I said last week: All scores are based on overall strategy in working the house and America and the potential jury. It seems some of you wanted clarification and I was prepared to clarify…and then Julie Chen shows up all over the place with hair so fake and big that her own eyes hurt.
I nearly gave up all together on this season.
But I didn’t.
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Working the house (“WTH”) would be something like Amanda who is neither vehemently disliked nor cherished, yet she has the ability to work the house on her own without anyone else’s help. Scored 0-4, with zero meaning you suck.
Working America (“WA”) would be something like Helen who is clearly speaking more to America than she is to the diary room when she’s spelling everything out for us with the occasional hair flip for emphasis. Scored 1-3.
Working the potential jury (“WJ”) would be like Howard keeping his cool and thinking long term to jury as he does in life when faced with racism, and he should be commended and not faulted for his repressing his voice because it’s his choice and his choice only. Scored 1-3.
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Aaryn: WTH: Although the house isn’t seeing what we’re seeing they’re getting worked up by you rather than worked, but unlike Amanda your actions are bouncing back onto you in a game based on social manipulation and not racial bullying (+10 points). WA: You play the game unaware that a very vocal part of the Big Brother world finds your hate unacceptable, and that your mark on the internet is a dark stain among dirty stains (0 points). WJ: This assumes you make it to the end and you get to meet a jury of people you’ve degraded and disrespected, which is possible given the dynamics in choosing who gets taken to the end, but you will not win because this is not your time to win anything (+10 points). I only hope you face your music hard and swift and apologize to many. Week 1: 20 points // Week 2: 20 points
Jeremy: WTH: You are working Kaitlin’s house and leaving sex squirts all over the BB house, but your brazenly douchey wearing of the POV around your neck in the hot tub makes you so beneath the rest of the house. (+10 points). WA: You play the game unaware that we hear and see what you’re made of, and that your ego is a magnet for girls who mention their daddies every time they’re about to fake an orgasm. (+0 points). WJ: You seem so equal-opportunity vile that some of the jury may actually appreciate your refreshingly transparent future in which you fail at life (+10 points). I only hope you age the way I think you’re gonna age, and that we all get to see what you look like in 20 years. Week 1: 20 points // Week 2: 20 points
GinaMarie: WTH: You’re too busy working Nick into a fatal attraction corner that you suck at working the house to your advantage, and twice in a row you are blindsided because you’re like a blind bipolar bully (+10 points). WA: You may not be getting the edit that dear Aaryn is getting, but you are not working America the way you’re working your imaginary pageant stripper pole (+0 points). WJ: Half the potential jury may let you slip to the end knowing you’re a mental case just in need of some attention, and perfect to sit next to at the end, but no jury would award you a win right now. (+10 points). I only hope someone from New York comes along next season to wash away your New York state of bigoted mind. Week 1: 20 points // Week 2: 20 points
Candice: WTH: Nothing you’ve done or said equals your skin color in the eyes of Aaryn and GinaMarie, but you’ve risen above that and started working the house more, since last week (+20 points). WA: You’re not a super fan but you’re attracting super fans who appreciate what you represent this season, and that you’re not “a Libra” or anyone other black HG who came before you so remember that (+20 points). WJ: You haven’t shown yourself to be untrustworthy in the game yet you’ve had to endure much more than some of the others in the house, so if you should get to the end you have one hell of a jury speech to give (+20 points). I only hope that your mom stops talking to outlets like TMZ about Aaryn being “the devil” and such. Week 1: 20 points // Week 2: 60 points
Elissa: WTH: You somehow work the house despite your slow and slurred speech and manage to evict your two MVP nominations back-to-back (+40 points). WA: Your constant thanking of America through fake-lashed eyes and mention of “Brenchel Army” makes me gag then dramaticly dry-heave, but I don’t represent America and they’re voting you MVP so… (+20 points). WJ: You will smother the jury about having to beat the odds of being Rachel Reilly’s sister every day just like you’re doing now. (0 points). I only hope the young people watching realize there’s such a thing as too young for botox and implants that make you look like a kewpie doll. Week 1: 40 points // Week 2: 60 points
Kaitlin: WTH: You’re doing what you probably do every day at work, and that’s survive without leading but following, but you’ll have to be more active in strategy besides swapping spit with Jeremy (+10 points). WA: You’re not as interested in what America thinks of you as you are concerned with what your money-stealing stockbroker dad is thinking about your juicy escapades with Jeremy (+0 points). WJ: You came close in the HOH competition before Helen finally won in the end, but coming close enough in competitions is not going to get you jury votes if you’re already failing at working the house (+10 points). I only hope that your blood test come back clean after all the intimacy with Manimal. Week 1: 40 points // Week 2: 20 points
