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FAQ-style Big Brother 15 Bullseye – Week 5

BullseyeWeek5

I realize Julie Chen’s BIGGEST question is:

Chenbot

But let’s get on to a few other pressing questions…

 

1. Who is running the house? Amanda and Helen.

AmandaHelenIf you can’t see or admit that Amanda and Helen are running this Big Brother 15 house, then you either probably don’t give women enough credit in real life anyway or you have no idea what’s actually going on in that house 24 hours a day these last 44 days. Amanda and Helen have now each been up on the block once and know what it feels like, but Helen has won HOH so she’s got a better jury speech. Plus, Amanda has made racist remarks that have never made it to air and Helen never has. Helen could absolutely dominate Amanda in a hypothetical final two against each other in front of the jury. I don’t know if either will make it there.

Amanda: WTH: 30 / WA: 10 / WJ: 20  // Total: 60

Helen: WTH: 40 / WA: 30 / WJ: 30 // Total: 100

 

2. Who is riding coattails? McCrae and GinaMarie.

McCraeAmanda

Now that McCrae and GinaMarie each have an HOH win under their belts, they’re about even in the coattail riding. McCrae’s been piggybacking Amanda’s alleged sexually harassed back, and GinaMarie’s been riding the racist train on the other side of the house from the beginning. Neither of them could win in a jury speech against anyone else in the house but each other. At least McCrae got laid while GinaMarie got played. Nick’s long since forgotten about GinaMarie as he and his hand-model hands have been posing in nearly every BB alum photo, pointing at someone “famous”, since he’s been evicted.

McCrae: WTH: 10 / WA: 20 / WJ: 10  // Total: 40

GinaMarie: WTH: 20 / WA: 10 / WJ: 10 // Total: 40

 

3. Who has been playing the game but has little entertainment value? Andy, Jessie and Spencer.

AndyJessieSpencer

 

All three have been seen in the HOH room and all three do their share of floating from room to room trying to gain information. Talking to Andy about game seems much like talking to a funny-looking imaginary friend and HG, while Jessie is everyone’s whiny but nice next-door-neighbor and HG. Spencer has less respect for women than he does men, and even less respect for men like McCrae and Andy, but I’ve never seen Spencer run as fast as he did in that POV Competition he won. He has a better jury speech stacking up than Andy or Jessie do at this point, especially since he’s survived the block more. Everyone seems to dislike Spencer but he’s still around.

Andy: WTH: 0 / WA: 10 / WJ: 10  // Total: 20

Jessie: WTH: 0 / WA: 10 / WJ: 10 // Total: 20

Spencer: WTH: 20 / WA: 10 / WJ: 10  // Total: 40

 

4. Who was cast for their hot bods? Howard and Elissa.

HowardElissa

Goodbye Howard. Now we all know there’s no way you could have pulled off a jury speech anyway, so it’s best you left now. Your best asset was your bulge and now that we’ve all seen it it’s Elissa’s time to shine. Elissa loves to shine, and speak like she’s really high, and I don’t blame Amanda and McCrae for blowing off her MVP theories by the hammock. I don’t think I could take anything Elissa said to me seriously just because of the way she slurs everything. I’m not gonna lie though…sometimes I want to be on whatever she’s on…because it’s definitely better than the stuff I’m smoking.

Elissa: WTH: 30 / WA: 20 / WJ: 10  // Total: 60

 

5. Who are my dream final two picks? Candice and Judd.

CandiceJuddI’d love to see Candice and Judd in the final two, and for Candice to win. I’d love for Judd to win too, which is why he and Candice share this paragraph, but I really want another woman of color to win Big Brother. I don’t make such statements, and I never have for past seasons, but because of all the wrongs that need to be righted I’d personally love to see Candice at the end. Judd’s been sitting pretty for weeks now while Candice has been drama city, and to see them head-to-head in jury speech would be a great end to a long season.

Candice: WTH: 30 / WA: 20 / WJ: 10 // Total: 60

Judd: WTH: 20 / WA: 20 / WJ: 20  // Total: 60

 

5. Who should be gone already? Aaryn.

Aaryn

Aaryn’s still around and will be around for a little longer as HGs are currently thinking about final two scenarios already. Aaryn’s family and friends and anyone else who cares about her are online defending her, and deflecting guilt onto Amanda and others including even me. I absolutely understand the purposes of keeping around someone like Aaryn to further yourself in the game, but I would not have kept her in the house. Someone like Aaryn doesn’t deserve a jury vote, because it’s bad enough she has a vote in the American election process. Period.

Aaryn: WTH: 30 / WA: 0 / WJ: 10  // Total: 40

~ ~ ~

BullseyeWeek5

 

 

Helen has knocked Judd out as the BB15 Bullseye for Week 5…but no worries #TeamJudd fans out there! Judd still leads the ranks with an overall five-week total of 460 points!

Here are my Week Five Favs:

WeekFiveFavs

 

I have so many screencaps from this week that I look forward to sharing in blog with you this week!

Always dishing,

Jun

Bigotry, Showmances and Sexual Harassment Oh My!

BBSpice

BBSpice

Adding to the smelly clogged drain that is Big Brother 15, we can now add “sexual harassment” to the sad mix. Big Brother Spice has photo “evidence” and covers what went down between Amanda and Howard…

Amanda’s allegations that Howard told her “I’m going to f*** the s*** out of you.” Amanda also alleges that Howard said this “fucking the shit out of” stuff would happen outside the house of course, and also that she was “so fucking hot.” Okay.

