Jun Dishes

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Pride and Embarrassment

Alexis

Blogging every day like I did in 2013 was hard, but this blogging-whenever-I-want-to in 2014 thing is just as hard. It’s like having to catch up with a friend about my last few days and wanting to cover so many things that have happened, yet not wanting to sound like a lunatic. It’s been days since I last blogged and in that time I got a lot of shit done.

My U.S. passport expires this year, faithfully, after ten years with me. It was one of the best gifts I gave to myself in my lifetime, a fully-stamped passport. I could write a novel each about my travels to Aruba, The Bahamas, Belgium, China, Croatia, The Dominican Republic, England, France, Greece, Italy, Mexico, and some twice or more in those ten years. So with months still left before the expiration date, I took my U.S. passport and reported to the U.S. Embassy in Brussels this week to apply for a passport renewal. This morning, as a matter of fact…

Because I’m living Belgium I can’t apply online and so I must present myself by appointment at the Embassy. I don’t mind it at all. In fact, I realized this week that I’ve enjoyed all my trips to the U.S. Embassy here. Brussels is charming as a metropolis, and I feel a sense of pride as an American each time I approach that heavily guarded American flag along Boulevard Du Régent (in French) or Regentlaan (in Dutch). I never thought my heart would ever swell seeing the American flag and a huge portrait of Barack Obama on the wall inside the U.S. Embassy, but it swells! Plus, everything’s in English at the Embassy and the forms look soothingly familiar and I get to use my social security number which never happens in Belgium.

I never felt any kind of pride anytime I renewed or replaced my passport back in the States. I never knew this kind of pride. Back in New York it was just a huge hassle to have to “deal with” going to the passport agencies, and the costs and waiting involved.

My son Noah has both American and Belgian citizenship and he’s got his own U.S. Passport as well. He’s been inside the walls of the U.S. Embassy in Brussels. My husband Davy and I have talked about this before and how it’s the best gift we gave to Noah, dual citizenship. Perspective is a window and the more windows you’ve got, the more you get to see. I wish for Noah to travel when he’s old enough, and to fill all his passport pages too one day.

So after all this feel-good love for America, I came home today and felt the need to blog about so many different things. My love for America wasn’t actually one of them because I was still basking in the glow of social security number excitement. I actually started out writing hours ago about the new Survivor cast. But I couldn’t not address the recent Big Brother drama so I started writing about that. But as I was writing, I found myself sounding so “anti-American” that I trashed it and started this new blog with my whining about how hard it is to blog in 2014.

And this is how I end up sounding like a lunatic anyway, with a disclaimer.

In closing, here’s who I like from the new Survivor cast (knowing this means that they won’t win):

fav3

 

I find Alexis annoying but I her hair is entertaining in the wind.

Alexis

As far as what’s going on in the Big Brother world?

I’ll just leave you with this PSA:

Attention: The Big Brother Cat Lady is evolving every day and joining online armies and mafias, sisterhoods and Big Brotherhoods of the internet, and you should be very afraid.

It’s almost impossible to explain to a layperson all that goes on between summer seasons of Big Brother, namely October through June, because there are things that go on during the season itself that never should have happened in the first place. Right now in January, Big Brother alum and their respective fans are socially slaughtering each other, with some even exposing their body parts on social media, in self-publicized scandals. It makes my rivalry with Alison and the rest of 2003 look wholesome and healthy. Not that’s scary.

I blame America and maybe some of Canada and England. I blame the internet. I blame Big Brother live feeds. To be clear, I’ve watched the feeds and I love the internet. I love America and Canada and England, but I’m not proud of Big Brother. All jokes aside, this is embarrassing!

Thank god I have the U.S. Embassy to remind me of all that’s good about freedom.

Always dishing,

Jun

That Wasn’t Guy Fieri

FM

Juan Pablo is a moron.

