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Big Brother 18 – Power Rankings #1

BB

Enough cryptic life shit.

I’m watching Big Brother again this summer, #BB18.

Frank Eudy is back.

Upon entering the house by jumping out of suitcases, Frank and three other second-timers from different seasons, were all afforded a second chance to win.

Julie Chen dramatically forced everyone all at once, to listen to her big news…this summer would start as a team sport. News of this had already spread like wildfire on social media for weeks, but we all pretended as fans to be collectively wowed. The television-only viewing audience was definitely wowed.

Back to Frank…

Frank

By Random Draw, Frank was magically the first to hand-pick a member for his team, in schoolyard pick. It is why I have nicknamed him By Random Draw.

Da’Vonne Rogers, James Huling and Nicole Franzel are the other other returnees, and they also got “team protection.”

I hated the idea at first, teams…

But I did blog once in 2013 about a new twist where I’d like to see one “mandatory” open alliance from day one. This team stuff CBS gave us the season? I’ll take it for now. It seems to mean nothing to the HGs right now anyway. Though I hope this changes soon…

Because if you play a nearly flawless game it shouldn’t matter whether you start in teams or individually anyway. We all know it will get down to an individual game when production sees fit. Maybe this year they’ll steal from Survivor and give us some form of actual immunity idol that By Random Draw will draw week-to-week and forevermore.

We started out the season with a great blindside. When the house blindsided The Three Stooges on my season, it was delicious. Just like Jozea’s blindside was last week.

Week-2 Alliances BB18

~

Power Rankings #1

Team Unicorn: JamesNatalieBronteVictor

Such a lame stupid name. The stupidest of the four, but then again, the team is led by James. For stupidest team name, everyone on this team starts off with -150 points.

James

JAMES: Why are you back (0 points)? Final Tally: -150 points

Bronte

BRONTE: Why are you “Wifey Spy?” Fuck no. I want to marry Natalie, not you. And you are far from wifely material, what with your ranting about sending James “back to Hong Kong” (-100 points). I don’t even like him that much but that’s fucked up. Maybe if you’d focused faster and more on your social game then you wouldn’t have gone “there” and you wouldn’t be sitting on the block now (-50 points). One more comment like that and you may enter BB15 territory. You’re not as cute as Aaryn Gries, so you won’t be worshipped like she was undeservedly post-show, by way too many people. But I do like your raw trainwreck-y diary rooms (+150 points) and how your wheels actually turn about the game (+100 points). And when you told Paul to basically STFU and stop being a sexist pig, you won some points (+100 points). Oh, your new and improved strategy to “not trust one single boy in the house” sounds very mature and forward-thinking *sarcasm* (-50 points). Play more like a woman and not like a girl. Final Tally: 0 points

Natalie

NATALIE: You say you’re “sitting there sweating bullets” yet I have never looked half as good as you when I’m sweating anything. It’s very hard for me not to objectify you because I find you quite attractive (+100 points), but it did scare me watching you presumably wiping makeup off in the bathroom (-50 points). YOU WEAR SO MUCH MAKEUP. But whatever. I’m not mildly obsessed or anything, maybe. It’s your face. I sound like Victor don’t I? Oh, but you’re right. You truly “are officially the underdogs of the house.” That’s okay though, because I tend to root for the underdogs (+100 points). I need you to be more helpful to Bronte though, otherwise you will be considered a coattail rider sooner or later. But for now you haven’t made yourself a target so that’s good (+100 points). “Flirty Spy” seems to be working for you. Nobody is really gunning for you. Final Tally: +100 points

Vic

VICTOR: You uttered the words “fair game” in the diary room (-50 points). Who determines what’s fair in Big Brother? Certainly not you. Even CBS hasn’t figured that out yet. Just abide by the contract you signed and the rest is fair game. You don’t want a girl to win? Because your level of emotional maturity is that low? Not good (-50 points). Finance degree or not, social game is key to getting that money in the bank in the first place. But thank you for being so very nice to look at (+200 points). You’re sitting on the block by association by bad self-awareness (-50 points). And geez, you flipped so fast after Jozea was evicted basically bending over for the returnees. Telling everyone right away that you won Roadkill, after you won Roadkill (+100 points)? Not good (-50 points). I don’t want you to go. Sigh. Final Tally: -50 points.