Thank you to everyone who’s still watching the feeds and reporting, because everything happens for a reason and I’m happy with my reasons for not live feeding. I do not interact with friends or family of current HGs either, because it opens up a window for hateful trolls. I’m not ashamed to admit I’m grateful there was no Facebook or Twitter “back then”…

I realize I haven’t shut up about the fact that it’s been 10 years since I’ve been on the show, but let’s compare:

“BIGOTRY”:

Then:  We all made fun of Jee’s accent in the house, Erika made racist remarks behind Jee’s back, Ali and I laughed about Robert’s heritage…

Now: David, Aaryn, GinaMarie, Spencer, Amanda, et al.

“SHOWMANCES”:

Then: Dana and Justin messed around under the blankets and engaged in PDA, Ali and Nathan WTF was that, David and Amanda had the first sex on a season of Big Brother in the U.S…

Now: There are two moms who won’t showmance, and the rest of the female HGs can’t play the game without a man to latch onto or cry Nick over.

Aaryn’s even replaced David and kinda Jeremy with Judd:

JuddAarynHugBig Brother Network reports there was giggling and sweet-good-for-nothings muttered between the two, and I’m having acid reflux just thinking about this whole thing. It’s just a hug, but we all know that my mother would say all hugs lead to anal sex.

Can this season be over please? I’m so embarrassed…but what’s new? Trials and tribulations of a BB fan…

Always dishing,

Jun

 

Big Brother 15: Memory Lane

DavidFirstHOH

What’s been a month of Big Brother 15 so far has felt like a year, and so I’ve decided we should take a trip down memory lane using “my screenshots that never made it into other blogs”…

GroupNow

Remember this group? They’re four down and more to go before someone wins this season of Big Brother. There’s so much time left it’s exhausting just thinking about getting to “Day 100 of Summer” this years. So to take a break I threw out a hypothetical:

NickTweet

 

 

The flash of first 30 responses from most of you on Twitter was Nick.

I would have said Nick or Kaitlin so I’m okay with your overwhelming push of Nick!!! Uhas!!! Nick’s been hanging out with David as of these last 24 hours on Twitter:

NickDavidTweetI feel like laughing more at someone’s expense right now so let’s do that and call it Big Brother 15 reporting, because I came across screencaps only I would dwell on… I’m aware of my eye for ridiculous details.

 

DavidFirstHOH

 

Damn! David was almost unrecognizable to me as I scrolled through old screenshots, and as a matter of fact without his voluminous hair he looks a little bit like a cartoon fetus. How cute!

And how not cute but creepy…

SpencerCreeperRemember this? During the “Keeping Up with the Joneses” I took this screenshot because I could totally see Spencer doing this outside the house, to go hand-in-hand with all his sexually explicit and dark thoughts about women which he shares on the feeds. Spencer’s not your ordinary horny American.

He leers then bites his lip while your back is turned to him kinda-guy…

SpencerYuckThe only thing acceptable about these photos is that it’s Aaryn that has fallen prey to Spencer’s hairy hungry eyes. I could be wrong and he could have been staring at some design on the pocket of her jeans, but I don’t think so not from the musky place he’s coming from. I can smell a hooker a mile away, but I can smell a perv without having to smell a thing.

Speaking of things…

Hailey Jones…

HaileyJonesDear Hailey Jones:

Congratulations on gaining the faith of many BB fans and getting attention from me, but only because I get asked about you many times a BB15 day on Twitter and I need to document an answer. I think it’s cute that you thought up this little Facebook scheme all on your own or not, and all this talk of “pre-chosen” and “pre-determined” made this a religious experience for some. Anyone who really believes in you should be rewarded for their meekness.

Signed,

Always dishing,

Jun

 

 

 

 

Big Brother 15 Bullseye – Week 4

WeekFour

Julie Tweet

I don’t know what’s going on from the neck-up anymore with Julie Chen, because I don’t know when it became fashionable to carry your own piss-pot in your hair. That’s what it looked like last night. I’m convinced it was a bowl of rice in case Aaryn was evicted but Kaitlin got the boot instead, and now we’ll never know what Julie had in her hair.

ChenbotHair

 

For those of you who have been asking WTH “WTH” is as far scoring the HGs:

Working the house (“WTH”) would be something like Amanda who is neither vehemently disliked nor cherished, yet she has the ability to work the house on her own without anyone else’s help.

Working America (“WA”) would be something like Helen who is clearly speaking more to America than she is to the diary room when she’s spelling everything out for us with the occasional hair flip for emphasis.

Working the potential jury (“WJ”) would be like Howard keeping his cool and thinking long term to jury as he does in life when faced with racism.

This week: Judd still remains #1 overall:

WeekFour

 

I don’t see King Judd being knocked off the Bullseye soon, but let’s get on with the rest of the messes:

Mud

AarynWTH: You’ve done so much damage in the house that it’s actually become an advantage for you because you got zero votes for eviction, and you’re still in the house (+30 points). WA: Your family’s hired a PR crew to clean up your online image, yet America still does not like you (+10 points). WJ: Now that you’ve survived the block twice and won HOH twice your jury speech only gets stronger which make me sick, but at least I have screencaps of you suffering in the mud to make me feel better (+20 points). Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 140 points

Froyo

GinaMarieWTH: You got zero votes because you are inconsequential to most of the house, and provide comic relief with your severely defective vocabulary (+10 points). WA: You showed America what a girl with no gag reflex looks like on a Friday night in Staten Island, and you actually made me feel inadequate in the deep throat arena. Brava (+20 points). WJI applaud you for not going “gangster” on Elissa when she pushed you away, I guess you reserve your “beatdowns” for non-white girls (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 120 points

Earrings

CandiceWTH: Attaching yourself to Howard every waking moment is getting in the way of your working the house the way you did at first (+10 points). WA: Half of America loves your earrings and the other half hates them, and i’m just confused by them (+20 points). WJ: I don’t see you having a problem with the jury at the end so long as you win a competition here and there, because you can’t hang on to Howard’s schlong forever (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 180 points

ElissaPush

ElissaWTH: You don’t even have to do much to work the house, because some of these people are stupid enough to think you got MVP and nominated yourself only to play in the veto and save yourself (+20 points).  WA: You cry about wanting to go home when you don’t get your way, and then gloat like a rubby ducky but you’re not really fooling anyone (0 points). WJ: You suck at jury management but if you survive this week with Aaryn as HOH, and not being able to play in veto, then your jury speech is better than half the house’s. (+20 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 180 points

Kaitlin: Have a great time in Vegas. Bye.

