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In the 13 hours that yesterday’s blog Big Brother Hiatus was “live” on my site, where I basically break up with Big Brother 15, it was read 15,244 times.




That’s the most views I’ve had for one article on my site in one day, let alone 11 hours. Thank you all.

It’s nothing compared to the number of actual Big Brother 15 viewers. I’m just one person, and I wrote the blog because I can’t just stop watching the show mid-summer and not blog about it. I’d be asked about “why” countless times a day for days on end on Twitter and Facebook, and really I never pass up an opportunity for a dramatic farewell of any kind.

I don’t want Big Brother canceled or dropped like some fetus brains accuse me of, but I wish CBS wouldn’t be so transparent in their cowardice of “not condoning” but very much condoning half the sick behaviors this season.

Since posting my blog in dramatic farewell to Big Brother 15, I’ve heard from fans across the spectrum. I’ve heard it all, or just about, including demands that I return my Big Brother 4 winnings and that I’m pretentious and holier-than-ye. Ye is the plural of thou, right?

I’m not trying to rally others to boycott anything, and I’m not on any kind of witch hunt. I think it’s extreme that family and livelihoods of the current HGs have been threatened and compromised. Fans can be just as bad as any HG, and fans have the means and the freedom to do more damage while the show is going on. It’s a sign of the times good or bad.

Some fans have contacted me in asking for more action to be taken to get the attention of Les Moonves and CBS, however technically HGs are not “employees” of any kind as it is clearly stated in their contracts so there is no legal argument to be made there. It’s not like the “leaders” at CBS don’t know what’s going on, and they don’t have to care until they start losing money which hasn’t happened and won’t happen anytime soon.

My “Dear Big Brother 15” letter was read only 15,244 times yesterday and as the posting of this blog today 4,000 or so more times. So with approximately 20,000 views in the last 24 hours, and only 350 of those readers sharing the blog on various social media platforms… How likely is any of it to effect change?

As a realist I don’t know what a letter to “Mr. Chen” or CBS will do, especially when the numbers aren’t adding up. As I said in an earlier blog you either hit CBS where it hurts most or you stop watching, or keep watching. It’s everyone’s personal decision, and CBS isn’t shoving anything down our throats that the public isn’t asking for.

As we all have seen, CBS has put its disclaimer out and is protected. A letter or petition of a few thousand names will never get to anyone’s desk of worth at CBS, and the millions of television viewers who don’t follow the live feeds will never truly know “what the big deal is” about the big deal this summer. Big Brother isn’t going anywhere as CBS’s summer money-maker.

I’m okay with that, but only because I’ve turned my back to it. Sadly, but surely.

Always dishing,



Big Brother Hiatus



Dear Big Brother 15:

I’m leaving you. I can’t take you anymore.

You’re supposed to be part dirt and part strategy but you’re mostly human trash in every sense of the word, save for the few kind-hearted HGs that make you up. You’re supposed to be fun, but time and time again you’ve proven to be the bottom of the barrel in poor representation of The United States of America. Glorified behaviors in the name of ratings, and scrapings from under the toenails of closeted racists and misogynists and homophobes. Now, most recently, children have been brought under the veil of “sexual jokes” or just “jokes” to some.

What the fuck has happened to you?

As a HG no matter how much we say we’re not playing personally we are, and it’s just a matter of how much day to day because we can’t hide who we are 24 hours a day. As a fan we have our personal favorites, which we should be able to separate from those we think are playing the best strategic game and most deserving of the win. Well, as a fan I don’t want to work so hard at sifting through your layers and layers of filth.

I don’t want it. I don’t care how old or bitter I sound because I’m the same old and bitter soul that won you 10 years ago before you were ever a line in the 2013 budget. I will take my season of dirt over yours any day of any year. I’m neither going to continue watching you and pretend I don’t know what’s going on, on the live feeds, nor am I going to continue promoting and bitching anymore about you. I don’t want your cake to have or to eat anymore, so you can have all the cake and eat it too as you feed the masses with the trash they want to see.

I’m saying goodbye.

It is possible to just turn you off, and easier here from Belgium, because my free time is too good for you.

Always dishing (just not watching you anymore),


P.S. This is my personal decision alone, and those who find me “holier than thou” can feel free to shut me off at any time as well. If you feel like I’m judging you, then you shouldn’t hang around me… The sooner the better as far as I’m concerned…

Life Lessons and Big Brother


Today’s been a rough day for me both in reality and reality television, because I need more sleep in my life and it’s not happening. With Aaryn’s newest racially-fueled bitching about Candice, and otherwise rampant yuckiness that’s taken over the BB15 house I feel so frustrated as a BB fan and alum. I’m glad I made the choice not to follow live feeds myself this summer because it’s all a little bit too much, and Noah is the best medicine for all of it.

