Ho Bag

Identity CrisisThank you once again to Robert for this question, and I’ll start off by saying identity crisis is a B I G topic. Identity crisis is so many things balled up into one, so I’ll touch on just a few things in my life so far…

As a Korean daughter, specifically, I’ve hurt people and have been hurt going through this identity crisis. Koreans are notoriously hypocritical in the way they lead their lives in public and private. I say hypocritical because that’s what it is point-blank, but my parents argued that it was not. So I grew up believing for a long time that there was only one way to be perceived by people, and that was perfect. Worst word ever, but most used in Korean households. “Puhr-pect” my mother would say. She still can’t say it, perfect.

When I was nineteen I moved out on my own and broke out of that identity, and it was scandalous in our Korean community in the greater New York area. It was one of the best things I’ve ever done.

As an Asian, generally, I’m lumped with the masses. The masses are no longer a minority in number worldwide, but I’m still a “minority” in in America and here in Belgium. In the 80s, being an Asian girl meant you more passive and weaker in strength and voice than other little girls. In adulthood being an Asian woman means you’re part sex and part calculator, give or take a happy ending and to-die-for fried rice. I grew up in the public school system of New York City, and I entered storytelling contests from a very young age flexing my voice and excelling in competition. Growing up a minority in the 1980s-1990s was every stereotype you’ve ever heard, and I wanted to break out of those so badly. In the workforce I expected to be compensated for fulfilling whatever superficial role I was to fill. Sometimes I used the very ignorant to my advantage, and I make no apology about it as an Asian woman. Or as a woman.

As a woman I’ve never questioned my sexuality identity. Gender role stigmas aside, I’ve always asked and continue to ask many questions in cultivating my indendence and sexuality.

– As a wife, I’ve never questioned my identity. Although sometimes I get to role play other things for wifely pleasure.

– As a mother, I have bouts of exhaustion and frustration but no identity crisis.

~ ~ ~

And then I receive a hateful email like this one from “Tom”:


It shocked me before I wondered who could be so possibly angry at me and why? Tom knows a lot about me, even if he’d never admit to his unhealthy obsession. So I thought back to Robert’s initial tweet days ago, because this email was meant to strike at my identity as a mother and a wife and a Korean woman. I don’t know if “ho bag” is even a serious insult anymore, so all hope is not lost for Tom. He had me at ho bag.


Unfortunately neither ho bag nor Tom can break my identity, or get a reply email. But I can put him and his IP address on blast, signed, the ho bag. Right?

Always dishing,





  1. karenrakay

    Tom hates u because he is filled with self hatred. . He himself is having an identity crisis.. Tom may not even be a male or white.. just someone who is deep in confusion..self hatred and hurt…he may need to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes before judgement…I appreciate you jun not because ur an Asian woman who won bb..but a wonderful loving multi talented woman who opened her heart to all.. and u make me laugh. .

  2. Jmantyger

    Spot on! Great take on a really deep and difficult to face topic. We were very lucky. My grandfather always taught us that a person is a person. In other words, a person’s is defined by who they are, not what they look like or how society ‘believes’ they should act. He taught us that it is ok to be different, to be comfortable to be ourselves. My grandfather was a share cropper from the deep south who barely finished 2nd grade. Yet, he was very wise and very rich in love (and compassion). Oh, regarding people like Tom, pawpaw also said, ‘There’s a jackass in every crowd. You don’t have to find them, they’ll find you’. The longer I live, the more I am convinced he was right. Hang in there. Love, a fellow Ho bag… 🙂

  3. I’ve been following you for about a year now on twitter and reading your blog and never once did I get the impression you were trying to be anything more then Jun, someone finding their own way in life. For this nitwit to think you’re trying to be something it only shows how he is projecting his own warped view of the world on to you. Once again someone has proven my contention that racists just aren’t as intelligent as normal people.

  4. nancy

    seriously? who died and made him boss of you? did davey assign him your keeper and forget to tell you? as i told you before you’re a strong, independent woman. a proud wife who moved across the ocean to be with the man you love. you’re a wonderful mother to noah and so proud of him and the accomplishments he makes on a daily basis. you’re a good daughter who loves her mom and so proud of the man your father was. i know you only know me via fb and twitter but you’ve grown to know me as a person who calls them like she sees them.sounds if this gentleman and i use that term loosely because here in nc he would be called a pompous jerkass, a douchebag. what he says may have hurt but you know who you are and the woman you’ve become.a woman that your mother is proud of, a lady your father was proud of, a trophy wife for davey and such a loving tender mom to noah. i consider you my cyber friend and if you lived in my area we would be friends face to face.yes you have a hilarious sense of humor and poke fun at yourself but never have i heard or read an unkind word about your heritage. jun don’t change who you are for this douchebag nor let his hateful words cause you a moment of pain.i’m proud to call you my friend and anytime you want to make fun of my redneck ass go for it.i will laugh with you then ask for your fried rice recipe.you’re welcome in my home any day. Nancy 🙂

  5. Sparky

    It is my opinion that anyone who tries to make themself feel/look better by tearing others down is a very insecure unhappy person. If all one can see is negative in others, then that is all they see in themselves. Jun, you make so many people happy. Not just those who are in your real world life, but so many that are in your internet life. I forget who said it, but a life well lived is the best revenge. You, my dear are living your dream and it doesn’t get much better than that. I pity those that are so filled with anger, hate and insecurity that all they can attempt is to bring others to their level.

    1. Jun Song Author

      It makes me wonder who “Tom” is…I imagine it’s a closeted hater who is reacting to my Burning Bridges blog 🙂

      I realize my being so happy kills some people 🙂 It’s true…the best revenge is to be able to have all the I have and laugh at the Toms 🙂

  6. Shannon Drew

    What an ass! Can we all email him & blast hate? Just am idea lol. What he said isn’t even true but if so why waste time & energy to email someone you don’t know?! Ugh. My guess he’s just mad he’s isn’t the white man sleeping with you every night! LOL

  7. Rich

    Sorry about that email, it was really rude. Will revealing an IP address do anything though, it can’t be traced to a single computer – just a general location.

  8. Dawny Owen

    Jun, I love you, I love the courage you have in opening up your life and thoughts to any who care to read about it. My guess is Tom is jealous, thats it. Your living your dream he’s not, end of story. Thanks for sharing both the good and the bad, it gives the rest of us something to think about.

  9. T. Burke Hodgson

    Somewhat off the subject, but what did you and your Mother think of Margaret Cho’s “All American Girl”. I was a fan. Her mother on the show amused me very much because she reminded me of my mother’s attempts to make a Southern Gentleman out of me. Alas, I was of the opinion that the only purpose of Southern Gentlemen was to give Nice Guys someone to beat the sh– out of.


Feel Free to Dish!