HelenTweet

HelenWTH: You were penalized with two nights of 8pm curfew which probably helped your game, because it meant you had to shut our mouth for longer than usual (+20 points)?! WA: “America”, in this case Rachel’s fans, may not like you turning your back on Elissa this week but you don’t seem to care since you have deals with everyone but Julie Chen at this point (+10 points). WJ: Kaitlin, whom you voted out, seems to think the world of you and I really think the rest of the HGs sincerely like you as well (+30 points). Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 220 points

Bathroom

McCraeWTH: You’re passively working the house while your queen aggressively works it for you, even in the toilet (+20 points). WA: You’re getting a good edit on television, but on the feeds you have your moments aka referring to someone as a “cunt” (+10 points). WJ: Your $5,000 win in the POV competition, plus the fact that you’re Amanda’s bitch, will hurt you come jury time  (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 160 points

Andy: WTH: You manage to be everywhere and nowhere, and it’s only a matter of time before someone attacks you for it, so you need to be ready with more than color-blocked clown shirts (+20 points). WA: You get to host a competition and look suitably geeklicious, yet today you also throw the word “cunt” around on the live feeds as if it’s easy to just roll off your tongue (+10 points). WJ: Your jury vote is getting stronger the longer you’re a Have-Not in that god-forsaken house, but I don’t believe you’d win. (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 160 points

JessieWTH: You might as well take a long nap until final five because you’re on nobody’s radar, including production’s (+20 points). WA: America needs to know more about you, but CBS doesn’t seem to be interested in providing that yet which means you’re going to be around for a while (+10 points). WJ: If you get to jury you’ll probably be sitting with someone just like you, and someone better than you, so I don’t see you winning (+10 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 160 points

AmandaWTF

AmandaWTH: You were upset about your key being pulled last at Judd’s HOH nomination ceremony, yet it was your one-piece bathing suit that offended Elissa enough to bring you to tears. Get it together (+10 points). WA: America’s split on you, because many of us enjoy what you bring to BB and others are Rachel’s fans (+30 points). WJ: You’re in a good spot come any jury, just like you’re in a good spot week-to-week no matter who’s HOH (+20 points). Week 3: 60 points // Cumulative: 240 points

SpencerWTH: What you lack in soul you make up for in trivia knowledge from Hitler to sexual predator language to aliens and everything remotely creepy in-between, and HGs actually listen because despite your size you never raise your voice (+30 points). WA: Television-viewers know you to be a gentle giant with rough edges, while live feeders know you to be the guy you never want to live next door to if you’re gay or an attractive tampon-user (+20 points). WJ: If you survive this week you have the “Howard had Candice and I had nobody” argument handy, and if you survive it’s because the HGs think Howard’s a bigger threat. (+10 points). Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 200 points

JuddWTH: You’re HOH and you’re supposed to be “the bad guy” who nominates people, yet nobody hates you and GinaMarie even had a beer ready for you when you got out of solitary. Nicely done (+40 points). WA: Your mom’s letter to you in your HOH basket read, “Your dad hasn’t been this nervous since the day you were born,” and it sounded just right to America (+30 points). WJThings like solitary confinement will make good bullet points when you’re making your jury speech (+30 points). Week 4: 100 points // Cumulative: 400 points

HC

HowardWTH: Doing yoga with Elissa was a good move, as was letting Candice feel up on your man parts with her body during the POV competition, but sticking so close still with a former Moving Company loser may hurt you this week (+20 points). WA: America pretty much loves you, and not all of  America has even seen what’s under those sweatpants of yours (+30 points). WJ: When potential jury member Candice tells you to go get her a pebble you reply, “I ain’t no penguin” yet you let her use you like a piece of Grade-A furniture. Nicely done (+10 points).  Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 280 points

~ ~ ~

DIARY ROOM CRACKHEAD OF THE WEEK: Elissa

Eyelash

~ ~ ~

My Personal MVP Of The Week: Howard’s bulge, I mean…Howard.

HowardBulge

 

~ ~ ~

Oh, and Helen’s back on my Favs list:

Favs Week 4It’s been 4 weeks yet I feel like I’ve aged 40 weeks.

Always dishing,

Jun

 

Big Brother 15 Bullseye – Week 3

BullseyeWeek3

Last night’s live eviction was all over the place, but I walked away loving McCrae’s dad and feeling sorry for Julie Chen. Julie’s hair was so bumped up and heavy that it was affecting her speech, like, her extensions must have weighed so much. I never miss a thing when it comes to the Chenbot, and I can tell you no amount of cue cards could have helped last night with all the returning to the rivving room she did. Rivving room? Was that some subliminal racial slip?!

