Continuing my tribute to trolls and non-trolls of the internet (basically everyone on the internet)…
I’ve come up with a list of DUDE tweeters from both my personal life and Big Brother life. If we did ever get this crew in a Big Brother house, together with my Big Brother Fantasy: Twitter Ladies group… You’d all thank me for casting the 16 of them. This will never happen so we must just use our imaginations.
Twitter Name: BRANDEN!
Twitter Handle: @branden628
Twitter Bio: I’m pretty much the Ultimate Grand Supreme Reality TV blogger…
My Pick: Because Branden would be a great new kinda drama queen casting choice. He wears his heart out on his sleeve because his heart is just that big, but it would be interesting to see how big his heart is once he’s in the house. He writes about Big Brother but could he actually play it? Would all his BB knowledge hurt him or help him? Branden’s always good for dramatic mood swings and paranoia, and these are two key ingredients in the recipe for a Big Brother casting masterpiece.
Twitter Handle: @EthanRants
Twitter Bio: Because everything without you seems to go wrong…
Twitter Name: Because Ethan would be a great new kinda boy-next-door casting choice. He rants while I dish, and I have no idea whom this “you” is in his Twitter Bio but that stuff sounds pretty deep. Ethan’s a deep guy but he delivers humor, and his hair would be something to behold as it morphs during the season. He’s got some interesting hair, and he seems to be on the cusp of something since the first day I knew him on Twitter. I feel like BIg Brother would snap something in him to kick that cusp’s ass.
Twitter Handle: @ChitownBB
Twitter Bio: Oy.
My Pick: Because Brad would be a great new kinda gay casting choice from Chicago, period. Despite his current avatar, Brad does indeed have a real (white man) face and love for good shoes like I do. Brad’s natural smarts and savvy would get him far, but I think his tolerance levels would be tested to extremes given his lack of tolerance for so many things that now define Big Brother. He’d also hate being in the house knowing that some fan out there is photo-chopping the shit out of him at any time.
Twitter Handle: @richardfromNO
Twitter Bio: Big Brother fanatic. Love U.S., Can., U.K. and Aus. versions …
My Pick: Because Richard would be great new kinda bearded-guy-next-door casting choice. We’ve had our fair share of creepy beards in the Big Brother house, but Richard’s brain is what sets him apart. Richard’s quick-witted and his comebacks are the same, but I’d be interested to see how quick Richard is to initiate conversations as opposed joining them. His understanding of the game on different levels added to his life experiences should make for a solid social game. I don’t know how he’d fare in competitions though.
Twitter Handle: @robulous
Twitter Bio: Educator, multi-purpose writer & Stevie Nicks addict.
My Pick: Because Robert would be a great new kinda dreamer casting choice. He’s a dreamer, but he’s got his tousled hair upon the head that’s straight on his shoulders. I’d be interested to see how Robert’s perpetual stream of questions and search for answers in life translates in the BB house. His experience as an educator and his adventures in hair would make for good story time on the feeds. And unlike past dreamers who’ve been cast on Big Brother, Robert has love and mastery of the English language to express himself without cues in the Diary Room.
Twitter Name: Sam Varias
Twitter Handle: @samvarias
Twitter Bio: FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY!!! Married w/ Children…
My Pick: Because Sam would be a great new kinda badass dad casting choice. He’s enough to make men and women alike question everything about him on Twitter. The great part is Sam doesn’t give a shit what you think of him on Twitter, but I’d love to see Sam and the same shit once he’s in the BB house. He’d make big game moves. And you’d see then that he’s not as scary looking as his avatar, as a matter of fact he’s Asian. Filipino to be exact. When’s the last time we’ve had a full-Asian dude on the show?
Twitter Name: Davy Goethals
Twitter Handle: @Davy_Goethals
Twitter Bio: Belgian docker and proud of it… Union member Acv Transcom Port of Ghent…
My Pick: Because he’s my husband, and I’ve been getting so much shit about unfollowing him on Twitter that I’m putting him on this Fantasy Team okay? In my fantasy he would win Big Brother by winning competitions and by charming everyone with his white-boy gangster rapping and Eurotrashy sexy dancing. What does Davy mean in his Twitter Bio? Who cares? All it should say is, “Jun Song’s Husband.” Whether or not I’m joking it doesn’t matter because I’ll now get a slew of hate-mail over that last one anyway. Pretty much, if Davy can live with me he should be fine in the BB house.
Twitter Handle: @NICKWALSH
Twitter Bio: Master of the #emoji game. i’m basically Schrödinger’s hipster. fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care…
My Pick: Because Nick would be a great new kinda superfan casting choice. He’s not only a lover of Big Brother, but that of all things television. If you stabbed him with a spork he’d bleed movie quotes and emojis. I’m not sure why Nick’s never been cast for the show, but perhaps his idol Julie Chen actually loves him back and doesn’t want him to be without television for three months. Perhaps Nick’s notoriety for having the messiest bedroom e v e r precedes him, and CBS wants to see improvement first? Maybe.
There’s A LOT of sexuality going on in this men’s team…little chance of showmances combined with the womens’ team. But hey, you never know. It’s about we had some more gay-curious shit going on!