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The Best Napper


I don’t remember everything about my kindergarten friends, but I remember I had a lot of them. It’s because I was almost always The Best Napper. I don’t know if other kindergarten teachers rewarded good nappers, but mine did. Mrs. Camper.


Every day after lunch and play we’d all take a nap before snack time. The quietest and stillest napper in the room got awoken by Mrs. Camper, and was given a paper mache wand with a beautiful star of aluminum foil at the tip. With this wand The Best Napper would awaken the rest of the class one-by-one, and I took it seriously. I’d even tried to replicate the wand at home just so I could have one, but I was never able to and just ended up wasting foil which was expensive according to my mother.

I wasn’t always The Best Napper, but I held the class record and everyone wanted to be awoken first thus everyone wanted to be my friend. To be awoken first meant you got to roll up your sleeping mat and put it away before everyone else did, and you got to get up off the floor and sit in a chair. How small and simple our pleasures were at age 5.

So began my understanding of how popularity worked. Choosing a chair first meant getting the one closest to where Mrs. Camper would serve snacks. It was always two pieces of fruit, and sitting closer to the sink meant you’d get your fruit first. My friends got their fruit first, and because I was The Best Napper I got the last seat and got my fruit last.

In kindergarten I loved doing it for my friends and they loved me for it. In real life I always do such things for my friends and I love doing it. Like seen in Joy Luck Club, I watched my mother always provide the best quality foods to friends and guests. If ever there was a piece of fruit with a bad bruise, she’d cut it out and eat that fruit herself always leaving the freshest fruit for me and my brother and father.

In Big Brother, you must do such things to get to the end. You have to put yourself first but know when to put yourself second. You have to understand the dynamics of power and find a sweet spot to ride out sociopaths and racists and hair extensions all over the filthy pace. We can call it The Best Floater or The Best Napper but it’s not a bad thing. In fact, if there were no floaters in life we’d all just sleep with our bosses or put out sex tapes or other ridiculous headlines in life to get ahead. Not all of us get ahead the way Julie Chen did, and the more power to her right? Not for me, thanks.

So in this Big Brother 15 season chock-full-of reality television insanity, who’s floating?


Andy’s floating most of all, and I don’t blame him, because there are 12 Type A personalities in there and 2 Type B-and-a-half. Everyone is floating to some degree because it’s impossible not to. The MVP twist encourages floating in fact, though Elissa winning it every week defeats the purpose of anything good coming out of this new MVP twist.

Always dishing,


Photo Credit: Thanks to OBB for the most enticing photo of Andy.

Will versus Dan


In the international reality television sporting world, Big Brother, is a veryheavyweight among heavyweights. Two of the skinniest winners ever are Will Kirby and Dan Gheesling, yet they’re the heavyweights of Big Brother USA. Who is the best winner of the two?


As a winner myself, I don’t jump in on this BB sausage sword fight and would rather blog smug about it anyway. It wouldn’t be me if I put personal feelings aside the whole time so this should be fun…

I said in my Part One of my Big Brother Winners blog: “Will Kirby, is the Godfather of BB Villains because he did it FIRST for all of America to watch and then came back and gave a good show. Having met and spent hours with him I can tell you he loves himself IMMENSELY as much as he seems like he does on television.”

And in Part Two: “Dan Gheesling, former reality television groupie turned winner and coach and Christian, husband and author, and BB guru and consultant, and candle scent. Yes, he has a misty candle out there you can buy…and deservedly so since he’s NEVER had one eviction vote cast upon him in the two seasons he’s played.”

This summer I’m ranking Big Brother 15 HGs on certain criteria week-to-week, and if applied to Will and Dan:

Working the house (“WTH”) is something both Will and Dan can do on their own in very different ways.

Working America (“WA”) is something both Will and Dan can do and CBS loves them both for it.

Working the potential jury (“WJ”) is something Will is better at than Dan not just in Big Brother but in real life. Period. Period! The Newsroom anyone?

Basics: Just like everything else just my self-inflated opinion so no death threats please…

They both won their first seasons and impressively (W,D).

There would be no Dan if there had been no Will (W).

Everything Will did in his first season surpasses what Dan did in his first (W).

They both went on to the next phase of their real lives after their first seasons (W,D).

They both lost their second seasons.

Will’s got a family and Dan’s married and both decent citizens on the surface (W,D).

Dan made it further than Will did the second time he lost, cashing in second place (D).

