There’s a young lady by the name of Ali Safran and she’s the creator of Surviving in Numbers, a blog documenting and raising awareness around sexual assaults and abuse. Scrolling down Ms. Safran’s blog my throat closed up so fast and tight and I couldn’t help crying. I cried for the anonymous numbers each survivor shared.
I understood what Ali meant by “surviving in numbers.”
I thought of my own numbers. I’d never done that before. Each survivor’s numbers are different just like every sexual assault is different.
My dear friend and former-FBI agent of 30 years, Jack Owens, just recently said to me, “Sexual crimes are not about sex. They are about violence and control and rage.”
When Jack and I were both competing in Big Brother 4 I never would have imagined that 10 years later I’d be discussing sex crimes with him, and certainly not my own. I’m grateful always for his input. I’m always thankful for his discretion.
I’ll share just one photo from Ali Safran’s blog:
This particular anonymous poster stopped me in my tracks. I could identify with so many parts of it but it’s her story and hers alone. I hope she feels freer today.
However I’m not anonymous and I’m not scared to share, if it will make someone out there feel like they’re not alone in their own experience right now.
Update: I’ve been in touch with Ms. Safran to thank her personally for taking action and starting this project. She’s to be admired and her voice to be heard. I wish her success.
Since sharing here earlier in the year that I am a survivor of sexual abuse I’ve received so many forms of communication from readers and friends and countless other victims of sex crimes. It’s unfair that a crime affecting so many in number is still under a heavy veil of silence and for different reasons. Personal reasons, like abortion is personal.
Silence implies privacy but it also conveys guilt to some, always.
It’s what separates a victim from a survivor. Knowing it’s not your fault versus believing it’s not your fault.
Sometimes it’s good to “forget and move on” but if you peel everything away you know you can never forget. It’s what makes me appreciate my life now that much more. I don’t have to give statistics here because RAINN is here. I can only share my own experiences and the fact that life does go on and can go on in the most beautiful way.
Thank you all.