Helen: WTH: You’re working the house in different degrees and managed to work them against Nick despite your being on the block yourself last week, which may come back to haunt you especially after winning HOH this week (+20 points). WA: You’re in pretty good with America despite your incessant crying and soft shell, and it doesn’t hurt that you have Brenchel Army in your corner as back-up (+20 points). WJ: You have a very strong jury speech already despite two weeks of gameplay, and as long as you don’t break down or get caught you will get to meet the jury (+20 points). I only hope that you’ll never have to experience what Candice had to experience this week at the hands of Aaryn and GinaMarie. Week 1: 40 points // Week 2: 60 points
McCrae: WTH: I hope your pizza is better than your willpower because you spill everything to Amanda as if she owns you, and the rest of the house knows too that you have your “head in a vice” (+10 points). WA: The bad news is that half of America is amused by you but not enough to vote you MVP, and the rest are confused by you but again not enough… (+10 points). WJ: You managed to walk away from your first HOH without getting too much blood on your hands, but the jury knows this is because your hands have been full of Amanda instead (+20 points). I only hope that she’ll like you just as much as she does now when she finds out you really are a pizza boy. Week 1: 40 points // Week 2: 40 points
Andy: WTH: You’re working the house like a red-headed stepchild floater, and your name has never come up for nomination possibilities (+10 points). WA: You haven’t shown America all the big moves and new gay behaviors separating you from past gay HGs, but you haven’t made things too much worse in anyway and we hate that you’re subjected to such hurtful gay jokes in the house (+20 points). WJ: You continue to make your way around the jury pool in the house, and your best argument should you get to the end is that you somehow got to the end (+10 points). I only hope that you’ll orchestrate and fulfill at least one plan of your own this season. Week 1: 40 points // Week 2: 40 points
Jessie: WTH: This is clearly summer camp for you considering your maturity level is at “bonfires and marshmallows”, yet your playing your role as the summer’s harmless helpless hornball pretty well (+10 points). WA: You just hope your cuteness will win America over while that’s not happening any time soon, because we all know cute is a nice way of saying “pretty but cuckoo” most of the time (+10 points). WJ: Your only possible argument right now should you face a jury is that you’ve kept your legs closed, in theory, and your eyes and ears opened to make it to the end (+20 points). I only hope that you’ll drop the damsel-in-dryspell act so we can see a better side of you. Week 1: 40 points // Week 2: 40 points
Amanda: WTH: Bandaids on boobs or not, you are a force in the house and this season because like it or not you’re working everything and everyone including bandaids (+40 points). WA: America wants to believe that your talk with Aaryn was a genuine one, but the fact that you started it with “I think you’re joking but…” makes me doubt your intentions (+10 points). WJ: You’re walking a fine line between what you leave in the diary room and what you drag outside the diary room, and it will hurt you if you talk too much which you’re prone to doing (+10 points). I only hope that all this attention for your body is doing you some good because you clearly needed to badly put yourself on display. Week 1: 60 points // Week 2: 60 points
Spencer: WTH: I believe your sociopathic tendencies are helping you so far in working the house, but your mouth is what’s hurting you despite having fooled most people in the house into thinking you’re just a good guy (+20 points). WA: America is aware of your anti-semitism and otherwise hate for women who are not white, or gay men for that matter, but we just haven’t seen it aired yet on television (+10 points). WJ: You’re already being branded as a snake in the house, and you’ll probably meet it’s sting by way of eviction before you ever meet jury. (+10 points). I only hope that you use your natural thirst for knowledge in a good way when you leave the house. Week 1: 60 points // Week 2: 40 points
Nick: You’re gone. Your speech was so embarrassing I had to look away without so much as a screenshot. Well, one screenshot…of your face with Chenbot announced your eviction.
Judd: WTH: You’re the odd-man-out living in a town of not enough gas stations, but you’ve managed to find a neutral zone with everyone in the house early on (+40 points). WA: America may not understand you 100% of the time, but the language of Big Brother love surpasses the need for subtitles this summer (+30 points). WJ: If you get to jury you will surely win and be the sleeper hit of the summer, and deservedly so because your social game is most consistent so far. (+30 points). I only hope you’ve learned that your dream “JoJo” is not GinaMarie. Week 1: 100 points // Week 2: 100 points
Howard: WTH: You manage to fit right in despite your size in the Big Brother house, but it’s your presence and not your size that’s playing a bigger roll as you suppress so much in such a short amount of time (+20 points). WA: America seems to be torn between wanting you to stand up against racism, and wanting you to keep the peace, and it’s a blessing and curse to be where you are right now (+20 points). WJ: Whether or not you win any competitions this season, your jury speech will be something I look forward to if or when you get there because you’ll get to explain all your success and failures (+20 points). I only hope Aaryn doesn’t do something to your bible because I fear that will be the last blonde straw that broke Howard’s back. Week 1: 100 points // Week 2: 60 points
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This is only the second eviction yet it feels like two years has passed. Holy shit this summer’s going to be a long one…so let’s end this week with a:
DIARY ROOM CRACKHEAD OF THE WEEK:
And for those keeping track…Judd is in the lead with 200 points in two weeks, with Howard following close behind with 160 points. See you all next week for another bullseye blog!