Noah’s Fall

For the first time since becoming a parent I’m sharing with you a “parenting link,” How to React and Examine A Child Who Fell Down A Flight of Stairs, which I just stumbled upon today.

Today, our family spent the day visiting Thomas and Friends a few towns away from us.

NoahThomas

 

This morning, before we ever got to the Magical Railroad and forced Noah to take awkward photos in front Thomas the Train…

Noah fell down our entire flight of stairs at home. It’s something I swore I’d never let happen. It happened in slow motion and in stereo and I’ll be forever shaken. My hands shake now.

Any parent who’s been in my shoes knows exactly the point in time when you’re moving towards your child but just waiting for control to come back from where it’s spiraling. With every thump and bump of Noah rolling down the stairs bile came up my throat and my heart tore for him. When he hit the floor off the last stop Noah cried out, and cried heavy. I was so relieved. I hated myself instantly for my relief. Guilt does no justice to self-hate.

I knew what to look for and signs to look out for because I’m a just-in-caser. I knew how to determine if Noah needed a doctor right away. In minutes Noah was sipping on apple juice and fighting with me as I put an ice pack against a knot on the side of his head. He was talking and walking soon after. I was lucky. Someone was looking out for Noah this morning. Thank you

I found the aforementioned How To article in a Google search and it turns out I “did” everything I was supposed to do, after something so fucked up. The blog also made me laugh AND cry. This rarely happens. I had to share in the hopes of making some more aware.

Here’s a part of the piece, but I recommend reading it in it’s entirety if you have the time:

husbandhood

 

One meal and a nap and hours later, Noah had less interest in “looking” at Thomas the Train and more in riding the train…

…while eating a sandwich and playing with his little trains on Opi’s lap.

 

NoahPlay

 

It was a big day. My decision to share what happened comes from a humbled place. Raising Noah puts me in my place every day, good and bad.

I was home alone with Noah this morning, and having to tell my husband Davy about what happened was another experience all-together. I’d kept cool until I had to tell Davy. I wanted him to be angry at me so I wasn’t the only one angry at me. I realize now if he wasn’t angry at me at first, then he couldn’t be forgiving now. Davy knows what could have happened this morning to make this evening nothing like it is right now.

Noah’s asleep upstairs. Davy and I are signing out for the night.

Always dishing,

Jun

 

 

 

35 Comments

  1. Stephanie soper

    I’ve been where you are, don’t beat yourself up. When Jude broke his femur, I questioned myself for weeks, even though I knew it wasn’t my fault. He is ok now, and so is Noah.
    Love~

    Reply
  2. Jenn

    Every parent has had what you have now experienced. Welcome to the Mommy guilt club. Mine was on Christmas Eve when I just ran upstairs to grab one thing and my daughter followed me but I didn’t know. She as fine but I wasn’t and 18 years later still remember. Your doing a great job.

    Reply
  3. Sparky

    Thank goodness all is well. As said above all parents have an episode of similar horrifying moments. I know I have told about when Sean was 5 and almost hit by a car. I know that fear and nausea and guilt all too well. Big hugs you have passed another mommy milestone.

    Reply
    1. Jun Song Author

      I literally threw up in my mouth a little Sparky 🙁

      I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone. Really.

      Thanks for welcoming me to the milestone. Look at Sean now 🙂

      Reply
  4. Big hug to you Jun, as a parent and a grandparent I have gone through the same experience. Boy oh boy each time it happened left me with the gut wrenching knot in the stomach and throat. Thank goodness children are so resilient. You did all the right things even though you were worried inside. Looks like Noah had a fantastic day today, so glad he is alright, You and Davey have a nice evening. And thanks for sharing the article. I will pass is along to my daughters just in case.

    Reply
    1. Jun Song Author

      My mother-in-law joked she “still loved” me and we laughed. Grandparents feel guilt way harder than parents haha 🙂

      We had a great day and night, and today the sun’s shining and everything’s good. Thank you for the support, and for sharing. Cheers to resilient children 🙂

      Reply
    1. Jun Song Author

      I wanted to share even though it’s not the cutest story. I am totally human and I totally fucked up. I’ll get shit for this but I don’t care. I’d rather you all know so you’re all more aware too, whether parents or grandparents or not.

      Hahahaha! I’m a hot mess but I will document it. 🙂

      Reply
  5. Anonymous

    My granddaughter fell down our stairs 2 weeks ago. She was walking with a blanket over her head. She wasn’t hurt but her daddy went through just what you did. I could tell you a lot of stories but the point is you handled it well. He is a very lucky little boy to have such a great mom.

    Reply
    1. Jun Song Author

      Oh my goodness. It’s literally the scariest thing that’s happened to me as a mother, and maybe even in my whole life if I look back…

      Hope all is well with your little granddaughter. I can’t believe how fast these little ones get over things while the adults dwell in guilt. It’s humbling though. A good thing 🙂

      Reply
  6. kcsmum

    Hugs, Sweetie. You did great. I’ve not looked at the entire article yet, so allow me one “old mommy” minute. Be sure to watch for signs of concussion . Don’t let baby fall asleep right away & make sure he is fully alert upon waking. Don’t beat yourself up. While this will hurt you forever, it will be just a fleeting memory and learning experience for our Noah by tomorrow. Oh. One more thing – remember Davy’s reaction so you can mimic when the tumble occurs on his watch. Love you.