Will is an All-Star and Dan was a coach with immunity for a month (W).

Dan hasn’t had any work done to his face compared to Will therefore making it easier on the fans (D).

Will is naturally funnier than Dan (W).

You can see Will coming but you can smell Dan coming (W).

Dan will use the bible conveniently (W).

Will is obsessed with money and Dan is obsessed with fame.

Will can mind-fuck you without a bible or a funeral (W).

Dan wakes up to Big Brother before coffee which is unforgivable yet point-worthy (D).

Will is patronizing while Dan is high on his own mist (W).

They each live with incredibly beautiful women under nice roofs (W,D).

Will’s greatest fear is skin cancer and Dan’s greatest fear is being forgotten (W).

Will’s a legend and Dan needs to be a legend (W).

Having met Will and emailed with Dan I’d go up against both in the Big Brother house given the chance, just to see them eye each other up and play along (W,D).



We don’t have to count up the Ws or the Ds because I’m overwhelmingly Will. There’s such a thing as history and playing on Big Brother sacred grounds. Dan has things Will doesn’t have, but Will has more things that Dan never had. Sorry to the die-hard Dan fans, but if we’re talking legends then Will was the first. Dan is always second. Dan does bust his ass though, maintaining his Big Brother presence.

You can add if you want, but I tried keeping this just under a novel.

Always dishing,




In the U.S., last night’s episode of Big Brother 15 started out with a disclaimer in white bold font against black background:

“Big Brother is a reality show about a group of people who have no privacy 24/7. At times, the Houseguests may reveal prejudices and other beliefs that CBS does not condone. Views or opinions expressed by a Houseguest are those of the individuals speaking and do not represent the views or opinions of CBS. Viewer discretion is advised.”

We’ve seen it before for Dumbledore, but let’s dissect.

~ Big Brother is a reality show about a group of people who have no privacy 24/7. This is true. You could possibly squeeze into a corner under a bed or cram yourself inside a kitchen cupboard, to avoid a camera, but then you’d just look insanely creepy. There is no privacy 24/7. None, not while sitting on the toilet praying for poop or washing your ass-crack in the shower or having sex dreams in the middle of the night. Not everything is televised, but it is recorded 24 hours a mofo day.

~ At times, the Houseguests may reveal prejudices and other beliefs that CBS does not condone. The first half of this sentence is true and we’ve seen prejudices revealed in  so many Houseguests, but the second half is debatable because of that word “condone”. You can’t wipe someone’s hat across your swampy ass, but you can flip someone’s mattress and bait them into a race war. Condone.



 transitive verb \kən-ˈdōn\ : to regard or treat as acceptable, forgivable, or harmless
~   ~   ~

condone (kənˈdəʊn Pronunciation for condone )


  1. to overlook or forgive (an offence)



Merriam-Webster and Collins English dictionaries can’t really help us or CBS very much in this larger-than-reality-television-topic of racism. It’s because the word condone has a lot of baggage, and with baggage there comes times of reckoning. More often than not we expect some consequences delivered when we’re told we’ve done something that’s not condoned.



For me, it’s enough that certain HGs like GinaMarie won’t have jobs when they leave the house. They’ll leave the world of reality into the harsh reality of get the fuck out of the house and back to your life again. I believe CBS is doing all they can to appease the public and BB fan base in showing the live feeds footage of the racial bullying going on, because not showing it would be the worst thing. Not showing it would imply condoning it.

I hope CBS is doing all they can to help those inside the house most affected by all this through the diary room, and I believe they are. When things get out of control, you can “escape” to the diary room and vent or in extreme cases, speak to Dr. Z. There is nobody in the diary room by the way, because many have been asking, but just a cutout in the wall in front of you where the camera is filming you behind the glass.

~ Views or opinions expressed by a Houseguest are those of the individuals speaking and do not represent the views or opinions of CBS. Just because it’s racism this summer doesn’t make it any bigger or better than gay bashing or anti-semitism, and it doesn’t mean CBS is one big racist homophobic neo-nazi conglomerate. Like I said in my blog about my finals casting experience…CBS isn’t the bad guy here because it’s still early in what feels like the longest season ever. There’s time to teach  people inside and outside the Big Brother 15 house some lessons yet.

~ Viewer discretion is advised. Basically, we’re getting dared not to watch, but we watch and I blog.

