Juan Pablo is a moron.
It sucks that his friends and family are being hung out to dry with the rest of his dirty laundry. The ones who actually signed releases with ABC are probably having the hardest time, having to defend Juan Pablo’s honor week by week. Among the many reasons Juan Pablo’s a moron…
He agreed, as if he had any real choice with ABC, to use the old “language barrier” as his apology for his homophobic comments recently. The language barrier is so bad, according to Juan Pablo, that he couldn’t think of anything better than “pervert” to describe gay people. I know a lot of perverted gay people but I know just as many perverted straight people. At least the gays are honest about it most of the time!
And as a child of Korean-American immigrant-parents I know what language barriers look like in public and in private. Things my grandparents used to say in English about other ethnic groups bothered me so much I stood up to them sometimes. The older I got, the better I got making my point, but there was little I could do to change my grandparents. But the things my grandparents said in Korean were always far worse than anything they ever said in English.
I don’t know what Juan Pablo’s deal is, and I can’t quite compare him to my grandparents, but I know Juan Pablo could be saying worse things in his mother tongue than he could ever say in English with no recording devices around him. It’s not like I think Juan Pablo will jog around shirtless punching gays in the face as hate crime, but he’s still a moron. I hate that his apology was just another dime a dozen, in a string of recent headlines in forced apologies by bigger celebrities than Juan Pablo.
Then there’s the argument that if you have gay friends then you can’t be a homophobe. That’s like saying if you have black friends you’re not a racist. If you employ women then you’re not a sexist? We could water this down to vegetarianism if we wanted.
I don’t think I could handle any more Xs on Juan Pablo’s scorecard because he’s already up two strikes (child support drama and gay drama). ABC tried to distract us with lots of footage of Juan Pablo kissing because it’s the episode where the kissing usually begins.
It was the kissing episode.
Here’s who’s left:
Summary of the kissed and a few notable non-kissed bachelorettes:
Cassandra: Can’t kiss. She confuses me mathematically because she seems so mature aka boring yet she’s only 21 years old. “My last first date was three years ago. I haven’t been on a date since I was 18,” she said to us.
Andi: Can kiss. Thanks goodness someone in this group can kiss. It’s too bad she had to have her first kiss in the back of the stanky kitchen of some soccer stadium’s “Wings & Beer” stand, but whatever. I’d bet $1,000 right now that she’d take David Beckham over soccer-playing Juan Pablo any day. I know I’m not the only one who got that point loud and clear.
Sharleen: Can’t kiss. Can’t take a compliment either because instead of saying thank you or even reciprocating, she just replies, “That’s a compliment,” as if to confirm. And when I say she can’t kiss, it means she kisses like a sensual dog as if a dog could be sensual.
Chelsie: Inconclusive kisser. Her first kiss with Juan Pablo was while hanging upside-down. I can’t with this girl. I like her and her goofiness but she’s prone to cross-eyedness when she’s excited. She also needs to stay away from green foods and drinks, as a rule of dating, especially on the first date! Her dark green tongue was skeeving me out.
Did anyone else think that the tandem bungee-jumping guy for Chelsie’s date looked like Guy Fieri of Food Network? Well he did.
Renee: No kiss. I don’t think she’ll ever gt a kiss because she’s too busy chasing after poor lost bachelorette souls who like to run to the bathroom and melt down. So far Renee’s been on-screen in the proximity of a toilet and crying bachelorret three times: Victoria, Cassandra, Clare.
Clare: No kiss. I told you I had red flags with her.
In closing…Juan Pablo said on last night’s show that his biggest fear is not being an example for his daughter. I hope he means it and that he always has a better explanation to provide to his daughter than he ever did for us. Juan Pablo actually owes us nothing. I just hope he truly is doing right by his child.