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Big Brother 18 – Power Rankings #2


I’m funnier when I’m in a good mood. I’m meaner when I’m in a bad mood. I’m calmer when I’m actually freaking out inside. I’m pretty consistent, in life and on Big Brother. BB.

Have I changed since my season four? Yes. No. Yes. No?

We see time and time again that when BB alum return for a second shot, or sometimes even a third, they’re all over the spectrum of how much they’ve changed. It’s always “a lot” or “a little,” for better or for worse, or worst.

But there’s nothing like the first time, is there?

But first…

Week-3 Alliance7-11-16

(Special thanks to @89razorskate20)


So let’s start with Frank…

Team: CATEGORY 4: Frank, Bridgette, Michelle, Paulie


Frank: Get your damn feet off the coffee table (-50 points). We are all waiting to see if you can still dominate in challenges like you did you first-time around, because without that you’re just (still) meathead-y, but just four years older. Did you return to your cave after BB14 only to emerge for BB18? By Random Draw you got lucky right away, and then you magically won the first Roadkill and then this last one pretty magically too, and all your wins seem to come from Pandora’s Snatch (-50 points). And it’s great that you slap asses as athletes, and even the asses of your friends who are girls. I’m happy for you all. But why the fuck would you put your hands on a woman’s ass, someone’s mother no less, unless you know that’s okay with her (-100 points)? If your mom was playing Big Brother in the house would you want a man CBS put in there with her, to slap her on the ass? What if that man was black? Listen, you douchebag…men do not get to slap women on the ass, especially a woman you only started living with all of a sudden, less than a month ago.  People are very angry about all this, and irrational too, but I’m just keeping it real. You need stronger women in your life. It’s never a bad thing to have too many of. Strong women save lives. You had Boogie, Mike Malin, to guide you your first season, Creepy Uncle Boogie, and now you’re trying to be Boogie this season, and also shouting out the name of his new restaurant on the feeds. Dudes of a feather cock together. I don’t even know what that means but it works for me. Final Tally: -200 points


Bridgette: “I see you around the house. You’re great at this fucking game.” You said this to your dad Frank. Whether you meant it or it was pure strategy, it stroked his meat ego (+50 points). But you’re weird together (-50 points). But I appreciate that you didn’t respond with, I trust you, back to Frank, when he condescendingly creepy uncled you with I trust you (+50 points). Your cute act is vomit-inducing but you’re persistent and determined to make it work and that’s something (+50 points). You literally skipped to the diary room door after voting out Victor on Thursday, like who really skips like that in real life? You are no Shirley Temple, because you drop f-bombs trying to come off as tough, but they fall short of awkward (-50 points). Baking cookies got you compared to me but I’ve only attempted baking maybe a dozen times in my whole life, and never when I was in the Big Brother house. The only other thing I can think of is that we’re both of Asian descent and therefore you will be compared to me forevermore. You should actually be flattered (+50 points). I tweeted once that I’d punch you in your mouth if you ever baby-voiced me to death and apparently some deranged people took it literally, like I go around punching people in the mouth on the regular, and that I’d actually punch you in the mouth if I ever met you. So if you reading this…be careful. Bad fans can be terrible people. Good fans are the best though. Stick with those (+50 points). Your HOH win is great and all (+50 points) but nobody on the jury will give you credit for this week (-50 points) so you need to have a back-up plan if you want to build an actual resume at the end. But your POV win (+50 points) and leaving Bronte up on the block is something of actual substance (+50 points), barely (-50 points). And some more advice…do not bring Frank home to your parents. Ever. He will smack your sister’s ass when he feels comfortable enough to and then smack your mom’s too. Don’t do it girl. Final Tally: +200 points


Michelle: You are an enigma in your own head. But you’re fun to poke fun at (+50 points) and you lucked out on a team that’s keeping you safe as fuck (+50 points). I don’t dislike you but I don’t love you and you always sound at first like you’re trying to hide the sound of your chronic queefs, hoping that nobody heard them. Your issues with food and weight gain are interesting (-50 points). You eat a kiwi whole, fuzzy skin and all, which is actually more nutritious (+50 points), but so…extra (-50 points). Maybe that’s what makes you queef. You seem to actually seek ways to be weird (+20 points), like making up a boyfriend you never had and wow things like that. You actually have a terrible poker face, but you’re not on anyone’s flaming radar so good for you (+50 points). Being insignificant in a social game seems to be your M.O. Final Tally: +120 points


Paulie: I thought you’d be douchier but you’re not, not as much as I thought you’d be, and I’m so relieved for something about this season. So thank you for something (+50 points). You went ahead and took the POV too (+50 points) although I’m not sure you had to (-20 points), but your word “SUSTAINABILITY” was lady boner stuff (+50 points).  “I am a fan of spelling.” Yes you are. But your grammar could use some work (-20 points), “I want to nip stuff in the butt.” Taking Paul down with the veto and backdooring Victor came very easy to you (+50 points) and your butt-nipping ways… And your social game is decent, and far more interesting than prank-pulling James (+50 points) which I apologize for setting such a low bar for. Final Tally: +210 points

Team Name: TEAM UNICORN: James, Bronte, Natalie


James: From the moment your face was wedged into Natalie’s perfectly plump ass in that first HOH comp of the season, you dropped Taylor Swift with swiftness. Your drama in the off-season with Meg is only something you two know all the actual details of. But you are the underdog in that tiff and I always root for the underdog (+50 points). But…I don’t know. Is it just me? I wouldn’t want to live day in and day out with a prankster. Who the fuck actually wants that (-50 points)? But still your name isn’t brought up as a target (+50 points) so you’re doing something right. And you live out your creepy Korean uncle fantasies, yay for you, with Natalie, in your head. Because you will not be getting any actual action. I see what you did there sacrificing Victor. But Natalie’s just trying to make Victor jealous by hanging out with you. But I’ll still take your tired old saggy pranks over that big butt meathead Frank though (+50 points). Final Tally: +100 points