10 Life Lessons

On a rough day like today I saw this tweet and was reminded that there is always something good in my day because of things NOT Big Brother 15. Noah could learn a few lessons from Big Brother though, as well as potential and future HGs:

Big Brother Life Lessons

#1 – 5:


Jimmy T was the only tweeter to catch Robert’s tweet and reply with a quick five, and I liked them a lot.

#1. Be respectful to all people: This should be done in life, and also in the BB house. Sometimes you see people being disrespectful, and it happens in the BB house, and if you can’t change the person before you then all you can do is be respectful to all people yourself. I once saw a woman degraded in front of her entire family by her abusive husband, and I didn’t say anything about it right then because I knew I’d only make it worse. I learned to respect the woman for how she protected her child from his father, and I spent time with her when she needed some company while divorcing her husband.

#2. Family comes first: This should be applied to the BB house too.  There will be times when you fight with family, and there will be times you don’t. Despite the combustible relationship between Evel Dick Donato and his daughter, they made it to the final two their season. There have been times where I did not put my family first, and my family understands and cares only that I returned and have now come full circle having learned so many life lessons.

#3. Give your all in everything you do: This applies to life, and “everything you do” in the BB house too. Whether you’re giving your all in trying to throw a competition or win one, or making your point in the diary room…give it your all. If you give it your all, then you should have no excuses lose or win. Giving your all doesn’t mean you always win, but if you half-ass your life all the way through then you’re just a half-ass at the end of your life.

#4. Life isn’t fair: BB isn’t fair either. We’ve experienced so many “unfair” happenings as fans, and HGs alike, and starting a petition online or new hashtag on Twitter isn’t going to make life more fair. In reality we get our hearts broken and lose loved ones too soon, and it’s not fair that I got cheated on by an asshole ex. But I moved on because life’s not always fair.

#5. LIVE: Live your life actively and play the BB game actively. You don’t have to win every challenge and jump into genital fondling with the first warm body to be active in the BB game, because you can make up for it in story-telling or ruthless backstabbing or overall great personality. I chose to live my life my way at a very young age, because it was my way to cope with a time I’d not had control. Going on Big Brother and winning was not when I started living. I was living everything my way already and it’s why I went on the show in the first place.



#1. Love yourself: You won’t love everything about yourself at one time very often in life, but you must love yourself first and foremost. Noah, you bring joy to those who bring you joy and you must never change that.

#2. Love who you want to love: If you do one day want to find a love of your life, then love who you want to love in life…man or woman…and learn your own lessons on love. Noah, it’s what brought your father and I together after a very single lifetime apart.


#3. Apologize when you’re at fault: If you need to apologize more than once, then do it again but never make it empty because it will make you empty. Noah, it’s what separates me now as a mother from what I was before you were even a possibility.

#4. Follow your gut:  Without blinking an eye let yourself listen to what your gut is telling you, and take ownership of your bearings that have been passed on to you. Noah, to follow your gut means never blaming anyone else and instead growing from your mistakes.

#5. Be prepared for consequences: As you do all these things in “bold” on this page always be aware and prepared for consequences while doing them. Noah, a life with no consequences is a life less lived so live a full life and choose your own paths.

Noah, today all you had to worry about was that I wouldn’t let you climb onto the coffee table and you cried dramatically. I then mussed up your hair and you were cried even more dramatically.


One day when you’re older coffee table climbing will be the least of your problems, and I can only wish that sometimes you will come my way so I can help you through whatever life lesson you’re going through.

Always dishing,


Better Troll Patrol?


Apparently, there’s an online petition being signed in the TENS of thousands as a result of some Twitter trolls threatening to rape and otherwise abuse Caroline Criado-Perez.

Poppy Montgomery who?



You can read the full story about Caroline at CNN, but I’d describe Caroline as a newly famous feminist who’s calling for better troll patrol on Twitter and also planning to “take on the government” about it. She was getting loads of rape threats every hour and her newly found fame got the attention of police and such, and an arrest was made. They snagged some 21-year-old dude for the tweets. Yay. One troll down.

Down with the trolls says Caroline, essentially.