Always dishing,


Why Momz Would Be Horrible on Big Brother 15


I didn’t know, when I wrote Why Momz Would Be Horrible on Big Brother, that there would be a Part 2. So if you missed it, you can click and read it first if you want. After just two weeks of Big Brother 15, I realized there should be an update to the list:

Why Momz Would Be Horrible on Big Brother 15

10. She would have started out by introducing herself to all the HGs as, “Hi, my name is Song,” which would make sense for only Helen. Koreans say last names first because they matter most. This would immediately put a target on  my mother’s back, as well as Helen’s, because everyone in the house would just assume they’re mother and daughter who also happen to own rice fields and nail salons when they’re not in the Big Brother house.

9. She’d say at least a dozen times a day to everyone, “You know Jun she my daughter, she winning the Big Brother,” which would make her an even bigger target than Elissa who is “The Sister of a Big Brother Legend” aka Rachel Reilly.

8. She can barely turn on a Mac, let alone handle those BB competitions…and for sure she would have joined David in the ranks of not having spelled a word in the POV competition. My mother gets way too nervous with the English language especially when she’s timed.

7. She’d spend the summer harassing HGs about the hazards of anal sex, and probably bring my name up further embarrassing me. This would anger people like GinaMarie, Amanda, Kaitlin and Jeremy and they’d try to backdoor my mother. And I never want to hear “backdoor” and “my mother” in the same sentence. Ever.

6. She’d cock-block everyone, even from themselves, because all roads lead to #7 above including masturbation in house! And this would ultimately lead to my mother’s eviction because this whole house is currently on the road to #7, except for Howard, Helen, Andy, Elissa, Candice, and Nick.

5. She’d make everyone put on more clothes around-the-clock, telling them “This is not the porno!” And then Judd would try to correct her English only to discover my mother, like so many other HGs, don’t understand his English. There’d be a language discrimination issue and subtitles would take over our television screens, preventing us from taking any more screencaps.

4. She’d never want to talk to any HG in private, except for Helen, and thus make Aaryn cry about reverse-racism and Jessie worry that she wasn’t pretty enough to talk to as usual.

3. She’d pose like this in every camera and in every diary room session, because I taught her to. Just for fun.


But perhaps this would get her MVP, although she probably wouldn’t use it very well considering there’s no “V” in the Korean language, only a “B”. So she’d run around asking all the HGs what an “MBP” was and what she had to do with it, thus ruining her game.

2. She could never live without the Korean news, particularly because she’d think Spencer calling her Kim Jong-Un meant that North Korea became the dominant world power while she was stuck in the BB house.

But ultimately…

1. She would cook rice every day, and talk about pizza with McCrae ad nauseam.

Momz loves pizza almost as much as rice, but rice is always #1.

Always dishing,


Racism versus Racial Discrimination

Featured Image

Racism is racial discrimination, but racial discrimination isn’t always racism.

Words have definitions but the meanings attached to them are from our own shaded views on life. If words like “minority” or “superiority” bother you when discussing racism, and you’re particularly sensitive to stigmas, then you’ll probably feel more uncomfortable as this blog progresses.

rac•ism n (1936) 1 : a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race 2 : racial prejudice or discriminationWebster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary

If you live by Webster’s Dictionary, then you believe that their definition of racism is all there is and let’s just forget about history and context in present-day America. In that case, everyone can be a racist and a victim of racism at the same time and it all evens out and rainbows fly out of everyone’s mouths and butt holes instead of ignorance and misinterpretations. That’s on you, and you’d probably rather discount arguments like this:

The essential feature of racism is not hostility or misperception, but rather the defense of a system from which advantage is derived on the basis of race. The manner in which the defense is articulated – either with hostility or subtlety – is not nearly as important as the fact that it insures the continuation of a privileged relationship. Thus it is necessary to broaden the definition of racism beyond prejudice to include sentiments that in their consequence, if not in their intent, support the racial status quo.David T. WellmanPortraits of White Racism, Second Edition

That’s a lot isn’t it?  Easier to go back and hang out at Webster’s? Maybe easier, or you go the harder route and acknowledge racism as historical and anthropological regardless of how passive or active you are when it’s happening in front of you. Racism in America, specifically, where roughly 70% of the population is white is has been a system from which advantage is derived from being white. I’m not talking about my white friends in grade school getting an extra cookie from the white lunch lady scenario (which I just made up so everyone keep calm) but historical and systematic oppression of non-white (and sometimes Jewish) people. This does not mean that if you’re white you are a racist, but you CAN by sheer population and power.

