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Big Brother 17: T-SHIRT GIVEAWAY


UPDATE: TWO WINNERS ARE: Gwen Keaton of Texas / Pam Salensky of Pennsylvania (Please use this link to send me your mailing info)!

Congratulations to the winners!


Calling all Big Brother fans!

If you’re a fan of Big Brother 17 Houseguest James Huling and you’d like a chance to win a #HillbillyAsian t-shirt…

(Part of the proceeds of all t-shirt sales go to the Tara Hall Home For Boys where he lived as a teen, full article here: James Huling – Tara Hall)





Please leave in the comments section below:

  1. Your first name, and last name or initial
  2. T-shirt size
  3. The U.S. state you represent

I’ll draw TWO names in ONE week from the date this blog.

Sorry, this giveaway is only open to U.S. residents at this time!

Good luck everyone!

And if you’re interested in purchasing a t-shirt yourself and helping the cause please click on the photo above to go directly to the site, or click here!

Thanks always!

Always dishing,




RIP John Zsa Zsa Martin aka GaYToR



We met on a website called Big Brother Dish in the summer of 2009, where I was writing Big Brother blogs for fun. I never even thought to charge for my writing. I was doing it for the love of Big Brother and “for the fans.” The concept of fans was so new to me, even after so many years after winning Big Brother because at the end of the day, I’m just like everyone else. My mother thought I was crazy to write for free, so I lied to her and told her I was getting paid $25 an article, and this made her happy. That was 2009.

I didn’t know what to make of GaYToR at first. I didn’t know why the “Y” and “T” and “R” were capitalized in his username. I still don’t know. I always meant to ask but always forgot to. It didn’t matter. He was GaYToR. He was a drag queen in fabulous New Orleans, and he was a huge and old school fan of Big Brother.

Then, at some point, GaYToR went from fan to friend. The Big-Brother-Fan-to-Friend. This doesn’t happen often but when it does it’s warm and sincere and long-lasting. I learned that GaYToR’s real name was John Martin, and Zsa Zsa his stage name, and his loving partner in life’s name was Danny Stark.

John Zsa Zsa Martin and I were friends before I ever had a Facebook fan page or Twitter account, or my own blog. I tasted my first-ever New Orleans King Cake because Zsa Zsa sent me one with Louisiana love. Zsa Zsa never asked me for a thing but gave a lot of himself.

Over the years, John Zsa Zsa Martin watched me go from single thrill-seeker to married to mom and we exchanged stories and anecdotes like any other friends would, regardless of how we met. Zsa Zsa shamelessly lusted after my husband Davy, to my delight and Davy’s laughs. Davy and I talked about Zsa Zsa often, and interestingly enough, we always referred to Zsa Zsa as “her” or “she” and it always just felt right. Davy always laughed extra loud when Zsa Zsa flirted with him.

Zsa Zsa loved his Danny Stark, but Zsa Zsa held a special place in his heart for Davy too and for me and Noah.

After all their years together, Zsa Zsa and Danny were to be married this past Friday in Connecticut. On Saturday morning, I received the news that Zsa Zsa died of a massive heart attack right before the wedding. April Fool’s Day had already come and gone, and the reality of Zsa Zsa’s passing was cold and shocking and raw still. Danny is now mourning his partner of 33 years and yet still so in love.

Davy wasn’t home yesterday when I received the news. He was helping a friend move into the city. I told him everything in one long breath when he got home and the hairs on his arms stood up as his face fell. Neither Davy nor I had ever met Zsa Zsa in person. How could we be so affected?

GaYToRRIP John Zsa Zsa Martin

I can only imagine what Danny is going through right now. Bringing John home to New Orleans from Connecticut is the harsh reality that must be addressed. Who has extra money these days? Nobody I know. But what Davy and I could, we spared and sent to Danny. Danny needs help to repay a kind minister who paid all final expenses up-front. With no legal recognition or death benefits to collect, Danny Stark could use a compassionate shoulder to lean on.