~

Big Sister: Da’VonneJozeaPaulZakiyah:

Stupid team name, again. -100 points to everyone on this team.

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DA’VONNE: I love you I do (+50 points) and I’m sincerely happy for you that you get another tearful chance to win the prize money for Cadence (+100 points). But girl…it seems like you’re trying to go for the BB Meme And Gif Hall Of Fame more than anything else this season (-50 points). But you’re still entertaining as fuck (+100 points). It’s week two and you’re not getting evicted, so that’s major improvement from last season. I know, it’s a low bar to set but it’s all we have. Please work on your happy face when you’re talking to people you don’t like or believe (-50 points). You cannot flop this season. As your Korean virtual mother I forbid you. But your kissing Jozea’s photo once it went black and white had me dying laughing (+50 points). If you make final two with Zakiyah I will fly you and Cadence out to Belgium for a visit with me. That is all. Final Tally: +100 points

Jozea

JOZEA (EVICTED): You are currently drowning somewhere in some faux celebrity river, with Glenn dead in the water floating face-down by you. Jozea. You were THE FIRST (REAL) EVICTEE. Because let’s face it…Glenn doesn’t count. He didn’t exactly get Jodi’d, but that’s what it was in different packaging. Yes, this is supposed to be about you, Jozea, of “My word is my word,” and “Scenarios is scenarios,” fame. Because apparently that is the depth of your critical thinking. This is this. That is that. Jozea. Your delusions of grandeur were fucking fantastic fun to follow and make fun of. Glenn Who?

Paul

PAUL: “The Big Brother universe hates me at this point.” No. It hates everyone equally, Paul. You’re not special. But good for you for taking yourself off the block last week (+100 points) although you really were responsible for getting yourself on the block in the first place (-50 points). You pet your beardfro when you’re nervous, and you liken yourself to Godzilla…let alone you’re not afraid to refer to yourself as Godzilla, publicly. You’re the self-proclaimed black sheep of the family who takes delight in being the black sheep, which screams: you have lots to prove. I should know. You are so rough around the edges but I like you more than Jozea, which is a very low bar to measure up to. But it’s something (+50 points). But you should knock off calling anyone a little Korean or little anything, because you are one of the few very short men in the house, especially when Jozea comes back after beating Glenn. Final Tally: 0 points

zakiyah

ZAKIYAH: Why are you so hot? (+200 points). You have Da’Vonne and Paulie as shields. I love it. Final Tally: +100 points

~

Freakazoids: NicoleCoreyGlennTiffany

Annoying name but whatever. -50 points to all.

Nicole

NICOLE: Even when you’re happy you sound unhappy. It’s a true talent (+50 points), and also annoying as fuck (-100 points). You’re a nurse, but if you came to treat me in the emergency room I’d get anxious listening to you. I’d ask for another nurse. But I don’t mind watching your hot mess of a self on the show (+50 points). It’s quite entertaining. (+50 points). I never watched your season and I don’t hate you (+50 points). Final Tally: +50 points

Corey

COREY: You need to make like your picture above and keep your mouth closed and smiling ever so slightly. It’s your best look (+50 points). It’s your only decent look (-50 points). So stop talking. Stop watching men shower. As a matter of fact close your eyes so you’re not even tempted to. And don’t ever set fires to animals ever again (-100 points) or we will find you. We will hunt you down and your trash friends down. I’ve never heard of peppermint bark before you told us about it and its “life-changing” qualities. But it sounds terrible. You’d better redeem yourself and soon, buddy. Final Tally: -150 points

Glenn

GLENN (EVICTED/GLENNED): I’m using your stock photo. Just go home. Unless the buyback comp is mental, I don’t see how you will outlast all the young bucks exiting the house. You probably have Trump rallies back at home to get back to anyway.

TiffTIFFANY: You are Vanessa 2.0 in so many ways (-50 points) yet you are not her too (+50 points). It’s freaking me out watching you and having to consciously tell myself you’re not Vanessa. Even though I know you’re not. And how can you suck so bad at math in that Roadkill comp (-50 points)? What kind of high school do you teach at?! Final Tally: -100 points

TiffanyTrippy.

~
Category 4: FrankBridgetteMichellePaulie

Sad, but the best name of the four teams. Kudos on that at least. It may be the best thing these people did all summer. +50 points.