Bronte: You’re such a hot mess. Yawning the whole time on the big screen behind Julie Chen during the live show. You make me feel more pulled together (+50 points). Your fakey voices, yes plural, are baffling and annoy me (-50 points). I wonder sometimes if you’re possessed. But you remain relatively safe and your Spy Girls or whatever alliance has worked in your favor this week (+50 points). James creeps you out, and that’s okay (+50 points), I’m just glad you’ve toned down the Aarynistic behavior (+50 points). Final Tally: +150 points


Natalie: “I’m happy to evict Victor!” Julie Chen heard your vote loud and clear. Hey. You are a beautiful beautiful woman and you should NOT feel ugly, ever, whether it’s in that ratchet house or in the real world. Zakiyah and Nicole having wtfmances has got you down? I understand. No. I don’t. I focused on winning, not on some short Korean dude, and CBS tried to distract me they did. But maybe you’ll end up using your fellow Korean HG James like I did my ex, Jee. But you need to stop that shit about feeling fat or ugly (-50 points). You are neither. I got fat but never felt ugly on my season. You are definitely not ugly. Be stronger, woman! And work James all you want (+50 points). It’s not like you’re giving him any milk (+50 points). But you saying you don’t want to put up a girl if and when you win HOH is stupid (-50 points). Don’t be an idiot. Put the makeup down, and put up whomever you have to “if and when”  anything. Period. Final Tally: 0 points


Victor: You’re back to zero now that your ass is evicted. I wasn’t even finished looking at you. Life is so unfair. But your Instagram shout-out on live television might have been enough to make me cut you completely. Final Tally: 0 points

Team: BIG SISTER: Da’Vonne, Paul, Zakiyah


Da’Vonne: “I gotta get her before she tries to get me.” This is the most obvious point of the game, yet you and other HGs keep repeating this to us in the diary room (-50 points). Relax. It doesn’t even matter who “her” is because that’s the whole point of the game. But your ass-slapping drama with Frank this week was hard for me to watch, because you do feel like you have so much to prove after your first run where you couldn’t control your emotions. But that’s not a bad thing. It’s keeping you in check. You’ve grown (+100 points). Good for you. You kept your cool when Frank told you he spilled about the 8-Pack to Paulie (+50 points). And you handled Frank as best you could when he continued to meathead-out (+100 points). But you’re willing to lose team members who could possibly up your probability of safety (-50 points) and I hope that doesn’t bite you in the ass. Final Tally: +150 points


Paul: “You dropped all the balls. You blew it.” You were talking about Victor (+50 points), not actual oral sex (-50 points), and it was nice to see you actually have a heart (+50 points). You and Jozea and Victor never had a chance as an alliance (-50 points). You need to work your ass off to make sure Tiffany goes home. I appreciate how raw you are in the diary room (+50 points), and in general (+50 points). I hope you don’t leave, but if you make it to the end you will have quite a list of accomplishments to rattle off to the jury. Good luck. Final Tally: +100 points


Zakiyah: Lots of people are pissed about you (-50 points) referring to Natalie as a “thot.” I thought that was a typo of some sort until I actually Googled it. If that’s all the Natalie fans have got on you, then you’re good (+50 points). Basically I’m just some old BB cat lady at this point having to look up words on the internet. Sigh. But I still find you hot as fuck (+50 points) and I’m mildly jealous that you got a lap dance from Paulie as a birthday gift in the house (+50 points). All I got was half a birthday cake and an ex-boyfriend to yell at. Speaking of which, some plaything of two weeks of your life seems to think he owns you, on social media. It’s cute though. It could have been worse. He could have been uglier (+75 points). Final Tally: +175 points

Freakazoids: Nicole, Corey, Tiffany


Nicole: For whatever reason, including the truth, CBS is editing you as the useless girl who finds Corey dreamy (-50 points). Smack yourself (-50 points). You started off so great (+50 points). And besides that, all CBS could come up with this week was a clip of you choking on water. Is that the extent of your BB legacy? Meatheads and inability to swallow (-50 points)? I never watched your season but I don’t think I need to, to learn anything more about you. Final tally: -100 points


Corey: “I must have a ‘honk if you’re horny’ sticker on my car with all these horns going off. You know what they say…if the RV is a honking, don’t come a-knocking.” Meat (-50 points). Head (-50 points). How many times did you have to try that whole line in the diary room before you got it right? CBS seems to be ignoring your budding bromance with Frank, and I’m sure it’s for a good reason. Final Tally: -100 points


Tiffany: I thought you were supposed to be good at this! Oh. Wait. No. You played the online version of this stuff (-50 points). It’s your sister Vanessa who will be more memorable of the two of you (-50 points) if you don’t actually start doing something besides looking good in jeans. I was actually mesmerized by your hips on Thursday (+50 points). But so far you’re a little underwhelming, even your unintentional impersonations of Vanessa. But do you. Final Tally: -50 points



Julie: You looked good Thursday. Hearing you shout “Kiss My Ace” made my week. But I need to know, who were those ball boys during the comp? Were they gifts from Les?


Paulie remains on top.