At the time of this writing, the John Zsa Zsa Martin fundly fundraiser is nearly two-thirds of the way there. If you can, please help. The smallest amounts can amount to enough.

We miss Zsa Zsa already.

Always dishing,


7 Tips for Big Brother 35


Not to brag or anything and definitely not like other moms, but I’m proud of the Big Brother player my little Noah’s turning out to be, even before the age of two. Not literally of course, but in the context of life’s social game and competitive nature. I’m admittedly obsessed with watching people’s behaviors, and I spend the largest part of my time watching Noah in an array of environments.

Big Brother fans and alum alike, including me, joke about a Big Brother 35 season featuring alum’s children. Imagine a house of adorable babies all grown up and playing a season together, and their common link is that their parents were once on the show themselves. Freaky.

Too freaky.

I can’t imagine the show being around another nineteen years but at the same it’s quite probable. Big Brother costs nothing to produce compared to money that’s made by CBS, and the fandom isn’t dying down in the least despite the shows regression in other areas. Big Brother 35 could very well happen!

I can’t imagine Noah in nineteen years because I don’t want to picture myself that “old” and heading towards checking off the “Over 60” box on surveys. But I imagine Noah would do very well in the Big Brother 35 house. He’s now got daycare on lockdown three mornings a week, and seems to have alliances going on already. I’ve counted 3.5 alliances so far, and I’ll explain the half later.

This is all from what I observe, and what the daycare owner and den mother, Ellen, tells me:

1. Noah’s the oldest, by six or more months, yet he coddles the babies and is quite helpful all-around. This comes in handy in the Big Brother house when you find yourself “different” from the other Houseguests, for whatever the reason right or wrong.

2. Noah’s got an alliance with the biggest (literally) baby boy “T” at daycare, and also one with Ellen’s two sons, with a side alliance with Ellen’s younger son “D”, but with none of the other boys! This is excellent play in the Big Brother house because you need to know when and how and with whom to make the right alliances so that you’re protected in numbers, but you shouldn’t be a part of every existing alliance!

3. Noah eats like a beast every day that he’s at daycare for four hours and poops once. This is important because in Big Brother, you need to keep eating so you have energy to deal with horrible Houseguests, and you have to be able to poop with other people around, so regularity in bowel movements is good.

4. Noah has one particular alliance with his daycare girlfriend, “L”, and they always say hello and goodbye to each other each day. This is good in preparation for showmance possibilities in the Big Brother house, and for practicing waving goodbye to people as you evict them one-by-one.

5. Noah has a half-alliance, meaning he’s not committed to it but he’s not discarding it either, and it’s with a girl named “A” who’s right around Noah’s age and has a crush on him! This is important in case your run into someone in the Big Brother house that you’re really not that into, but they’re totally into you, so you make sure not to burn any bridges and make the best of the situation. 

6. Noah comforts a baby named “K”, at daycare, because she’s new there and all she does is cry all day…but then he’ll come home and randomly impersonate her by saying her name and scrunching up his face, pretending to cry! This is excellent for social game in the Big Brother house, because there’s nothing wrong with being civil to fellow HGs, but then you’re also giving the fans good diary room!

7. Noah pretend-cooks at daycare, and at home, and he’s all about making everyone taste-test his creations while serving accompanying drinks. This is always handy in the Big Brother house, for currying favor and filling your own belly at the same time…and this goes for drinks too.


You don’t need to be an athlete or competition beast to win Big Brother if you have lots of other stuff going on. I can say this because I’ve proven it, and lived to dish about it. I don’t know how athletic Noah will turn out, but I know Noah will perform better physically than I did.

This is all hypothetically speaking, of course, and just for fun…isn’t it?!

Noah does have dual citizenship after all…

Always dishing,


How Marriage Is Like Big Brother


Marriage is like Big Brother.

I’m not saying marriage is a game, because Big Brother is no ordinary game. Big Brother is more like marriage than The Bachelor ever is. It’s no wonder that there have been real marriages arising out of seasons of Big Brother. 

