Pretty Big Sunday

If there’s one thing I have a hard time answering it’s, “How come you can’t ride a bike?”

My throat always tightens, but I always answer “I just never learned.”

“My parents never let me out of the house after I was sexually abused by a neighbor,” is not what people want to hear. It’s jarring even on paper. The truth is I neverย gotย to learn even though I had a bike growing up, and I never thought I’d tell anyone in this way.

Living in Belgium nearly three years now I realize owning a bicycle is as common as owning as owning a refrigerator. So I bought a bicycle over a month ago, and never touched it. Until today.

Then there’s the one thing I can talk about all day and night with a permanent smile plastered on my face, and that’s my little Noah. Today, with Noah, my husband Davy and I achieved two “firsts” together as a family. My first bicycle lesson and Noah’s first haircut at home. If you remember Noah’s first haircut at a kiddie salon, then you remember this…

NoahSalon

Two months have passed and this morning out of the blue Davy wanted to “trim” Noah’s hair “just above his ears,” and I said okay let’s do it. We thought it would be really easy and quick, and it was not easy and took forever because we were so scared with the scissors. Looking back we should have Googled the process or at least asked some of you on Twitter or Facebook, but we didn’t and now Noah is a hot mess all because of his horribly unprepared parents.

Haircut

 

I’m pretty sure it was my guilt over making Noah so miserable that pushed me to get my new bicycle out of the garage and finally take the plunge. No more repressed fears and excuses about learning to ride a bicycle, and more fighting my repressed guilt and ghosts of my sexual abuse. After Noah was born and I became a parent I gradually, and for the first time in my adult life, let myself accept what happened to me so many years ago and it makes sense that riding a stupid bicycle should come next.

So Noah and Davy, and my in-laws together, they all got to watch me and help me get on a bicycle for the first time since I was 7.

BikeLessons

I struggled and sweat wearing all-black like an idiot under the hot summer sun, but I didn’t stop for at least an hour. At the end of the hour I was on a good streak, but then I lost my balance and literally fell off the seat and vagina-first onto the crossbar of the bike. I felt like I’d been kicked in the vagina, which happened to me once of course, and I saw stars before my teary eyes.

Hours later my vagina is very sore, and more bruised than my ego because my ego is feeling pretty fine in so many ways.

It’s been a pretty big Sunday.

Always dishing,

Jun

 

 

30 Comments

  1. Sounds like you were getting the hang of it before you fell off. The positive thing about this is that you won’t forget to break next time. Everyone has mishaps when they’re first learning how to ride a bike. Did you see the op-ed about learning to ride a bike from the NY Times that I tweeted you? I’m proud of you for attempting your first bike riding lesson. Sorry that you got hurt.

    Reply
  2. kcsmum

    I’m proud of you!!!! At least there were no bully mean girls wearing shitkickers invoked in today’s episode. Your vajajay will heal and your ego will soar soon. I can picture lots of good times riding with your boys. And you will be amazed how fast you can get to the store to pick something up. As I always say, little victories, my dear. But really, this one was huge. Xo

    Reply
  3. Courtney

    Ok, why is everybody ignoring the “abused by a neighbor” part of this story?

    It’s awful that happened. Thanks for sharing it with us, & I hope it was cathartic.

    …Kind of ironic about the crossbar/vagina part of the story ;)…

    Reply
    1. Jun Song Author

      It’s not an easy topic to address for many people, victim or not, because I have now connected with others who were abused through my writing. My exchanges with these readers is private, and I’m always so surprised when someone does come forward to tell me they went through a similar experience whether it’s a white person or a Korean one, etc…

      Chris replies to you below and you and Chris both have good points.

      I believe some people keep their experiences private and I respect that. I am choosing to share mine as much as I can at one time, and although I’d love some others to share on a public forum here…I appreciate that I can, and that other good things happen in private ๐Ÿ™‚

      Thank you always for your honesty Courtney. Serious irony with the vagina part. Sigh. HAHA!

      Reply
      1. Sara

        I was so jarred by that revelation myself. If people realize the impact of sexual abuse on a person, I think laws would be much harsher. You can strike a person and they hurt for a week. You abuse a person and that hurt is lifelong.

        You’re a brave woman, Jun.

  4. MarluvsBB

    Jun, on Noah’s hair… have you tried taking him along when Davy gets a haircut? He could see Davy get his first and see there’s nothing to fear. Just a thought. Congrats on getting on the bike too!

    Reply
  5. It’s a ‘Year of Firsts’ for you …
    First: Petting the pony
    First: Getting back up on the bike and riding it

    I think this is Noah’s gift to you – Reminding you to tackle your* ‘firsts’ along with he, his ๐Ÿ™‚
    What could be better than that to share with him when he’s older?

    Beautimous!

    Reply
  6. OkieChris

    Replies aren’t ignoring the abuse in your past. Most of us knew about this because we keep in touch all year not just during the summer.

    Ok now on to my comment… Yay! Glad you rode your bike.
    Noah’s hair cut each side is both personalities. Jun side looks like a Korean baby haircut. Davy side looks uneven. Hahaha love it!

    Reply
  7. Sparky

    Noah won’t remember his first at home hair cut. But just wait till he decides to cut his own hair. Oh boy will he make a mess. Your first was both brave and cathartic, I had a similar injury when I was learning to ride my bike and decided to ride it off a curb. Mine was complete with blood and everything. So I truly understand how painful your boo boo on your hoo hoo is.

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  8. Diane

    Go Girl!! So glad you are trying with the bike, I have been wondering, and Noah’s hair doesn’t look that bad. It’s hair, it will grow back and you can try again, LOL.

    Reply
  9. NicoleNoreen

    If Noah’s not afraid try clippers with the tapering guard to trim up the sides around the ears. Good for you for getting on that bike!

    Reply
  10. I’m so super proud of you. Keep it up because sooner then you think Noah will want to go bike riding and your gonna love it! I have screwed up my boys hair trying to buzz cut to save a few bucks in the summer. I left scissors where my 5 year old daughter could find them a week before the first day of school. My best friend is a hair dresser. She said ” I’ll try to help but this is really a “wait till it grows out kinda thing” Ugg I was so upset. I knew when I saw all of her hair in clumps in the bathroom what happened but still hoped I was wrong. I will send a pic. I have also stubbed my vagina. I Stubbed it at work years ago cleaning a table while waiting tables. Sorry for the reason for your late start but who is in control now? You! I’m so glad you share this stuff. Your not alone girl. “Now get on your bike and ride!”

    Reply
  11. Way to go Jun on riding your bike. You look so cute riding and I am proud of you. Before long it will be a old hat to you and you will have Noah on the back of the bike taking him everywhere. Hair always grows. If it’s that bothersome take him in to have them fix it up. Thanks for sharing your great day with us.

    Reply
  12. Noah’s hair looks just like my grandson’s when I tried to cut it. He is terrified of the barber, I asked him Corbie why are you afraid to get your haircut and he says “My Nina, I don’t like bzzzzz bzzzzz” Thank goodness his other grandma came to visit, she used to be a stylist and she fixed it up nice. Just scissors :-).
    Now as for the bike, just keep at it you will be a pro in no time. I myself prefer those big fat seats for old folks nice and comfy. Yikes! Nothing worse than a bruised vagina.

    Reply

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