Jun Dishes

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Marriage Is Hard

I look back on 2013 and I think about all of the things that made my heart soar and sore. It’s the year I got to know myself better, first and foremost. It’s the year I got to know my husband Davy better and vice versa. It’s the year I cried a lot.

I hope I never make marriage look easy because it’s hard.

Parenthood is hard. Being an expat in a small country is hard. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard. I can only speak for myself but whatever any of us are doing is hard, and this is what I’ve learned most of all, in 2013.

Life is fucking hard. It helps to have people and things around to lighten things up for instant gratification, but you can never turn life off. It will keep going on with or without you. It’s up to you what you make of your life.

I want to be sure that I’m not making anything in particular look easy or perfect, but simply showing how good things can be when they’re good, in marriage. It’s not for everyone, just like having a pet or going to college isn’t for everyone. It’s a choice and not often enough a right.

Always dishing,

Jun

Posted under: Reality Dishes

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26 comments

  • OkieChris on January 5, 2014 at 12:46 pm said:

    Reply

    Hugs to you Jun. People see how Rich & I are now & think we have always had an easy great ride down the marriage road. Oh the stories I could tell haha

    Marriage IS work & IS hard.

    love ya girl!
    Chris

  • Genevieve Ryan on January 5, 2014 at 1:30 pm said:

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    You are 100% right! Marriage needs work every day to keep it healthy! Gotta put effort forth to two the rewards haha and having had my own child, I can honestly say, being a parent is the hardest job on the world. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything!

  • Hubby and I will be celebrating 25 years next week, and, though we’re in a good place now, it’s had its ups and downs. Yep, it’s hard! But well worth the effort!

  • Patricia Behan on January 5, 2014 at 3:02 pm said:

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    I have been married almost 34 years..there are days I literally hate him and days I couldn’t love him more if I tried,,A good sense of humor, a good fight now and then to clear the air, remembered history together and commitment to each other even when leaving seems easier..hard work, but so worth it ! I love reading about you and Davey and Noah..

  • Marriage certainly is… interesting! I agree, it is not for everyone! It is not always easy. Some days my husband and I “click” and then other days we just avoid each other because we know it’s not going to ruen out well! Luckily 90% of the time we click, or else I don’t think it would be that enjoyable! :)

  • I’m an old foggie and my old foggie husband and I will be married 50 years in September.

    The “seven year itch” can be true…at seven years I found the road a bit bumpy. Not because
    of my husband himself but because we all change as the years and life move on.

    Marriage hard work? You bet it is…but it’s not like the hard work of an ‘away from home job’ because you can’t just leave it behind at 5 PM and be on your own. There were times in the past 49-1/2 years that I was sick of Joe and he truly had to be sick of me. I always tell him, “you must be sick of me because sometimes, I’m sick of myself!” and we both laugh.

    Life is hard work, no one ever promised us a perfect life, not in this world anyway.

    A motto to remember is: “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to
    dance in the rain.” – Vivian Greene

    xoxo

  • Blessings to everyone here in Jun’s warm community. What you put out there comes back magnified, as I’m sure you can see, Jun, from the love you’ve inspired here at JunDishes.

    Marriage is very difficult, and sometimes the effort you place into it is unrewarded. I was married to a verbally abusive man with an alcohol problem. That was such a difficult marriage, that my now-husband of twelve years practically has a free pass! lol

    The only thing I demand of him is what I call the “one degree between misery and happiness.” That means DO NOT change the thermostat when I place it one degree cooler because of my hot flashes! If he wants to get me riled-up, that’ll do it!

    My husband is loving and warm, but his tone of voice is sometimes a little too sharp for me (and others), so I simply remind him to talk to me in a more pleasant tone, and I’ll answer him! lol A lot of people are terrified of him because of the sharp tone, and I do understand it, but he is truly a teddy bear of a sweet man. Sometimes I’ll hear him talking on the phone in “that tone” of voice and I’ll ask him who in the world was he speaking to so rudely. It actually means that he’s annoyed, but that’s about as bad as it gets. The thing is, my former husband yelled at and cursed me so horribly, I made a vow to myself that I’d NEVER allow it again – and I never have. I have actually caused a few scenes, in subsequent years, when I refused to back down from a bully!

