Forever Weight Loss

I was never obese enough to trigger health concerns, but I was always plump most of my childhood. My parents used food to make me happy. I use food to make others happy now.

When I entered junior high school I was fat. In high school and college I was still fat. Right up until a few year before I entered the Big Brother house in 2003 I was pretty much fat, having hit my peak at 192 pounds in 1999. My size never stopped me from entering contests or playing piano in a gospel band, or leading my senior class in high school as Class President. My confidence was never shattered because my body was thicker than someone else’s.

I guess I was just living in a state of pleasant plumpness.

Yesterday I got asked:


The first time I ever really did something towards weight loss I was 23 years old, and I’d ballooned up to those 192 pounds. I got there after discovering weed when I moved out of my parents’ home at 19. I smoked every day and ate whatever I wanted as late as I wanted, and I never worked out so of course I gained weight. The first year I smoked I got the munchies like an exorcism, and I was making good money so I ate extravagantly. Oink.

The second year into my marijuana discovery I slowed down everything a little bit, but got to my peak weight and hated it. I wasn’t necessarily ashamed of it, but I knew I couldn’t keep gaining weight at that rate. So I dragged my fat Korean ass to my doctor and asked to be put on a weight loss program. My career and love life, both, had hit a point where I had to give a little gas to make better things happen. It was an easy decision for me to start taking better care of my body. I know it isn’t for everyone.

I never had surgery or took any pills, and simply followed a 3-month program of healthy eating and exercise to “cleanse” my system. In those 3 months I nearly died a few times, dramatically of course, because I wasn’t accustomed to strict diet or real cardio. The first two weeks seemed like I was on a fast of lettuce and beans, but thankfully I didn’t have to work out very much while getting guidance from my doctor.

I drop two pounds the first month, and hated everybody from the girl jogging down the street to the guy eating a burger at lunch. I kept going because I knew how lame I’d look giving up a month in, and so when I dropped seven pounds the second month I was relieved I hadn’t given up on the program. I had given up all my hot and cheesy breakfasts and stuck to yogurt and fruit and dry toasts. Lunches were always salads with a healthy protein and sometimes soup. It was no more takeout dinners and instead steamed this and that with plenty of vegetables.

Month three turned out even better results and I was actually enjoying exercise for the first time in my fat life, and my doctor told me I could once again eat some junk every once in a while but in moderation. I continued with the healthy eating and working out. My boyfriend at the time, Jee, and I went on vacation to celebrate and I got called a “fat tub whale” in the pool by a little boy at our hotel. So much for all the progress I had made because that random kid crushed me with his one comment. A kid!

When I returned from fat tub whale vacation I started eating less and working out more. This resulted in my fainting a few times, once on the F train into Manhattan during morning rush hour with Whitney Houston blaring in my ears as I drifted in and out of consciousness. My fellow F-trainers had pulled my lifeless body out onto the platform at the next stop, and I was whisked off to the emergency room. To this day I can’t listen to back-to-back Whitney because it reminds me of that morning.

I realized in the hospital bed that day that I was developing an eating disorder trying to run on as little food as possible while I worked out twice a day. I was 108 pounds that day I fainted on the F train. It was my lowest weight as an adult, and it scared me.

After that incident but before I entered the Big Brother house years later, I was at healthier weights depending on what was going on in my life. I stress-ate in between boyfriends and break-ups. Somewhere in the 130s I remained for years, and when I went on Big Brother 4 I was in the 120s. I left the BB house $500,000 richer and nearly 20 pounds heavier. I stress-ate. I got made fun of, and still get made fun of for it.

If you put yourself on television, then you’re going to be made fun of.

Leaving the house I was tanned and brown and fuller everywhere from my face to ankles, but I didn’t care. I’d won, and I’d return home richer and more motivated to get a gym membership to work my fat ass off. It’s been like that since I left the BB house. I fluctuate the same ten pounds every year, except the year I was pregnant.

I poke fun at people’s weight gain on Big Brother and poke fun at people’s weight loss on Survivor. I’m not an expert on topics of weight, but I will tell you it can’t be easy for GinaMarie right now. If her stories of bulimia are true, then she is probably struggling under the cameras and microphones each day…just like she probably struggles in real life.