It sucks that his friends and family are being hung out to dry with the rest of his dirty laundry. The ones who actually signed releases with ABC are probably having the hardest time, having to defend Juan Pablo’s honor week by week. Among the many reasons Juan Pablo’s a moron…

He agreed, as if he had any real choice with ABC, to use the old “language barrier” as his apology for his homophobic comments recently. The language barrier is so bad, according to Juan Pablo, that he couldn’t think of anything better than “pervert” to describe gay people. I know a lot of perverted gay people but I know just as many perverted straight people. At least the gays are honest about it most of the time!

And as a child of Korean-American immigrant-parents I know what language barriers look like in public and in private. Things my grandparents used to say in English about other ethnic groups bothered me so much I stood up to them sometimes. The older I got, the better I got making my point, but there was little I could do to change my grandparents. But the things my grandparents said in Korean were always far worse than anything they ever said in English.

I don’t know what Juan Pablo’s deal is, and I can’t quite compare him to my grandparents, but I know Juan Pablo could be saying worse things in his mother tongue than he could ever say in English with no recording devices around him. It’s not like I think Juan Pablo will jog around shirtless punching gays in the face as hate crime, but he’s still a moron. I hate that his apology was just another dime a dozen, in a string of recent headlines in forced apologies by bigger celebrities than Juan Pablo.

Then there’s the argument that if you have gay friends then you can’t be a homophobe. That’s like saying if you have black friends you’re not a racist. If you employ women then you’re not a sexist? We could water this down to vegetarianism if we wanted.

I don’t think I could handle any more Xs on Juan Pablo’s scorecard because he’s already up two strikes (child support drama and gay drama). ABC tried to distract us with lots of footage of Juan Pablo kissing because it’s the episode where the kissing usually begins.

~

It was the kissing episode.

Here’s who’s left:

Lucky 13

Summary of the kissed and a few notable non-kissed bachelorettes:

Cassandra: Can’t kiss. She confuses me mathematically because she seems so mature aka boring yet she’s only 21 years old. “My last first date was three years ago. I haven’t been on a date since I was 18,” she said to us.

Andi: Can kiss. Thanks goodness someone in this group can kiss. It’s too bad she had to have her first kiss in the back of the stanky kitchen of some soccer stadium’s “Wings & Beer” stand, but whatever. I’d bet $1,000 right now that she’d take David Beckham over soccer-playing Juan Pablo any day. I know I’m not the only one who got that point loud and clear.

Sharleen: Can’t kiss. Can’t take a compliment either because instead of saying thank you or even reciprocating, she just replies, “That’s a compliment,” as if to confirm. And when I say she can’t kiss, it means she kisses like a sensual dog as if a dog could be sensual.

Chelsie: Inconclusive kisser. Her first kiss with Juan Pablo was while hanging upside-down. I can’t with this girl. I like her and her goofiness but she’s prone to cross-eyedness when she’s excited. She also needs to stay away from green foods and drinks, as a rule of dating, especially on the first date! Her dark green tongue was skeeving me out.

Guy

 

Did anyone else think that the tandem bungee-jumping guy for Chelsie’s date looked like Guy Fieri of Food Network? Well he did.

Renee: No kiss. I don’t think she’ll ever gt a kiss because she’s too busy chasing after poor lost bachelorette souls who like to run to the bathroom and melt down. So far Renee’s been on-screen in the proximity of a toilet and crying bachelorret three times: Victoria, Cassandra, Clare.

Clare: No kiss. I told you I had red flags with her.

In closing…Juan Pablo said on last night’s show that his biggest fear is not being an example for his daughter. I hope he means it and that he always has a better explanation to provide to his daughter than he ever did for us. Juan Pablo actually owes us nothing. I just hope he truly is doing right by his child.

Always dishing,

Jun

 

Just Juan The Bachelor

JP

Correct me if I’m wrong, which I’m confident you’d do…

But it seems that ABC The Bachelor has adopted CBS Big Brother’s method of turning photos of “evicted” bachelorettes black and white.

Black and WhiteI like it.

It’s about time.

Thank you ABC intern!

Among the black and white’d beauties I’m okay with all of them going home. I don’t remember them and mostly because they’re probably better off without Juan Pablo et al.

