Jun Dishes

verb/diSH/ : food or sex or gossip or fiction in real life

Just Juan The Bachelor

Correct me if I’m wrong, which I’m confident you’d do…

But it seems that ABC The Bachelor has adopted CBS Big Brother’s method of turning photos of “evicted” bachelorettes black and white.

Black and WhiteI like it.

It’s about time.

Thank you ABC intern!

Among the black and white’d beauties I’m okay with all of them going home. I don’t remember them and mostly because they’re probably better off without Juan Pablo et al.

JP

 

We have to call him Juan Pablo because just “Juan” would be too boring and he’s got a brother named Juan Carlos so we have to differentiate lest anyone mix the two up, which only a blind or otherwise severely visually impaired person would do.

But back to the black and whites…

I’m most concerned for Amy J. and Lacy and Lauren H. The rest will be fine. To be blunt and completely horrible:

- Amy J. probably needs to date women for a while or change professions…unless she works somewhere she can provide massage then handjob at the end. She probably wouldn’t even charge, which would make it totally legal.

- Lacy needs more time than ABC could ever provide to be able to bring someone into her large and beautiful and very unique family of special needs. She doesn’t need to rush, when men should be courting her the right way.

- Lauren H. needs some horse tranquilizers for her jaw and to truly believe she will be loved again even after what her runaway fiancé did to her. I sincerely hope she’s okay.

I sincerely hope all the ladies in black and white, past and present, realize that this blog and the whole Bachelor franchise is NOT real life. It’s television-based entertainment so a beautiful soul like Gia Allemand or any other black and white bachelorette is beautiful on the outside yes, which is why they’re cast by ABC, and no matter what anyone says including me they’re beautiful on the inside too. That’s what I wish ABC would have stressed in their tribute roll to Gia. It’s not about me though and I appreciated ABC taking the time to share more of Gia with us.

Even among the most horridly memorable bachelorettes ABC has ever thrown at us…they’re all human. All fun and mental breakdowns aside each season, we put some crazy expectations on these bachelorettes and on each other. Women are not just pieces of meat!

Strip away all the makeup and hair extensions and silicone and all these women deep down inside truly do want their prince. Their prince might or might not be Juan Pablo. Juan Pablo’s only obligated to be his daughter Camila’s prince, anyway. Camila looks so much like him and she’s for sure way cooler than I ever was at that age!

There’s so much hot single dad love out there for Juan Pablo and cries of how he’s the best father ever. How do we even know that?! Hot single dads are hot, it’s true, but only Juan Pablo knows what kind of father he is. Everybody needs to simmer down a little bit before giving him The Father of the Year of the Bachelor Award.

As far as the 18 ladies remaining?

I like them all for different reasons but most of all I like:

- Alli the quirky nanny

- Chelsie the kooky blonde

- Elise the teacher

- Lauren S. the failed piano cyclist

- Nikki the nurse.

I realize this means nothing as far as who Juan Pablo ends up swapping spit with.

Always dishing,

Jun

Posted under: Reality TV Dishes, The Bachelor / ette

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16 comments

  • As usual, I am not watching The Bachelor but I am reading your blogs. Aside from Alli, all your favorites so far are blondes. This surprised me… although I would bet that most were born brunettes ;)

    Looking forward to future installments!

    • I think Juan Pablo does want a blonde and there seem to be some actually nice blondes! You’re probably right about the brunette births ha!

      There’s so much drama already being aired out like dirty crusty panties. It’s terrible.

  • Anonymous on January 9, 2014 at 12:39 am said:

    Reply

    Well, I’m watching (as usual) even if only as a DVR fast forward, I am following. Too early to form an opinion for me …. Field needs to reduce to about 8 then I’ll focus … But I do like Lucy’s headband ….. Seems like these are in style now in the US … New NYC Mayor’s daughter wore one throughout campaign and it was cute. Waiting for final 8 ……

    • I like Lucy in theory but I need to assess more. Ha! The headband thing works on her better than others YES. I watched de Blasio’s inauguration! I was SO wowed to see Clinton swearing him in.

      Cheers to the Final 8. By then who knows what will have happened at ABC!

  • I must live on another planet. Have seen so many posts about Juan this week on Facebook. I’d never heard of the guy before Bachelor, but then again, I’m not a soccer fan. My advice to the girls who go on his hometown visit…. “bring armed security”. They seem to like to hurt celebrities down there lately.

    • That’s some real shit Mar! Haaa! Juan Pablo with security guards omg. Sigh. Yeah. It’s a “controversial season” like ABC wants it to be.

  • I’m taking a pass on this year’s ‘reality’ (but will NOT pass on your blog)….fwiw – I only watched it previously because my mom loved the show so much & wanted someone to talk to about it. I miss ‘shooting-the-shit’ with her, period….. this show IS the very last rung on the bottom of the pole of topics I do/will miss.

  • I have to admit I’m not a fan of this ABC franchise. I don’t do Housewives either, and God take me now, please, before someone might force me to watch a single episode of “Ducks Dying a Nasty Death.” I proudly proclaim I wouldn’t know a Kardashian from a Cadaver. My only interest in that clan is to know if Bruce Jenner goes through with a sex-reasignment surgery. I was very very young but my budding gaydar went off every morning when I grabbed the box of Wheaties.

    The only reality-based TV show I will even consider watching is Big Brother and right now, it’s on the bubble. If it’s an all-star season then no, unless our blog mistress is in the cast.

    I’ve decided I’m taking a stand. I will not watch any show that tries to watch more than once a week. I’ll truly miss The Voice and looking at the sexiest man alive.

    While I am ranting, I also will not watch network TV television that succumbs to playing the minute game. You know the shows and the list is growing constantly. I’m talking about the shows that run one minute over a normal thirty minute or one hour time slot in hopes that I will stay tuned to the same channel and watch whatever they want to throw my way, like table scraps for a starving junkyard dog . That ploy obviously has an opposite effect on me. I might even start a petition. They are so easy to do now thanks to social media. But first I must put Subway out of business because they continue to run commercials on the radio while Rush Limbaugh is on.

    Rant over… for now. Thank you Jun for making me think and for always entertaining me/us.

      • Jun Song on January 10, 2014 at 11:15 am said:

        Yes! And I don’t do housewives either. Did one or two seasons each and stopped. You Mappy?

      • GaYToR on January 10, 2014 at 2:52 pm said:

        I would absolutely love a ‘back to the basics’ Big Brother. I’d watch seven days a week and do the live feeds in between. After the past season that’s about what it would take to get me to watch again and pay extra for feeds.

        I feel badly for Andy that he had to be crowned winner of one of the worst seasons in BB history. (Yes, I do think at least one season was worse, maybe two seasons). I want to be gay and proud of that win for him, as the first gay man in BB history to win the $500K, but so many things overshadowed his accomplishment.

        I’d also like to see stricter house rules enforcement. As always I long for Grodner to be gone because the buck does stop there, and for the BB AU team to take over production.

        Want to ask me something else, Jun? How much space can I have? Ha. Don’t ask me about husbands, at least not mine. He’s in more trouble than 50,000 words could cover.

      • In answer to Jun, Housewives 1 1/2 seasons of Jersey, random watches of the others in the past. Now. None.

        I feel so in tune with you GaYToR! My mangled attempt to express how I feel about BBUS franchise and Andy’s win is spelled out so nicely in your answers.

        Thank you, again :)

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