I’ve never had as many as 50 rape tweets directed at me an hour for hours on end, but I’ve received my share of threats and threats to my family through Twitter. It’s not pretty or fair, but it’s a reality. A reality of social media where there are services online where you can buy accounts, for the purposes of creating unlimited alias accounts with which to stalk and hate in “anonymity”. It’s not the only purpose, but Twitter trolls all have multiple accounts as a commonality.

I’ve also seen others attacked on Twitter, and I’ve often defended against or deflected trolls who dig into my personal details in hurting me and my family before eventually and simply ignoring them. Death threats and attacks on my unborn child aside, these trolls monitored my life online. I speak in past tense but I know they’re out there still, and may be reading this. They pop up every once in a while to throw a slur my way or my husband Davy’s, or leave a nasty comment about my Noah who is blissfully unaware of what a troll used to be and is now. It’s happening to family members of HGs currently in and out of the Big Brother 15 house.

It can’t be boiled down to a feminist agenda.

In the Big Brother part of the world wide web there are countless psychopathic and sociopathic Twitter personalities, and people associated with the show and fans of the show alike are bullied online in the most extreme hate. I know many of you reading can attest to the level of toxicity on one end of the Big Brother spectrum.

But nobody arrests ever arrests a loser sexual Twitter predator for us!

They did for Caroline. Good for her. I can only hope this doesn’t happen to Caroline ever again, because it’s chilling every time you read such sexual and specific threats directed at you in 140 characters or less. I do not envy her, but I hope she realizes that as a feminist in 2013 this may happen again.

At least she’s not BB alum, because I don’t think she could handle the BB trolls…or Hantz trolls or BB cat ladies either for that matter. I’m a realist before I’m a feminist, but I can appreciate what Caroline’s trying to do. Perhaps they should throw here in the Celebrity BB UK house next season.

Would you sign that petition?

Always dishing,


Kaitlin’s Twitter Apology


In post-season social media behavior, the evicted BB15 HGs so far have been proving themselves true to who and what they were in the house and out. David’s just as nonsensical in his tweets as he was in pre-season interviews and the diary room, and Nick is all about making it big jumping off his Big Brother “fame” rubbing elbows with the likes of Boogie and Brenchel and even Liza. Jeremy is back to being wholly unaware of his faults and living his “cute” self-inflated ego life, and Kaitlin…

Kaitlin’s just left the house and in less than 48 hours she’s tweeted an apology:


I saw it through a RT and I thought good for her for just putting that out there right away. I clicked to her Twitter timeline and saw she’d RTed lots of people telling her she doesn’t need to apologize, as a means to deflect guilt onto others. I’m assuming she hasn’t watched the footage, or if she has she still believes she’s just a victim of circumstance and bad company.


I consider myself a BB fan, like all of you, in addition to being a former player and winner and self-proclaimed knower of a little bit of everything and still learning. According to Wikipedia, fandom is a “term used to refer to a subculture (see my blog about the Big Brother subculture) composed of fans characterized by a feeling of sympathy and camaraderie with others who share a common interest.” We could technically swap out “a common interest” with “almost nothing” and it would mean the same thing as far BB fans are concerned. Fans don’t always help the situation, because whether we like it or not all BB alum have fans and some fans are blinded by their personal or perverted feelings for their HGs. It’s the fans that make Big Brother but we don’t all agree on who’s actually fan-worthy.

So this isn’t an anti-fan blog, but a pro-fan blog where I dramatically ask you to neither threaten Kaitlin nor encourage her bullshit. Right now Kaitlin’s apology looks insincere at best, and I focus most on her post-eviction activities because she’s a woman like I’m a woman. Kaitlin’s gorgeous but there should be more for us to cling to than that, and her participation in Big Brother Vagina Wars has now boiled down to wasted apology.

It would be like the very heavy guest I had in my home this weekend who sat in and broke the rocking chair in the corner of Noah’s bedroom… ChairThe chair didn’t fall through immediately when the person sat in it, but I’m never going to bring it up to them because it won’t bring the chair back and I’ll only hurt someone’s feelings. But let’s say I did broach the subject with said heavy person and the person apologized about it, then told everyone  it was the chair’s fault and the fault of other heavier people who’d sat in it? That would be Kaitlin, loosely analogized.

Kaitlin, if you’re reading…

I’m not “picking on you” but I’m focusing more on you than the other three evicted before you, because you had a chance to redeem yourself and instead you’re taking the lame way out. You should either delete the apology so your timeline makes more sense, or stop RTing fans who’ll say anything to get a RT. At the end of the day one apology to the fans means less than your realizing you can just stop at “I’m sorry.”