I’m still wondering what the Sultan of Sexy debacle was all about…but I don’t think I’ll ever really know.. But here’s what I do know:

BullseyeWeek3

~ ~ ~

bumpit

AarynWTH: Nobody likes you as a person although they pretend to like you as a Houseguest, which makes you perfect to take to the end (+80 points). WA: If you can’t tell by now with all the hints that Big Brother-watching Americans dislike you, then you’re in bigger trouble than I thought once you leave that house (+10 points). CBS is practically writing you out of the reality television script, oxymoron, by letting America choose the third nominee this week instead of the usual Elissa (+10 points). WJ: You are my Ali to take to the end, except if the jury asked me why you didn’t deserve to win over me I’d say, “Because racism shouldn’t ever be rewarded first place in life or in Big Brother, and especially not with $500,000,” or something to that effect (+20 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 80 points

JeremyGW

Jeremy: Thanks for making me appreciate just how handsome a man George Washington was compared to you. There’s only one winner in Big Brother which just makes you…another loser. Go do some of that work you’re promising to do “on the inside” and you’ll see you’re not very “intimidating-looking” at all, just tattooed and tall.

NickIkeaCup

GinaMarieWTH: The house treats you like a mild mental case as it is, but you have a legit strategy on your hands by being so chemically and hormonally imbalanced at the same time. (+30 points). WA: You’re at times such a train wreck that we should look away but we don’t, and so we enable you, yet judge you deliciously harsh here and other parts of the world wide web. (+10 points). WJ: At this point your jury will have to stop laughing at you before you get half-way through your jury speech, which we expect will be in your usual outdated Brooklyn thug language (0 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 80 points

CandiceWTH: You’re not the brightest bulb in the BB15 house, but you’ve squeaked out sympathy from nearly everyone since week one (+20 points). WA: Your gigantic earrings all the time are killing a lot of us slowly but surely, although your live show dress looked so good on you (+20 points). WJ: You’ve been building credibility here and there, and after loyalty that’s the next best thing to have in the house. If you get to the end we’ll see if your pageant skills come out and you get all speak-with-your-eyes on us like you get with Julie Chen. (+20 points). Week 3: 60 points // Cumulative: 140 points

Elissachel

ElissaWTH: I know it was not easy standing up to everyone in the HOH room and saying “You can’t ask me to do something that I’m not comfortable with.” It’s never easy defending yourself to money-hungry HGs, and I was impressed (+40 points). WA: Your Rachel crying has to go…the one where you guys knit your brows and shut your eyes real tight with your hand at your head? That needs to go (0 points). WJ: If you can’t start talking faster nobody will vote for you. Period. (0 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 140 points

KaitlinWTH: You realize you may need to ditch Aaryn, but it may be too late for you seeing as how being the girlfriend of a “competition beast” has rubbed off on you and made you a threat (+10 points). WA: You have a drag queen hand when it comes to applying makeup, and it scares me as well as others and their pets. Take it easy, and maybe without Jeremy around you’ll be more likable (+10 points).  WJYou’ve won a POV competition and taken yourself off the block so early on, and this will be a great argument to have in your pocket should you make it to the bitter end (+20 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 120 points

HelenThumbs

HelenWTH: This isn’t Survivor and there is no Stealth ‘R Us going on so stop it. Control yourself woman…you have deals with every HG (+10 points)?! WA: Most live feeds viewers are screaming at their screens for you to shut up, but television-only viewers love you and the edit you’re getting. I’d die before giving the diary room two thumbs up, but that’s just me (+30 points). WJ: Judging from your track record so far I know you’ll most likely give a Dan-esque speech at the end, but if you cry those fake tears you’ll lose them (+20 points). Week 3: 60 points // Cumulative: 160 points

25K

McCraeWTH: You’re putting both your balls into Amanda’s basket right now with this showmance going on, and it will get you in trouble eventually. Not just in the game, but when you have to cough up that $25K engagement ring she wants (+10 points). WA: We got to see you use the big bad bitch word last night referring to Aaryn, but you’re so whipped by your Queen Amanda that “bitch” doesn’t even sound like a bad word when you say it (+10 points). WJ: You’ll have a hard time convincing any jury that you could’ve gotten to the end without Amanda, but your social game is still good without hers (+20 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 120 points

Andy: I wrote about you already this week in “The Best Napper” in which I defend you and your gameplay despite many calling you “a despicable floater.” I said just two days ago, “Andy’s floating most of all, and I don’t blame him, because there are 12 Type A personalities in there and 2 Type B-and-a-half. Everyone is floating to some degree because it’s impossible not to. The MVP twist encourages floating in fact, though Elissa winning it every week defeats the purpose of anything good coming out of this new MVP twist.” I still mean it. Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 120 points

JessieWTH: Your decision to separate yourself from Aaryn was a wise one, as was your decision to attach yourself to Judd now that he’s HOH (+20 points). WA: One day you’ll be more secure in your own skin than you are now, and you’ll understand how many opportunities you’ve missed this summer to actually connect with us watching (+10 points). WJ: I don’t envy you being in a house of so many attractive women what with your fear of them and all, but you’ve managed to score a little bit of sympathy from everyone all around so kudos (+10 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 120 points

AmandaWTH: Easy there with your jabbering jaw dear lady because one of these days one of the HGs will tell you to STFU and there won’t be enough bandaids to heal the social damage done (+10 points). WA: Now that America’s seen your family on television there’s more to be invested in, and in knowing your mom stalks CEOs of software technology for your marriage prospects (+30 points). WJ: I don’t doubt you can handle yourself come jury speech, but just keep in mind all these Aesop-fabled speeches you’re currently giving may hurt you down the line. (+20 points). Week 3: 60 points // Cumulative: 180 points

SpencerWTH: You managed to keep a low enough profile to ensure Jeremy got the boot while you fell for Helen’s fake tears, and basically you suck (+20 points). WA: Your thanking your former employer on live televisionwho, unbeknownst to you, fired you while you were singing odes to Hitler and expressing your desire to chew on Jessie’s tampons was fun to watch (+10 points). WJ: Considering you can’t win shit, your social game will be your ticket to the jury’s votes. But with all the time the jury has together in sequester they’ll piece together what an a-hole you really are (+10 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 140 points