Life, in general, can be likened to Big Brother but it’s marriage that’s the final two. You both signed up for it. There’s no cash prize pay-off at the end but the two of you take home the prize anyway. We say there’s only one winner in Big Brother but there’s actually a 2nd place winner so technically there are two winners, it’s just that one got more money than the other. If and when there come times when you and your partner meet a jury then your arguments will determine who wins. I don’t shy from arguments at all, in front of juries or not, so being married to me must be tough sometimes.

Throughout the game of Big Brother, like in marriage, your final-two alliance remains steady as people around you are brought into your alliance, and some voted out. There are just some people that need to be cut the fuck out of your life for you to keep your marriage stronger. You don’t have to tell this to people’s faces, since you’re managing jury votes, but you really do have to know when to burn bridges.

There are no real competitions or favoritism, and no Chenbot thankfully, in marriage.

But there are still challenges and rewards.

Winning food in the Big Brother house was as important then as it is now, and always exhilarating. Let’s say for example, instead of Food Competitions my husband Davy and I juggle our little Noah and a huge shopping cart down the aisles of the supermarket. An exhilarating win for me is keeping Noah preoccupied sitting in the shopping cart while Davy and I shuffle quickly, single-file, while throwing groceries in our cart. The shorter the trip the better-behaved the kid. Last week we came home with a can of Pringles that neither Davy nor I put in the cart, but both of us thinking the other must have wanted it. It turns out it was Noah who threw the Pringles in the cart! We saw him do it again this last trip, reaching into the same shelf, and the Pringles mystery was a mystery no more.

Luxury Competitions are like arranging date nights, or getting to sleep in the morning after date night. Sending little Noah off to grandma’s or grandpas’s on a random Saturday night is a luxury. Getting to take a bubble bath in a quiet house is also a luxury. An unexpected and delicious nap in the middle of the day is also a luxury worth vying for.

I never fathomed writing a blog like this when I was sitting in final two with Alison in 2003, but here I am.

Could you find a winning final two?

Each partner has to balance being Head Of Household and not being Head Of Household, and each partner must respect the other’s Power of Veto. There should always be a right to veto. When you take away someone’s POV then that’s a game move but also a sign of disrespect. I meant it when I essentially took Ali’s POV away from her when I was HOH that week Jee went home. Ali had won it in advance of my nominations, which many forget, and that’s why I nominated her with Jee. Everyone thought I’d nominate Robert and Jee but hell no. I gave her no choice but to use it on herself so I’d replace her with Robert.

I always have a lot of shit to say so I veto things often. Like I said, it can’t be easy being married to me. In marriage, your spouse should always have the right to veto.

There’s no need to mess with someone’s POV anyway if you trust them. If you don’t, then that marriage isn’t going to work out in the end. It’s a long-term passive-aggressive thing called love where nobody has to get hurt but it’s okay to fight with your partner. Sometimes you want to punch your partner in the face and reign them in to focus on the end-game but you can’t do that. You don’t do that to your partner, neither in Big Brother nor in marriage, you don’t. You signed a contract. You can think about it all you want and even blog about it but you can’t do it. You remain calm and focus on the bigger picture and you get back to keeping your marriage going, because Big Brother never stops going on around you.

Marriage is hard.

Some people say they could play Big Brother successfully when they’re not really cut out for it to begin with.

Marriage isn’t for everyone and that’s okay.

Always dishing,


Train of Thought Over A Cup of Coffee: Charity and Philanthropy


I started on this cup of coffee and I’m almost done with it.

Here’s my train of thought over this cup, and many people may disagree with me:

Celebrities are great and their efforts to raise awareness in fundraising for charities is humbling, most of the time. I never loved Celebrity Apprentice because it always just came down to making phone calls to other celebrities. I just give what I can, when I can. It’s what I’m comfortable with doing.

Celebrities sometimes make or break fundraising events, and charities certainly appreciate the larger number in donations that celebrities afford them. It should always be a beautiful thing. Legitimate charities all over the world need funds. Literally. Money is tight for everyone. It’s nobody’s business but yours how you spend your money.