If you can’t, then don’t apologize in the first place. Why would you apologize for anything if you truly feel you did nothing wrong?

Always dishing,


Big Brother 15 Bullseye – Week 4


Julie Tweet

I don’t know what’s going on from the neck-up anymore with Julie Chen, because I don’t know when it became fashionable to carry your own piss-pot in your hair. That’s what it looked like last night. I’m convinced it was a bowl of rice in case Aaryn was evicted but Kaitlin got the boot instead, and now we’ll never know what Julie had in her hair.



For those of you who have been asking WTH “WTH” is as far scoring the HGs:

Working the house (“WTH”) would be something like Amanda who is neither vehemently disliked nor cherished, yet she has the ability to work the house on her own without anyone else’s help.

Working America (“WA”) would be something like Helen who is clearly speaking more to America than she is to the diary room when she’s spelling everything out for us with the occasional hair flip for emphasis.

Working the potential jury (“WJ”) would be like Howard keeping his cool and thinking long term to jury as he does in life when faced with racism.

This week: Judd still remains #1 overall:



I don’t see King Judd being knocked off the Bullseye soon, but let’s get on with the rest of the messes:


AarynWTH: You’ve done so much damage in the house that it’s actually become an advantage for you because you got zero votes for eviction, and you’re still in the house (+30 points). WA: Your family’s hired a PR crew to clean up your online image, yet America still does not like you (+10 points). WJ: Now that you’ve survived the block twice and won HOH twice your jury speech only gets stronger which make me sick, but at least I have screencaps of you suffering in the mud to make me feel better (+20 points). Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 140 points


GinaMarieWTH: You got zero votes because you are inconsequential to most of the house, and provide comic relief with your severely defective vocabulary (+10 points). WA: You showed America what a girl with no gag reflex looks like on a Friday night in Staten Island, and you actually made me feel inadequate in the deep throat arena. Brava (+20 points). WJI applaud you for not going “gangster” on Elissa when she pushed you away, I guess you reserve your “beatdowns” for non-white girls (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 120 points


CandiceWTH: Attaching yourself to Howard every waking moment is getting in the way of your working the house the way you did at first (+10 points). WA: Half of America loves your earrings and the other half hates them, and i’m just confused by them (+20 points). WJ: I don’t see you having a problem with the jury at the end so long as you win a competition here and there, because you can’t hang on to Howard’s schlong forever (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 180 points


ElissaWTH: You don’t even have to do much to work the house, because some of these people are stupid enough to think you got MVP and nominated yourself only to play in the veto and save yourself (+20 points).  WA: You cry about wanting to go home when you don’t get your way, and then gloat like a rubby ducky but you’re not really fooling anyone (0 points). WJ: You suck at jury management but if you survive this week with Aaryn as HOH, and not being able to play in veto, then your jury speech is better than half the house’s. (+20 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 180 points

Kaitlin: Have a great time in Vegas. Bye.


HelenWTH: You were penalized with two nights of 8pm curfew which probably helped your game, because it meant you had to shut our mouth for longer than usual (+20 points)?! WA: “America”, in this case Rachel’s fans, may not like you turning your back on Elissa this week but you don’t seem to care since you have deals with everyone but Julie Chen at this point (+10 points). WJ: Kaitlin, whom you voted out, seems to think the world of you and I really think the rest of the HGs sincerely like you as well (+30 points). Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 220 points


McCraeWTH: You’re passively working the house while your queen aggressively works it for you, even in the toilet (+20 points). WA: You’re getting a good edit on television, but on the feeds you have your moments aka referring to someone as a “cunt” (+10 points). WJ: Your $5,000 win in the POV competition, plus the fact that you’re Amanda’s bitch, will hurt you come jury time  (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 160 points

Andy: WTH: You manage to be everywhere and nowhere, and it’s only a matter of time before someone attacks you for it, so you need to be ready with more than color-blocked clown shirts (+20 points). WA: You get to host a competition and look suitably geeklicious, yet today you also throw the word “cunt” around on the live feeds as if it’s easy to just roll off your tongue (+10 points). WJ: Your jury vote is getting stronger the longer you’re a Have-Not in that god-forsaken house, but I don’t believe you’d win. (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 160 points

JessieWTH: You might as well take a long nap until final five because you’re on nobody’s radar, including production’s (+20 points). WA: America needs to know more about you, but CBS doesn’t seem to be interested in providing that yet which means you’re going to be around for a while (+10 points). WJ: If you get to jury you’ll probably be sitting with someone just like you, and someone better than you, so I don’t see you winning (+10 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 160 points