ByRandomDraw

FRANK: Frank, Frank, Frank…you have aged like a bear. I don’t even know what that means really. You’ve definitely still got your big butt (+50 points), but your game still sucks (-300 points). If you can’t even keep track of all the fake alliances you’ve made then you are actually your biggest pain in the ass. I’m just here to agitate it. But I think Corey wants to agitate your ass more than I do. And kudos to you for publicly confessing that you have hemorrhoids (+50 points) and how you must tend to them and nurse them every so gently with your fingers (+50 points), as you not so gently rebuffed Corey’s voyeurism (+100 points). You said it gave you weird feelings having him watch you. It’s good to talk about feelings (+50 points). Hemorrhoids kills. Well, maybe not, but I’m not a doctor. Final Tally: :+50 points

Bridgette

BRIDGETTE: How old are you? This isn’t pre-teen pageant girl scout camp (-100 points). Women have advanced farther than you are playing but whatevs, you were typecast and you’re playing your role (+100 points). Do what you gotta do sister. If they let you win by swinging side to side like Shirley Temple until your tassels poke an eye out, then do you. I saw a porn once called “Spunky Spice” and it was all about a girl getting spunk all over her face. This has nothing to do with you except your name is Spunky Spice in your alliance. Good job surviving eviction last week (+50 points) even though your bad decisions got you outed as a spy and nommed in the first place (-50 points). But you survived because you’re quite insignificant in the game right now. That’s not a bad thing (+50 points). But this may change. And if it doesn’t then that’s okay too. Sigh. I know you miss your dad, but your kinda crush on Frank is a little weird because it just is. Stop it (-50 points). Final Tally: +50 points

Michelle

MICHELLE: You need to not let the sun turn you into carcinogen (-50 points). You need to not compare Bridgette to me (-50 points). You need to not say bad things about “fat people” unless you have a thoughtful solution to your rudeness (-50 points). But so far you’re laying around eating junk food and hating yourself, basically living out your BB dream, so I’m happy for you (+50 points). You would sell your soul for safety in the house, or the last bag of potato chips, whichever comes at the right time. I love it (+50 points). Final Tally: 0 points

PAulie

PAULIE: You’re HOH (+50 points) after surviving last week’s eviction (+50 points) after going spread eagle for the returnees right away (-50 points), and still losing to Paul in the POV (-50 points) but then you won POV this week (+50 points), but you are beasting out so early (-50 points). Though you would have been a target anyway so at least you’re killing comps (+100 points) and making the best of friends especially in one very hot Zakiyah (+50 points). If you marry her later I will come back and add +5,000 points to this blog. Final Tally: +200 points

~

Power Rankings High:GroupLeft

Two beautiful black women in the BB house.

~

Power Rankings Low:GroupRight

Frank holding on to his nuts the entire live show.

~

Power Rankings Tradition:

PenisHead

They gave Julie dickhead. Sigh.

~

 Standings

(I took the liberty of adding some penalties)

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Congratulations Paulie.

Always dishing,

Jun

Linda Catchup: Where Are They (The Boys) Now?

Puerto Plata

I feel like a bad bad person for not working more on finishing up the Linda Catchup series. But there’s only one of me and I can’t be a good person all the time. Nobody can.

So in an effort to ease my way back into writing more “Linda Catchup”, I’ve decided to start with a small update blog as a way to say hey remember the dudes of Linda Catchup? So here goes.

Before (how they were described in the first chapter) and Now.

Before: “Wally was single and reckless, living at home with his parents at almost 30. He suffered from a very short fuse, literally and figuratively, but was fun to have fun with. His chip sat on his shaved shoulders. He shaved his whole body twice a week, for nobody in particular, and for anybody he could get naked with. He was always read to party.”

Now: Wally went through major growing pains after returning from that Puerto Plata trip, and it was not pretty for a good while, but as of the date of this blog I can tell you that he’s no longer living in his parents’ home! He’s even advanced at work on the docks and is soon to become a first-time daddy!

Before: “Then there was Ludo, undeniably a ginger but his very closely shaved head looked fuzzy blonde most of the time. He was married and restless in middle age, and he was the oldest of the four dockers on the trip. Back in Belgium he lived with his wife of 2 years and 7 children. They were children he’d neither fathered nor raised, but he was their faithful dad for years. This was the first real vacation Ludo had ever taken in his life, and he already dreaded going back home to Belgium before the trip even started.”