JP

 

We have to call him Juan Pablo because just “Juan” would be too boring and he’s got a brother named Juan Carlos so we have to differentiate lest anyone mix the two up, which only a blind or otherwise severely visually impaired person would do.

But back to the black and whites…

I’m most concerned for Amy J. and Lacy and Lauren H. The rest will be fine. To be blunt and completely horrible:

– Amy J. probably needs to date women for a while or change professions…unless she works somewhere she can provide massage then handjob at the end. She probably wouldn’t even charge, which would make it totally legal.

– Lacy needs more time than ABC could ever provide to be able to bring someone into her large and beautiful and very unique family of special needs. She doesn’t need to rush, when men should be courting her the right way.

– Lauren H. needs some horse tranquilizers for her jaw and to truly believe she will be loved again even after what her runaway fiancé did to her. I sincerely hope she’s okay.

I sincerely hope all the ladies in black and white, past and present, realize that this blog and the whole Bachelor franchise is NOT real life. It’s television-based entertainment so a beautiful soul like Gia Allemand or any other black and white bachelorette is beautiful on the outside yes, which is why they’re cast by ABC, and no matter what anyone says including me they’re beautiful on the inside too. That’s what I wish ABC would have stressed in their tribute roll to Gia. It’s not about me though and I appreciated ABC taking the time to share more of Gia with us.

Even among the most horridly memorable bachelorettes ABC has ever thrown at us…they’re all human. All fun and mental breakdowns aside each season, we put some crazy expectations on these bachelorettes and on each other. Women are not just pieces of meat!

Strip away all the makeup and hair extensions and silicone and all these women deep down inside truly do want their prince. Their prince might or might not be Juan Pablo. Juan Pablo’s only obligated to be his daughter Camila’s prince, anyway. Camila looks so much like him and she’s for sure way cooler than I ever was at that age!

There’s so much hot single dad love out there for Juan Pablo and cries of how he’s the best father ever. How do we even know that?! Hot single dads are hot, it’s true, but only Juan Pablo knows what kind of father he is. Everybody needs to simmer down a little bit before giving him The Father of the Year of the Bachelor Award.

As far as the 18 ladies remaining?

I like them all for different reasons but most of all I like:

– Alli the quirky nanny

– Chelsie the kooky blonde

– Elise the teacher

– Lauren S. the failed piano cyclist

– Nikki the nurse.

I realize this means nothing as far as who Juan Pablo ends up swapping spit with.

Always dishing,

Jun

Calling All Big Brother 4 Fans (Circa 2003)!

FinaleNight

I believe some of you know this already but before I ever had this WordPress site I first started blogging on Google’s Blogger platform.

Looking back I’ve come a long way, both in the look and feel of my site and my writing in general. My intentions initially were selfish and now I’m better balancing the give and take involved in running a blog. Among the blogs in my old blog cemetery there was one featuring a photo of a poster board given to my by CBS. It was a reward for making it to final three with Robert and Alison. We each got our own. I remember sitting there in the living room and how all three of our egos were getting bigger and bigger reading all the love poured out to us.

“NY Loves Jun Song”

Jun is hot, funny and feisty.

I like Jun. She has great snarky intelligence and wit.

Jun is the woman you “love to hate!” In my opinion she is playing the best game this season . She may just win this.

She’s blunt, smart, and independent. She is well aware of her body and proud of it! As she should be after conquering a weight problem. I think she is one to keep an eye on in this game!

The “Asian Princess” is sleeping, wouldn’t you be tired after flying back and forth between New York and Los Angeles in two days, and going to one of the biggest evens in American history, and laughing it up with all of the stars?!

Just wanted to say that Jun was absolutely stunning at the awards show the other night. She cleans up good.

Award for “Best Laugh In The BB House” goes to… Jun!

I forgot that she was in the banana in the ice cream sundae. That was pleasing to watch.

