Jun Dishes

verb/diSH/ : food or sex or gossip or fiction in real life

Why Momz Would Be Horrible on Big Brother – Part 1

Now that we’re mere hours away from the Big Brother 15 cast reveal, even more speculation’s floating around as to who’s actually on the show this summer. With rumors of Elissa Slater (yes, Rachel’s sister) and Kelly Gheesling (Dan’s sister), Jordan’s brother and Ian’s made-up sister, all named as possible summer HGs…

Family

I can tell you now my mother, momz, will not be on the show this summer. No, really. I even tweet about it this morning…

MomzI sent in an application for her and everything, and producers loved it, but she didn’t make it past the first round of interviews because her English wasn’t up to par. It’s okay though, because I just made all that up. Momz would be horrible on Big Brother and here are some reasons:

Why Momz Would Be Horrible on Big Brother

10. She would start by introducing herself to all the HGs as, “Hi, my name is Song,” which would make sense for Koreans because last names are always said first and matter most. But then she’d get “caught” for lying about her name and all hell would break loose in losses in translation, and she’d self-evict.

9. She’d say at least a dozen times a day to everyone, “You know Jun she my daughter, she winning the Big Brother,” leading to her nomination and eviction asap.

8. She can barely turn on a Mac, let alone handle those BB competitions…

7. She’d spend the summer harassing HGs about the hazards of anal sex, and probably bring my name up further embarrassing me.

6. She’d cock-block everyone, even from themselves, because all roads lead to #7 above including masturbation!

5. She’d make everyone put on more clothes around-the-clock, telling them “This is not the porno!”

4. She’d never want to talk to any HG in private, even if it was about strategy, because she’s so paranoid that someone would try to seduce her.  This goes for men and women, because my momz knows there are “the gay women” out there.

3. She’d pose like this in every camera and in every diary room session, because I taught her to. Just for fun.

MomzPose2. She could never live without the Korean news, particularly stories about where to get the best quality beef short ribs and whether or not Kim Jong Un’s marriage is a sham.

But ultimately…

1. She could never live without Skype sessions with Noah

SkypeNoah

Cheers to a good day and the day we get to see who ends up on this season of Big Brother! See you on the other side!

Always dishing,

Jun

 

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