Always dishing,


Big Brother 18 – Power Rankings #1


Enough cryptic life shit.

I’m watching Big Brother again this summer, #BB18.

Frank Eudy is back.

Upon entering the house by jumping out of suitcases, Frank and three other second-timers from different seasons, were all afforded a second chance to win.

Julie Chen dramatically forced everyone all at once, to listen to her big news…this summer would start as a team sport. News of this had already spread like wildfire on social media for weeks, but we all pretended as fans to be collectively wowed. The television-only viewing audience was definitely wowed.

Back to Frank…


By Random Draw, Frank was magically the first to hand-pick a member for his team, in schoolyard pick. It is why I have nicknamed him By Random Draw.

Da’Vonne Rogers, James Huling and Nicole Franzel are the other other returnees, and they also got “team protection.”

I hated the idea at first, teams…

But I did blog once in 2013 about a new twist where I’d like to see one “mandatory” open alliance from day one. This team stuff CBS gave us the season? I’ll take it for now. It seems to mean nothing to the HGs right now anyway. Though I hope this changes soon…

Because if you play a nearly flawless game it shouldn’t matter whether you start in teams or individually anyway. We all know it will get down to an individual game when production sees fit. Maybe this year they’ll steal from Survivor and give us some form of actual immunity idol that By Random Draw will draw week-to-week and forevermore.

We started out the season with a great blindside. When the house blindsided The Three Stooges on my season, it was delicious. Just like Jozea’s blindside was last week.

Week-2 Alliances BB18


Power Rankings #1

Team Unicorn: JamesNatalieBronteVictor

Such a lame stupid name. The stupidest of the four, but then again, the team is led by James. For stupidest team name, everyone on this team starts off with -150 points.


JAMES: Why are you back (0 points)? Final Tally: -150 points


BRONTE: Why are you “Wifey Spy?” Fuck no. I want to marry Natalie, not you. And you are far from wifely material, what with your ranting about sending James “back to Hong Kong” (-100 points). I don’t even like him that much but that’s fucked up. Maybe if you’d focused faster and more on your social game then you wouldn’t have gone “there” and you wouldn’t be sitting on the block now (-50 points). One more comment like that and you may enter BB15 territory. You’re not as cute as Aaryn Gries, so you won’t be worshipped like she was undeservedly post-show, by way too many people. But I do like your raw trainwreck-y diary rooms (+150 points) and how your wheels actually turn about the game (+100 points). And when you told Paul to basically STFU and stop being a sexist pig, you won some points (+100 points). Oh, your new and improved strategy to “not trust one single boy in the house” sounds very mature and forward-thinking *sarcasm* (-50 points). Play more like a woman and not like a girl. Final Tally: 0 points


NATALIE: You say you’re “sitting there sweating bullets” yet I have never looked half as good as you when I’m sweating anything. It’s very hard for me not to objectify you because I find you quite attractive (+100 points), but it did scare me watching you presumably wiping makeup off in the bathroom (-50 points). YOU WEAR SO MUCH MAKEUP. But whatever. I’m not mildly obsessed or anything, maybe. It’s your face. I sound like Victor don’t I? Oh, but you’re right. You truly “are officially the underdogs of the house.” That’s okay though, because I tend to root for the underdogs (+100 points). I need you to be more helpful to Bronte though, otherwise you will be considered a coattail rider sooner or later. But for now you haven’t made yourself a target so that’s good (+100 points). “Flirty Spy” seems to be working for you. Nobody is really gunning for you. Final Tally: +100 points


VICTOR: You uttered the words “fair game” in the diary room (-50 points). Who determines what’s fair in Big Brother? Certainly not you. Even CBS hasn’t figured that out yet. Just abide by the contract you signed and the rest is fair game. You don’t want a girl to win? Because your level of emotional maturity is that low? Not good (-50 points). Finance degree or not, social game is key to getting that money in the bank in the first place. But thank you for being so very nice to look at (+200 points). You’re sitting on the block by association by bad self-awareness (-50 points). And geez, you flipped so fast after Jozea was evicted basically bending over for the returnees. Telling everyone right away that you won Roadkill, after you won Roadkill (+100 points)? Not good (-50 points). I don’t want you to go. Sigh. Final Tally: -50 points.


Big Sister: Da’VonneJozeaPaulZakiyah:

Stupid team name, again. -100 points to everyone on this team.


DA’VONNE: I love you I do (+50 points) and I’m sincerely happy for you that you get another tearful chance to win the prize money for Cadence (+100 points). But girl…it seems like you’re trying to go for the BB Meme And Gif Hall Of Fame more than anything else this season (-50 points). But you’re still entertaining as fuck (+100 points). It’s week two and you’re not getting evicted, so that’s major improvement from last season. I know, it’s a low bar to set but it’s all we have. Please work on your happy face when you’re talking to people you don’t like or believe (-50 points). You cannot flop this season. As your Korean virtual mother I forbid you. But your kissing Jozea’s photo once it went black and white had me dying laughing (+50 points). If you make final two with Zakiyah I will fly you and Cadence out to Belgium for a visit with me. That is all. Final Tally: +100 points


JOZEA (EVICTED): You are currently drowning somewhere in some faux celebrity river, with Glenn dead in the water floating face-down by you. Jozea. You were THE FIRST (REAL) EVICTEE. Because let’s face it…Glenn doesn’t count. He didn’t exactly get Jodi’d, but that’s what it was in different packaging. Yes, this is supposed to be about you, Jozea, of “My word is my word,” and “Scenarios is scenarios,” fame. Because apparently that is the depth of your critical thinking. This is this. That is that. Jozea. Your delusions of grandeur were fucking fantastic fun to follow and make fun of. Glenn Who?