Most of my life, and even as a child, I’ve donated to charities. But I’ve only given a few times in the true sense of philanthropy. One isn’t any better than the other, as long as nothing is ever expected in return. I only differentiate because with philanthropy, I was never going to really know who got the help they needed with the amount I donated. With charities, I always give because there’s some personal degree of separation or person associated with the cause I’m giving to, and usually someone whom I respect or mourn or celebrate. I guess I’d make a horrible lobbyist that way.

When I can give I choose charities that speak to my heart, and I give quietly regardless of what size the donation. I’d actually play Big Brother again if the whole $500,000 prize was for a charity, of American’s choosing, and Houseguests only got stipend at the end of it all. That’s philanthropic at the same time as it is charitable!

Clearly I’ve had too much coffee or not enough, because I’m fantasizing about a Big Brother Charity season.

I should probably drink some water.

I’ll have some water now…

Always dishing,


Pride and Embarrassment


Blogging every day like I did in 2013 was hard, but this blogging-whenever-I-want-to in 2014 thing is just as hard. It’s like having to catch up with a friend about my last few days and wanting to cover so many things that have happened, yet not wanting to sound like a lunatic. It’s been days since I last blogged and in that time I got a lot of shit done.

My U.S. passport expires this year, faithfully, after ten years with me. It was one of the best gifts I gave to myself in my lifetime, a fully-stamped passport. I could write a novel each about my travels to Aruba, The Bahamas, Belgium, China, Croatia, The Dominican Republic, England, France, Greece, Italy, Mexico, and some twice or more in those ten years. So with months still left before the expiration date, I took my U.S. passport and reported to the U.S. Embassy in Brussels this week to apply for a passport renewal. This morning, as a matter of fact…

Because I’m living Belgium I can’t apply online and so I must present myself by appointment at the Embassy. I don’t mind it at all. In fact, I realized this week that I’ve enjoyed all my trips to the U.S. Embassy here. Brussels is charming as a metropolis, and I feel a sense of pride as an American each time I approach that heavily guarded American flag along Boulevard Du Régent (in French) or Regentlaan (in Dutch). I never thought my heart would ever swell seeing the American flag and a huge portrait of Barack Obama on the wall inside the U.S. Embassy, but it swells! Plus, everything’s in English at the Embassy and the forms look soothingly familiar and I get to use my social security number which never happens in Belgium.

I never felt any kind of pride anytime I renewed or replaced my passport back in the States. I never knew this kind of pride. Back in New York it was just a huge hassle to have to “deal with” going to the passport agencies, and the costs and waiting involved.

My son Noah has both American and Belgian citizenship and he’s got his own U.S. Passport as well. He’s been inside the walls of the U.S. Embassy in Brussels. My husband Davy and I have talked about this before and how it’s the best gift we gave to Noah, dual citizenship. Perspective is a window and the more windows you’ve got, the more you get to see. I wish for Noah to travel when he’s old enough, and to fill all his passport pages too one day.

So after all this feel-good love for America, I came home today and felt the need to blog about so many different things. My love for America wasn’t actually one of them because I was still basking in the glow of social security number excitement. I actually started out writing hours ago about the new Survivor cast. But I couldn’t not address the recent Big Brother drama so I started writing about that. But as I was writing, I found myself sounding so “anti-American” that I trashed it and started this new blog with my whining about how hard it is to blog in 2014.

And this is how I end up sounding like a lunatic anyway, with a disclaimer.

In closing, here’s who I like from the new Survivor cast (knowing this means that they won’t win):



I find Alexis annoying but I her hair is entertaining in the wind.


As far as what’s going on in the Big Brother world?

I’ll just leave you with this PSA:

Attention: The Big Brother Cat Lady is evolving every day and joining online armies and mafias, sisterhoods and Big Brotherhoods of the internet, and you should be very afraid.