Every country has its structure of racism with the majority in number being at the top. In Korea it’s predominately the palest-skinned Koreans with the money and power and the numbers who are racist towards Koreans with sun browned-skinned Korean laborers, and other subgroups. In Belgium racism is experienced by Turkish and African people more than Asian.

I had several conversations via Twitter today, and conversations with my husband Davy off Twitter, and realized again just how many people do not understand that racism and racial discrimination are not the same thing. Racial discrimination happens to everyone in America, including white people, and is fucked up and wrong. Racism is systemic and goes back so far in history.

A white person in America who’s called a “honky” is not a victim of racism, but a victim of hate and racial discrimination. That white person’s child who gets beat up on a playground and called a “cracker” did not experience racism, but bullying and racial discrimination. The white person who is denied a job or college acceptance because of affirmative action is not a victim of racism, but simply part of a proven and privileged group in America who should understand that the existence of affirmative action at all speaks volumes. The white person in an inter-racial relationship or marriage who’s scoffed at by their in-law for being the “white devil” is not experiencing racism but deep prejudices, and unlucky draw of in-laws.

Similarly if my husband walks into a Turkish neighborhood here in Belgium and gets beat the fuck up because of his “whiteness” he is not a victim of racism. He’s a white guy who got beat up in a Turkish neighborhood for being white because of racial tensions stemming from actual racism to begin with. I would die a little inside seeing my husband beaten and bloodied, but I certainly would never cry that it was an act of racism. Acts of hate and acts of racism can be mutually exclusive.

I’m not saying white American don’t receive hate, every race does as Webster’s so simply tells us, but white Americans are not victims of racism. Reducing racism to racial discrimination is not only dangerous, but turning back time so generations that came before us can be disrespected and heartbroken once again even from their graves. Boys who cry wolf are bad enough, but irresponsible cries of racism defeats any purpose to fighting actual racism.

You can’t possibly, as a white person, try to take anything away from generations and this Big Brother 15 victims’ and families and friends who have to watch this, by telling them “Oh, everyone experiences racism!”

No way.

I’m sorry.

Racism is not something white people can have, because there HAS to be something us non-whites can call our own, right?

Always dishing,


P.S. Thank you to everyone supported the truth and did not jump into the shark tank today on Twitter. No need to feed the sharks.

RIP Reality Nation


Jumping off the news of GinaMarie’s and Aaryn’s “job losses” and because it’s time some valid questions are answered, I’ve decided to just address them here and now. CBS hasn’t just affected Aaryn and GinaMarie, and those two ladies aren’t the only ones to have lost their jobs this summer. I use the term “lady” lightly with those two, but my point is that people lose their jobs every day across America and the world. We just don’t hear about individual losses so publicly as we have for those two choice HGs…and who knows who else as summer has just begun.

CBS has also affected people at SuperPass, Reality Nation, and probably Showtime, and other places we don’t hear about publicly. And this is all before the summer even started. CBS’s decision to take back control of the live feeds and Big Brother After Dark has left people jobless. If you were a follower of my articles at Reality Nation, then you know that I’m not writing for Reality Nation this season of Big Brother.  There is no more Reality Nation, essentially.


No live feeds at SuperPass, then no news at Reality Nation. That’s life. It happens. But it means jobs opened up somewhere else, mostly at CBS, and such is business.

I worked at Citibank before it merged with Traveler’s Group, and survived, then thrived in the first few years Citigroup bulked up. When I was at Deutsche Bank, my private investment group spun-off and joined LeggMason, and everyone who went along got rewarded handsomely. My years later at AllianceBernstein were brutal like Big Brother can get brutal, but I learned a lot and learned a brutal lesson when I was laid off after the crash, in 2009. I became one more statistic in the numbers reported for layoffs in the financial industry.


What inspired me to start writing…

My layoff inspired me to start writing every day. I was the girl who hated writing essays and book reports in grade school, and writing papers in high school and college had made me miserable. When I lost my job, I used my generous severance package to travel a bit and then returned to college to finally finish my degree, on my own dime. And I changed my major even though it required me to take additional classes, because I wanted to become a better writer. I graduated magna cum laude with an English degree in Creative Writing from CUNY Hunter College. I hope to continue to grow as a writer…

What do I enjoy most about it… 

I enjoy most reading back my own writing. In writing, the fact that I can call myself out on bullshit insincerity or feel the satisfaction of having relayed some sincerity is what I enjoy. The editing process keeps me true to some purpose.