Now: Ludo is still employed as a dockworker, and remains skinny as hell, but he is divorced now. That’s all I’m going to say about that. There was major drama following the trip, and shit got ugly fast and sporadically, but I am happy for him that he is doing his thing now and that he’s moved on with his life.

Before: “Then there was Koen. Koen had striking dark eyes and hair, and a square jaw that ran in his family line of men. He was always thinking, either thinking about or thinking through something. I noticed this about him right away. He was also the most reserved and the only single one too, in the group. He would share a room with Davy on the trip.”

Now: Koen is godfather to my son, my son with Davy. Koen and his girlfriend Xandra opened a fitness focused eatery in Ghent, and they are thriving. And yes, Koen continues to think a lot, all the time. He’s always thinking. I love this about him. And Davy and I always enjoy seeing Koen. As does our little Noah. Our friendship is a special one.

NoahPepe

Noah and Pepe Koen this past NYE…

~

Before: “Last, but not least there was Davy. He and Koen both had a mop of hair, Davy’s blonde and Koen’s black, compared to the shaved heads of Wally and Ludo. Davy was also one of those guys who always had a girlfriend, but always smelled single anyway. Single has a scent.”

Now: Davy doesn’t smell single anymore. Some may actually say he smells like a DILF. And the chip on his shoulder is significantly smaller than it was in 2010 in Puerto Plata, but it’s still there.

They never go away.

They resurface.

Linda Catchup will hopefully rise again sooner than later.

Always dishing,

Jun

Living In The Land Of

Windmills

…fill in the blank.

Living in the Land of _________.

Some of you may have chosen windmills or make-believe or “milk and honey” or plenty or penis or pussy or sushi, or whatever you love so much that you’d love to live in a land of it. Now imagine you don’t love it but you actually feel meh about it. Meh.

Because I live in the land of chocolate. Belgium. Chocolate is everywhere. Everywhere. There is no escaping it.

I get asked by chocoholic tweeters every day how much I love living in the land of chocolate. I’m just like meh. Meh!

But I don’t say meh because you just don’t say it in a land so proud of it. Sigh.

And I never actually loved chocolate. I only liked it. It’s sweet and melts in your mouth and sometimes has nuts. All meh.

But mostly, I just don’t have a major sweet tooth, unless the gates of menstrual hell are being unleashed or I’m stuck in a house of lunatics who want to take $500,000 away from me and I’m just, well, stressed. I’m a savory kinda girl.

So I’m sorry to all the boyfriends and other gifters who ever gifted me chocolate and I faked joy. I was happy about the thought put into it, but I have never felt joy receiving chocolate. So there. There’s something I needed to get off my chest obviously.

Interestingly enough. My little Noah’s not a chocoholic either. He’ll pick shortbreads or vanilla or hazelnut wafer cookies (like me) over chocolate ones. Hmmm. It’s one of our little things. I like sharing it with him because I don’t have to live alone feeling meh about chocolate in Belgium.

Though it means less cookies for me because Noah will kindly offer everyone a chocolate cookie until he has all the non-chocolates to himself. The force is strong in him. It would be cool to watch him win Big Brother one day.

Sigh.

Always dishing,

Jun

Old Traditions, New Traditions

DSC06070

Once upon a time, I never had a blog. But ever since I started this site, every year, I’ve done a birthday blog for my little Noah.

And by “every year” I mean this is the third…

So Noah turned three this past weekend, but before we ever got to birthday candles and balloons and presents, our little family of three struck poses:

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Noah even had a wardrobe change and donned a traditional hanbok, literally translated as “Korean clothing.”

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He transformed into a Korean prince, just like he did on his first birthday and his second birthday.

I marveled at how much he’d grown into the hanbok, which he’s now worn the last three birthdays…

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~

And then on Saturday morning, Noah awoke and had a bowl of miyeok guk, literally translated “seaweed soup,” a very traditional Korean meal especially for birthdays…

photo-28

Why on birthdays?

Because miyeok guk is also the first meal Korean mothers eat, by tradition, after giving birth, because the seaweed provided loads of nutrients and minerals to new moms.

And so we have this soup every year on our birthdays to remind us of what our mothers did for us, and to bring luck into our lives.