There was more and obviously CBS didn’t give us any negative quotes from anonymous forums. They kept it clean. They actually gave me a false sense of grandeur. I remember leaving the house thinking everybody loves me out there yay! New York loves me woohoo!

Oh dear god.

Well, the poster board is in New York in my mother’s home because when I moved here to Belgium I stored most of my Big Brother goods there, instead of throwing them away or selling them. I’m a total dork and love everything in my private collection. Every BB alum is free to do what they wish once they’re out of that house, including what to do with their memorabilia.

It’s been 10 years since I’ve won Big Brother and I know that the comments on the posters were real (because I asked) but I’ve always wondered who the authors of the comments were…

I’ll ask now because I have a bigger platform to shout from…

Were you one of those people who made it on my Big Brother 4 poster board?

Always dishing,

Jun

Why Is There No Big Brother: South Korea?

BigBrotherSouthKorea

With all the international formats of Big Brother all over the world, Korea stands among one of the countries without the show. I’d like to say I don’t know why Korea doesn’t have its own version of Big Brother but I actually have an educated guess as to why they don’t.

Obviously the Korea I refer to is South Korea. As a Korean I don’t walk around differentiating it myself. I’m Korean. Occasionally when I’m asked if I’m “from North or South,” I answer kindly that I was born in South Korea.

Historically, and through bloodlines still, Korea as a country is not keen on seeing what’s real and beneath the surface all laid out. I’m just an anomaly. Nobody needs to air their dirty laundry like that in Korea and mental health is still hush-hush to disastrous effects but contained, and hidden away, again. I cherish my upbringing built on respect and honor and meticulousness but I’m aware of all the veils of secrecy. Sometimes I just want to break secrets.

I’d rather see a Big Brother format in North Korea and not to exploit North Koreans more than they already have been, but to show the world just how fucked up it is over there.

If we ever had a Big Brother format in South Korea, which we never would (I’m jinxing myself purposely), then we’d see lots of what I’ve described growing up Korean to be. If I picture my mother in a Big Brother house with a bunch of other Koreans young and old I almost pee at the scenario. I could just picture her in there with a bunch of random Koreans, but not random to me. If I had a fantasy Big Brother: South Korea season in my head I’d put my mother in the Big Brother house.

I’d put her in there with:

– Jee’s mom or sister, but just one of them. After Jee ended up on Big Brother with me I did what I had to do to win, with or without his help, but I did use him. I did apologize. It was a game, right? I’d love to see how momz does with another Choe family twist.

– My old piano teacher Ms. Han because Ms. Han always had a way of putting my mother in her place with almost no words.

– Margaret Cho because she made me laugh a lot when I was younger and I thought it was cool as hell that she was Korean. Plus, my mother always said I looked like Margaret during my fat years.

– Sandra Oh because she makes me laugh now.

– Psy for obvious reasons like watching my mother’s diary room sessions about him.

– My one and only ever Korean lady neighbor growing up, who’d also happened to be married to an African-American GI from New York. She’d left Korea for a better life in America way before my parents ever dreamt of moving to New York, and a lot of people had judged my neighbor lady for that. Times of war sometimes called for extreme measures yet people will always judge. I’d always felt bad and I sometimes wonder how she’s doing now. I do remember her daughter’s name, Eunice. Eunice had a very beautiful soul and her smile held grace even when we were young girls growing up in Masaryk Towers. She was one of the naturally prettiest and kind-hearted Korean girls I’d ever know in my life.

– Maybe I’d put Eunice in the house instead of her mom…

You can add to the cast if you want.

Only Korean would be allowed to be spoken of course, since the show’s in Korea. My ex Jee and I weren’t allowed to speak in Korean to each other during our season of Big Brother. The good news is if a Big Brother: South Korea ever happened, you’d all have me to translate and watch along with.

This is my fantasy blog and that’s how it would work. And it would have to be calaled BIg Brother: South Korea because “brother” in Korean has multiple translations depending on whether a sibling is older or younger or sister or brother to the brother. Then there’s rank and age and seniority to consider. See? Complicated.

Koreans.

