Imagine some nondescript house in the middle of nowhere, where in the basement is a door leading to a Lost and Found. This Lost and Found is not for lost items but lost friends, and you can go there just once in your lifetime to see if you can rekindle a broken friendship. Imagine that.
I know exactly which friendship I would try to make whole again, although it’s been years since this friendship got filed away into the darkness. It’s that friendship most people would say, “Oh, just reach out to your friend and try to talk to them” about so easily knowing just a few sparse details. If only things were that simple.
There are some friendships that end because they were meant to or needed to, or should have or had to. Like, the friend who was always a little too sexually attracted to you to be a true platonic friend. Or, the friend who married someone toxic and withdrew from everyone including you. Or, the friend who took advantage of you in some way and disappeared from your life. It’s easy to say, “Oh, they weren’t a true friend to begin with, if they did this or that, just forget about them” about certain kinds of friends.
I had this one friend for most of my life though, the one for whom I would use that one ticket into the Lost and Found for lost friends. She’d been my best friend. Those who knew us believed we’d been fated to be friends forever, a friend with whom I’d experienced so many firsts and lasts and never-should-haves until we just didn’t. Just like that, everything stopped.
Like a hopeless game of “Pin The Tail” I’d tried to nail down some reasoning, knowing life throws at us shit all the time. When my efforts to “talk about whatever it is” were coldly denied, I’d had no choice but to eventually walk away. That walk has been a long one bringing me this far in time and distance, but here I am still turning back every so often to see if there’s anyone there.
If I ever got to walk into that Lost and Found and claim my second chance, would this friend even want to be found? Some loose ends may never have been meant to be tied up. Perhaps I’m just selfish.
So I just keeping walking my walk…with one eye over my shoulder.