It’s almost impossible to explain to a layperson all that goes on between summer seasons of Big Brother, namely October through June, because there are things that go on during the season itself that never should have happened in the first place. Right now in January, Big Brother alum and their respective fans are socially slaughtering each other, with some even exposing their body parts on social media, in self-publicized scandals. It makes my rivalry with Alison and the rest of 2003 look wholesome and healthy. Not that’s scary.

I blame America and maybe some of Canada and England. I blame the internet. I blame Big Brother live feeds. To be clear, I’ve watched the feeds and I love the internet. I love America and Canada and England, but I’m not proud of Big Brother. All jokes aside, this is embarrassing!

Thank god I have the U.S. Embassy to remind me of all that’s good about freedom.

Always dishing,


Calling All Big Brother 4 Fans (Circa 2003)!


I believe some of you know this already but before I ever had this WordPress site I first started blogging on Google’s Blogger platform.

Looking back I’ve come a long way, both in the look and feel of my site and my writing in general. My intentions initially were selfish and now I’m better balancing the give and take involved in running a blog. Among the blogs in my old blog cemetery there was one featuring a photo of a poster board given to my by CBS. It was a reward for making it to final three with Robert and Alison. We each got our own. I remember sitting there in the living room and how all three of our egos were getting bigger and bigger reading all the love poured out to us.

“NY Loves Jun Song”

Jun is hot, funny and feisty.

I like Jun. She has great snarky intelligence and wit.

Jun is the woman you “love to hate!” In my opinion she is playing the best game this season . She may just win this.

She’s blunt, smart, and independent. She is well aware of her body and proud of it! As she should be after conquering a weight problem. I think she is one to keep an eye on in this game!

The “Asian Princess” is sleeping, wouldn’t you be tired after flying back and forth between New York and Los Angeles in two days, and going to one of the biggest evens in American history, and laughing it up with all of the stars?!

Just wanted to say that Jun was absolutely stunning at the awards show the other night. She cleans up good.

Award for “Best Laugh In The BB House” goes to… Jun!

I forgot that she was in the banana in the ice cream sundae. That was pleasing to watch.

There was more and obviously CBS didn’t give us any negative quotes from anonymous forums. They kept it clean. They actually gave me a false sense of grandeur. I remember leaving the house thinking everybody loves me out there yay! New York loves me woohoo!

Oh dear god.

Well, the poster board is in New York in my mother’s home because when I moved here to Belgium I stored most of my Big Brother goods there, instead of throwing them away or selling them. I’m a total dork and love everything in my private collection. Every BB alum is free to do what they wish once they’re out of that house, including what to do with their memorabilia.

It’s been 10 years since I’ve won Big Brother and I know that the comments on the posters were real (because I asked) but I’ve always wondered who the authors of the comments were…

I’ll ask now because I have a bigger platform to shout from…

Were you one of those people who made it on my Big Brother 4 poster board?

Always dishing,


Why Is There No Big Brother: South Korea?


With all the international formats of Big Brother all over the world, Korea stands among one of the countries without the show. I’d like to say I don’t know why Korea doesn’t have its own version of Big Brother but I actually have an educated guess as to why they don’t.

Obviously the Korea I refer to is South Korea. As a Korean I don’t walk around differentiating it myself. I’m Korean. Occasionally when I’m asked if I’m “from North or South,” I answer kindly that I was born in South Korea.

Historically, and through bloodlines still, Korea as a country is not keen on seeing what’s real and beneath the surface all laid out. I’m just an anomaly. Nobody needs to air their dirty laundry like that in Korea and mental health is still hush-hush to disastrous effects but contained, and hidden away, again. I cherish my upbringing built on respect and honor and meticulousness but I’m aware of all the veils of secrecy. Sometimes I just want to break secrets.

I’d rather see a Big Brother format in North Korea and not to exploit North Koreans more than they already have been, but to show the world just how fucked up it is over there.

If we ever had a Big Brother format in South Korea, which we never would (I’m jinxing myself purposely), then we’d see lots of what I’ve described growing up Korean to be. If I picture my mother in a Big Brother house with a bunch of other Koreans young and old I almost pee at the scenario. I could just picture her in there with a bunch of random Koreans, but not random to me. If I had a fantasy Big Brother: South Korea season in my head I’d put my mother in the Big Brother house.

