I didn’t know, when I wrote Why Momz Would Be Horrible on Big Brother, that there would be a Part 2. So if you missed it, you can click and read it first if you want. After just two weeks of Big Brother 15, I realized there should be an update to the list:
Why Momz Would Be Horrible on Big Brother 15
10. She would have started out by introducing herself to all the HGs as, “Hi, my name is Song,” which would make sense for only Helen. Koreans say last names first because they matter most. This would immediately put a target on my mother’s back, as well as Helen’s, because everyone in the house would just assume they’re mother and daughter who also happen to own rice fields and nail salons when they’re not in the Big Brother house.
9. She’d say at least a dozen times a day to everyone, “You know Jun she my daughter, she winning the Big Brother,” which would make her an even bigger target than Elissa who is “The Sister of a Big Brother Legend” aka Rachel Reilly.
8. She can barely turn on a Mac, let alone handle those BB competitions…and for sure she would have joined David in the ranks of not having spelled a word in the POV competition. My mother gets way too nervous with the English language especially when she’s timed.
7. She’d spend the summer harassing HGs about the hazards of anal sex, and probably bring my name up further embarrassing me. This would anger people like GinaMarie, Amanda, Kaitlin and Jeremy and they’d try to backdoor my mother. And I never want to hear “backdoor” and “my mother” in the same sentence. Ever.
6. She’d cock-block everyone, even from themselves, because all roads lead to #7 above including masturbation in house! And this would ultimately lead to my mother’s eviction because this whole house is currently on the road to #7, except for Howard, Helen, Andy, Elissa, Candice, and Nick.
5. She’d make everyone put on more clothes around-the-clock, telling them “This is not the porno!” And then Judd would try to correct her English only to discover my mother, like so many other HGs, don’t understand his English. There’d be a language discrimination issue and subtitles would take over our television screens, preventing us from taking any more screencaps.
4. She’d never want to talk to any HG in private, except for Helen, and thus make Aaryn cry about reverse-racism and Jessie worry that she wasn’t pretty enough to talk to as usual.
3. She’d pose like this in every camera and in every diary room session, because I taught her to. Just for fun.
But perhaps this would get her MVP, although she probably wouldn’t use it very well considering there’s no “V” in the Korean language, only a “B”. So she’d run around asking all the HGs what an “MBP” was and what she had to do with it, thus ruining her game.
2. She could never live without the Korean news, particularly because she’d think Spencer calling her Kim Jong-Un meant that North Korea became the dominant world power while she was stuck in the BB house.
1. She would cook rice every day, and talk about pizza with McCrae ad nauseam.
Momz loves pizza almost as much as rice, but rice is always #1.