PAUL: “The Big Brother universe hates me at this point.” No. It hates everyone equally, Paul. You’re not special. But good for you for taking yourself off the block last week (+100 points) although you really were responsible for getting yourself on the block in the first place (-50 points). You pet your beardfro when you’re nervous, and you liken yourself to Godzilla…let alone you’re not afraid to refer to yourself as Godzilla, publicly. You’re the self-proclaimed black sheep of the family who takes delight in being the black sheep, which screams: you have lots to prove. I should know. You are so rough around the edges but I like you more than Jozea, which is a very low bar to measure up to. But it’s something (+50 points). But you should knock off calling anyone a little Korean or little anything, because you are one of the few very short men in the house, especially when Jozea comes back after beating Glenn. Final Tally: 0 points


ZAKIYAH: Why are you so hot? (+200 points). You have Da’Vonne and Paulie as shields. I love it. Final Tally: +100 points


Freakazoids: NicoleCoreyGlennTiffany

Annoying name but whatever. -50 points to all.


NICOLE: Even when you’re happy you sound unhappy. It’s a true talent (+50 points), and also annoying as fuck (-100 points). You’re a nurse, but if you came to treat me in the emergency room I’d get anxious listening to you. I’d ask for another nurse. But I don’t mind watching your hot mess of a self on the show (+50 points). It’s quite entertaining. (+50 points). I never watched your season and I don’t hate you (+50 points). Final Tally: +50 points


COREY: You need to make like your picture above and keep your mouth closed and smiling ever so slightly. It’s your best look (+50 points). It’s your only decent look (-50 points). So stop talking. Stop watching men shower. As a matter of fact close your eyes so you’re not even tempted to. And don’t ever set fires to animals ever again (-100 points) or we will find you. We will hunt you down and your trash friends down. I’ve never heard of peppermint bark before you told us about it and its “life-changing” qualities. But it sounds terrible. You’d better redeem yourself and soon, buddy. Final Tally: -150 points


GLENN (EVICTED/GLENNED): I’m using your stock photo. Just go home. Unless the buyback comp is mental, I don’t see how you will outlast all the young bucks exiting the house. You probably have Trump rallies back at home to get back to anyway.

TiffTIFFANY: You are Vanessa 2.0 in so many ways (-50 points) yet you are not her too (+50 points). It’s freaking me out watching you and having to consciously tell myself you’re not Vanessa. Even though I know you’re not. And how can you suck so bad at math in that Roadkill comp (-50 points)? What kind of high school do you teach at?! Final Tally: -100 points


Category 4: FrankBridgetteMichellePaulie

Sad, but the best name of the four teams. Kudos on that at least. It may be the best thing these people did all summer. +50 points.


FRANK: Frank, Frank, Frank…you have aged like a bear. I don’t even know what that means really. You’ve definitely still got your big butt (+50 points), but your game still sucks (-300 points). If you can’t even keep track of all the fake alliances you’ve made then you are actually your biggest pain in the ass. I’m just here to agitate it. But I think Corey wants to agitate your ass more than I do. And kudos to you for publicly confessing that you have hemorrhoids (+50 points) and how you must tend to them and nurse them every so gently with your fingers (+50 points), as you not so gently rebuffed Corey’s voyeurism (+100 points). You said it gave you weird feelings having him watch you. It’s good to talk about feelings (+50 points). Hemorrhoids kills. Well, maybe not, but I’m not a doctor. Final Tally: :+50 points


BRIDGETTE: How old are you? This isn’t pre-teen pageant girl scout camp (-100 points). Women have advanced farther than you are playing but whatevs, you were typecast and you’re playing your role (+100 points). Do what you gotta do sister. If they let you win by swinging side to side like Shirley Temple until your tassels poke an eye out, then do you. I saw a porn once called “Spunky Spice” and it was all about a girl getting spunk all over her face. This has nothing to do with you except your name is Spunky Spice in your alliance. Good job surviving eviction last week (+50 points) even though your bad decisions got you outed as a spy and nommed in the first place (-50 points). But you survived because you’re quite insignificant in the game right now. That’s not a bad thing (+50 points). But this may change. And if it doesn’t then that’s okay too. Sigh. I know you miss your dad, but your kinda crush on Frank is a little weird because it just is. Stop it (-50 points). Final Tally: +50 points


MICHELLE: You need to not let the sun turn you into carcinogen (-50 points). You need to not compare Bridgette to me (-50 points). You need to not say bad things about “fat people” unless you have a thoughtful solution to your rudeness (-50 points). But so far you’re laying around eating junk food and hating yourself, basically living out your BB dream, so I’m happy for you (+50 points). You would sell your soul for safety in the house, or the last bag of potato chips, whichever comes at the right time. I love it (+50 points). Final Tally: 0 points


PAULIE: You’re HOH (+50 points) after surviving last week’s eviction (+50 points) after going spread eagle for the returnees right away (-50 points), and still losing to Paul in the POV (-50 points) but then you won POV this week (+50 points), but you are beasting out so early (-50 points). Though you would have been a target anyway so at least you’re killing comps (+100 points) and making the best of friends especially in one very hot Zakiyah (+50 points). If you marry her later I will come back and add +5,000 points to this blog. Final Tally: +200 points


Power Rankings High:GroupLeft

Two beautiful black women in the BB house.


Power Rankings Low:GroupRight

Frank holding on to his nuts the entire live show.