McCraeJudd

JuddWTH: You’ve had no real enemies and may even have a showmance on the horizon week three, and even your fugly shirt is making its way around to Helen and last seen on McCrae (+30 points). WA: You’re getting an accurate edit, and you should be pretty proud (+40 points). WJ: You’ll do fine come jury time because you can remind them all how level-headed you’ve been in the game, like when Aaryn came to you asking for acknowledgment of how nice she’d been all this last week. You could have laughed in her face and you didn’t, and it’s just that kind of social game that will get you to the end (+30 points). Week 1: 100 points // Week 2: 300 points 

Howard

HowardWTH: You got yourself in a lot of trouble but managed to get yourself out of it, thanks to diary room paranoia and Elissa’s focus on Jeremy (0 points). WA: Clearly Chenbot let you know that you’re labeled “a man of faith” for the season,  and we all love a good man of faith who’s hung like he’s blessed so thank you for dropping the towel this week on the feeds (+50 points). WJ: You’re putting yourself in a shitty position where you’ll have to defend your faith versus lies you told in the house, and it will be a hard jury speech to deliver effectively without being a hypocrite (+10 points).  Week 1: 60 points // Week 2: 220 points

~ ~ ~

Week3Favs

Dear Judd leads this pack in every way, and I never would have imagined this to be the case in pre-season. We’ll see what his HOH reign turns out like. I’d recommend he either backdoor Elissa or break up the last showmance in the house aka Amanda/McCrae…

And before we go…

DIARY ROOM CRACKHEAD OF THE WEEK:

GMQuote

And just because we don’t have enough crackheadedness…here are the “rules” of this week’s Twists aka MVP America:

“The new HOH cannot be nominated, if the HOH or their nominee gets the most votes. The houseguest with the next highest vote total becomes the nominee.”

Clear, right?! Right.

See you next week!

Always dishing,

Jun

 

Big Brother 15 Bullseye – Week 2

Wk2BB15Bullseye

I said last week: All scores are based on overall strategy in working the house and America and the potential jury. It seems some of you wanted clarification and I was prepared to clarify…and then Julie Chen shows up all over the place with hair so fake and big that her own eyes hurt.

ChenbotWTF

I nearly gave up all together on this season.

But I didn’t.

~ ~ ~

Working the house (“WTH”) would be something like Amanda who is neither vehemently disliked nor cherished, yet she has the ability to work the house on her own without anyone else’s help. Scored 0-4, with zero meaning you suck.

Working America (“WA”) would be something like Helen who is clearly speaking more to America than she is to the diary room when she’s spelling everything out for us with the occasional hair flip for emphasis. Scored 1-3.

Working the potential jury (“WJ”) would be like Howard keeping his cool and thinking long term to jury as he does in life when faced with racism, and he should be commended and not faulted for his repressing his voice because it’s his choice and his choice only. Scored 1-3.

 

Wk2BB15Bullseye

~ ~ ~

Aaryn: WTH: Although the house isn’t seeing what we’re seeing they’re  getting worked up by you rather than worked, but unlike Amanda your actions are bouncing back onto you in a game based on social manipulation and not racial bullying (+10 points). WA: You play the game unaware that a very vocal part of the Big Brother world finds your hate unacceptable, and that your mark on the internet is a dark stain among dirty stains (0 points). WJ: This assumes you make it to the end and you get to meet a jury of people you’ve degraded and disrespected, which is possible given the dynamics in choosing who gets taken to the end, but you will not win because this is not your time to win anything (+10 points). I only hope you face your music hard and swift and apologize to many. Week 1: 20 points // Week 2: 20 points

DouchePOV

Jeremy: WTH: You are working Kaitlin’s house and leaving sex squirts all over the BB house, but your brazenly douchey wearing of the POV around your neck in the hot tub makes you so beneath the rest of the house. (+10 points). WA: You play the game unaware that we hear and see what you’re made of, and that your ego is a magnet for girls who mention their daddies every time they’re about to fake an orgasm. (+0 points). WJ: You seem so equal-opportunity vile that some of the jury may actually appreciate your refreshingly transparent future in which you fail at life (+10 points). I only hope you age the way I think you’re gonna age, and that we all get to see what you look like in 20 years. Week 1: 20 points // Week 2: 20 points

GM

GinaMarieWTH: You’re too busy working Nick into a fatal attraction corner that you suck at working the house to your advantage, and twice in a row you are blindsided because you’re like a blind bipolar bully (+10 points). WA: You may not be getting the edit that dear Aaryn is getting, but you are not working America the way you’re working your imaginary pageant stripper pole (+0 points). WJ: Half the potential jury may let you slip to the end knowing you’re a mental case just in need of some attention, and perfect to sit next to at the end, but no jury would award you a win right now. (+10 points). I only hope someone from New York comes along next season to wash away your New York state of bigoted mind. Week 1: 20 points // Week 2: 20 points

CandiceWTH: Nothing you’ve done or said equals your skin color in the eyes of Aaryn and GinaMarie, but you’ve risen above that and started working the house more, since last week (+20 points). WA: You’re not a super fan but you’re attracting super fans who appreciate what you represent this season, and that you’re not “a Libra” or anyone other black HG who came before you so remember that (+20 points). WJ: You haven’t shown yourself to be untrustworthy in the game yet you’ve had to endure much more than some of the others in the house, so if you should get to the end you have one hell of a jury speech to give (+20 points). I only hope that your mom stops talking to outlets like TMZ about Aaryn being “the devil” and such. Week 1: 20 points // Week 2: 60 points