~ ~ ~

This summer I’m focusing on some personal writing, and my steadier writing job, and writing here on my website. I never thought I’d become a freelance writer, but I’m thankful for it, and I really enjoyed my time with Reality Nation. And I’m so very impressed at the level of professionalism the writers and staff possessed during the weeks leading up to Big Brother 15…knowing we’d all be out of jobs. We’ve all gone our separate ways now and I wish everyone success and receipt of good karma. Losing your job due to corporate restructuring is better than losing your job because you’re a racist.

Always dishing,


Crazy Mommy


It’s been a week since we’ve been home from our trip in Normandy. With my husband Davy down with bronchitis all week, and Noah achy after having his last round of vaccinations… It’s been that kind of week. The weeks that are so exhausting you don’t bother talking about it, because you’d rather expend what energy you have on something you want to do. I want to write, and watch Big Brother 15, and film my little Noah taking steps on his own.

Never camera-shy, Noah’s been particularly resisting being filmed while he takes some of his first steps this week. I can’t read his toddler mind, but I’m convinced he’s waiting to be a little sturdier. I can’t blame him…

I have to learn to ride a bike this summer, and by “have” I mean I bought a brand-new bicycle a month ago. I haven’t touched it, and money doesn’t go on trees, so I have to learn to ride this bike and put my money to good use. It’s a goal of mine this summer, and I wouldn’t want someone filming my clumsy Korean ass wobbling and falling off the bicycle. So I can understand my made-up story about Noah wanting to wait to have his brand-new walking feet forever archived in video. But I’ll get it on film, or my name isn’t crazy mommy.

For now, he’s perfectly content trying to climb the stairs which we’ve now put gates up for.


Mind you, I’m not being self-deprecating when I call myself “crazy mommy” because it’s less an insult and more an inference. Becoming a mommy, and sometimes daddy, changes you forever and if you’re not a little crazier because of it you’re probably not doing it right. There is no greater love and because this week I was reminded by several people of some things I’d said during Big Brother 4, I’m more thoughtful in processing what’s been going on in the Big Brother 15 house.

I haven’t promoted petitions or rallied mobs against how some HGs and CBS have been shameless behaving…partly because I’ve experienced worse racism and partly because I’ve actually been in that house so I’m just waiting to see how this all plays out inside and out.

When I left the house a winner in 2003, it was the best time of my life and my worst. I’d won Big Brother yet my father was dying, and I thought I was pretty great for having won but then I watched footage of myself being hateful about Robert and his innocent daughter. If I’d not seen the actual feeds footage, that was never shown on television, I wouldn’t have remembered or believed or apologized so profusely. Alison and I had gone on a rant our last days in the house and I’d referred to Robert’s very young daughter as the b-word. I’d laughed along and encouraged Ali when she disparaged Robert’s Cuban heritage, and added my own. It happened, and I was indeed ashamed.

Having said it in anger or having said it only once didn’t matter when I saw myself on film like that, and all I could do was apologize to Robert and to many people Cuban or not or parents or not. Having now grown up a lot and had a child of my own, I don’t blame Robert for never speaking to me again or acknowledging my apology. Now that I’m a crazy mommy I know that I couldn’t forgive someone for calling Noah names. It’s happened already, and I don’t wish it on any parent and certainly understand the consequences.

So watching this season of Big Brother and seeing such blatant hate not once, but over and over again, whether or not in anger or frustration is frustrating. I realize those reminding me of the comments I made are attempting to brand me a hypocrite, but hypocrites don’t apologize and hypocrites don’t give others room to breathe. I believe in doing both when it matters.

With jobs being lost and Chenbot feigning passive ignorance…unless you’re going to take a real stand and stop following this Big Brother season, let’s take some room to breathe and let those most offended be offended most. Meaning, don’t make your own racist mountain our of someone else’s molehill. I’ve experienced worse racism than comments about rice or my eyes. In real life, and out of the public eye, racism crawls all over everything to some degree. I don’t always get to squash racist efforts each and every time, because it’s not a race…it’s really a fucking marathon. Those who know that don’t go lynching…

Update a few hours later: I filmed Noah walking today! Of course on the day I post a blog saying he doesn’t want to be filmed. Ha!