Power Rankings Tradition:


They gave Julie dickhead. Sigh.



(I took the liberty of adding some penalties)


Congratulations Paulie.

Always dishing,


Big Brother 18


I’m fucked up. You’re fucked up. Because we’re all actually fucked up. And we are all fucked up for this new season of Big Brother. Yay.

And there are more names like Arroyo and Flores and less names like Honeycutt and Marlow among the new (part) of the current cast. Again, yay.

Today’s cast reveal was great. And I stand by CBS’s decision to postpone it by one day, whether their intentions were business-driven or altruistic. Because precious lives were lost in Orlando. And there’s lots weighting on everyone’s minds.

Big Brother can wait and should wait, and it waited. Jackie Ibarra was right when she tweeted yesterday that delaying the cast reveal was the right thing to do.

And here I’d thought I’d never come to appreciate Jackie for anything. I was wrong. Yes.

You can virtually smell summer in the social media buzz because Big Brother is about to start up again. Whatever “summer” smells like to you. It makes the BB fans come out.

So, no, I don’t think the show is going anywhere anytime soon. Les Moonves likes making that easy money that goes, most of it, right into his pockets at the end of the year. And Big Brother creates a buzz.

I wish it would create a ripple though.

Buzzes get old.

Because CBS lost an opportunity on season 15. They lost me. And for the next season too they lost me. I have yet to watch season 16. Because that season 15, CBS went for the buzz and not a ripple, by not taking more of a firm stand on the racism that prevailed. Because what you saw on the televised shows was nothing compared to everything else that happened on the live feeds. Allison Grodner could have called the HGs on season 15 together for a house meeting over the loudspeaker. She did during my season, season 4, when Scott Weintraub had a fit and started throwing chairs around and then announced out loud to the house that he had HPV. So Groder could have called the cast of season 15 together for a talking to, in the least. She should have, and for Candice Stewart. Candice was baited and then some, and CBS has a lot of making up to do for tolerating shitshow racism.

So I appreciate their semblance of caring yesterday. As an American and as a human. More of that please and thank you.

Always dishing,


Big Brother 20: Initial Thoughts


I’ve never written fan fiction. I’m not sure that I’ve ever even read it. But I’m certainly a fan of Big Brother, and I like to write, so I’ll try.

The Cast:


Some initial thoughts…


I could retire from Big Brother happy, knowing three living souls of three black women lived under one roof playing for $500,000 one summer. This alliance would be pretty strong but we all know Danielle would flip first and hard because she doesn’t give a shit what color your skin is, which is just one of the things I love about her.



Black and yellow, black and yellow…because it just needs to happen. Our choices in choice women of color are limited, sadly, but that doesn’t mean this alliance shouldn’t and couldn’t happen. Especially if Trump starts promising to keep a database on black and yellow and nuns.



You know it would happen. Ali and I are the only ones who get each other’s evil. I bet she’s very much the same since she lost to me in 2003, as she should be, much like how much I’m very much the same, in some ways. We’d be archenemies working together all over again showing no mercy just like the first time around, but as moms.



This is the other side of the spectrum. The white triumvirate and example of Big Brother’s no money back policy. Finally Plural and No Money Back and a few shades in between… No Money Back and Finally Plural would divide Twitter in half.



The two-headed monster with the strongest by blood bond in the house. Ain’t nobody gonna get between Rachel and her sis. Emotions will be at an all-time cycling hormonal high.


Imagine all that. I did. And I wrote it down to share.

Let’s discuss! Even the people who say this sucks yet return to comment!

Always dishing,


Just For Fun: Big Brother 20


Just for fun let’s say this happened for Big Brother 20:

1. Big Brother Moms: Tag Team Edition

All-women’s season consisting of some of Big Brother’s most memorable moms, those who were already moms when they first went on the show and those who became moms after. One from each group is paired with one from the other, and they play as duos. Throughout the season and up until jury, the pairs are allowed to tag in and out of the game, kinda like the Nolan twins did last season except better (because you can only go up from there). And obviously we’re not talking twins here so everything is transparent yet not completely vapid from the beginning.

If one of the two are voted out, both are evicted. This continues UP UNTIL JURY. Once it gets down to jury, there is no more “tag team” action but stipends are doubled from that point on, until the end of the season. Everyone plays as individuals as usual from there…

Sure it would be easy to just pit one crew against the other, but we all know the new moms would slaughter the already moms. Or would they?

So the tag team season it is:


Tonya / Rachel – Because, obvious.

Danielle / Aaryn – Because this needs to happen.

Shelly / Ali – Because, I don’t know, they’re both white.

Jodi / Janelle – Let’s see what happens.

Elissa / Natalie BB9 – Crazy is as crazy does.

Helen / Jun – Because, I don’t know, we’re both not white.

Brittany / Britney – Because they have the same name just spelled differently.

Da’Vonne / Natalie – Because, politics.


Thoughts? Would this work with the BB men? Who? Paired with whom? Let’s discuss.

Update: Leave your final two prediction in the comments if you’d like. And remember, the game ends as individuals so final two may not necessarily be a pair…

Always dishing,


Living In The Land Of


…fill in the blank.

Living in the Land of _________.

Some of you may have chosen windmills or make-believe or “milk and honey” or plenty or penis or pussy or sushi, or whatever you love so much that you’d love to live in a land of it. Now imagine you don’t love it but you actually feel meh about it. Meh.

Because I live in the land of chocolate. Belgium. Chocolate is everywhere. Everywhere. There is no escaping it.

I get asked by chocoholic tweeters every day how much I love living in the land of chocolate. I’m just like meh. Meh!