I’d put her in there with:

– Jee’s mom or sister, but just one of them. After Jee ended up on Big Brother with me I did what I had to do to win, with or without his help, but I did use him. I did apologize. It was a game, right? I’d love to see how momz does with another Choe family twist.

– My old piano teacher Ms. Han because Ms. Han always had a way of putting my mother in her place with almost no words.

– Margaret Cho because she made me laugh a lot when I was younger and I thought it was cool as hell that she was Korean. Plus, my mother always said I looked like Margaret during my fat years.

– Sandra Oh because she makes me laugh now.

– Psy for obvious reasons like watching my mother’s diary room sessions about him.

– My one and only ever Korean lady neighbor growing up, who’d also happened to be married to an African-American GI from New York. She’d left Korea for a better life in America way before my parents ever dreamt of moving to New York, and a lot of people had judged my neighbor lady for that. Times of war sometimes called for extreme measures yet people will always judge. I’d always felt bad and I sometimes wonder how she’s doing now. I do remember her daughter’s name, Eunice. Eunice had a very beautiful soul and her smile held grace even when we were young girls growing up in Masaryk Towers. She was one of the naturally prettiest and kind-hearted Korean girls I’d ever know in my life.

– Maybe I’d put Eunice in the house instead of her mom…

You can add to the cast if you want.

Only Korean would be allowed to be spoken of course, since the show’s in Korea. My ex Jee and I weren’t allowed to speak in Korean to each other during our season of Big Brother. The good news is if a Big Brother: South Korea ever happened, you’d all have me to translate and watch along with.

This is my fantasy blog and that’s how it would work. And it would have to be calaled BIg Brother: South Korea because “brother” in Korean has multiple translations depending on whether a sibling is older or younger or sister or brother to the brother. Then there’s rank and age and seniority to consider. See? Complicated.


Always dishing…

Wearing the Big Brother Microphone



Source: BBDish


The microphone packs worn in the Big Brother (U.S.) house, including the unit and the battery pack, is about the size of a pack of cigarettes. It’s heavy, as if said pack of cigarettes was filled with salt, or as heavy as an iPhone. And there’s an obnoxious antenna jutting out. Basically, wherever it is you have the mic attached to yourself, it drags that piece of clothing down an inch from the sheer weight of the batteries.

Then there’s the wire that runs from the unit which with a small clip microphone at the end. During live shows the female HGs have to get creative sometimes, hiding that ugly black wire under bra straps or armpits even. The rest of the days you don’t really care if your wire is showing, but for live shows everybody cares.

There are less instances you’re free of your microphone, than there are when you’re a slave to it. You can be sleeping or daydreaming or crying or peeing with your mic off, or detached all together, it doesn’t matter. If some HG jumps into your private space and starts talking to you, then you have to put your microphone on out of no fault of your own! When there’s conversation started between two there must be two microphones on. But then again If nobody wanted to talk to you, while you were sleeping or pooping or not, then that’s actually a bigger problem…

Your microphone becomes the bane of your existence. You must trade in your old batteries for fresh ones in the morning every morning you get to wake up in the Big Brother house. If you intentionally drown your microphone or otherwise damage anything belonging to CBS, including your microphone or other Houseguests, then you get kicked out and you have to pay for those damages…and face ridicule that turns later into TMZ infamy anyway. If you refuse to put on your microphone pack, then you can also be reprimanded and/or ejected from the house as well. Crazier things have happened and will never stop happening in the Big Brother house as long as the Chenbot still lives.

So basically, the microphone pack is just a symbol of your three months of reality television slavery for ratings. Houseguests are nothing but watered-down indentured servants to CBS. The viewers are vultures. Fascinating. Who would sign up for something like Big Brother? Lots of people, me or maybe your or someone you know.