Always dishing,




  1. I really enjoyed this blog. I used to be overweight too until I made a lifestyle change by making exercise a part of my daily routine. I can relate to how you felt so much. I envied my brother, while we were growing up, for his ability to eat whatever he wanted and not gain a pound. I had to bust my ass in the gym and eat healthy to stay fit. It’s the worst when you’re on a diet and you see someone chowing down on a cheeseburger or pizza. I totally understand. I’ve been there. Thanks for sharing your weight loss journey. You looked beautiful when you were on BB and you look beautiful now. 🙂

  2. MarluvsBB

    Props for your determination! I’ve struggled with weight since my mid-30s, after a hysterectomy and screwed up hormones. Even at a healthy weight, I always thought I was too heavy, so I never even enjoyed that good healthy weight. I’d give anything to weigh that now, even if it was 20 lbs more, it would be better than what I am now. Stress/comfort eating has often done me in.

  3. Sara

    I admire you for sharing so much about yourself. I remember watching you on BB and although you had gained weight (sorry for the reminder), I still marveled at your ‘don’t give a fuck’ attitude as you paraded that house in your bikini.

    These days, I would love to be 192(I’m almost 5’11), but I know that will happen soon as long as I have the same focus I once had.

    I started this journey a few years ago at over 325lbs (eek!) and it was tough. In about 15 months, I was down to 174 and thought I needed to lose so much more. I was so focused on the numbers that I failed to really look at myself – looking back at pics, I think I looked a bit cracked out. Like I said, I’m almost 5′ 11 and naturally curvy.

    I got sick back in 2011/2012, developed a full-on blast of hypothyroidism, and gained more than a few pounds. Weight loss is such a mind-fuck! I’m a size 12/14, but believe I’m a size 28+. I’m slowly but surely working myself back to a happy weight and I think if I get down to 180, that’ll be okay with me – I like a nice layer of fat.

    One odd thing that I developed during that period was empathy towards other people – not just for those overweight, but I was able to be less critical of others. Being less critical of myself is one battle I’m still fighting. 🙂


  4. Congrats to you Sara. Keep working on the weight loss. YOU CAN DO IT!!!.
    I have a weight problem & I lost 18 lbs. a few mos. ago & I screwed up & the weight is piling back on. It is a never ending battle.

  5. Thistle

    Thanks for sharing this. I’m working on these issues as well.

    I have zero idea why my work network blocked this as NWS (yet I can see your sex-related posts just fine while at work). I swear, it just tries to mess with my head.

  6. I pretty much have no control over what I weigh. i was a normal kid size and very active and then I got sick with Crohns disease.and got to be 90 pounds and then lots of surgery later chubby and Im stuck here, Now that i can walk im slowly moving more with my water therapy so I have started to drop a bit. oh well .. i guess if im doing ok and pain free its ok not to be skinny.

    1. Jun Song Author

      Yes!!! It’s so okay not to be skinny. That’s the most important thing to keeping healthy first and skinny second 🙂

      I’m thankful I never had a life-changing disease and I remind myself sometimes just how much we shouldn’t take it for granted. I’m somewhat familar with Crohns because it was in my family. So good you’re going to get water therapy 🙂

  7. Shannon

    I really enjoyed that! Thank you for sharing. Weight issues are so hard in many ways & effect us so deep emotionally. I’ve been overweight for a long time & with under active thyroid & PCOS no matter what I do the weight is not come off. My Dr. says for me this is normal & only weight loss surgery would give me dramatic weight loss. I can lose 10-20 lbs but need to lose A LOT more. How do you feel about surgery? How do you maintain your weight loss now after all these years especially after pregnancy. You look amazing!

  8. Anonymous

    Hi Jun. I really enjoyed this blog. I watched you put on weight over the life of BB4, but it happened so slowly it was not readily apparent. While you were adding pounds, I was shedding brains. I forgot my cat’s name while I was in the House. I forget my debit card pin. At one point, I forgot I had to pee. I awoke each morning to you shuffling by to powder your nose, and Erika cleaning the House in her polka dot bikini. A guy can’t have a better summer than that, except I never did retrieve my brains. Just Jack

      1. Sara

        That’s cool to see you guys remain in touch after all these years. Bet you can’t wait to add Amanda to your fave person list. :\

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