Always dishing…

Finding Weird Shit About Myself on the Internet

FMFinding

I didn’t go on Big Brother for fame or to pursue acting. I just wanted to win and bring home $500,000 and say I did it. I got fat because instead of working 9 to 5, like I would have been at my job, I ate. Then I munched at night. I ate and stress ate and then ate some more while running the kitchen ALL summer. CBS kindly aired a montage of my weight gain, and if I was a producer I’d have done the same thing. I’m not embarrassed about it all as much as I’m reminded that reality television looks frivolous from the outside, but on the inside shit gets real. I’ve touched on this before.

 

FinaleNight

 

I gained weight. A lot of weight. I won the whole season, at least 15-20 pounds heavier than I was when I entered the house. I was contacted by radio stations, including Howard Stern, the day after I’d left the Big Brother house. I was asked if I’d eat a tub of ice cream live on-air as the fat chick who won Big Brother. Needless to say I declined, and 10 years later I’m glad I did. I went back home to New York and I eventually lost all the weight again sometimes crash dieting towards the end. Not good.

I’m not the only BB alum eater or porker, and there will always be the fans (including Evel Dick…you know who I’m talking about Dick!) who never let some of us forget.

I’m bring this all up today because I had to watch some of my Big Brother 4 footage when Fans of Flanders was at my home filming the other day, and I cringed looking at my thighs and belly. It was a part of my summer. If I’d ended up going back for All-Stars I probably would have gained weight again.

Having chosen to put myself on television and continuing to keep myself visible to the public now means from time to time I find weird stuff about me on the internet. I’ve had rant blogs dedicated to my me and my early death and all forms of written threats. Since cutting most Big Brother blogging and tweeting out of my life (link to my interview with Buzzfeed), especially after this last season of Big Brother (link to my interview with The Daily Beast), the BB catladies have remained quiet and the hate has died down (it works!) but I know they remain out there watching and waiting…

So I decided to Google “jun song big brother weight gain” for the purposes of finding a fat photo of me in the BB house, and stumbled upon this gem…

 

A choppy creepy photo montage of my life up until Noah’s birth.

I find myself unable to write after watching that, and you too are probably unable to put into words where this blog just went.

Yeah.

Let’s discuss this video and its existence…

Always dishing,

Jun

Wearing the Big Brother Microphone

Mic


Mic

Source: BBDish

 

The microphone packs worn in the Big Brother (U.S.) house, including the unit and the battery pack, is about the size of a pack of cigarettes. It’s heavy, as if said pack of cigarettes was filled with salt, or as heavy as an iPhone. And there’s an obnoxious antenna jutting out. Basically, wherever it is you have the mic attached to yourself, it drags that piece of clothing down an inch from the sheer weight of the batteries.

Then there’s the wire that runs from the unit which with a small clip microphone at the end. During live shows the female HGs have to get creative sometimes, hiding that ugly black wire under bra straps or armpits even. The rest of the days you don’t really care if your wire is showing, but for live shows everybody cares.

There are less instances you’re free of your microphone, than there are when you’re a slave to it. You can be sleeping or daydreaming or crying or peeing with your mic off, or detached all together, it doesn’t matter. If some HG jumps into your private space and starts talking to you, then you have to put your microphone on out of no fault of your own! When there’s conversation started between two there must be two microphones on. But then again If nobody wanted to talk to you, while you were sleeping or pooping or not, then that’s actually a bigger problem…

Your microphone becomes the bane of your existence. You must trade in your old batteries for fresh ones in the morning every morning you get to wake up in the Big Brother house. If you intentionally drown your microphone or otherwise damage anything belonging to CBS, including your microphone or other Houseguests, then you get kicked out and you have to pay for those damages…and face ridicule that turns later into TMZ infamy anyway. If you refuse to put on your microphone pack, then you can also be reprimanded and/or ejected from the house as well. Crazier things have happened and will never stop happening in the Big Brother house as long as the Chenbot still lives.

