Jun Dishes

verb/diSH/ : food or sex or gossip or fiction in real life

Pubic Hairs Are Yucky Apparently

To call my little Noah precocious would be like calling me blunt.

He’s not yet 2 years old, yet he remembers everything and recalls it at his whim. When he helps me clean and vacuum around the house we sometimes run into tangled balls of hair, my long hair from my head. Noah picks these hairballs up and growls before saying in Dutch, “etsje vuilbak!”

This means “yucky garbage can!” and Noah then proceeds to throw the hairball away in the nearest garbage can.

Two days ago I had an appointment with my gynecologist Dr. Martens, whom I love enough to have blogged about once, and I prepared accordingly to the unwritten but stressed rules. I did not have my period, I did not fornicate the night before or morning of my appointment, and I made my vagina gorgeous and lovely. To me, gorgeous and lovely means sparkling clean and waxed or shaved and very trim.

Tweets

I actually got one answer to the question, thanks to a credible someone, as to whether or not gynecologists care about the gorgeousness or loveliness of patients’ vaginas. No.

But I welcome more surveys!

It’s not like I go all-bare down there because I’ve tried that before and never liked it. I prefer to leave some pubic hair in the right spot proportionate to everything else. Why am I sharing this besides the fact that I share too much as it is already?

Because two days ago I came home from my gynecologist’s appointment all checked-out in good vaginal health. That evening Noah was brushing his teeth before bed time, and he pointed to the bathtub telling me he wanted to take a shower. Specifically a shower. Noah only takes showers with papa. He’s never taken a shower with me. It’s not a rule or anything but more practical. I always just give Noah his baths. I don’t often get in the bathtub with him, and when I do I don’t take photos. My focus is his safety and fun. I get out first and towel-dry off while he continues to play. In the past I’ve been naked once or mostly naked other times but not really naked naked. Most times it was out of convenience so I could dry off quickly with less clothes to have to throw back on.

Two days ago I was in a bikini. It was bed time and I had things of my own to do but I decided a bath with Noah would be fun! After we brushed our teeth we got in the bath.

For fun I took a photo of us in the bathtub together and I later uploaded it on social media. Social media is just fancy talk here. It really just means Facebook and Twitter to me.

BathtubI uploaded the photo asking if any other mommies wore bikinis in the bathtub with their kids. I should have been more specific and detailed or written a blog instead. I should have rewound 30 minutes before the picture was taken to explain a few things, but that’s all shoulda coulda woulda when it comes to social media.

But this is what happened…

I’d undressed Noah while running the tub with water. I got down to my bra and panties and took those off too when I heard growling. I looked down at Noah who was growling and pointing at my groomed spot of pubic hair, and he said “Etsje!”

He called my pubes yucky! He growled at me! He thought I had a gross hairball stuck to me!

I gently told Noah that it was not yucky and that it was okay. I smiled and said it’s okay, it’s mama’s hair, about a dozen times. He didn’t seem convinced. It’s not like he’d never seen me naked before and it’s probably not the last time Noah will see me naked but he’d never associated vacuuming dirty hair into the garbage can, with my nudity, before.

But as precocious as he is, I didn’t believe Noah was ready for any kind of body parts talk yet. He’s not even two! He just needed to know that there was nothing yucky going on. So I threw on the bikini and we played in the bathtub. There’s plenty of time for talk later, just not at 21 months of age.

My mother was always naked with me in the bath. My father never. I never knew any other way to bathe until I was old enough to bathe alone. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Being naked with my mother and her naked body taught me so much about my own body later growing up, and now.

I never thought I’d wear a bikini in the bathtub with my son until it happened. If I had a daughter I probably wouldn’t wear one. But who knows?!

With Noah, it was a conscious choice on the spot but only after I laughed at myself. Here I’d thought I’d trimmed enough to make my vagina gorgeous for Dr. Martens yet Noah still found it yucky. You can prepare and read-up all you want on what your toddler might or might not do, but there’s nothing like the real thing. You have to laugh. You have to trust your gut whether or not you’re right or wrong, and learn from your mistakes and triumphs too, it’s one of the toughest parts of parenting. The uncertainty yet obligation to make split-second decisions.

Just because I blog about sex and I’m open about sex and my sexual history and the fact that I was sexually abused as a child, doesn’t mean I wear my vagina hanging out in public. It doesn’t mean I won’t wear a bikini in the bathtub with my child if I think it’s the right thing to do in the moment. I’m all for nudity when it works and improvising when necessary. I’ve never been a mom before so I’m the teacher and student at the same time every day.

When I uploaded the photo and asked what other mommies did, it was neither an invitation for judgement nor any indication of judgment on my part. I don’t need reminders that Noah came from inside me because even if he hadn’t and I’d adopted him, I still would have put that bikini on two days ago.

