Jun Dishes

verb/diSH/ : food or sex or gossip or fiction in real life

No Skype Tuesdays

On Tuesdays, my mother and I don’t Skype. Besides Saturdays, when my mother goes hiking with her Korean hiking club, Tuesdays are the only other days we don’t get to Skype. We used to, but not anymore. Why? It’s complicated but it’s closer to ridiculous, upon closer inspection.

halmuhneeummaphoto

My grandmother’s health has been failing for quite some time now. This photo above, of her and my mother, is a few years old now and one of my favorite moments between the two of them. But since the photo was taken a lot has changed. For some time now my grandmother, halmuhnee in Korean, has had a rotation of nurses and home care providers in her home seven days a week from morning until early evening.

Grandmothers grow older in different ways. Mine also grapples with some memory losses and lapses. Sometimes, though, on Skype she’s as sharp as diamonds. So I want to believe my halmuhnee’s just fine. She’s not just fine though, is the reality, and my mother knows it too. So at the start of this year my mother started spending most of her days at my grandmother’s home.

So on most days we Skype like normal with me and Noah here, and my mother and my grandmother in New York, except the almighty Tuesday. Because on Tuesdays it’s a Korean nurse who spends the day at grandmother’s home. Oh. So?

“No Skype anymore Tuesday,” my mother said to me at the start of this year.

I’d asked her what she meant. “What’s happening on Tuesdays?”

To my grandmother, it’s a blessing to be able to have a care provider who speaks the same language even if it’s for just one day a week. To my momz, it’s a blessing and a curse. Momz doesn’t want the “Korean nurse lady” listening to our conversations about sex and drugs and “you know” things about people. So I said we could talk about other things, yet momz insists we not Skype on Tuesdays all-together and it’s all because of some inane Korean paranoia.

I find it ridiculous. But there are just some things I know momz won’t budge on and so tomorrow, Wednesday, I will Skype with momz once again. I’ll tell her all about Noah’s first day at daycare across the street, and how he made friends immediately with a two-year-old boy named Dan and chatted the whole time in baby babble. And I’ll tell her that Noah inhaled a strawberry yogurt and then pooped during the four hours he was there. Oh, and I’ll tell momz how glad I am that my period’s over and that my vagina is in tip-top shape according to my lovely gynecologist, Dr. M.

Then momz will question everything in and around the daycare until I’m sufficiently paranoid to the most Korean level. Then I’m sure she’ll tell me about the creepy old Korean dude who’s been hitting on her on her Saturday hikes, and whether or not he’s pursued her again. Momz will probably also ask me slyly if I’ve had any more sex in the garage with Davy, as she likes to throw that joke in every once in a while eliciting a cackle from me.

For today, Tuesday, there will be no Skype date for me and momz and Noah and halmuhnee. But it was a big day, and so there will be much to dish about tomorrow on Skype. And that’s where No Skype Tuesdays comes from.

Always dishing,

Jun

Posted under: Reality Dishes

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22 comments

  • Ok I try and keep up but I guess I missed the entire Day Care and Noah attending? You need to do a blog on that. When, Why, the crazy kids, the parents, the teachers, etc.

    • Jun Song on May 9, 2013 at 9:11 pm said:

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      Ha! He’s going just once a week for a half-day for now to socialize with other babies/toddlers and I can get some time for myself :)

  • debbie glover on April 30, 2013 at 3:59 pm said:

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    My mom and i talk every night except saturday and sundays. As my mom says “i have a life on the weekends”. Love her and love reading yoir blogs.

  • Dont tell Momz about the day care happenings. Let her know that Day care is on Tuesdays, and therefore can only be skyped about on Tuesdays. If she still insists that Tuesdays are to be skype free, then you KNOW it is a final decision.. And for heaven’s sake don’t suggest that one of the other care givers may be able to understand Korean.

  • I’m happy that Noah’s first day was a success. That’s great that he didn’t cry! My nephew used to cry when my mom dropped him off at Pre-K. Your momz is awesome! My mom would never joke about sex or even mention it to me, my brother, or sister. This blog reminded me of my grandpa who recently passed away. He also experienced memory loss and lapses toward the end. I’m sending all my love and well wishes to grandma.

    • Jun Song on May 9, 2013 at 9:15 pm said:

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      It’s funny looking back on this because he cried his second time, just two days ago. But he got over it quickly they said

      Thank you for your well wishes for my grandmother. I’m sorry about your grandpa Josh. Thank you for sharing that.

  • MarluvsBB on April 30, 2013 at 8:10 pm said:

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    I kinda get where Momz is coming from… some things you just don’t want to be overheard…lol I think you’re just blessed to be able to talk about such things with Momz in the first place. My mom would have been so embarrassed. She was such old school. There were just some things she didn’t want to talk about with me. When she had the birds and bees talk with me, I got her off the hook by saying I already knew all that. I will never forget the look of relief on her face.. haha (I must have missed day care thingy too, since I’m not on Twitter much lately, so blog about it please?)

    • Jun Song on May 9, 2013 at 9:17 pm said:

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      It’s so weird because my momz is SO old school about certain things yet she’ll knock me on my ass with some of the stuff that comes out of her mouth! HA!

      We’re just giving Noah some socializing time with other babies in the hood…and I’m getting a few hours to get some “me” time :)

  • I would give my left pinkie toe to have been able to have the conversations with my mom that you do with yours. When I got pregnant with my son after 13 years of marriage and infertility issues, I called her and told her. Her response was How did that happen? Me: The usual way. She was so mortified that she just stuttered Well, good and got off the phone. That was the most sex we ever talked about.

  • My mom and I never got along. The last time i saw her she said she was sorry she was never able to be the mother I needed. When I was in high school parents had to sign a form for us to take “health class”. As she signed it she said Im so glad I dont have to have that talk with you. You best learn how not to get pregnant. and that was the end of it. I always wanted a daughter I could have a close loving relationship with and go shopping and to lunch. That didnt happen. My daughter is wonderful and a huge success with her music (anji bee) and such but we have never had that close relationship. Be glad for whatever day of the week Momz can give you..

    • Jun Song on May 9, 2013 at 9:21 pm said:

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      I am glad for every day I get to have momz on my screen or on the phone :)

      I remember health class and how much I’d looked forward to learning about sex hahah…

      I think you and your daughter will get where you want to go eventually Bonnie…I don’t pretend to know everything, but my hope is that my hunch is right :) Don’t lose hope!

      • Check out Anji Bee sometime. She has this career thing that gives her the life she always wanted. On facebook or twitter im not allowed to be her parent. she got involved in a cult and they turned her against us. She left when she was 16 and that was the end of it. we dont fight or anything just are distant like old friends. Makes me sad.

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