I plan to serve miyeok guk as the special of the week this week at Rice House, to celebrate Noah’s birthday with as many people as I can…

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And once all our soup was eaten on Saturday morning, it was time for a bath and another wardrobe change!

Time to party!

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What Noah didn’t know was that his papa spent the night before, toiling away and putting together the “big” gift…an electric Bugatti…

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Needless to say, Noah was THRILLED.

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He even gave his new car a good cleaning in-between rides…photo-25

~

And the next morning, on Sunday, Noah awoke to a second birthday party with all new party guests, and a whole new cake!

DSC06080 DSC06082And best of all, Noah got lots of hugs from his Pepe (godfather) Koen…

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And in fact, it was Pepe Koen who had hooked us up with our family photo shoot in the first place, yielding pictures like this one…

IMG_2828It was a very good birthday weekend for our Noah, two birthday parties and all, that wore us all out.

And we’d do it all over again, just for Noah.

But maybe next year we’ll stick to one big party…

Thank you everyone…for all the love, birthday and every day!

Always dishing,

Jun

I Have These Two Moles On My Face

Banana

I have these two moles on my face, one on each cheek close to my cheekbones. They’re not symmetrical but they’re prominent and my family’s always hated them. When I say my family I mean my insanely archaic Korean elders. My brother and cousins will agree with me on this one, and they too know about the attempts to make me have my moles removed.

Here are two clear photos of the moles in question, and I swear it’s just a coincidence as to the circumstances:

Eclair Banana

The thing is I never called them moles growing up. I always called them “my beauty marks.” Somewhere along the way I succumbed to calling them moles, but I never did fold to the pressure from my family to have them burned off my face. My youngest aunt did have it done, and to this day she has little scar-dents in the places where her moles once stood! And for what? Old wives’ tales, superstitions, and skin-deep beauty in the eyes of the Korean community? They told her that removing her moles would raise her chances of getting married. Um, no.

So I overheard from a very young age that if my moles ever got too big, then “something” would have to be done about them. I never felt threatened and it’s not like it was ever said in a cruel way, but just very as a matter of fact-ly. It was always the women in my family talking about it, because Korean men never get involved in female aesthetics. But when I was a child, I always wondered what “too big” meant. I worried that my moles would grow so big and take over my face one day.

But then I started to really like my moles. They made me look different and so I felt different, in a good way. I remember clearly the day I attended my first art class in elementary school. I couldn’t draw or paint for shit, and I still can’t, but that first day I was given a canvas of paper and some poster paint with a brush. I drew my face and nothing else. My eyes and nose and lips and ears and my two moles, is all I presented. I didn’t even think twice as to what I’d paint, like my classmates all wrestled with. It was instinctual. And I made my moles way bigger than they were in real life. Looking back that first piece of art for me meant more than I ever realized, and I wish I knew where it was.

As I got older I overheard less and was just told more that my moles were getting “too big.” I ignored these people. I’d never get married and Korean men, and their mothers, wouldn’t like my face because of my moles, I was told. But all the women in my family had moles on their faces too and it annoyed me as I got older. They’re my moles! I like them! I became protective of my moles and started wearing more SPF.

But I started to question and balk at other things too and I know now after learning about my family’s rich history on two continents, now three, that my mother was the same way growing up. I am truly my mother’s daughter. She was a rebel in her time, and I use that term loosely because it doesn’t take much to get yourself ostracized in Little Koreas. But it’s why my mother got to marry for love and not for money. It’s why she tried to squelch me as I got older, while my father encouraged me to spread my wings and try to fly wherever I wanted.

My dad never really got involved except to play parrot messenger once, between my mother and me. She and I stopped talking to each other for a period of time, after getting into a fight about the whole mole drama.

“Your mother thinks you should think about getting your juhm removed, but you don’t have to, ” my dad said to me on behalf of my mother.

“She doesn’t want to get her juhm removed, so don’t ask her anymore,” he said to my mother, for me.

And all these years later, I still have my moles. Now that I’m “finally” married with a kid, according to my mother, I don’t have to do a thing about my moles. Right. Because I was going to do a thing about them anyway.

I really like my moles!

Always dishing,

Jun

Juan “Surprises” Pablo

Naked

We learn last night that Juan Pablo LOVES surprises…to give surprises.

Anyway….

