Jun Dishes

verb/diSH/ : food or sex or gossip or fiction in real life

Linda Catchup: Chapter Three

Chapter One

Chapter Two

* * *

Chapter Three

The rest of dinner on our second night consisted of the best waiter service we never even asked for, but on account of Mr. Banana. Mr. Banana had sent the message to most of men on the resort’s staff that Jeena was to be watched when he wasn’t around. He wanted her to be his.

She was to be treated like a princessa, Mr. Banana told the boys all over resort grounds.

The boys all complied but Jeena was no different or special compared to any of the other guests Mr. Banana had fucked before her. They weren’t complaining though, because they loved speaking in Spanish under their breath so Jeena couldn’t hear the names they called her. The wait staff smiled to her face and yet tore her apart with their eyes and they called her every variation of slut and whore existing on the Dominican streets. I could see what was happening but I waited and watched.

Jo insisted to me over dinner that Jeena always fell on a dick on every vacation she took, and then always swore it was true love. She said this right in front of Jeena while Jeena sat there rolling her eyes and glancing at me occasionally, looking defeated and quite defenseless. To me Jo and Jeena were like Dumb and Dumber almost, and they fed off each other like cartoon characters.

Mariana, who’d sworn and vouched for them initially, started bitching at them more and more. I was referee. As the evening progressed Mariana told me how Jo and Jeena got shit-faced drunk and back at the pool when I’d gone down for my nap.

Apparently Davy and his crew had gone to their rooms after parting ways with me initially. They’d ditched their bags, stripped down to swim trunks, and gone straight to the main pool on the beachfront where the girls were, where Morning Watercise and Pool Volleyball and Water Polo happens every day throughout the day.

The Belgians ran straight into Mariana and the drunk sisters Torre who slurred and shrieked.

“Show us your dick!”

Jo and Jeena had shouted this over and over to Davy and Koen and Wally and Ludo. The Belgians had never met Americans like that. They left the pool area immediately and sought solace in one of the other many pools at the resort. They also had dinner in a restaurant other than the one the girls and I dined in. The Belgians and the Americans ended up never running into each other again that night and besides, Ludo was on a secret mission.

Ludo intended on having sex with a prostitute while he was in Puerto Plata and he wanted to get it out of the way the first night. He told only Wally, because he shared a room with him and would need Wally to give him some privacy. So after dinner and drinks, Ludo told the guys he was going back to his room “to call Lotte and the kids back in Belgium,” leaving the other three to drink at the bar.

Davy and Koen had thought nothing of Ludo’s absence. Wally had smirked to himself the entire 25 minutes Ludo was gone, because he knew Ludo was fucking some Dominican girl, and for money. Prostitutes are never hard to find if you’re actually looking for one, especially on vacation in the Caribbean.

* * *

The next morning, my second morning in the Dominican Republic and Davy’s first, my mission was to distance myself from the girls, eat breakfast and find a bed by the beachfront pool and not move except to pee and eat. The occasional jump into the pool to wade to the swim-up bar was also in my plans. It’s all I wanted to do that day.

I did find my spot by the pool, but of course the girls all sat together. We grouped four chairs together for “us girls.”

Oh well, so much for distance.

Mariana was being incredibly sweet and particularly servile to me that morning, offering to help lube me up on sunscreen and getting me a drink every time she got one for herself. When Jo and Jeena jumped into the pool together, Mariana turned to me wanting to talk shit about them just like she had the entire night before when she and I were alone in our room. She now couldn’t stop. All of a sudden her lifelong friends became her misery. Mariana wanted me to hate Jo and Jeena with her so it could be two against two. I wouldn’t, and she grew angry at me. I felt like I was in grade school.

Mariana had been the third wheel to the two sisters growing up, and she was done with that. The more I learned about Mariana, the more I realized she must have been hurt really bad, and more than once, to be so angry all the time. Yet she seemed to sincerely want a friendship with me.  So we rubbed each other down with sun tan lotion and lay there tanning and chatting until the Morning Watercise whistle went off. The animation team all wore whistles to help them be more animated I suppose. It was annoying to me.

There was no point in trying to carry on a conversation, ever, when Morning Watercise was going on. Mr. Banana and all his fruity team pumped the music up so loud, aggressively recruiting participants within an arm’s reach. When Mr. Banana ran over to me and tried to get me to watercise in the pool, I looked him straight in the eye and said no. He was just doing his job, but he’d also dipped his dick into Jeena and so no. He understood my no right away.