It was just a question not to be taken so seriously!

Or was it?

Always dishing,

Jun

 

 

Posted under: Reality Dishes, Sex

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15 comments

  • As a parent you do what you believe to be in the best interest of YOUR child. Listen to no one else. You go with your gut and learn what is best for you and Noah. Love your posts and blogs. And I responded to your question about vaginas also on twitter. So you had two answers lol

    • Ha! I thought I’d received another answer :) Thanks for the tweet, and sharing here on the blog. I appreciate hearing all voices. It’s a challenge sometimes but worth it :)

  • Telling someone how to Parent is like getting involved in someone’s Marriage. No one should and it never helps.
    From what I can tell, you are an awesome Mom and want only the best for Noah! Everyone else can go to hell!! You know what you’re doing, loving your child. XO

    • Yes! I’ve learned lots of lessons and sometimes it’s best to be a sympathetic ear and not put your beliefs forcefully onto anyone else. :)

  • Amy Gramaglia on January 17, 2014 at 3:12 pm said:

    Reply

    Jun you are the best Mom ever. Thanks for the info about the gyno, I always wondered if they expected/appreciated all my prep.
    Love that you share your life with us.

  • Hahahahaha! Out of the mouths of babes, ya gotta love them. That is so funny.
    I used to bathe with my son without clothes UNTIL he said his T T’s (boobs) were almost as big as mine. LOL Yes, he was right, because I DON’T have big T T’s LOL They just say it like they see it.
    Has Noah discovered his penis…..I don’t mean that in a perverted kind of way. My son LOVED his..probably still does, he is 34 now….but every time he took a bath when he was very young, he always seemed to call it something it reminded him of. Turtle, sausage, fox….just to name a few. These are such special times for you, times you will never forget! Wear or not wear whatever YOU want…geeze what the hell is wrong with people? Just enjoy these times, I promise they go by way to fast.
    Keep dishing!
    Pat

    • Noah has discovered his penis but accidentally. He’s still not interested in it. He wouldn’t have been interested in anything had he not associated my pubes with vacuuming hairballs hahaha!

  • So adorable little Noah grunted out to you his disdain about the hairballs… TOO hilarious. I swear, I could give him a big fat hug and a mwah! You did what you felt was right. That’s how we all should go about life.

  • Now what did Noah say about Davy’s pubes? Was it “Etsje!”? Just wondering if he reacted to you differently than he did to your husband due to gender and comfort in the bath tub maybe.

    Also, you were the Queen Bee in BB4. I’m rewatching it, and I gotta say its highly underrated. Both you and Ali (I know you don’t like her, but I have to give credit where credit is due) were very good players of the season. Also, I fell in love with Jack as the strawberry. I had forgotten about that.

    • Noah hasn’t reacted in any big way to Davy’s pubes…probably because Davy’s are lighter and shaved closer to the skin than mine. HA! He’s pointed to Davy’s penis but never said anything…more like “oh there’s that thing” and nothing more. It’s still a little early I think, for all of that. I’m 99.9% sure it had everything to do with the yucky hairball thing! :)

      I couldn’t have gone to final two with a better HG…I always give Ali credit too! She and I will just never be friends. Ha! Jack’s a class act.

      Thanks for the love Dino!

  • Let me preface this comment by saying I don’t have children. It seems important.

    But I did have parents and I used to be a kid. Like you, I definitely bathed with my mother, never my father — hell, my major childhood memory about co-bathing involves my sister peeing in the tub and me freaking out. But I digress…

    In regards to nudity — it was never an issue or thing. I dunno, we were just a boring, normal family that functioned well. But one memory I have about parental nudity, and I’ve actually discussed this in therapy, not because it’s an issue, but because I was curious as to why the memory stuck… I was approximately four/five years old and we were vacationing in Disney World…our place had two rooms, one for myself and my sister and another for my parents, but I was watching TV in my parent’s room and my father had been showering and walked out of the bathroom nude and said to my mother who was next to me, verbatim, “Crap, she’s too old for this.” and scurried back into the bathroom for a towel.

    I have zero recollection of ever seeing my father’s penis, but I do recall that moment. And at that point in my life I was aware of the fact of the genitalia differences between males and females, so what would have been a non-issue in my child brain became a memory that I recall decades later. Him freaking out and scurrying like a silly fool is why I remember that. Was I too old too see him nude at that age? Who knows, but I find the memory comical. Mostly because, now that I’m all grown up and then some, there’s so much value in realizing that my parent’s were just normal people who had zero clue and learned how to parent based on whatever life tossed at them. In other words, just human.

    And what my therapist and I agreed on is relevant to this blog post — parents aren’t perfect people. They’re just adults who were gifted the responsibility of raising imperfect people from scratch. That said, I still think my parents were the best. :)

    But back to my sister peeing in the tub…

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