So basically, the microphone pack is just a symbol of your three months of reality television slavery for ratings. Houseguests are nothing but watered-down indentured servants to CBS. The viewers are vultures. Fascinating. Who would sign up for something like Big Brother? Lots of people, me or maybe your or someone you know.

Maybe it’s the allure of the money or the possibility of fame or love, or specifically seed money for illegal activities. I just wanted to win. The microphone pack was the least of my problems even though I hated it more than any Houseguest I lived with that summer. I hated that microphone more than The Mime. But I wore it faithfully until I left with my winning votes for $500,000.

But because I made my mic a part of my body that summer, and for weeks after the show ended and I was home, I had phantom mic pains.

I was back in my apartment in Manhattan fresh off my season, and far away from the Big Brother house, yet I constantly woke up in the mornings and felt around for my mic that wasn’t there. I was still adjusting to being out of the house, and free of my mic, yet I found myself constantly brushing my hair back behind my shoulders. The sound of hair brushing across the mic made production go nuts. I was guilty of this many times my season, and I did always apologize. It stayed with me for a long time after parting with my mic. Pavlov.

It’s just a microphone. I’m being so dramatic. Or am I? How much weight would a microphone have when your life was being documented under a microscope forever somewhere?

Always dishing,

Jun

Big Brother Fantasy Team – Twitter Ladies

BBFantastyTwitterLadies

I know lots of people on Twitter, and some of them have nothing to do with Big Brother. I say this for the people reading this, who still yet complain that I write about Big Brother. I can’t imagine reading entire blogs written by people I claim to despise, yet some Big Brother fans do just that. They come here and they read my blogs and leave scathing comments, and sometimes those comments get personal and insult my family too. These people read my tweets even though they claim they don’t and hey…

~

Dear Trolls:

THANKS FOR THE TRAFFIC. As a blogger, all the traffic I can get is much appreciated. You feed my needs like I feed yours. 

Signed,

Jun

~

In honor of the trolls and non-trolls out there, I’ve come up with a list of tweeters from both my personal life and Big Brother life. I’m covering THE LADIES first, and those with public Twitter accounts only because privacy is the only thing left we barely have left to ourselves. The ladies in this case can take a mild roasting from me, and that’s why I’d have them on my Fan Fantasy Team.

These are the ladies I’d put into a virtual reality Big Brother house, with the gentlemen coming in the next blog, even if they’d never actually go on the show in a million years:

Clio

Twitter Name: Clio the Leo

Twitter Handle: @Clio_the_Leo

Twitter Bio: Reformed Big Brother Feed Capper, Evel’s resident cat lady…

My Pick: Because Clio would be a great new kinda girl-next-door casting choice. She’s the Twitter Wikipedia for Big Brother social games. She’s packaged into a small blonde frame, but blessedly top-heavy and always smiling with her eyes. She likes to and can play diplomat yet she has views that are strong and unwavering. It would be interesting to see how she does in the actual Big Brother arena where she’s without her cats, and there’s no internet or ramen, and no local dollar store to visit. She can dish it but could she take it?!

crystalTwitter Name: Riotgrrrlzrock

Twitter Handle: @crystalthirion

Twitter Bio: Former TV writer/producer. Currently working on Environmental Biology degree at RSU. Mom to the most amazing 18 yr old with autism and 5 adorable chihuahuas…

My Pick: Because Crystal would be a great new kinda badass mom casting choice. She’s a new-age mother who’s done and is doing a little bit of everything to make life better for herself, her son, and dogs. I have no doubt she’d make big moves in the game and be a fun drunk. She’s a survivor and a hustler, and it would be great to see how that translates into Big Brother. It worked well for me.

DeeTwitter Name: Dee Dee H.

Twitter Handle: @deedee42066

Twitter Bio: MOM, PROFESSIONAL, BB FAN… 

My Pick: Because Dee Dee would be a great new kinda crazy mom casting choice. Just like me, and the rest of the ladies on this list, Dee Dee is just a little bit crazy in her own way. She’s a mom and true professional in her real life, and borderline frantic BB fan (varies depending on the BB topic or HG at hand). Her mischievous side would stir up some shit all the time, and there would be no turning over her mattress without more serious repercussions. Dee Dee is the biggest sweetheart and biggest bitch, sometimes at the same time but more times not.