Update August 1st: A tweeter, most likely a hired one working for Operation Save Aaryn Gries, sent me this article today in an attempt to throw in my face  something shocking. The only thing shocking to me was that someone had actually found it, and I won’t quote things I said because I don’t want to hurt anyone again but if you’d like to read it…it’s on Reality TV World.

Always dishing,



My Big Brother Finals Casting Experience


I’ve read one particular Andy Denhart article on Reality Blurred several times about the finals casting process, and I read it again today. Since I’m years beyond any contractual obligation to CBS I’m going to add to what is already a very accurate description of what really happened/happens, during finals casting. Finals casting happens a couple of week before the premiere, it’s like Reality Television Casting Olympics. And I was going for gold.

I won’t touch on all of Andy’s bullet points, but I will confirm that:

~ I was flown to L.A. where I stayed during the finals casting, on CBS’s dime plus the $50 per diem aka “allowance” we could use for meals or whatever. At the time I had plenty of money so I went through their $50 and spent some of my own on top of it every day at the gift shop and the bar and wherever I could hang out during my 45 minutes of free time. The rest of the time was very controlled or spent in my room.

~ For dinner, we had the option of eating in the restaurant or the hotel’s bar or just in our rooms. I ate at the restaurant once and I felt like a hooker with other hookers waiting for clients at tables, with our pimp PAs watching us to make sure none of the hookers talked to each other. So after that I just ate dinner in my room.

~ I did sit through “interviews” with all the executive producers, including Allison Grodner and Arnold Shapiro and other major BB decision-makers in the same room at all times. There were always cameramen and other assistants in the room during these interviews and everyone in the room could watch me on a television screen nearby. It’s weird all of a sudden being in front of bright lights and wearing a windy microphone with a bulky pack, but I loved it. These interviews were where they delved deeper into some of the questions you’d answered previously, eliminating people left and right if you didn’t give them that “something” they wanted.

~ I did not get to watch television, and as a matter of fact our televisions were removed from our rooms anyway, and we could get a DVD player and a movie or some video game. That was it. And we were not really allowed to “call people” unless it was an “emergency”.

~ I did get to go from interview to test to meals “by myself” aka without a PA, but I did have to “check-in” like a house-arrest inmate, by calling the production office when I got back to my room.

~ I DID look at another finalist during breakfast one day and she looked back at me, even though we’re instructed NOT to. Because SHIT, it’s unnatural and so at some point you end up making eye contact with somebody accidentally for just a fleeting moment.

~ I did notice numbers dwindling as some of the weirder girls left. I remember Dana had been at finals with me the longest while other women were cut.

~ I did meet with the show’s psychologist, and it was an easy conversation about me and I never felt like my head was shrinking the entire session.

~ I did meet with a “celebrity psychologist”, Alan Downs, and he asked me some questions and I remember he asked me specifically how “manipulative” I was. Apparently that was what he got from me, and so we chat about my skills in manipulation and why I would win Big Brother. Basically.

~ I did take a standardized IQ test and went through multiple personality assessments, and I remember sitting there with my Scantron sheet and No. 2 pencil in one of the banquet halls at the hotel…and I felt so goofy like I was in high school again.

Screen shot 2013-07-02 at 12.14.28 PM

The psych evaluations were not FBI profiler-thorough, in reference to whether or not current Big Brother 15  houseguests would have been evaluated as “racist” or “misogynist” or “homophobe”. But I believe the personality assessments would provide information as to strengths and weakness and volatility of the potential houseguests, based on some of the questions on the tests. The evaluation isn’t diagnostic and more personality-focused than behavioral-focused, at least that was the case my year.

~ I did provide “bio samples” to the show’s doctors for a full medical, and I also had to get a full physical from my personal primary care physician. Big Brother wanted to know how healthy I was physically and mentally and sexually. Listen up people, you CAN go into the Big Brother house healthy and come out diseased, which is why I can’t understand why people have so much unprotected fluid swapping in there.

~ I did receive a schedule at the start of finals casting with blocks of time for meals and “Producers, Medical, Psych A, Psych B, Call Back, and Written Test” and scheduled free time. But “Scheduled free time” is an oxymoron isn’t it? The schedule ran with barely any hiccups and the production team was on top of their shit.

