If We Are Our Own Worst Critics

If we are our own worst critics like “they” say, then that means all the criticism we’ve ever delivered about anyone else is milder than anything we’d ever say about ourselves. It means that anything I’ve ever dished in tweet or blog about this or that many people is nothing compared to the shit I’d say about myself. That is scary, but true. You don’t even know. Only I know the cold dark depths of my emotional crevices so only I can get there, and I was particularly hard on myself today that I actually put myself in a bad mood. I realize this hours later after beating myself up hours earlier but the important thing is I know it’s not the end of the world.

Whatever I was beating myself up about can be remedied and maybe it’s not the worst thing to be critical of yourself because that’s what keeps you pushing to better yourself. At least it does for me. It’s when you stop pushing and let your self-criticism get you down and keep you down that it becomes unhealthy.

This year’s been a momentous year for me and for different reasons than last year was or the year before that, or any year of my life for that matter. I kept promises and I broke promises while helping many people and fucking up royally with others, just like last year and the year before that blah blah blah. My husband and son are healthy and happy and that’s what I tell myself when I’m in my frenzy of being my own worst critic.

Like today, when I realized my to-do list was the same length as it was yesterday because I got basically nothing done yesterday or today outside of making sure my husband and son are healthy and happy. That’s sincere and beautiful but I could have gotten more shit done.

When it comes to self-criticism it’s all about how much you have to prove to yourself, not to others, because nobody’s reading your mind. How much do you have to prove to yourself? I have a lot. You might too or you might not. Figuring that out in the first place is the first step to figuring out a whole lot of other stuff about yourself.

It’s part of why I do share so much. There’s nothing much anyone else can say about me that I don’t know already. People try to cut me but they can’t ever get as deep as I’d get, just like I’m the only one who can pull myself out of my bad mood after some scathing self-criticism. It also helps that my Noah does the melty-heart cutest things I’ve ever witnessed in my life.

 

NoahButtNoah’s a sure and quick-fix for a smile anytime but having a child doesn’t make you any less critical of yourself, if anything more…

So it’s ultimately up to me to swing out of that bad mood and blog to live another day. If I can put myself in it, then I should get myself out of it.

That sounded a tad critical…

Always dishing,

Jun

11 Comments

  1. Wo

    Jun – your honesty keeps me coming back time & time again. I am so thankful I found your website.

    In closing the only ‘cutting’ I want to do to/for you, is to cut your some slack.

    Reply
  2. Pat

    Thanks, again, for this post. I don’t know if it is a mom thing or a woman thing, but I do the same thing. But I want to thank you for that line…..if I can put myself in it, then I should be able to get myself out of it. That is powerful to me and I will continue to tell myself that. Thank you soooooo much! You are the best!
    Pat

    Reply
  3. Barb

    We all go thru days like that..We really are our own worst critics..I have learned not to be so hard on myself,and enjoy whats happening at the time.. So what my list wasnt finished today–I dont give time limits anymore..My ToDo list is just that-things i want to get done.If something else is happening, or going to happen, go with the flow. Granted ,I dont have children so that kind of routine stuff doesnt happen in our lives.Roy and I dont have schedules. But he is gone to work for a month, then home a month so our lives are alot different.Just hang in there Jun..That saying ‘one day at a time’ does work…Any bad,or negative ,feelings you have are probably erased once Noah does something that makes you laugh and giggle and enjoy…That’s what its all about.

    Reply
  4. Karenra

    As they say..we are our ownselves..worst enemy. ..I am hypercritical about myself and a self sabatoger ? … unless u are totally vain and self absorbed u will never see the beauty others see in u.
    Ps throw that to do list out!

    Reply
  5. Emily

    I have noticed, as others have, that Noah and Davy look healthy happy rested and clean..so leave the laundry and the vacuum or broom or mop for another day’s list ….. even though the blogging is to you cathartic to many who share in your thoughts it is always interesting , often insightful …

    Reply
  6. Marty

    I have no idea what put you in a bad mood but if it was that idiot that told you not to complain about cleaning, then you shouldn’t allow her space in your head. Most of us….especially me….think you do more by 9am than most of us do all day. As we all know you tweet and blog during the day but we don’t know when you’re doing it. Maybe it’s when Davy has been sent off to work with an enviable lunch and Noah is asleep. You may even do it when Noah is awake and happily playing alone….which is just as important as playing with you and Davy. So don’t let the haters get you down. We all know it’s because they want to be you. I hope when you’re reading this you’ll be back to our smart, funny sarcastic friend!!

    Reply

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