AmandaWTH: You were upset about your key being pulled last at Judd’s HOH nomination ceremony, yet it was your one-piece bathing suit that offended Elissa enough to bring you to tears. Get it together (+10 points). WA: America’s split on you, because many of us enjoy what you bring to BB and others are Rachel’s fans (+30 points). WJ: You’re in a good spot come any jury, just like you’re in a good spot week-to-week no matter who’s HOH (+20 points). Week 3: 60 points // Cumulative: 240 points

SpencerWTH: What you lack in soul you make up for in trivia knowledge from Hitler to sexual predator language to aliens and everything remotely creepy in-between, and HGs actually listen because despite your size you never raise your voice (+30 points). WA: Television-viewers know you to be a gentle giant with rough edges, while live feeders know you to be the guy you never want to live next door to if you’re gay or an attractive tampon-user (+20 points). WJ: If you survive this week you have the “Howard had Candice and I had nobody” argument handy, and if you survive it’s because the HGs think Howard’s a bigger threat. (+10 points). Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 200 points

JuddWTH: You’re HOH and you’re supposed to be “the bad guy” who nominates people, yet nobody hates you and GinaMarie even had a beer ready for you when you got out of solitary. Nicely done (+40 points). WA: Your mom’s letter to you in your HOH basket read, “Your dad hasn’t been this nervous since the day you were born,” and it sounded just right to America (+30 points). WJThings like solitary confinement will make good bullet points when you’re making your jury speech (+30 points). Week 4: 100 points // Cumulative: 400 points


HowardWTH: Doing yoga with Elissa was a good move, as was letting Candice feel up on your man parts with her body during the POV competition, but sticking so close still with a former Moving Company loser may hurt you this week (+20 points). WA: America pretty much loves you, and not all of  America has even seen what’s under those sweatpants of yours (+30 points). WJ: When potential jury member Candice tells you to go get her a pebble you reply, “I ain’t no penguin” yet you let her use you like a piece of Grade-A furniture. Nicely done (+10 points).  Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 280 points

~ ~ ~



~ ~ ~

My Personal MVP Of The Week: Howard’s bulge, I mean…Howard.



~ ~ ~

Oh, and Helen’s back on my Favs list:

Favs Week 4It’s been 4 weeks yet I feel like I’ve aged 40 weeks.

Always dishing,



Big Brother Vagina Wars


I can’t speak for any other vagina but my own so I’ll speak for my vagina today. I never refer to my own vagina as a cunt, and I never have because the word cunt is only reserved for really bad vaginas. Occasionally, a very angry person will call me a cunt. I’ve highlighted said word in a comment I received here on my site in response to my Big Brother Diary Room FAQs blog:


I moved said comment to “Trash” because as much as I love extra traffic to my site, I won’t lower my bar on cunts. If you can’t come back at someone without using such a word, then like “Freak_Show”, you too probably have so many alias accounts that you never go outside. I let Freak_Show know that the comment was deleted and why, and actually I’d have left the comment up had I not been called a cunt. Of course there was denial.


Hey…I refer to people, male or female, as cunts on occasion when the spite levels are high and so I’m not trying to banish it from existence. If you put yourself out there for people to see, then you’re going to get called a cunt on occasion. I’d just never go to someone’s website and start an argument leading to my calling the owner of the website a cunt. It’s just not going to happen here, neither to me nor you, and especially not over a blog about the Big Brother diary room.

It has happened, however, quite often in the Big Brother house. It’s usually the men referring to the women as “cunts” and such, but only because women are much more creative in tearing down fellow women. Men can’t really touch us in that arena. Freak_Show is a pesky fly compared to what other women can do to me.


Thanks Murtaza for the segue. I don’t believe men make it farther in the BB game per se, especially not in final two standings and especially not this season. But I think I’m going to take a guess on where you’re going with this question. If anyone’s got the numbers on men versus women please share, but I’m going to take a female winner’s standpoint of Big Brother and run with this.

We’ve seen already this Big Brother 15 season a large male alliance sprout up then go limp and dead, early on. Although what was once The Moving Company was right to stir things up amongst the women, because it did work, it wasn’t good enough to stop three men in a row from being evicted. Spencer relishes in referring to female HGs as cunts, and his overall unappealing physique and face only add to his already ugly disposition and tongue.