I could go on, but I can tell you that the finals casting process hasn’t changed much since my BB days. Everything I did during finals casting was documented and surveyed, and I saw just how focused the behind-the-scenes crew were and they really busted their asses to get a final cast nailed down. I say this because we give “production” so much shit all the time, yet it’s never the guy behind the camera or the gal running scheduling that get enough thank yous.

The summer I went through finals casting, I only had good things to say about everyone who worked in production. They’re good hardworking people. There’s so much unnecessary filth thrown at Allison Grodner and her crew, and over what. A summer reality show? Alleged rigging? These people at CBS are real people, and they’re the people who called to check on me after my season ended, and to ask about the condition of my father as he became frailer with each call, and they paid their respects from afar when my dad passed away the following year.

I say all this without having planned it. It just came out. That’s what she said…

And for the record, these people actually signed up for the show the real way without a casting agent:


And we all know the rest of the cast just happened to be some of our exes.

Thanks again, to Andy, for always putting it all out there.

Always dishing,


Big Brother Hate


There are very specific things I want to discuss today, and they’re specific to what’s been going on in the Big Brother 15 house. Half the house has been guilty of throwing all kinds of hate around, in a dangerous way, and the other half is a mix of those receiving that hate and those standing by and just watching. Wow, that’s pretty much what real life is like isn’t it?

How many real life people, on their own, actually walk up to a racist or bully or misogynist and do something about it? How many of us laugh at the same “jokes” when we’re watching The Family Guy or whatever discolored show we’re watching? But these BB15 houseguests showing us what they’re made of on the feeds are not following a script, but showing us who they are and who they hang out with in real life.

If in 2013 you surround yourself with people who laugh along with you when you throw around bigoted slurs, then when you get into the Big Brother house you’re going to throw around those same slurs. And you know what will happen? Most of the other houseguests won’t say a thing, though one or two may at some point, and the rest will either be hateful with you or be the recipient of your hate. Clearly people like Spencer and Aaryn and GinaMarie and Jeremy get laughs back home when they behave the way they’ve been behaving.

So what is a Big Brother fan to do with this kind of live feeds information? Certainly not bitch and moan and perpetuate more hate on social media and forums, nor harass CBS executives. These are the same people who awarded someone who made repeated homophobic comments, a sweet job and cushy seat repeatedly. If it ain’t broke, they ain’t fixing it.

If you really care about the level of hate that is being spewed on Big Brother 15, and if CBS does nothing about it in any expedited manner, then hit CBS where it hurts…in their pockets. Why should they do anything about it when they’re not “losing” anything? They didn’t intentionally cast people based on hate.


If you honestly want to something done…send letters to the advertisers who buy Big Brother time slots, call the BBB or whoever you have to call and ask for your money back for your live feeds because you do not tolerate a company who promotes racism and bigotry. Or just wait and see how CBS handles this and know that you can spread the word on what’s going on without spreading more hate yourselves. If you really feel so strongly, you know there are strong ways to be heard.

Or like television-only viewers, debate whether or not Elissa is “technically” the sister of a “Big Brother Legend” or just another hot Reilly mess. It makes me sick that we’re all tied up in disgusting human trash on the feeds, instead of discussing how Nick thinks he’s the next Dr. Will and Aaryn truly wants to be the next Jordan. We should be talking more about WOAH what happened to Elissa’s face and when, and how David knows “water by heart”, and how sad I was about the losing Have-Not team. We should also be talking more about the fact that whoever is in the kitchen the most has the best vantage point in the house (um, like I had), and who that is this season.

Clearly what CBS televised last night was what most people “looking for a fun summer show” want to tune into…people like Jack Owens and his family. And there’s nothing wrong with Jack at all, or with his family, just a lot of things right if you think about it. Clearly what you see on the feeds are things you willingly pay for and watch, so you can’t have your cake and eat it too.


If you’re just bitching about how horrible these HGs are and you’re not actually doing anything about it, then how are you any different from those people who just stand by and gossip but never stop the hate? Whether we like it or not, those people in the house are from the everyday we all live. And like it or not, we all have hate in us, so we shouldn’t be holier-than-thou about it. If you feel like nothing is being done then do something in a productive way that’s conducive to effecting change instead of just harassing people.

Always dishing,


Big Brother 15 – What a Kickoff


We’re just hours away from the second episode of Big Brother 15 where we’ll learn about Have-Nots and Nominations and MVP, etc. All things we can find out on our own through the world wide web, really. Unless you’re avoiding spoilers all-together or you only watch the televised episodes, then Sunday nights watching Big Brother is just filler for winding down.