ErinTwitter Name: Erin Quill

Twitter Handle: @Equill

Twitter Bio: Orig.Bway Cast AVE Q, Screenwriter: THE MIKADO PROJECT, QWERTY & K-TOWN P.I, Assoc Prod- THE SENSEI, CMU Grad…frequently hilarious w/no prompting…

My Pick: Because Erin would be a great casting choice, period. She’s one of many Asian theater goddesses out there who juggle life on stage and off-stage. She’d surely put racists in their place, whether the racists hail from Texas or Staten Island or Old Broadway. Erin is the type of lady who would win HOH and then belt out an original tune to perfection, and CBS wouldn’t have to worry about copyright issues. As long as Erin didn’t go showtunes-overload in the Diary Room, she might even get American’s Favorite at the end.

MiranTwitter Name: MiRan Chun

Twitter Handle: @miran_chun

Twitter Bio: From Him… through Him… to Him are all things. – Romans 11:36

My Pick: Because MiRan would be a great new kinda Korean casting choice. She’s also my cousin, but she’s on Twitter so all’s fair in Big Brother nepotism. I know what you’re thinking…she has a Bible verse as her Twitter Bio. She’s also athletic and naturally skinny which is totally unlike me, but MiRan and I are still related. Her innate sense to help others would probably make her a pawn every week, but she’d be on nobody’s radar…unless she was found out to be my cousin. This is highly probable.

ShellyATwitter Name: Shelly Alexander

Twitter Handle: @lezbionic

Twitter Bio: Lesbian. Dreamer. Let me entertain you. If you choose to follow me, be advised, I will lead you. Astray…

My Pick: Because Shelly would be a great new kinda lesbian-next-door casting choice. She’s a superfan of Big Brother but admittedly disenchanted with recent seasons and overall state of BB affairs. I believe many long-time fans would share her sentiment at the moment. Shelly’s not your average anything, and her personal goals and struggles make her stronger every day. Her level of empathy would make for good social game, and her paranoia would provide endless entertainment.

SpicyTwitter Name: Spicy

Twitter Handle: @spicypants

Twitter Bio: Former Big Brother SuperPass Host/ forever a fan!

My Pick: Because Spicy would be a great new kinda badass brunette casting choice. There’s always AT LEAST ONE dark-and long-haired beauty in every cast of Big Brother. It’s a thing. There’s always one, and because of a deep dark secret CBS has…that I can’t share with you now.

I digressed, sorry…

Spicy is a ball of energy and personalities, as in multiple, but in a good way. She’d be on the other side of the BB wall for real after covering the show for so many years. I think Spicy would do better as a real HG and not just for “Media Day” when she was voted out FIRST. This would be her chance to redeem herself, and see what she thinks of herself on live feeds footage after the show! I’m biased because I worked with her at Reality Nation, but they don’t call her spicy for nothing. Me like spice.

STTwitter Name: ST

Twitter Handle: @Hidden_Gold

Twitter Bio: Comfortable with consistent inconsistencies. Sarcastic is my default state…

My Pick: Because ST would be a great new kinda Jewish-girl-next-door casting choice. She’s one of the most sarcastic people I’ve ever met on Twitter or ate hummus with. ST’s got pretty good taste in men and pencil skirts, and would hate being under the microscope of Big Brother. Therefore it would be a riot to watch ST running around paranoid in the house, and then overanalyzing it all for us in the Diary Room. We’d get to see if her smarts can be put to a win in the Big Brother house.

I could have added more, but I’ll stop here.