Surprise! I got to sleep in today until 7:58 a.m. because when Noah awoke at 6:30 like bright brutal sunshine, my husband Davy took morning duties so I could sleep in. This happens never so I relish anything I can get.

Apparently though, each time this happens I’m supposed to award Davy a gold watch or at least a ticker tape parade in his honor. I get it. Davy works incredibly hard to provide for his family and because of that I take morning duties 97% of the time, and because I do truly appreciate my husband. I blowjob-swear.

What is my point?

As a husband and father, Davy’s top-notch but he has his faults and baggage like all fathers and husbands and men do. Like women do. Like we all do. Like Juan Pablo does.

It must be so hard to be Juan Pablo.

Huh?

Yes.

It’s already hard enough to be a father when you’re married to the baby mama and waking up under the same roof with her and your baby for years on end, but it must be doubly hard for Juan Pablo and all fathers with shared custody and child support and working out topless and Skyping from hotel rooms with his child. Time matters most. I can’t imagine. I don’t judge. I don’t hype or automatically put on a pedestal either. We don’t know shit about Juan Pablo. Men are all cut from the same cloth but they don’t all fit the same way into any world in my life.

Naked or not.

Naked

 

Like I’ve said, only Juan Pablo knows what kind of dad he is.

There’s lots of buzz around his fatherhood I’m going to leave all the name-calling to others and simply treat Juan Pablo like a piece of meat like ABC wants me to. It’s just easier that way for all of us. There’s no point in slicing off our lady-boners and crashing the ceiling of fantasy of who Juan Pablo is. Juan Pablo likes surprises. He likes to give surprises. I once had an ex who told me all the time, at home and out in public, that he had a surprise for me and it was always turned out to be his erect penis. So there’s one point of reference, I guess…

Unfortunately ABC hasn’t turned the evicted bachelorette photos black and white yet so I had to do it myself, so CBS still has that going for them…

BlackWhite

Basically three ladies get sent home and for good reason:

Victoria: Too much baggage and too much alcohol will make Juan Pablo and any other Bachelor or Bachelorette send you home. History has proven this yet it still happens every season. Juan Pablo likes to give surprises not get them by way of belligerent drunks. Locking yourself in the bathroom of the hotel gym and melting down means you should spend some time to heal in a more healthy way than going on a reality show. I admit I did it when I went on Big Brother because it was my way of doing something crazy to bounce back from someone who’d hurt me. But alcohol kills. I hope Victoria finds some help.

Amy: What were you thinking?! You’re more than just a “Local News Reporter” yet you spent your ONLY two minutes with Juan Pablo pretending to interview him like a local news reporter. Arrrggghhh! It was awkward and looked like you were just trying to boost your local news reporter career even though I want to believe you were just trying to impress Juan Pablo. You will go down in ranks with Nurse Jamie who gave that horrid lap dance on Ben’s season. Sigh. Drop the invisible microphone and just be yourself.

Chantel: You’ll be fine as long as you don’t get lost in your romantic idealisms. You seem to have the biggest heart and appetite for love among all the ladies Juan Pablo’s sent home. I’d love to see you as the next Bachelorette but you and I both know that’ll never happen.

~

That leaves all the ladies remaining:

My picks Alli, Chelsie, Elise, Lauren, and Nikki are all still in. I don’t see Renee sticking around very long because there can only be one “mom” on the show, nor do I see Kelly “The Best Sport” staying long either despite her quote of the night for me:

“The date card said Say Cheese I would assume it’s a photo shoot but maybe it’s eating cheese. I’m good at both, so I’m all right with either one.”

It reminded me of the fabulous Amy Crews of Big Brother and cheese fame.

Some other random thoughts on the remaining bachelorettes:

Clare: In addition to showing up out of the limo to Juan Pablo the first episode pretending to be pregnant. I, like her, have also lost a father. I empathized and also felt awkward when she was rubbing all up on Juan Pablo while speaking lovingly of her dearly departed dad. Um. Jacuzzi and Juan Pablo goes better with no talk as a matter of fact.

Kat: Her smile is SO beautiful but I hope she realizes that ABC and not Juan Pablo paid for that private jet ride, and I hope she drops the energy levels so we can see who she really is.

Lucy: Exhibitionist and walking the mansion grounds and streets of Los Angeles naked. We’ve never head this specimen of bachelorette before, have we?

