Thank you once again to Robert for this question, and I’ll start off by saying identity crisis is a B I G topic. Identity crisis is so many things balled up into one, so I’ll touch on just a few things in my life so far…
– As a Korean daughter, specifically, I’ve hurt people and have been hurt going through this identity crisis. Koreans are notoriously hypocritical in the way they lead their lives in public and private. I say hypocritical because that’s what it is point-blank, but my parents argued that it was not. So I grew up believing for a long time that there was only one way to be perceived by people, and that was perfect. Worst word ever, but most used in Korean households. “Puhr-pect” my mother would say. She still can’t say it, perfect.
When I was nineteen I moved out on my own and broke out of that identity, and it was scandalous in our Korean community in the greater New York area. It was one of the best things I’ve ever done.
– As an Asian, generally, I’m lumped with the masses. The masses are no longer a minority in number worldwide, but I’m still a “minority” in in America and here in Belgium. In the 80s, being an Asian girl meant you more passive and weaker in strength and voice than other little girls. In adulthood being an Asian woman means you’re part sex and part calculator, give or take a happy ending and to-die-for fried rice. I grew up in the public school system of New York City, and I entered storytelling contests from a very young age flexing my voice and excelling in competition. Growing up a minority in the 1980s-1990s was every stereotype you’ve ever heard, and I wanted to break out of those so badly. In the workforce I expected to be compensated for fulfilling whatever superficial role I was to fill. Sometimes I used the very ignorant to my advantage, and I make no apology about it as an Asian woman. Or as a woman.
– As a woman I’ve never questioned my sexuality identity. Gender role stigmas aside, I’ve always asked and continue to ask many questions in cultivating my indendence and sexuality.
– As a wife, I’ve never questioned my identity. Although sometimes I get to role play other things for wifely pleasure.
– As a mother, I have bouts of exhaustion and frustration but no identity crisis.
~ ~ ~
And then I receive a hateful email like this one from “Tom”:
It shocked me before I wondered who could be so possibly angry at me and why? Tom knows a lot about me, even if he’d never admit to his unhealthy obsession. So I thought back to Robert’s initial tweet days ago, because this email was meant to strike at my identity as a mother and a wife and a Korean woman. I don’t know if “ho bag” is even a serious insult anymore, so all hope is not lost for Tom. He had me at ho bag.
Unfortunately neither ho bag nor Tom can break my identity, or get a reply email. But I can put him and his IP address on blast, signed, the ho bag. Right?