    Reply
    1. Jun Song Author

      Seriously. I’m so glad I was prepared because I totally knew what to do. I’m a drama queen but when there’s an emergency I’m the calmest bitch in the world. THANK GOD.

      Davy’s let Noah fall all over the place and sometimes I’ve given him shit, but only for a few seconds. HAHAHAHA. The adult in charge is always to blame! Sigh. But it happens 🙂

      Reply
  7. Poor babes. Both of you. Having a child fall down the stairs is one of my biggest fears. I’m so glad you are all okay. Kids move so fast. Don’t beat yourself up Jun. I’m proud of how well you reacted. You did well umma 🙂

    Reply
    1. Jun Song Author

      UGH. I wanted to hurt myself but I had to remind myself that Noah was okay and that’s all that mattered. Even now I’m a little bit woozy thinking about it all. I have to stop thinking about it, but I can’t. 🙁 I think I need to just let it happen naturally and stop telling myself to stop thinking about it. Does that make sense?! Ugh.

      Reply
  8. I have totally been there.. Evan had 24 stitches in Kindergarten and Kiera fell at home, smacked her head on coffee table, eyes rolled back, puked on Kiernan, called 911..an hour later she was eating pizza mad we were staring at her. She is known as Danger girl. Told you..they tell you about the amazing love but know one mentions the on going fear. Keep doing what your doing mama and follow your gut.

    Reply
    1. Jun Song Author

      OMG Kiera. Yes, totally, the fear. You are right because that fear is WTF and brings you to your knees! 🙁

      Sigh. My gut’s trustworthy so I have to trust it haha. Thanks for sharing Cat. Thank goodness for all the sharing because parents share so much in common.

      Reply
  9. Shannon Drew

    Those moments are so scary & you handled yourself great. As a parent we have those moments that just make you sick & your heart skips a beat. Like when the school calls..for any reason for a minute your heart is in your throat. It shows how much we love them & worry about them. Huge hugs mama.

    Reply
    1. Shannon Drew

      I wanted to add that Davy shouldn’t be angry but sometimes that is the reaction we have when it’s the other parent. But as parents we have to remember these little ones are SUPER fast & no matter what we do they get hurt especially boys!

      Reply
      1. Jun Song Author

        100% the reaction but thankfully temporary 🙂

        Davy and I are learning so much but we love and respect each other in everything. Sigh. Boys will be boys and Noah’s definitely a boy 🙂

    2. Jun Song Author

      Totally and it’s why I’m glad Davy was pissed. If he wasn’t I’d be like HELLO WHO ARE YOU?! 🙂

      I’m so very lucky that Noah got away with a bump on the head.

      Reply
  10. GaYToR

    I won’t pretend I can imagine what you felt. I know I get mad at myself when I fall down and I have, a lot. And I love ME more than anything.

    I’m glad it wasn’t a serious fall but I know that your fear was way serious.

    I bet Davy was understanding but if you felt the need to be punished he probably played along and doled it out with something from the toy box. And I am glad you shared and signed off for the evening.

    I know it was a hard first to swallow but a rite of passage also. One of many more you will go through. The first broken bone will probably be from falling out of a tree. The first knocked out tooth might be from a sporting event and you will be there watching in slow motion once again. Mothers could probably give you a long list of such firsts but you will never be prepared for them, even when Noah is, oh… say 50 or so you will still get that same feeling when you know he is hurting. That’s being an umma. A GOOD Umma.

    Hmm. Maybe I understand parenting more than I realized.

    To a better day! *clink*

    Reply
    1. Jun Song Author

      To a better day indeed.

      I’ll admit I’m not 100% yet but I know I’ll shake it off at my pace. Sigh. Today’s a better day already.

      Thanks always for the love and wisdom my dear 🙂

      Reply
  11. Hugs to you my friend. I had the exact experience with my youngest Michael when he was about 14 months old. They bounce back but you beat yourself up for days and weeks after. It’s a rite of passage all parents go through and you will recover. I promise! Noah may remember the fall and become afraid of the stairs or he may not.

    The many joys of parenthood are interspersed with heartache and guilt. You’re gonna be okay.

    xoxo

    Reply
  12. Maureen @Moe_Gallagher

    It’s so scary when they fall! I’m glad he’s ok. You’ll recover as well – it just takes some time. That gut fear is awful. 1 down, ??? to go…. you did great!

    Reply
  13. OH, Jun, just read this – and some great comments too. We moms stick together and help each other – those who have been through it know your pain all too well. I’m another mom with two boys – from stitches in the head to broken ankles and tons of crying, worrying and guilt! You are not alone! Hugs to you!

    Reply
  14. Margaret

    Oh! The heart attacks our kids give us! When my daughter was turning 7, she tried to slide down the bannister from the second floor. Instead, she flipped over and landed on the first floor tile. We will never ever forget hearing that sickening THUD! She was knocked unconscious and just lay there motionless. She hit the floor so hard that the tile left in imprint on her face. >>>>shudder<<<<
    Thank God she ended up okay! We felt so guilty even though we knew it wasn't really our fault. Today, that little girl is now a freshman in college. :-}
    I'm happy your little Noah is okay!

    Reply

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