WHAT

ElissaWTH: You somehow work the house despite your slow and slurred speech and manage to evict your two MVP nominations back-to-back (+40 points). WA: Your constant thanking of America through fake-lashed eyes and mention of “Brenchel Army” makes me gag then dramaticly dry-heave, but I don’t represent America and they’re voting you MVP so… (+20 points). WJ: You will smother the jury about having to beat the odds of being Rachel Reilly’s sister every day just like you’re doing now. (0 points). I only hope the young people watching realize there’s such a thing as too young for botox and implants that make you look like a kewpie doll. Week 1: 40 points // Week 2: 60 points

KaitlinWTH: You’re doing what you probably do every day at work, and that’s survive without leading but following, but you’ll have to be more active in strategy besides swapping spit with Jeremy (+10 points). WA: You’re not as interested in what America thinks of you as you are concerned with what your money-stealing stockbroker dad is thinking about your juicy escapades with Jeremy (+0 points). WJ: You came close in the HOH competition before Helen finally won in the end, but coming close enough in competitions is not going to get you jury votes if you’re already failing at working the house (+10 points). I only hope that your blood test come back clean after all the intimacy with Manimal. Week 1: 40 points // Week 2: 20 points

roar

HelenWTH: You’re working the house in different degrees and managed to work them against Nick despite your being on the block yourself last week, which may come back to haunt you especially after winning HOH this week (+20 points). WA: You’re in pretty good with America despite your incessant crying and soft shell, and it doesn’t hurt that you have Brenchel Army in your corner as back-up (+20 points). WJ: You have a very strong jury speech already despite two weeks of gameplay, and as long as you don’t break down or get caught you will get to meet the jury (+20 points). I only hope that you’ll never have to experience what Candice had to experience this week at the hands of Aaryn and GinaMarie. Week 1: 40 points // Week 2: 60 points

McPizza

McCraeWTH: I hope your pizza is better than your willpower because you spill everything to Amanda as if she owns you, and the rest of the house knows too that you have your “head in a vice” (+10 points). WA: The bad news is that half of America is amused by you but not enough to vote you MVP, and the rest are confused by you but again not enough… (+10 points). WJ: You managed to walk away from your first HOH without getting too much blood on your hands, but the jury knows this is because your hands have been full of Amanda instead  (+20 points). I only hope that she’ll like you just as much as she does now when she finds out you really are a pizza boy. Week 1: 40 points // Week 2: 40 points

AndyWTH: You’re working the house like a red-headed stepchild floater, and your name has never come up for nomination possibilities (+10 points). WA: You haven’t shown America all the big moves and new gay behaviors separating you from past gay HGs, but you haven’t made things too much worse in anyway and we hate that you’re subjected to such hurtful gay jokes in the house (+20 points). WJ: You continue to make your way around the jury pool in the house, and your best argument should you get to the end is that you somehow got to the end (+10 points). I only hope that you’ll orchestrate and fulfill at least one plan of your own this season. Week 1: 40 points // Week 2: 40 points

JessieWTH: This is clearly summer camp for you considering your maturity level is at “bonfires and marshmallows”, yet your playing your role as the summer’s harmless helpless hornball pretty well (+10 points). WA: You just hope your cuteness will win America over while that’s not happening any time soon, because we all know cute is a nice way of saying “pretty but cuckoo” most of the time (+10 points). WJ: Your only possible argument right now should you face a jury is that you’ve kept your legs closed, in theory, and your eyes and ears opened to make it to the end (+20 points). I only hope that you’ll drop the damsel-in-dryspell act so we can see a better side of you. Week 1: 40 points // Week 2: 40 points

boobs

AmandaWTH: Bandaids on boobs or not, you are a force in the house and this season because like it or not you’re working everything and everyone including bandaids (+40 points). WA: America wants to believe that your talk with Aaryn was a genuine one, but the fact that you started it with “I think you’re joking but…” makes me doubt your intentions (+10 points). WJ: You’re walking a fine line between what you leave in the diary room and what you drag outside the diary room, and it will hurt you if you talk too much which you’re prone to doing (+10 points). I only hope that all this attention for your body is doing you some good because you clearly needed to badly put yourself on display. Week 1: 60 points // Week 2: 60 points

SpencerWTH: I believe your sociopathic tendencies are helping you so far in working the house, but your mouth is what’s hurting you despite having fooled most people in the house into thinking you’re just a good guy (+20 points). WA: America is aware of your anti-semitism and otherwise hate for women who are not white, or gay men for that matter, but we just haven’t seen it aired yet on television (+10 points). WJ: You’re already being branded as a snake in the house, and you’ll probably meet it’s sting by way of eviction before you ever meet jury. (+10 points). I only hope that you use your natural thirst for knowledge in a good way when you leave the house. Week 1: 60 points // Week 2: 40 points

NickWTF

Nick: You’re gone. Your speech was so embarrassing I had to look away without so much as a screenshot. Well, one screenshot…of your face with Chenbot announced your eviction.