Andi: She didn’t want to go naked for the doggie charity photo shoot yet she did after Juan Pablo told her he’d get naked with her. I guess that works. If you let someone use you then it’s because you want to feel used.

Cassandra: Drops what is typically called a “bomb” on Juan Pablo that she has child, a son at home. But it’s cool. Juan reacts to Cassandra’s opening up, about her child, by covering his mouth like a prissy little girl and being super supportive and caring just like he did when Victoria was wailing drunk. Point being, Cassandra has a sick body and I can’t believe she had a baby around the same time I did. She’s gorgeous.

Oh, and also, I don’t know what these bachelorettes are thinking when they say “Juan Pablo is so sweet and caring” when that’s all Juan Pablo has to show them in the first place. Do they think he’d not be a gentleman when called for, when there are cameras rolling, for the sake of love and television?

Can I possibly sleep in for as long as I want one of these days without worrying about having to wake up to anything but a kind smile and enormous cup of coffee and morning wood?

Always dishing,

Jun

Screenshots in a Day in the Life of a Blogger

emails

I was going to blog about blowjobs today, I swear, because a certain someone  convinced me that I could go into more detail about that Cosmo dick sucking rant blog from back in October. But I’m not. I need to reread Anna Breslaw’s rant first and I just don’t have the energy right now. I’m feeling extra dramatically tired because I ran errands all day on not much sleep last night, and then getting home to this fun stuff:

CommentNote this “pam” person starts with “Do not blast me on this but” and ends with “Sorry just my opinion” which translates to weak, considering everything in between is not apologetic or meek.

As an example of a comment I actually would delete:

AnonClearly this “Anonymous” was just looking for attention and can’t even spell motherfuckers so I had to delete. In case you’re wondering, Anonymous resides in Germany. It’s great having your own website and database.

It’s better knowing there are readers laughing with me right now, reading this, and appreciating the wait for my new and improved b-b-b-blowjobs blog! And knowing we have pam and Anonymous to thank for the delay and anticipation…

Always dishing,

Jun

 

 

 

“In A Separate Category From Almost Any Other Nation”

TEXT COLOUR MAP MUTE A1 canvas

I borrowed the title for this blog from The New York Times article covering the proposed child euthanasia bill in Belgium. They’re now covering this story and probably because it’s passed through another hurdle of approval. Woah. It became real news on someone’s radar at The New York Times.

The bill is still not law yet and it now awaits yet another vote, which may not happen for months. And then there’s King Philippe’s approval to be attained, because Belgium has a monarchy. It’s still a waiting game but all signs point to the right to euthanasia in Belgium, which I believed to be true in my initial blog post What Would Whitney Houston Say?

In The New York Times article Andrew Higgins writes, that if and once this bill is approved into law, it:

“…would put Belgium in a separate category from almost any other nation when it comes to allowing the terminally ill to choose to die.”

Well, this week another country announced a creation of its own separate category. Uruguay. Uruguay’s going all Nancy Botwin on us, but legally.

(North Korea should overthrow Kim Jong Un and reinvent itself in marijuana trade. I hear that North Koreans are actually huge potheads anyway so…)

I believe sooner or later other countries will catch on to Uruguay’s business plan and in my wildest imagination I see world debt being solved by weed. Surely weed is better than crystal meth, which has only made its way over to Europe recently. Then there’s the “new” flesh-eating killer drug like Krokodil, that literally eats away at the poorest of junkie bottom-feeders from Russia to Greece and now to England and Mexico.

There’s a lot of bad shit going on out there in the world and there’s lots of good happening too, and then there’s this child euthanasia bill being passed through Belgium? And even though Denmark and The Netherlands put themselves in their own separate categories years ago as the first countries to recognize same-sex relationships and marriages, respectively, these rights are still being fought for elsewhere or maybe in the country you live in now? Yes.

Belgium is a small country with an old soul wrapped in beer and chocolate and pride. It’s far from perfect but I stand by my assertion in my Belgium versus The United States blog post: “America looks different every day from here but Belgium is no better or worse in a grand way, just different.”

Every country that has ever before put itself in its own separate category, if nothing else, shares a place in history. Some countries have used their separation for good and some for bad. We can’t change history but we can strive to pull back and see the bigger picture more often instead of jumping to volatile conclusions, which helps nobody.