Always dishing,

Jun

Personality Disorders on Big Brother

FM

Let’s say for the sake of this blog that we believe CBS casts Big Brother Houseguests based on certain personality disorders. Not types, but disorders. I’m not saying they do this. If I was greedy and only cared about ratings I might do this. It’s not inconceivable, and it would explain a lot of things about a lot of people who’ve been on the show. I’m including myself, of course, as having a personality disorder. Why not, just for the sake of this blog. Don’t take shit so seriously. If you go on a show like Big Brother and you’re memorable, you’re anything but average and above average in crazy to begin with.

We all know applicants who make it to the final rounds have to go through a handful of psych evaluations and interviews. I went through them, and they haven’t changed much in even recent years. So let’s say the producers look specifically for personality traits adding up to certain personality disorders, making for a “dramatic” season… Add some prescription medications to the mix, and there you have more recent seasons of Big Brother. I’m not saying medicine is bad, but I am saying there are a lot more pills in the BB pharmacy in recent years.

So let’s pretend CBS and Wikipedia got together, just for hypothetical fun (this is for fun kids), and looked to cast one or two Houseguests with the following personality disorders every season:

Paranoid personality disorder: Guarded, defensive, distrustful and suspiciousness. Hypervigilant to the motives of others to undermine or do harm. Always seeking confirmatory evidence of hidden schemes. Feels righteous, but persecuted. This would explain people like Bunky Miller and Dana Varela or Shelly Moore and Andy Herren…

Schizotypal personality disorder:  Eccentric, self-estranged, bizarre, absent. Exhibits peculiar mannerisms and behaviors. Thinks can read thoughts of others. Preoccupied with odd daydreams and beliefs. Blurs line between reality and fantasy. Magical thinking and strange beliefs. This would explain people like Holly King and Howie Gordon, or Natalie Cunial and Renny Martyn, or Lawon Exum and Ashley Iocco.

Borderline personality disorder: Unpredictable, manipulative, unstable. Frantically fears abandonment and isolation. Experiences rapidly fluctuating moods. Shifts rapidly between loving and hating. Sees self and others alternatively as all-good and all-bad. Unstable and frequently changing moods. This would explain people like Alison Irwin, or Amanda Hansen and Danielle Murphree.

Histrionic personality disorder: Dramatic, seductive, shallow, stimulus-seeking, vain. Overreacts to minor events. Exhibitionistic as a means of securing attention and favors. Sees self as attractive and charming. Constant seeking for others’ attention. This would explain people like Jen Johnson and April Dowling, or James Zinkand or Amanda Zuckerman.

Narcissistic personality disorder: Egotistical, arrogant, grandiose, insouciant. Preoccupied with fantasies of success, beauty, or achievement. Sees self as admirable and superior, and therefore entitled to special treatment. This would explain people like Will Kirby and Marcellas Reynolds, or Jessie Godderz and Brendon Villegas, or Elissa Slater.

Obsessive–compulsive personality disorder. Restrained, conscientious, respectful, rigid. Maintains a rule-bound lifestyle. Adheres closely to social conventions. Sees the world in terms of regulations and hierarchies. Sees self as devoted, reliable, efficient, and productive. This would explain people like Jack Owens, Hayden Moss, and Helen Kim.

Passive–aggressive personality disorder: Resentful, contrary, skeptical, discontented. Resists fulfilling others’ expectations. Deliberately inefficient. Vents anger indirectly by undermining others’ goals. Alternately moody and irritable, then sullen and withdrawn. This would explain people like Amy Crews and Amber Siyavus, and Ronnie Talbot or Jessie Kowalski.

Sadistic personality disorder: Explosively hostile, abrasive, cruel, dogmatic. Liable to sudden outbursts of rage. Feels self-satisfied through dominating, intimidating and humiliating others. Is opinionated and close-minded. This would explain people like Scott Weintraub and Evel Dick, or Willie Hantz or Aaryn Gries and GinaMarie Zimmerman.

I didn’t cover all of the personality disorders out there, but you get the gist. I’d consider myself an Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder person myself, in terms of the Big Brother game. Even if on the inside I ever felt like a Willie Hantz or an Amanda Zuckerman, I stopped myself. I’d always stop myself.

Always dishing,

Jun