Maybe it’s the allure of the money or the possibility of fame or love, or specifically seed money for illegal activities. I just wanted to win. The microphone pack was the least of my problems even though I hated it more than any Houseguest I lived with that summer. I hated that microphone more than The Mime. But I wore it faithfully until I left with my winning votes for $500,000.

But because I made my mic a part of my body that summer, and for weeks after the show ended and I was home, I had phantom mic pains.

I was back in my apartment in Manhattan fresh off my season, and far away from the Big Brother house, yet I constantly woke up in the mornings and felt around for my mic that wasn’t there. I was still adjusting to being out of the house, and free of my mic, yet I found myself constantly brushing my hair back behind my shoulders. The sound of hair brushing across the mic made production go nuts. I was guilty of this many times my season, and I did always apologize. It stayed with me for a long time after parting with my mic. Pavlov.

It’s just a microphone. I’m being so dramatic. Or am I? How much weight would a microphone have when your life was being documented under a microscope forever somewhere?

Always dishing,


Pray for Tilly


I’m sick with a cold and feeling a little high from all the cold meds I’ve been swallowing or spraying down my throat, and up my nose. Not to mention I drank until drunk last night, which I shouldn’t have done. So I feel like shit, but I know there’s someone out there feeling shittier than I am. I don’t always, because I’m so self-absorbed in my own drama and how to make it comical so I can tweet about it. On most days I get away with it.

I whine about my misery of body ache and stuffy nose. I’m prone to dramatics over my sore throat or slight fever, and overall feeling like shit. Then some days, like today, I’m hit in my face with a hammer to remind me that this stupid cold is fucking nothing compared to cancer. CANCER. It took my grandfather, and other people’s grandfathers and grandmothers, fathers and mothers and countless others. There are stories of what cancer has done and is doing to people all over the world, and sometimes some stories hit you harder than other stories. Somehow tragedy weighs differently on your mind depending on who is suffering, and it makes sense. We care more about people we’ve invested more into, personally.

Today in particular I found out that Big Brother alum Britney’s baby, Tilly, was diagnosed with cancer. It’s weird, because the relationships Big Brother alum have with each other are so varied and so different and so dysfunctional to varying degrees. I don’t know Britney except for what I got to see here and there on television or on live feeds. I’ve never met Britney, and I’ve only tweeted with her a few times. Good tweets and not faux I love you kind of bullshit. She likes certain BB alum I don’t like, and vice versa. In the past I took my share of digs at her, but she’s one of the rarities in the BB alum world who can roll with the punches outside the BB house.

Outside the BB house. That’s where all of us former Big Brother Houseguests lead our real lives. Some of us are more active in interacting with Big Brother fans, and some of us disappear back into our real lives and never look back at BB. Britney’s somewhere in between, and she’s shared with the public a very private part of her life:




I read this hours ago and felt a rush of emotion. I cursed myself silently for ever having complained about a stupid cold. I grabbed my little Noah up off the floor where he was playing, and I squeezed him against me with both of my arms wrapped around him. I wished I could do the same for Britney, but I know she’s got her husband for that and many loved ones too.

I still felt helpless I couldn’t do more. Then I saw a long-time Big Brother fan and good guy, Brendan Cooney, started a fundraiser going. Pray for Tilly on GoGetFunding.





I’ll be the last person to hold your hands and sing in harmony about how glorious the Big Brother family is. I’m admittedly very choosy on where I send my money, as we all should be. But I know Brendan will make sure that:


Like I said, I’m affected by Britney’s story because she and I have one degree of separation called Big Brother.

Whether the money raised goes directly to her, or to cancer research, it’s helping someone. If you can give, please do. Prayers and well wishes are wonderful and worthy of love and thanks. Giving a dollar or more if you can spare, can raise the odds in favor of research and healing.

It’s not all about me or you, or Britney, but it’s about saying fuck you to cancer by doing more than just feeling bad about it.

UPDATE as of Saturday, September 28, 2012: There is a website up and running, by Britney and her family. #TogetherForTilly, at http://togetherfortilly.com/

Always dishing,