I’m honest when I say that had I not married my husband Davy and moved to Belgium, I’d probably be sitting in my old apartment in New York reading Andrew Higgins and shaking my head at Belgium’s push to legalize child euthanasia. I probably would have cracked some “Belgians should stick to waffles and leave kids alone” joke. But I’m not in New York. It’s taken me nearly three years now to settle into the rhythm of marriage and motherhood and expat living in Belgium. Even though I spend most of my days at home I’ve never actually felt more free than I have in Belgium. There’s less censorship and sugarcoating and more nitty gritty too bad if it’s shitty news and documentaries about realities that would never make it to American television broadcast. That’s just me though.

It’s easy to sit back and pass judgment about drugs and euthanasia and gay rights and all rights. It’s harder to stay informed or better-informed. We should all take the harder route sometimes and create our own separate categories for ourselves.

Always dishing,

Jun

Jos Welvaert: Belgium’s Walter White?

Jos

With Breaking Bad case-closed I find myself obsessed with a new series about drugs here in Belgium called Eigen Kweek (literally translated, Own Grown).

Here are the Welvaerts, a farming family.

Family

From left to right: Steven, Jos, Ria, Frank, Julita

They’re not exactly the White clan but it’s close enough for me.

Jos and Ria are married 40 years. They’re parents to pothead Steven and first-born so serious Frank. Frank lives with his brand-new girlfriend, Julita, who just arrived from the Philippines. After losing his life savings in a scam Jos, and his family, end up becoming weed farmers. Belgians aren’t hard-core crystal meth-ers anyway…

Not only is the premise comic gold but there’s the added bonus in the dynamics between Julita and Frank and the rest of the family and neighbors and friends. Basically, we get a view into what so many Belgians have curiosity about…what it’s like to live with an Asian woman who speaks no Dutch. The broken English and losses in translation have me rolling on the regular. Wim Willaert plays Frank to perfection and I believe he’s the star of the show. He seems like a cartoon St. Bernard to me at time, although I mean no offense in comparing him to a dog.

The writers of the show have gone to great lengths not to glamorize or demoralize inter-racial relationships, but I’d love to know how the Philippine community feels about this show and how Philippine women “without papers” are being portrayed in Belgium. It’s no secret that many couples here of mixed races are referred to as “Exotic Love” after a reality show following mail-order brides, etc. coming into Belgium coined that term.

I personally believe Julita makes Philippine women, here, look good. Kudos to Mae Rhoda Montemayor. And Jos Welvaert is no Walter White but I’m enjoying Dirk Van Dijck’s bald head and glasses and attitude. Best of luck to the whole crew!

And thank you to Mae Rhoda Montemayor and Theodosia Tadiar for taking the time to aid in Typhoon Haiyan efforts.

 

I’m definitely a fan of Eigen Kweek!

Always dishing,

Jun

 

What Blogs Do You Follow?

TimeTech

Time put out their The 25 Best Bloggers, 2013 Edition list out this month, and as a new blogger myself I’d been waiting for it all year. I admit I don’t read enough, as a writer, but who can really say what’s enough? That’s my excuse.

I’ve been going through the 25 blogs that Time recommended this entire last week, and have some bookmarked for random clicking. Keep in mind I’m not a big techie or gamer so I’ve not included Time’s recommendations for such. I don’t know if I’ll stick with any of them long-term, but I’ll share with you some of my tries…

One of them is The Bloggess. I want to like it, but I’m not in love with it. Maybe you’ll like it right away though, as it’s got rave reviews. She’s different, and different’s good.

TheBloggessAnother is What My Daughter Wore and it’s visually satisfying for me while I have my morning coffee. I can’t draw to save my life so I appreciate the blog’s work, although sometimes it feels like a portfolio and not a blog.

WhatMyDaughterWore

There’s Suri’s Burn Book, which I can’t believe I never knew about. Who’s fault is that?! I think I’m addicted…

Suri'sBurnBook

 

With Ask The Pilot there’s all the random useless but sometimes useful knowledge about everything you wanted to know about pilot-stuff. If you’re into flying and flying stories, then check it out.

AskThePilotNow, I’d like to know…

Aside from the major mainstream websites out there, what are some blogs you follow other than mine? I’m always down for finding new reading, so if you have a favorite hidden treasure of a blog I’d ask you to share one with me. If you find something on the Time’s list that you think I should give a second try, then let me know!

Always dishing

Jun