10 years ago I won Big Brother. It’s one of so many life experiences I’ve had. And although it doesn’t play a major role in my daily life, it’s the reason most of you visit my site in the first place. But if you continue to visit, it’s because something in me clicks in you. And I don’t take it for granted.
If you think about the person you were 10 years ago, how much has changed? For me it was 2003, and I was freshly broken up from a four-year live-in relationship to a guy I thought I was going to marry one day, and I was looking to do something completely insane. So I applied for Big Brother. Yes I was a fan of the show, but with only three seasons before me I wouldn’t say I was any kind of “superfan”.
No, I wanted to go in that house and be a manipulative conniving biatch. I looked forward to saying whatever I wanted being brutally honest in the diary room, about a bunch of strangers whose job it was to try to take my $500,000. Instead of sleeping with everything that pointed a dick at me as a “best way to get over someone is to get under someone else” life practice that summer, I chose to go on national television and work my shit out. And so you can imagine when I found out that first night in the house that yet another ex-boyfriend of mine, Jee, would be in the house with me all summer I was reeling. My mouth hung open for so long when Julie Chen dropped the bomb.
And at home, my mother was watched and wondered what in the fuck Jee was doing on television with me. It was a Korean mother’s worst nightmare. As if it wasn’t bad enough that her unmarried daughter had just broken up from one pre-marital cohabitational relationship, I then went on television “parading” a previous ex-boyfriend who’d also lived together out of wedlock. My father, always the rational one, had calmed my mother and together they’d watched the season in awe of their daughter.
Yes, 10 years ago I was as single as they come and I did exactly what I wanted when I wanted in my free time. Today, it’s a completely different story. More often than not, my free time “activities” are not solely about me anymore. And as I watch other BB alum “grow up” with me and start families too, it does strike a happy chord in my usual BB cynicism. Congratulations to all the new BB mommies and daddies.
~ I wouldn’t say I’ve “softened” in these last 10 years, but I have let down parts of my Cancer shell. I’m a crab through and through. And I’m still, and always will be manipulative and conniving and brutally honest.