Elissa, who came into the game claiming she wanted to head-up an all-girl alliance has done anything but, although she’s played a hand in all three of the evictions. An all-girl alliance. That’s an oxymoron in the BB house. Why? Because historically it’s rarely happened, and the opposite’s happened more often than not.

Men are just as guilty of shit-talking about other men and women in the BB house, but women take other women’s weak spots and stab them until they bleed BB tears. This shouldn’t be news to anyone, and if anything I’d rather everyone be more open and honest about it. We all have a mean streak in us. I keep mine on a leash most of the time and only released upon my command. With people I keep my guard up with, like you often do in the BB house, when you let your mean streak go then it’s because you want it to go. We’re all adults by hormonal standards.

So lame is the excuse that “HGs’ behaviors are a result of the duress they’re under in the house.” Stop making excuses for people who already make too may excuses for themselves. Everyone is in there for $500,000 and sometimes fame, and what you see is what you get when that HG doesn’t get their way. It’s not far from how the HG would react outside the house, just on 24-hour blast for the masses to watch. When we see cattiness and personal attacks behind people’s back and sometimes to their faces on Big Brother, our eyes bug out and we tweet out 140 characters of shock at a time…as we should. We’ve all seen some mean shit this season, and mostly by the women. It’s a shame there’s never been a dominant all-girl alliance with a cool name.



My alliance with Ali and Erika got us to the final four, and although I personally disliked both (as they did me) it worked. The name of our alliance still haunts me, but I liked how our stresses were taken out in the diary room more than they were by drinking wine and flipping beds and protesting one-piece bathing suits. If you want to truly work together with other women you do not badger them on their insecurities for the rest of the house to see or talk like racist pieces of trash to one another. Referring to Candice as ugly and fat behind her back, as a woman, is intentional and defensive as well as offensive. It’s more fun to sew together lettuce and cherry tomato bikinis for the girls like I did my season in between catty diary rooms, isn’t it?

For every tiring person who tells me my season was 10 years ago so who cares? Maybe we should care. Look around you.

I still wish for a bigger and better women’s alliance at some point in the Big Brother timeline. With showmances that turn out to be real life love, it’s no wonder we don’t see numbers in strength in women in the house. Purely from love’s standpoint I’m always happy for happily married couples. From game’s standpoint it’s horrible odds for vagina power and overall you get vagina wars plus a few edited saints.

Big Brother fever brings out the best and worst in HGs and fans alike. I thank all you best of fans. Freak_Show, I wish you peace.

Always dishing,


Photo Credit: If anyone knows where the above Big Brother’s Angels photo originated, then please do let me know! I had it in my BB archives from 10 years ago and I can’t remember the source.

Pooping in the Big Brother House


I couldn’t come up with a better title for this blog, because I didn’t want to. If fans can ask me about “how” I pooped in the BB house, then you’ll just have to bear with me on the unsavory title and subject matter. It’s a fair question, and one I asked myself dozens of times a day before entering the Big Brother 4 house. Then the tally went up to a dozen times an hour once I set foot in the house and actually saw for myself the camera in the toilet.

Lest you doubt how seriously I take my bathroom lifestyle, I’ve already outlined how my morning poops have been affected since becoming a mother. So what’s a person to do when they’re entering a house where there are cameras in the toilet and shower and bathtub? You need to FORGET about the cameras. Easier said than done. But we’ve yet to see someone self-evict for poop’s sake.

I really had no choice, because I got so backed up the first few days. You either get bloated then make yourself sick with toxic waste festering in your body, or you take the dump you need to take. Some HGs my season asked for mild laxatives to help them go, because they were so camera-terrified about the toilet. If you’ve noticed, Big Brother footage in the toilet only happens when something’s actually going down in there (and by down I don’t mean feces), be it plotting or having sex or cleaning the toilet with someone’s toothbrush. Remember Shannon?



(The toilet was WAY bigger back then in the BB house by the way…)

You’ll never see HGs in the bathroom together, with one sitting there pooping on the toilet and the other just standing there talking strategy. If you’re doing something you shouldn’t be doing, or if you’re in there talking to another HG, then the producers will cut and show some of that film. Period. But if you’re just doing your doo-doo business in the toilet, no camera man is sitting there watching you brace for every pinch. At least that’s what you have to brainwash yourself to believe when you’re in that house.

What you do in the toilet is the least of your concerns in the BB house. Ironically, the toilet’s probably the safest and most private place in that crazed house where an accidental nip-slip or peen pic will land you a screencap forever archived somewhere. The toilet’s your friend, actually, and it’s a moment by the pool or in the bedroom that will most likely get you.

