Bad Days

I know I’m not alone in family tales…

I have this one particular family member with whom I’ve fought with more years of my life than I’ve actually gotten along with. I remember exactly how and when our relationship changed throughout the years. I remember one time when I was very young she called me a liar for something I didn’t lie about. She chose not to take a protective role over me, and I never truly trusted her completely ever again. I was eight and she was twenty-three. Things changed between us then and did again and again.

Since I’ve married and moved to Belgium I fight less with this family member but we still bicker on Skype on occasion. She’s blood. After having lost my dad and my grandfather I try consciously not to take living blood for granted. So when this family member rang me on Skype earlier today and asked me for help I did try to help.

Today’s a bad day for me though. I’m feeling tired and drained, physically and emotionally. Sometimes I just have these bad days. I’m switching birth control pills because I’m way too hormonal in some situations and I hate admitting that.

So when this family member rang me I was in bed resting. Noah was at grandma’s and Davy was at work. I can count on one hand times I’ve ever been home alone in the last year. I just wanted to rest. Maybe I shouldn’t have answered the Skype call but I did. She asked me what was wrong with my face, which she does often anyway, and I told her I was down with fatigue. I could have told her I was paralyzed from the neck-down it wouldn’t have mattered because I was talking but not being heard.

She ignored the fact that I wasn’t feeling well and launched into how she needed a resume to send to a part-time job and how she didn’t have one. She didn’t feel like making one. She refused to make a new resume just to apply for some job she may or may not get.

I said nothing.

She continued about how she wanted me to help her create a cover letter that she intended on sending in place of a resume, because it’s “just part-time work.”

In the past I would have spent my time fighting with her about the principles of sending a resume, creating one for her, and emailing it to her out of guilt for this or that she’d done for me or my brother or my mother. In the past.

Instead today I told her, “Listen, if they asked you to send a resume and you don’t send them one then clearly this place would never hire you anyway because they’ll never even look at you without a resume. Don’t even apply.”

There was silence.

Tears stung in my eyes.

More silence.

Then she spoke, “You don’t look so good. Go to sleep.”

I hung up and couldn’t sleep but at least I got to hang up. I’m having a bad day. It’s frustrating.

Always dishing,



  1. vivi howe

    Honesty is always best. It might sting them for a second, but your health,; mind, body, soul need to take care if self, before you can commit to others.

  2. Isn’t amazing how there’s always one (and hopefully no more!) relative who can slice into you with just a few words? I have a cousin who seems to thrive on telling me how bad I look, and it used to bother me. The last time she mentioned that I’m starting to look ‘a little old’ I said, ‘Yeah, I’ve been considering a little cosmetic surgery, but that always makes you look so fake.’ Oops! Did I just comment on her less-than-stellar mini-facelift? Don’t let ’em get ya down, Jun!

  3. kcsmum

    You’re actually having a good day – a breakthrough day. You just can’t see it now because you’re exhausted. I hate myself for saying black is white when you’re not well, but in the long run I think you mad a huge stride today. Hugs, my dear.

  4. There comes a day that you detach from the “greater” family to devote your time and energy for your family. You, Davy and Noah. next time you get a chance to rest dont answer the phone. let them leave a message. that way you can return the call or not.. hugs.. i hope to meet you in jan.

  5. Angela P

    :((( sending cyber hug!! I understand & relate. We all have “one” or a “few”, just know you are not alone when it comes to fighting our inner self as to what we really want to say and or do! Rest Easy!! Take Care of you and your family at home.

  6. debchr

    Wow! You handled that beautifully, Jun, yet the B somehow made you feel worse. People like your relative defy logic. I’m sorry she made you feel worse. Maybe that’ll help for next time though – like make it never happen!!!


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