To fans who follow the live feeds, Sunday nights mean diary room session and parts of what is missed when CBS chooses or schedules to go “to fishes”. Fishes…the freaking fishes and BB trivia questions that are the equivalent to elevator music. This is why I’m waiting for Jeremy (McGuire) to go all Jerry Maguire on us when he’s inevitably evicted and shouting, “Who’s coming with me?!” and taking the fishes with him. But that’s just how my mind words.


Seriously, Jeremy is bigger-than-douche than I originally thought he was in pre-season footage and has been swapping bodily fluids with Kaitlin while referring to her as a bitch when he goes neanderthal, which is often. It seems Jessie had her kegels set on Jeremy but lost him to Kaitlin, and also lost safety this week as McCrae put her up on the block after he won HOH. I, too, like many of you can’t believe McCrae won the endurance HOH. But little did you and I or McCrae know that his HOH win would also make him prison bitch to Amanda. I, too, like many of you can’t believe Amanda and McCrae have been sloppily sexually active already. Or ever. I mean, McCrae did say he’d use his “unattractiveness as a ploy to mind-fuck the rest of the HGs” so clearly it’s working on Amanda’s vagina.

Then there’s some other fatal attraction action going on between David and Aaryn. David, who forgets about the cameras and shows us his surfer testicles often on the feeds…and Aaryn. Ohhhhhhhh Aaryn. 

Having just now watched the premiere of the season, and followed live feeds updates and various Twitter timelines, I feel like I pretty much know everything I need to. Plus, the fact that I actually spent an entire summer in the Big Brother house once and won, despite having shared the house with racists and bullies and misogynists and mean girls. Wahhhhh. Why should we be expecting more?

We all hide behind the little white “guilty pleasure” excuse when we describe our addiction to Big Brother but really, all reality television jokes aside…

Big Brother is in many ways a pluck of real people from the greater population of America, and we should not be surprised to see and hear people like Aaryn and GinaMarie and Spencer and Jeremy and the rest…being racists and bullies and misogynists and mean girls. BB15 isn’t the most accurate representation of the U.S., but it is some kind of representation. I make no excuses for anyone but myself, and when you are in that Big Brother house and your “real” side comes out everybody gets to see it.

The words “fag” and “queer” and “fruit” in reference to Andy, and references to Helen and “rice” and “Kim Jong Un” are just another pinch of salt on their old and often re-opened woulds. They just haven’t felt the sting yet because they’re still in the house. I say lots of things day to day that I wouldn’t say in a public venue, but these BB15 Houseguests seem to be letting veiled hate fly from their mouths without much thought. I’m really more interested in the life story of Candice and her adoption and reunions, and not whether or not she said “asked” or “axed.” But such is life.

But with only the live feeds audience aware of such happenings will anything be done?

I’m not sure anything should be “done”. Sure, we had CBS communicate something post-Dumbledore, etc…and maybe this week we’ll have something addressed generically. But these Houseguests signed away their souls for the summer and if they catch some STD or ruin their reputations and family names, then so be it. They will each deal with post-BB life their own way, and with their own rewards or consequences both mental and physical.

Am I personally disgusted by Aaryn’s and GinaMarie’s remarks about Helen having to go make them some rice? Yes, but as a rice-lover I am enjoying all the attention rice is getting. And I’m embarrassed for Aaryn and GinaMarie but also happy that their obviously ugly sides are out for everyone to see. At least Aaryn knows what rice is. Circa 2003, my season, Nathan had NEVER had rice in his life before I made it in the BB house. So we’ve made some forward progress on the rice frontier.

But progress clearly has not been made when it comes to the spelling of my name, as Elissa so proudly showcased.

ElissaJuneI can’t believe Elissa is turning out to be one of the more “normal” females to be cast this season, although “normal” is not really a a word in the BB world. But so is Nick, for that matter because he seems to have toned down his spastic behavior he exhibited during interviews, and gets that Helen is a threat. Because Helen is a threat.  Nor is it normal that I’d be rooting for someone like Judd either, but I am, and also for Howard who seems to have found a healthy balance between The Bible and the diary room.

FavsWeekOneFor a first week of Big Brother season, things have been a bigger trainwreck than usual. I love it, and hate it, but love that it’s bringing a few things to light.

Always dishing,