringing up names of my exes who shall not be named as reminders of my anal past. And she refused to believe that men all want to try anal sex. And so, of course, I did what I had to do and asked, “What, Appa never asked you to have anal sex?!”

My mother drew her hands back to her sides and sucked in her breath. Once, she whispered and she’d said no and he never asked again.

“He never asked again?” I asked dramatically.

My mother admitted that yes, indeed, my father had asked her one more time “long long time later” after the first time. And again my mother had said no and that was a cold case for my father. I realize my mother and I will never see eye to eye on all the kinds of sex out there nowadays.

But I get it. She’s never had anal sex and she never will. Good for her. And good for me that I can have this kind of WTF-OMG-TMI kind of power hour with my mother without her ever actually asking me if Davy and I have anal sex. She just wanted to make a point for the sake of having made that point, about anal sex. And then we moved on to talking about what to feed Noah when he awoke.

Always dishing,

Jun

 

 

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