This Big Brother 15 season it’s gotten David and Howard, and given us a view of their naked man junk. And then you have people like Spencer who was walking downstairs from the HOH room and randomly pulled his peen out, choking it to death, for all of the live feeders to see. Some might say it would be better to have seen Spencer popping a squat on the toilet than having to see his neo-nazi bratwurst.

So why do producers keep the tape rolling even when you’re in there just dropping your deuce? For your protection. This is what I was told, because I did ask. Just in case you have a heart attack on the toilet or you slip and bust your head open in the shower, or some spiteful biatch does unspeakable things to your toothbrush…there’s footage. It protects CBS and it “protects” you.

Always dishing,


Always dishing,


Big Brother Diary Room FAQs

Diary Room

What’s the diary room like?

The Diary Room. The room in every Big Brother house that is soundproofed, and then carpeted on the inside with some double sided mirrors on the walls. There’s a love seat in the middle of the room with a little side table sometimes, and across from the seat is a wall with a square cutout and glass separating you and a camera lens.

Diary Room

It’s where you get your daily meds, if you take any, and also where you’re expected to report to when summoned via a pre-record message…”Jun, please go to the diary room.”

Update: My season there were two ways to get into the diary room…you were either called or you went by the diary room door and pressed a small button to let the producer on the shift know that you wanted to get in the DR. Sometimes they let you in, and sometimes they didn’t.

Is there anyone in the room with you?

There’s nobody physically in the room expect you, and you just imagine someone is sitting on the other side of the camera wall. When Julie Chen asks for live votes, all you hear is her voice and you still don’t see a thing. You’re not supposed to see anyone but fellow HGs while you’re inside the house, unless it’s medical or reward. Periodically a camera man’s head would pop up accidentally up on the roof while filming our competitions in the backyard, and that was pretty exciting…another human face. My season, Ali and Nathan did have a dentist come in and check their teeth because they were being such crybabies about PB&J rotting their perfect teeth.

Who talks to you in the diary room?

The voice welcoming you and asking you questions in the diary room may sound familiar, because much of the pre-production staff carry over to production once the season starts. So it’s someone from production, basically, that you interacted with during the finals casting process, etc… Sometimes the voice on the speaker may not sound familiar, and really, I didn’t  care who was asking me the questions. I sincerely loved the team working BB my season, but when I got in that house it was my game to win and I treated the diary room like my shrink. I answered all questions honestly and obnoxiously just like I did through my casting process, and I loved the diary room. Then we have GinaMarie who picked her nose with those grimy red shorts after blowing her nose into them, and she did it in the diary room for the whole world to see.



The photo above is one that Rob Cesternino put together for me when I joined him for a podcast on Rob Has a Website. I still don’t know how I feel about my head being so close to GinaMarie’s booger shorts, but I include the photo to give you another angle of the diary room. That’s it. GinaMarie is breaking down in front of a square plexi-glass window, except she’s not at Rikers but the BB15 house.

Do they tell you what to do in the diary room?

Yes and No. Yes, they give us instructions for ceremonies and competition. No, they don’t tell us what do as far as the game and strategic moves.

Why do HGs say the diary room told them what to do / not to do in the game?

Ask those HGs. I’ve never said it, and every season it happens more and more and then when the season is over…even years later NOBODY has stood up and said they were used or abused in the diary room. When you’re in the diary room  all the questions you’re asked are questions you should already be asking yourself anyway, if your head is in the game. You can’t let the diary room get you paranoid.

What do you they ask you in the diary room? 

Let’s take for example this week in the Big Brother 15 house…Aaryn and Kaitlin and GinaMarie are up on the block:

– So what do you think about the three nominated HGs this week?

– Do you think it means something that those three are all up together?

– What are some reasons you might want to evict Aaryn? Keep her around? (Then for Kaitlin, and then for GinaMarie)

– Who do you think is the strongest of the three and why?  Weakest of the three and why?

– Which of the three is the biggest threat to you specifically and why?

There would be some questions about other key players of the week, for soundbites, and other questions depending on what they need. But similarly two-sided questions every time.

Do they give you hints or lead you a certain way in the diary room? 

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to piece together a few things while you’re in the diary room. For example, in my season when the diary room asked me questions about my fishnet top and who I thought had the worst fashion sense in the house, and what one article from that HG’s wardrobe was the worst… I knew something was coming up as far as clothing was concerned but I didn’t know it would entail burning my poor innocent fishnet.