JuddWTH: You’re the odd-man-out living in a town of not enough gas stations, but you’ve managed to find a neutral zone with everyone in the house early on (+40 points). WA: America may not understand you 100% of the time, but the language of Big Brother love surpasses the need for subtitles this summer (+30 points). WJ: If you get to jury you will surely win and be the sleeper hit of the summer, and deservedly so because your social game is most consistent so far. (+30 points). I only hope you’ve learned that your dream “JoJo” is not GinaMarie. Week 1: 100 points // Week 2: 100 points

HowardWTH: You manage to fit right in despite your size in the Big Brother house, but it’s your presence and not your size that’s playing a bigger roll as you suppress so much in such a short amount of time (+20 points). WA: America seems to be torn between wanting you to stand up against racism, and wanting you to keep the peace, and it’s a blessing and curse to be where you are right now (+20 points). WJ: Whether or not you win any competitions this season, your jury speech will be something I look forward to if or when you get there because you’ll get to explain all your success and failures (+20 points). I only hope Aaryn doesn’t do something to your bible because I fear that will be the last blonde straw that broke Howard’s back. Week 1: 100 points // Week 2: 60 points

~ ~ ~

 

FavsWeek2

This is only the second eviction yet it feels like two years has passed. Holy shit this summer’s going to be a long one…so let’s end this week with a:

DIARY ROOM CRACKHEAD OF THE WEEK:

Crackhead

And for those keeping track…Judd is in the lead with 200 points in two weeks, with Howard following close behind with 160 points. See you all next week for another bullseye blog!

Always dishing,

Jun

Why Momz Would Be Horrible on Big Brother 15

MomzPoseFM

I didn’t know, when I wrote Why Momz Would Be Horrible on Big Brother, that there would be a Part 2. So if you missed it, you can click and read it first if you want. After just two weeks of Big Brother 15, I realized there should be an update to the list:

Why Momz Would Be Horrible on Big Brother 15

10. She would have started out by introducing herself to all the HGs as, “Hi, my name is Song,” which would make sense for only Helen. Koreans say last names first because they matter most. This would immediately put a target on  my mother’s back, as well as Helen’s, because everyone in the house would just assume they’re mother and daughter who also happen to own rice fields and nail salons when they’re not in the Big Brother house.

9. She’d say at least a dozen times a day to everyone, “You know Jun she my daughter, she winning the Big Brother,” which would make her an even bigger target than Elissa who is “The Sister of a Big Brother Legend” aka Rachel Reilly.

8. She can barely turn on a Mac, let alone handle those BB competitions…and for sure she would have joined David in the ranks of not having spelled a word in the POV competition. My mother gets way too nervous with the English language especially when she’s timed.

7. She’d spend the summer harassing HGs about the hazards of anal sex, and probably bring my name up further embarrassing me. This would anger people like GinaMarie, Amanda, Kaitlin and Jeremy and they’d try to backdoor my mother. And I never want to hear “backdoor” and “my mother” in the same sentence. Ever.

6. She’d cock-block everyone, even from themselves, because all roads lead to #7 above including masturbation in house! And this would ultimately lead to my mother’s eviction because this whole house is currently on the road to #7, except for Howard, Helen, Andy, Elissa, Candice, and Nick.

5. She’d make everyone put on more clothes around-the-clock, telling them “This is not the porno!” And then Judd would try to correct her English only to discover my mother, like so many other HGs, don’t understand his English. There’d be a language discrimination issue and subtitles would take over our television screens, preventing us from taking any more screencaps.

4. She’d never want to talk to any HG in private, except for Helen, and thus make Aaryn cry about reverse-racism and Jessie worry that she wasn’t pretty enough to talk to as usual.

3. She’d pose like this in every camera and in every diary room session, because I taught her to. Just for fun.

MomzPose

But perhaps this would get her MVP, although she probably wouldn’t use it very well considering there’s no “V” in the Korean language, only a “B”. So she’d run around asking all the HGs what an “MBP” was and what she had to do with it, thus ruining her game.

2. She could never live without the Korean news, particularly because she’d think Spencer calling her Kim Jong-Un meant that North Korea became the dominant world power while she was stuck in the BB house.

But ultimately…

1. She would cook rice every day, and talk about pizza with McCrae ad nauseam.

Momz loves pizza almost as much as rice, but rice is always #1.

Always dishing,

Jun

Big Brother 15 – What a Kickoff

ElissaJune

We’re just hours away from the second episode of Big Brother 15 where we’ll learn about Have-Nots and Nominations and MVP, etc. All things we can find out on our own through the world wide web, really. Unless you’re avoiding spoilers all-together or you only watch the televised episodes, then Sunday nights watching Big Brother is just filler for winding down.

To fans who follow the live feeds, Sunday nights mean diary room session and parts of what is missed when CBS chooses or schedules to go “to fishes”. Fishes…the freaking fishes and BB trivia questions that are the equivalent to elevator music. This is why I’m waiting for Jeremy (McGuire) to go all Jerry Maguire on us when he’s inevitably evicted and shouting, “Who’s coming with me?!” and taking the fishes with him. But that’s just how my mind words.

BB15Headshots

Seriously, Jeremy is bigger-than-douche than I originally thought he was in pre-season footage and has been swapping bodily fluids with Kaitlin while referring to her as a bitch when he goes neanderthal, which is often. It seems Jessie had her kegels set on Jeremy but lost him to Kaitlin, and also lost safety this week as McCrae put her up on the block after he won HOH. I, too, like many of you can’t believe McCrae won the endurance HOH. But little did you and I or McCrae know that his HOH win would also make him prison bitch to Amanda. I, too, like many of you can’t believe Amanda and McCrae have been sloppily sexually active already. Or ever. I mean, McCrae did say he’d use his “unattractiveness as a ploy to mind-fuck the rest of the HGs” so clearly it’s working on Amanda’s vagina.

Then there’s some other fatal attraction action going on between David and Aaryn. David, who forgets about the cameras and shows us his surfer testicles often on the feeds…and Aaryn. Ohhhhhhhh Aaryn. 

Having just now watched the premiere of the season, and followed live feeds updates and various Twitter timelines, I feel like I pretty much know everything I need to. Plus, the fact that I actually spent an entire summer in the Big Brother house once and won, despite having shared the house with racists and bullies and misogynists and mean girls. Wahhhhh. Why should we be expecting more?