But I don’t say meh because you just don’t say it in a land so proud of it. Sigh.

And I never actually loved chocolate. I only liked it. It’s sweet and melts in your mouth and sometimes has nuts. All meh.

But mostly, I just don’t have a major sweet tooth, unless the gates of menstrual hell are being unleashed or I’m stuck in a house of lunatics who want to take $500,000 away from me and I’m just, well, stressed. I’m a savory kinda girl.

So I’m sorry to all the boyfriends and other gifters who ever gifted me chocolate and I faked joy. I was happy about the thought put into it, but I have never felt joy receiving chocolate. So there. There’s something I needed to get off my chest obviously.

Interestingly enough. My little Noah’s not a chocoholic either. He’ll pick shortbreads or vanilla or hazelnut wafer cookies (like me) over chocolate ones. Hmmm. It’s one of our little things. I like sharing it with him because I don’t have to live alone feeling meh about chocolate in Belgium.

Though it means less cookies for me because Noah will kindly offer everyone a chocolate cookie until he has all the non-chocolates to himself. The force is strong in him. It would be cool to watch him win Big Brother one day.


Always dishing,


Once Upon A Time


What in the hell is going on? Fun.

Like it or not, this is the current state of affairs of Big Brother 17, and Big Brother overall. Bizarre gameplay and dynamics and then exploding Twitter wars between BB alum, with words and deleted tweets, and Frankie Grande fans are out in droves defending rabidly the glory of the Grande family name. Fans of the beloved show who only watch the televised programs are pretty happy as usual, and the (tiny actual sliver of) fans who follow the live feeds are foaming at the mouth, and at the same time making each other pee their shoes laughing.

It is Big Brother, after all. Or is it?

I don’t waste blogs ranting about one particular Big Brother alum or another. No, that’s what Twitter is for, for me. Because every person, winner or loser, that has been on the show, once or three times, is connected. We are connected. Fans too. Connected. A family? Not really. Why? Our own families are complicated enough, why do I have to have another family? No thanks. I’d rather have friends.

Here’s the thing. Janelle Pierzina actually brought me and Evel Dick Donato together. It was at one of her parties, and she handed her phone to me because Dick was on the line and he wanted to chat with me. To be honest I didn’t want to, but I did, because we are connected. But that phone call between me and Dick did not really do anything, by way of bonding.

But Janelle and I first bonded on a flight home to New York from L.A., after our Big Brother 10 food competition cameos. She’s a glamazon, and I felt small and boyish next to her. We were probably a funny-looking pair checking in our luggage at LAX and then leaving JFK together. But we established a bond that trip, and saw each other a few more times thereafter.

We’re not friends today.

But Dick and I are friends. We’re not BFFs or labeled anything, because we just get each other, good and bad. People have been making sick jokes that I suck Dick’s dick and that I will also be HIV+ soon. What? Yeah.

But I make some sick jokes too, and I can be often horrible to the point of she-can’t-be-real horrible. But even I’ll tell you…I might suck a mean dick, but I’ve never sucked someone’s dick from thousands of miles away. That’s one massively long dick. And I just can’t handle something like that. Don’t act like you can. Besides, I’m just not into Dick like that. Why can’t a guy and a girl be friends without the need to suck each other’s funk? But I get it. There are people whom I offend on the regular and relentlessly, and they lash out at me with such things, and worse. People lash out at live feed reporters and bloggers too, and at other fans. Fans. It’s not just the BB alum who are affected.

I’ve rarely been lashed out at by a spouse or family member of someone cast on Big Brother. I’ve been reprimanded once or twice but I’ve always been a firm believer of leaving loved ones out of things. It’s where I draw the line. This summer, three loved ones of three different BB17 Houseguests reached out to me on Twitter. One was mildly heated but pleasant. One was mild and very pleasant and emails were exchanged and there’s a bond there. The third incident was not so great because this particular loved one had read some of my most recent tweets, because a Twitter troll baited her by tagging her after the fact.

So this loved one was angry at me and tweeted me saying I was disgusting, and ugly. I can totally understand their anger, especially if it was the first they were seeing my tweets about their loved one. So I responded calmly and firmly but still incredible rudely. People said I should have left her alone, that I should have ignored her. But she tweeted me first.

I sound like a child right now. I hate it. Sigh.

I shouldn’t have taken that bait but I decided to that day. Big Brother isn’t pretty. It’s not meant to be pretty because it brings out our darkest side as much as our brightest side, evoking at a minimum three emotions at a time when you’re involved. But Big Brother was never pretty, but it was more tolerable once upon a time. Once upon a time, when Big Brother was new and innovative…and I wasn’t so old.


To me, this season, James Huling was just that, new and innovative. He’s not perfect by any means. But he reminds me of old school Big Brother.

I’ll be announcing on Monday, the two winners from the #HillbillyAsian t-shirt giveaway. Thanks for everyone who participated or spread the word. The contest is now closed.

Thank you all!

Always dishing,


BB17 Power Rankings


Power Rankings is back. If you don’t know what that means it’s okay. It’s just a thing, that I once got paid to do, to do before Rice House ever happened. Three criteria and points tallied accordingly, and according to my current mood.

CRITERIA: 1. Would I trust this HG to babysit Noah for an hour or two?/  2. Would I employ this HG at Rice House? / 3. Would I double date with this HG (and their potential significant other)?

Would I trust this HG to babysit Noah:

MegMeg (+50 points) despite her preference to sit or lie down most of the time and her inability to sense evil, she’s an ideal puzzle and boardgames and movies kinda lazy babysitter.