BB then gave us a “shopping spree” luxury competition so I was slightly appeased.

Another example it seems, this season, is that the diary room asked questions about racism. They can and should. It is is a necessary evil of this Big Brother 15 summer, and I’m 150% sure the diary room did NOT ask the HGs, “Is Aaryn a racist?”

Instead, they probably asked HGs something along the lines of:

– Whose “true colors” have surprised you the most?

– Has anyone offended you in the house more than someone else?

– Does it bother you to hear racially-motivated insults thrown around in the house?

– Who in the house do you think is most guilty of making racist remarks?

And so on and so forth. The diary room only puts words in your mouth when you have to explain instructions for a competition, or if they need you to repeat something more clearly, but that’s about it. Any BB alum can surely step forward and let me know differently…I realize “it’s been 10 years” since I was on the show.

Update: Following up on some questions around “DRs have changed”. Of course they’ve changed. I’m not saying DRs haven’t changed, but I’m saying the professionalism of some very good producers has not changed. Alison Grodner and Rich Meehan and crew now cast a very different breed of Houseguest, and it’s only natural that some of them need to be fed lines because some of them are just plain dumb. But most of the time you’re seeing “rehearsed” lines is because the first time the HG said something original in the diary room, it probably wasn’t a perfect thought. And so the diary room may ask the HG to repeat what they said in an exact way. The gist of the line is no different than what the HG originally said. The producers are just asking for specific soundbites so they can air them on the televised shows. There’s no “script” in BB…just having to say something “just right” for the diary room. It’s the least you can do. Amanda is good at this.

Until past HGs start stepping up and confirming all the conspiracy theories out there about Big Brother…that’s all they are. CBS and Julie Chen & Co., are far from perfect but…all these…conspiracy theories.

Always dishing,


Burning Bridges



When I decided to move from the U.S. and start a family and future here in Belgium, I deliberately burned bridges and lots of of them. More often than not you’re told not to burn your bridges. It’s not recommended in social and professional circles, although I believe it’s a necessary evil. I’m not calling for mass bridge-burning, but select bridges for your own good. Much like BB.


Burning bridges is equally difficult as maintaining them, in life, and being the one to have to do it gets brutal. I’m not talking about exes or old bosses, but people in your life you know to have wrong intents and superficial care for you. When those people want in on my life I stop them in their tracks early and surely, because life is too short to devote time to closeted haters. I’m dirty about it too, because I know my own worst enemies. I knew entering a new country-bumpkin country-town and social structure would depend on people’s first impressions of me. Much like BB.

I moved to Belgium with more support and love on the U.S. side than on the Belgian side. Davy was presumed “crazy stupid in love” to believe a Korean-American girl from New York City, who’d won Big Brother in the U.S., would move to the very rural suburbs of Belgium where the cows groaned loudly having sex once a week. Davy’s haters made racist fun of my Korean heritage and attempted to sabotage our whirlwind vacation romance-turned-engagement, and they still to this day wish they could rebuild bridges to try again. Davy’s exes lost their hot mess shits-for-brains as they plotted like North Korea against me still, while I thwarted and destroyed their flimsy bridges made of tampons and acrylic nails. Much like BB.

Back in the states, my true friends know that I’m right where I’ve always wanted to be and they pour out love and support in the way only true friends can. Most people in my life with ulterior motives have fallen away, and from all the way here in my little town of Evergem the U.S. looks massive like I’ve never appreciated it before. A Google search reveals that the act of burning bridges originated in military tactics, and it makes total sense if you want to stop the enemy from following you. If you have few enemies in life then you burn less bridges, and if you have many then you burn more. NOT like BB.



Everyone in the BB house is technically your “enemy” in the most dramatic reality television sense.

I agree with Clio on not burning bridges in BB, although I’ll add post-jury. Barring any twist that brings back evicted HGs, you can do what you want with the HGs pre-jury. I was too cold and calculating to care about the HGs in my season evicted pre-jury, but that’s just me. When you get down to jury numbers is where your diary room goodbye messages become important as you bid farewell to the sucker who just walked out the door. Your behavior towards your enemies should become more calculated as the numbers dwindle. Your bridges should remain intact but with heavy tolls to pass.

In a season of bridges all over the place, sometimes leading to HGs most erogenous zones, I do wonder who will reign supreme Master of Bridges. Although all these twists CBS is throwing at us is defeating many purposes.

Always dishing,


Photo Credit: Burning Bridges