No, I will not get up from where I’m finally relaxing. No, I am nothing like Jeena or Jo or Mariana for that matter. No, I paid to relax and avoid exercise and not watercise. So no is no.

Meanwhile he managed to get Jo and Jeena and a good group of other ladies into the pool. Mr. Guava, who was half Mr. Banana’s height and twice as dark, flirted with Jo. It was cute, and then I realized they were serious. Mr. Guava and Jo Torre, yes, started to eye-fuck each other while doing aerobics in the pool. It was odd but perfect. Mr. Guava had a thing for big women regardless of citizenship, and Jo had a thing for anyone who had a thing for her.

Jo and Jeena probably had the same amount of sex in their lives, but Jo had never had a real boyfriend. Jeena had. Jo decided that morning that she would have Mr. Guava. She told me of her intentions and I couldn’t believe it, but I could.

So I continued to lay there with my eyes closed, sunning tits-up topless, and I didn’t even notice when the Belgians descended upon our pool. Jeena noticed, and she noticed Wally the most. Their crazy eyes met and it was lust at first sight. Mr. Banana was forgotten mid-watercise. All Mr. Banana could do was watch and blow his whistle to the music as Jeena floated away towards the Belgians.

* * *

The Belgians were all in different moods that morning. Ludo was feeling like shit in his soul after wasting 3 days’ salary on a prostitute the night before. She’d let him come fast and then explained to him that he could only come once, and then she left. Ludo had been puzzled. He regretted dropping so much cash for a disappointment but then he didn’t consider what he’d done real cheating. It was a hooker and he didn’t like it anyway, he told himself.

Ludo swore Wally to secrecy and of course it was met with oh no I’ll never tell anyone about it. Wally lied through his teeth to Ludo’s face. Wally planned to tell the rest of the guys soon. Wally was just happy Ludo had cheated first out of three of them, including Davy. Wally wanted company in his quest for ass on this vacation and he was satisfied with Ludo’s company. They both enjoyed being deliriously drunk and stupid in their decision-making.

Meanwhile Koen was on a strict diet and fitness plan, and he planned to stay away from alcohol and sluts gone wild. He was the tallest, at just over six feet tall, and Davy was just a little shorter. Wally and Ludo were around the same height and the shortest of the Belgians.

Koen didn’t drop his things on a chair by the pool like the other guys. Koen went off in search of the resort’s gym. He’d just eaten a mountain of egg whites and he needed to get to his weights.

So Davy and Ludo and Wally threw their towels down and kept their sunglasses on and waved goodbye to Koen. Davy had seen me laying their without my top before I’d seen him, and he did his best not to look again. He headed to the swim-up bar and ordered a drink. With my eyes still closed, I watched him out of right eye, which I’d opened just a sliver enough to study him.

I was intrigued. Davy was so hot, yet he was so cold. He ignored me. I said nothing and continued to play dumb to him too, but inside I was like what the fuck. I’d never had to work for ass while on vacation before. Davy was a first.

By the time lunch time rolled around, Wally had winked at me more than once. I took a photo of him looking right at me and cheesing it up and uploaded it to my Facebook right away.

“Flavor of the Day: Belgian,” I’d captioned the photo.

My girlfriends back home ate it up, but Wally became less attractive to me with each passing hour. I was glad for him when he and Jeena finally started making out.

We’d all learned a little bit more about each other by lunch time, and we knew Ludo was the only married one. Neither Wally or Davy came forward about having a girlfriend, and neither Koen nor Ludo said a thing about that point either. But Ludo immediately got placed in the safe zone because he had a wife, and he spoke of her so endearingly you’d never guess he’d ever cheated on her the night before.

All eight of us sat together for lunch that day. Down a long table we all sat and chat. Some chatted more than others. Mariana seemed to enjoy Jeena and Wally’s new romance as fodder for more gossip. It was gossip, and everyone knew it including the wait staff. The princessa was kissing someone not Mr. Banana. I could feel the tension each time the waiters brought us our drinks or more napkins. Their house ketchup, Linda Catchup, was replenished for us at my request. The Belgians took mayo on their fries, but we Americans took ketchup and I love ketchup.

The resort’s Linda Catchup was watery and too sweet but I learned to love it.