We all hide behind the little white “guilty pleasure” excuse when we describe our addiction to Big Brother but really, all reality television jokes aside…

Big Brother is in many ways a pluck of real people from the greater population of America, and we should not be surprised to see and hear people like Aaryn and GinaMarie and Spencer and Jeremy and the rest…being racists and bullies and misogynists and mean girls. BB15 isn’t the most accurate representation of the U.S., but it is some kind of representation. I make no excuses for anyone but myself, and when you are in that Big Brother house and your “real” side comes out everybody gets to see it.

The words “fag” and “queer” and “fruit” in reference to Andy, and references to Helen and “rice” and “Kim Jong Un” are just another pinch of salt on their old and often re-opened woulds. They just haven’t felt the sting yet because they’re still in the house. I say lots of things day to day that I wouldn’t say in a public venue, but these BB15 Houseguests seem to be letting veiled hate fly from their mouths without much thought. I’m really more interested in the life story of Candice and her adoption and reunions, and not whether or not she said “asked” or “axed.” But such is life.

But with only the live feeds audience aware of such happenings will anything be done?

I’m not sure anything should be “done”. Sure, we had CBS communicate something post-Dumbledore, etc…and maybe this week we’ll have something addressed generically. But these Houseguests signed away their souls for the summer and if they catch some STD or ruin their reputations and family names, then so be it. They will each deal with post-BB life their own way, and with their own rewards or consequences both mental and physical.

Am I personally disgusted by Aaryn’s and GinaMarie’s remarks about Helen having to go make them some rice? Yes, but as a rice-lover I am enjoying all the attention rice is getting. And I’m embarrassed for Aaryn and GinaMarie but also happy that their obviously ugly sides are out for everyone to see. At least Aaryn knows what rice is. Circa 2003, my season, Nathan had NEVER had rice in his life before I made it in the BB house. So we’ve made some forward progress on the rice frontier.

But progress clearly has not been made when it comes to the spelling of my name, as Elissa so proudly showcased.

ElissaJuneI can’t believe Elissa is turning out to be one of the more “normal” females to be cast this season, although “normal” is not really a a word in the BB world. But so is Nick, for that matter because he seems to have toned down his spastic behavior he exhibited during interviews, and gets that Helen is a threat. Because Helen is a threat.  Nor is it normal that I’d be rooting for someone like Judd either, but I am, and also for Howard who seems to have found a healthy balance between The Bible and the diary room.

FavsWeekOneFor a first week of Big Brother season, things have been a bigger trainwreck than usual. I love it, and hate it, but love that it’s bringing a few things to light.

Always dishing,

Jun

New Faces of Big Brother

BB15Cast

I don’t know even know what do to with all these new faces.

BB15Cast

New Faces! CBS has given us the new faces so many fans have been asking for, but of course that’s never enough. CBS will never make us happy and that’s the beauty of it all. This cast is new but “too white” and “too young” and too this and that, and Rachel Reilly’s sister is indeed a part of the cast. If you can’t pick her out from the faces above, then shame on you.

Based on CBS bios, photos and interviews by We Love Big Brother this is my assessment in alphabetical order keeping in mind it’s impossible to cover EVERYTHING in one blog:

BB15Headshots

Aaryn is a snorefest and will be licking her veneers all summer judging from the three minutes I watched of her, and has the least potential of all the HGs. Amanda is Long Island like Rachel Reilly is Las Vegas, and will probably go through nicotine withdrawal early on in the house and hopefully provided endless entertainment as a result. Andy and his overall redness make me nervous, as does his promise to be different than past gay men on Big Brother. Candice seems to be a little bit of everything including a former pageant girl and plans to change up her strategy according to what’s going on, which is actually the best strategy. David is a modern-day Peter Pan who surfs and may never actually grow up or move out of his mom’s house, and will need someone to cook for him in the BB house in her absence. Elissa talks like Rachel and laughs like Rachel but married richer than Rachel, and wants to form the first all-girl alliance to make it to the end. GinaMarie is Staten Island like Amanda is Long Island, and has the most potential to either fight or become BFFs and swap hair extensions with Elissa. Helen is one of the more intelligent woman in the house and will have to dumb herself down a bit, but she touches her hair A LOT when she’s nervous which is a bad tell (ahem, I had the same one my season). Howard calls his faith his “everything” like Keith from BB13 did, and Keith went on to sent naked pictures of himself around in the end so we’ll see how this goes. Jeremy is the proverbial narcissistic neanderthal alpha male who uses phrases like “I like ‘em…” when describing his ideal woman, and he makes up words like “spontanuity”. Jessie considers her ass her best feature and she can hold her breath for a really long time like I can, so I like her already but the fact that she has so much riding on this summer makes me think she definitely won’t win. Judd’s ”type” is JoJo from last season and comes from a “Two red light/Two gas station town” which I gather to mean he’s just a sweet harmless country boy with bad taste in women. Kaitlin wants to manipulate the men in the house while keeping her dignity, but she says this because she’s never actually watched the show before now. McCrae plans to use his unattractiveness as a ploy to mind-fuck the rest of the HGs, and was delivering pizza up until yesterday as it seems he’s a last-minute replacement for the HG-that-never-was-Gabe. Nick is always “on” like a nauseating neon light and will probably implode without the use of his hands while talking, so hopefully someone ties his arms down at some point this summer. Spencer seems most self-aware of all the men, and seems to know the ins-and-outs of the game pretty well.

With all that said, and so much left unsaid:

MyFiveForNow

 

I reserve the right to change my opinion at any time…

Always dishing,

Jun