    We can talk and make a good team. Neither of us is perfect, but we accept one another as we are and work together in life. To me, that’s a good marriage. In my opinion, that’s what people need, especially in their sixties, as we are.

    Love your beautiful spirit, Jun.

    • I didn’t realize you and your husband are in your sixties. Love YOUR spirit Deb :)

      Bullies suck. Alcohol abuse sucks. I’m so glad you stand up to it when you need to. That degree of happiness thing made ma laugh. Thanks for sharing. Always :)

  • So true. I still haven’t fully accepted that life does indeed go on around you. It is very overwhelming at times – sometimes to the point of second guessing your decisions. The ones you were so very sure were right and now? Maybe not so much. It’s also hard to watch those around you struggling with the hardness of life. You want to pull them close and hug them until it is easy. But usually “hard” is one of life’s greatest lesson. Hugs my dearest. Very thought provoking blog.

  • My first marriage was hard and a disaster. My second was sweet until cancer took him from me. I can honestly say in almost 15 years, we only had a couple of serious disagreements, and they were fixed before we kissed goodnight. Life is hard… and way too short.

    • I remember Mar, when your husband passed. I admired your strength before and now too. Way too short. So many things to remember! :)

  • Life & Marriage are hard.
    But count your blessings, if you have a roof and food, you’re doing well in these times. Take my word for it, I’ve been without both in the last year. My goal is to just survive.
    My Husband is waiting for a heart transplant. If he gets it & survives, we’ll feel like we’ve won the lottery. I’m not complaining, just saying there are different degrees of hard. I wish for all of you a less difficult year than last year. If you have health, love, a roof & food, the rest is not that hard. Just think about it. I hope no one will bite my head off, because this is my truth. XO

    • I do count my blessings and some days I need a nudge. Some days are just harder than other days. I’ve learned that everybody’s hard is different but not any more or less important than mine or anyone else’s. Having all of those…health and love and a roof and food…absolutely makes life easier. It’s still hard. I wouldn’t take that away from anyone.

      Thanks so much for sharing Aileen. I’m more aware now of the road you’ve traveled. Love to you and your family!

      • I hope you don’t think I was implying that you don’t count your blessings. Your writing shows that you do. I agree no one’s “hard” is more or less than than another’s. I was just trying to convey, that sometimes what we think is hard, is a piece of cake compared to, what may be, in the future. I didn’t mean to offend. Only love from me to you! Thanks, Jun :)

  • I read often, I don’t think I have commented yet.

    I absolutely agree. Love and marriage, like all good things in life (and life itself) ARE hard. You put work in every day and it is a process. And as Aileen above says, there are different degrees of hard, and at the end of the day, if all of you are there, healthy, fed and with roof over your head, you are ready to put the work in.

    I live in Newfoundland, Canada. We are going through some severe weather and unscheduled power outages due to a malfunction in the powerplant. On Saturday we were both cold (no power all day), yesterday when another malfunction was reported and power went out we were both scared. Schools are closed, everyone is conserving, the weather will get worse tonight.

    But I looked at my husband last night, bit panicky and scared. And he said “don’t worry, at the end of the day there are two of us and we are ok”. And I laughed, because this is what I always say.

    Stay strong, good luck! It will work out.

    • I’m psyched you took the plunge to comment!

      All good things in life are hard for a reason 10000% :)

      Hold on to that husband of yours. Hope you’re all keeping warm out there.

      Sometimes I get panicky and scared and sometimes I get fierce and cold-blooded haha! Healthy and fed and housed but learning a lot about so many different things at once. Some days I blog it out when being thankful is harder to do.

      Thanks for your kind words!

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