Davy was very quiet during lunch, and we seldom spoke directly to each other. We barely looked each other in the eyes. It was almost like he was avoiding me altogether. It made me crazy in my head as I sat there figuring out all the dynamics around our table. It was the oddest group ever and I knew the oddity of it all, would need to be written down one day.

* * *

I spoke a lot with Koen, who sat across from me with a mountain of food sitting atop his plate. There was no separation of meats from veggies from pastas from stews. Koen ate not for pleasure but for the purpose of burning it off into muscle. He told me over lunch all about his daily regimen and I tried to retain all of it, but I was so awed and distracted by his shoveling forkfuls of food into his mouth. The pile cleared from his plate very fast and it was impressive. I felt a bit full after having watched him eat. I’d never seen anyone eat so much so fast, in one sitting, in my life. Koen was a beast.

He was going to go for a run on the beach but he stuck around the pool for a while right after lunch. We’d all returned poolside and bunched all our chairs together. We were a group of eight all of a sudden. It just happened. When Mr. Banana and his team returned for afternoon activities, Mr. Banana was not happy. Jeena ignored Mr. Banana completely and stuck to Wally the whole time, like literally stuck to him, so there was an imaginary peeling sound anytime her skin part from Wally’s.

They’d known each other only three hours but Wally was calling Jeena his wife, and Jo his sister-in-law. Mariana snorted a few times laughing at all of it. I didn’t snort but I laughed inside. My chest hurt so much from not laughing out loud. I was actually jealous of Mariana for a second. She did not give a shit about anyone.

Koen eventually left for his run with his backpack on, down the beach, never to be to seen until dinner. He left Davy and Wally and Ludo alone with us four girls. With Wally attached to Jeena, Ludo chatted up the rest of us and Davy jumped in sometimes too. I could not get a read at all on Davy, but I wasn’t in a rush. I was on vacation.

No big deal. I walked around the pool topless every so often like I had the first day, and I wasn’t the only one. The resort was full of Europeans sun-bathing nude or partially-nude. The new wave of guests brought in a crew of Russian guys too. There was one Russian boy, only 19 but who looked 16, who asked me for a kiss during Beach Volleyball hour. I declined politely. I was sweaty and gross and not expecting a crush. The Russian followed me around most of the day, and it was puppy love for him. I was mortified, and unbeknownst to me, Davy was laughing at me inside.

Davy was studying me too, and he thought I was one of the funniest girls he’d ever laid eyes on. He enjoyed my flashing my breasts occasionally. Thoughts of his girlfriend back home crept into his mind and kept him honest but he had no idea what to make of me either. He too was intrigued.

It turned out both us found each other mysterious enough to slow play it.

* * *

By dinner that night, the Belgians were getting the cold shoulder at the pool and bars. Mr. Banana had sent another message through the staff grapevine, that the Belgians were bad guys. Even Jo and Jeena and Mariana were being treated with poor service. In all my years of traveling, whether or not with RIU, I’d never seen anything like it. Everyone in my group had been blacklisted, except for me.

I’d left an incredibly large tip after our group lunch by the pool, as usual. Even if the girls didn’t want to leave more behind after meals, I always added extra cash. There’s nothing wrong with tipping generously from day one, to be remembered and taken care of the next day and the next, especially if there’s drama brewing.

I began ordering the drinks for everyone in our group, to work around the blacklist, and it worked out okay through dinner. We moved on eventually to the RIU Staff Talent Show the resort presented in the main auditorium, the same auditorium Jeena and Mr. Banana had fucked in the other night. Wally knew nothing of Jeena’s Banana and Jeena made all of us girls swear not to say a word. So we all eight sat there in a semi-circle in the auditorium, smoking cigarettes and cigars and drinking, and keeping secrets from each other while Mr. Banana and all his friends danced on stage.

Jeena and Wally disappeared way before the talent show ever ended. Jeena never returned to her room she shared with Jo. Jeena and Wally had sex all night in his room, and eventually Ludo walked to Jo’s room to bunk up with her. If Jeena wasn’t going to use her bed, then Ludo would. There was no reason for a spare bed to go to waste. Ludo barely got any sleep though because Jo snored so loud in the bed next to him. Jo snored like a monster and it was a sign of her bad health, partly due to smoking but mostly her obesity.

But Jo’s snoring was nothing compared to the Jeena’s wailing during sex with Wally, and Mr. Banana was informed of this.

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