JuliaJulia (+20 points) alone without her sister Liz, is someone I might actually let babysit Noah.


But not Liz, no (-20 points).


But I think Steve would be great because he and Noah would play Legos all day and Noah would adore him for it, and Steve talks a lot and so does Noah so there’s that (+50 points).


 I feel like James would be okay although Noah would inevitably pick up on things like James staring at women’s breasts, which Noah already calls “boobies” because it’s all my fault (+10 points).

JohnJohn talks a lot like Noah already, at least when he’s excited, so they have something in common already plus Noah likes dentists (+40 points).


Austin I fear, wouldn’t ever wash his hands or even properly enough to be a decent babysitter, and that’s all I have to say about that (-10 points).


Vanessa is a no (-20 points).



Would I employ this HG at Rice House: James would sexually harass every female patron and piss their men off, and that’s not what I want Belgians thinking Korean men are like sorry (-20 points). Meg would have to be given a desk job but um I don’t have those, so I suppose she could bag food or wash rice if her frail arms could handle it ugh (+10 points). Austin would spend more time trying to woo menstruating women and seek out Belgian wrestling federations with his wheezy breath, and fail at both and make me lose money (-20 points). Vanessa is a no for obvious business reasons (-20 points). Liz is a no because she will eat the whole shift every shift and cost me money, and you cannot speak Dutch with -uhhhhh at the end of every word or risk being beaten by angry Belgians (-10 points). Julia though is a maybe, since she doesn’t eat very much at all, and she seems somewhat ambitious in the kitchen, sigh (+10 points). John would probably work out because he could always do some illegal dental work on the side by day and make a killing, in addition to stickering Rice House merchandise and washing dishes for me by night (+10 points). Steve would be an easy hire for me although he’d have to get used to not having his mom around again, but with his musical background he could provide entertainment at Rice House while customers wait for their food (+30 points).

Would I double date with this HG (and their potential significant other)? John claims he turns himself up to obnoxious levels whenever he’s trying to end a relationship with a girl, so I’d actually like to see him do that in person on a double date (+20 points). Vanessa and her SO would be in truth be quite fascinating to have front row seats to, if you’re into studying couples (+25 points). Steve and his date would be nothing short of polite, and I love chocolate milk and Steve loves chocolate milk, so there’s that (+20 points). Austin is a no (-20 points). Liz with Austin is a no but with someone else possibly a yes (+10 points). Julia is someone I’d double date with, if only to get the scoop on how she beat leukemia ((amazing)) yet still turned out to be so vapid  (+10 points). Meg I’m not sure I could handle in large doses because she always looks like she’s in a state of something between hungry and deranged, and that can be disconcerting on a double date, but maybe (+10 points). James would of course bring Meg, because that’s just something James would do, and he’d stare at Meg’s boobs all night like I would (+50 points). Because, Koreans.


Based solely on HGs games and actually being there for the game I give an additional +25 points to Vanessa, Steve and John.

Based solely on the cleanliness of HGs souls, I award an additional +20 points to Meg and Steve.

Based solely on Austin’s speech during his nominations I deduct -500 points from Austin, and Liz by default, and -200 point from Julia by default.


TALLY (in order of decreasing suckage):

Austin: -550 points / Liz: -520 points / Julia: -160 points / Vanessa: 10 points / James:  40 points / Meg: 90 points / John: 95 points / Steve: 145 points



Steve wins. We’ll have to see if he survives this upcoming eviction. Sigh.

Always dishing,


Here Goes Nothing


This is the obligatory “jumping back into blogging after being MIA is daunting” blog. Especially since there was a once upon a time I blogged every day. When Noah was tiny and napped and he napped often, and I chose not to nap but instead to write. So “Here Goes Nothing” is less about nothing and more about everything. Lots has happened in five months, and some things have remained very much the same.

Rice House is one year, three months and twenty-five days old today. Happy belated birthday to Rice House. Davy and I are very proud of what Rice House has become thus far, and relieved that Rice House is officially debt-free and on its way to more greatness.

And proud of Noah. Noah starts back up at school on the First of September at three-and-a-half. He’ll be in the same kindergarten class but with a different teacher, and still right across the street diagonally from Rice House once again. At the start of summer he was still rocking pull-ups and feeling stressed about potty training but today he is fully-potty trained and also in his first month of sleeping in a twin-sized official big boy bed. The transition has been smooth and I’m grateful. I never take this kind of shit for granted because all around me I see parents struggling, couples struggling and families struggling. But making it. And sometimes not making it. Life is hard for everyone and it’s a different kind of hard in Belgium, than it is in America.

I look forward to seeing life through Noah’s eyes for years to come. Everything my eyes saw, growing up in Manhattan, is on a whole other planet compared to that of Noah’s life here. The concrete jungle versus some of Europe’s oldest landmarks. Windmills even.



Such stories he could tell you about windmills…and Legos (link to video in case it doesn’t show on your device: Legos)…

Noah will have many many many more stories to come.

He is already very much a prolific storyteller in two languages, speaking more Dutch and sprinkling in perfect English whenever he wants. His newest word is congratulations and I can’t wait to teach him to use it.

Noah’s begun to memorize and understand Korean when he Skypes with my mother, his 할머니 halmuhnee. That is what he was taught to call my mother from the very beginning and their bond is strong despite the distance between them. I call her momz in writing but Noah knows her only by 할머니. He calls Davy’s mom Omi and her partner Patrick Opi. He calls Davy’s dad Opa and his wife Oma. Everything in its place and everyone with a unique identity. I can’t wait to for our next trip back to New York for my brother’s wedding.

My brother Danny, Jun Young 준영, who is marrying a young woman I once met as a young lady. Anita. But she’s all woman now and I’m going to cry a lot seeing them walk down the aisle in April. I will cry for their happiness and my dad’s happiness. My dad passing away at 51 nearly killed all of my family in different ways, but now we celebrate him more and cry less. Anita was there for my brother when my dad died and she’d been with him since. They are making it and on their wedding day I will probably bawl and then laugh and not be able to keep eye makeup on. I may have to go with just a natural look and see what transpires.

Because a lot can transpire “since last blog.”

Davy and I as individuals, and in our marriage, have come a long way we’re well on our way to hitting the five-year mark. No marriage is perfect, that’s just suspect, but there is no shame in our game and that’s all that matters. We fight and take turns being assholes to each other, and we struggle like everyone else. And we’re making it. Shit gets real. But we’re stronger than ever.

Plus I turned 40 in July. And there’s no going back. Not with that shit. I may not look old but I do look older. I’m more than okay with that. SPF for the win.

So when I get asked multiple times a day if I’d “go back on Big Brother” it’s like there’s a short answer and then there’s everything I wrote about in this blog so far plus it’s not the easiest question to answer. Maybe. Depends. Who knows? I have so much on my plate, some shit needs to be planned and some just done on a whim because spare pockets of time pop up.

I do know that I’m back to watching Big Brother again after a season-and-a-half hiatus. I’m enjoying most of it immensely. Big Brother 17 is the closest we’ve gotten to an Old-School BB in a long time. It needed to be said. I am enjoying BB17. Despite my horribly scathing and cringy judgmental tweets, I am actually. This doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive. And some people don’t get this. Meh. Who cares. The trolls always find me. Always. So I’m working on a back to BB blogging blog. And it will be a Power Rankings blog but of course my criteria have changed.

Would I trust this HG to babysit Noah for an hour or two?

Would I employ this HG at Rice House?

Would I double date with this HG (and their potential significant other)?

The double date thing comes up because people here in Belgium love to do it to the point of, really, and it’s something you can’t really avoid. It was something I couldn’t avoid last week…so it’s a new criteria in this Power Rankings. Would Davy and I go out for sacred free time with this particular HG and their date? Next blog.

Always dishing, Jun

RIP John Zsa Zsa Martin aka GaYToR



We met on a website called Big Brother Dish in the summer of 2009, where I was writing Big Brother blogs for fun. I never even thought to charge for my writing. I was doing it for the love of Big Brother and “for the fans.” The concept of fans was so new to me, even after so many years after winning Big Brother because at the end of the day, I’m just like everyone else. My mother thought I was crazy to write for free, so I lied to her and told her I was getting paid $25 an article, and this made her happy. That was 2009.

I didn’t know what to make of GaYToR at first. I didn’t know why the “Y” and “T” and “R” were capitalized in his username. I still don’t know. I always meant to ask but always forgot to. It didn’t matter. He was GaYToR. He was a drag queen in fabulous New Orleans, and he was a huge and old school fan of Big Brother.

Then, at some point, GaYToR went from fan to friend. The Big-Brother-Fan-to-Friend. This doesn’t happen often but when it does it’s warm and sincere and long-lasting. I learned that GaYToR’s real name was John Martin, and Zsa Zsa his stage name, and his loving partner in life’s name was Danny Stark.

John Zsa Zsa Martin and I were friends before I ever had a Facebook fan page or Twitter account, or my own blog. I tasted my first-ever New Orleans King Cake because Zsa Zsa sent me one with Louisiana love. Zsa Zsa never asked me for a thing but gave a lot of himself.

Over the years, John Zsa Zsa Martin watched me go from single thrill-seeker to married to mom and we exchanged stories and anecdotes like any other friends would, regardless of how we met. Zsa Zsa shamelessly lusted after my husband Davy, to my delight and Davy’s laughs. Davy and I talked about Zsa Zsa often, and interestingly enough, we always referred to Zsa Zsa as “her” or “she” and it always just felt right. Davy always laughed extra loud when Zsa Zsa flirted with him.

Zsa Zsa loved his Danny Stark, but Zsa Zsa held a special place in his heart for Davy too and for me and Noah.

After all their years together, Zsa Zsa and Danny were to be married this past Friday in Connecticut. On Saturday morning, I received the news that Zsa Zsa died of a massive heart attack right before the wedding. April Fool’s Day had already come and gone, and the reality of Zsa Zsa’s passing was cold and shocking and raw still. Danny is now mourning his partner of 33 years and yet still so in love.

Davy wasn’t home yesterday when I received the news. He was helping a friend move into the city. I told him everything in one long breath when he got home and the hairs on his arms stood up as his face fell. Neither Davy nor I had ever met Zsa Zsa in person. How could we be so affected?

GaYToRRIP John Zsa Zsa Martin

I can only imagine what Danny is going through right now. Bringing John home to New Orleans from Connecticut is the harsh reality that must be addressed. Who has extra money these days? Nobody I know. But what Davy and I could, we spared and sent to Danny. Danny needs help to repay a kind minister who paid all final expenses up-front. With no legal recognition or death benefits to collect, Danny Stark could use a compassionate shoulder to lean on.

At the time of this writing, the John Zsa Zsa Martin fundly fundraiser is nearly two-thirds of the way there. If you can, please help. The smallest amounts can amount to enough.

We miss Zsa Zsa already.

Always dishing,