Jun Dishes

verb/diSH/ : food or sex or gossip or fiction in real life

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Big Brother Meets Fans of Flanders


In the nearly 3 years I’ve been living in Belgium I’ve been interviewed for a newspaper, on radio, and now for television. If I hadn’t won Big Brother and married a Belgian and moved to Belgium, then none of this would have happened. But I did and did and did and today I spent the better part of my morning and some of my afternoon having some of my life filmed.


The footage will be used in a special guest segment on a Belgian television program called Fans of Flanders on VRT/Canvas and hosted by Chris Dusauchoit who is very dry and very funny. Flanders is basically the top half of Belgium. Without giving too much away before the show actually airs here, I’ll tell you that the segment was about me and my expat living. I’ll share the clip here on the site in a follow-up blog when I get it, good or bad, I promise.

How does something like this even happen? I’ve been asked this since I was a young girl, and I still get asked this now.

Today, in particular, started with just one tweet I tweeted 3 weeks ago.


Obviously, and it was confirmed, there was a Google search done of me.

So fast forward from the tweet and phone calls and emails later…I opened my home and life to Fans of Flanders today. It wasn’t very different from when I opened my door to Big Brother a few times, for the first time 10 years ago, in that I cleaned my home and smeared on extra lipstick. During the day there was a ton of footage taken, just like there would for American television programming where everything’s edited down to one segment lasting just a few minutes. I had to clip on a microphone pack like the ones I had to wear for CBS, which I just blogged about the other day. I had no idea I’d actually be wearing one today!

Despite all the similarities there was one stark difference.

I opened my front door this morning to see standing there not a “crew” but one sole professional, a lady by the name of Lies (pronounced Lees) to do it all. I mean all. I was surprised, but it’s not the first time I’ve seen stark differences in work crews in all fields and professions.

Belgian work environments, compared to American ones, run on skeleton crews. It’s efficiency on crack sometimes, and I witnessed it when a small road crew dug up the main road outside our house and repaved in days not months. Whether in an office or a supermarket, the manpower used in the States is higher than here in Belgium. So hours later after Lies has gone, I’m still impressed with how she managed to do the work usually delegated to 2 or 3 people back in the U.S.

Noah was very drawn to Lies, and he even sat in her lap and took in everything that was happening and all her fancy equipment…

You don’t know how much you’ve grown as a person while you’re doing the growing. Not everybody needs 10 years between a season on an American reality show and a segment on a Belgian television show to realize how much they’ve grown, but I did realize again today how full and different my life has become. I’m not looking forward to seeing what I look like on television all these years older, but I’m willing.

I wasn’t born shy.

Update as of February, 2014: The interview will be aired on Saturday, February 8th and Sunday, February 9th here in Belgium. I will update again with a link of the clip. For now, you can see a preview if you click on this link and fast forward to the last 15 seconds of the clip. Noah’s in the footage!

Always dishing,



My Biggest Fan



My dad was my biggest fan in life since the day I was born, and my biggest Big Brother fan too. He told just about everybody proudly in his Korean-accented English, about my CBS reign that summer of 2003. He loved how I was always up to something, and how I’d always find bigger challenges for myself. It’s why he raised me in America.

When my died just a year after I won the showI wasn’t ready to face the reality that he was really gone forever. For a long time I avoided thinking about his death. My biggest fan.

I’ve learned through the years now that grappling with the forever and dead part is painful, and not so helpful. Living is the key. So when I get asked why I don’t “get over” Big Brother and “move on” with my life…I wonder what constitutes “getting over and moving on from Big Brother.” 

I can’t speak for all Big Brother alum, and they can’t speak for me, but…

To me, Big Brother is one of those experiences I’ll never let go of. And not just because I won, but because of what happened while I was on the show. My dad was healthy when I went into the BB house, and he was in a coma in ICU when I came out 3 months later. For me, personally, my Big Brother experience was a turning point in my life because it marked the start of my dad’s declining health. I’d never lost anyone close to me before in my 28 years at the time, and my first hit was my father.

I’ve come to terms with the guilt I once felt about being on some television show completely ignorant to the fact that my father was slowly dying back at home. I’ve let go of a lot of layers through the years, and particularly after becoming a parent myself I’ve forgiven myself for a lot. Big Brother isn’t just some show I won and that I blogged about, it’s a goal I once set 10 years ago and met. I will not get over it and I will not move on from it, as long as I blog and breathe. My biggest fan would have none of that, even from above.

My dad raised me to dish in perfect English.

Always dishing,




In the 13 hours that yesterday’s blog Big Brother Hiatus was “live” on my site, where I basically break up with Big Brother 15, it was read 15,244 times.




That’s the most views I’ve had for one article on my site in one day, let alone 11 hours. Thank you all.

It’s nothing compared to the number of actual Big Brother 15 viewers. I’m just one person, and I wrote the blog because I can’t just stop watching the show mid-summer and not blog about it. I’d be asked about “why” countless times a day for days on end on Twitter and Facebook, and really I never pass up an opportunity for a dramatic farewell of any kind.

I don’t want Big Brother canceled or dropped like some fetus brains accuse me of, but I wish CBS wouldn’t be so transparent in their cowardice of “not condoning” but very much condoning half the sick behaviors this season.

Since posting my blog in dramatic farewell to Big Brother 15, I’ve heard from fans across the spectrum. I’ve heard it all, or just about, including demands that I return my Big Brother 4 winnings and that I’m pretentious and holier-than-ye. Ye is the plural of thou, right?

I’m not trying to rally others to boycott anything, and I’m not on any kind of witch hunt. I think it’s extreme that family and livelihoods of the current HGs have been threatened and compromised. Fans can be just as bad as any HG, and fans have the means and the freedom to do more damage while the show is going on. It’s a sign of the times good or bad.

Some fans have contacted me in asking for more action to be taken to get the attention of Les Moonves and CBS, however technically HGs are not “employees” of any kind as it is clearly stated in their contracts so there is no legal argument to be made there. It’s not like the “leaders” at CBS don’t know what’s going on, and they don’t have to care until they start losing money which hasn’t happened and won’t happen anytime soon.

My “Dear Big Brother 15” letter was read only 15,244 times yesterday and as the posting of this blog today 4,000 or so more times. So with approximately 20,000 views in the last 24 hours, and only 350 of those readers sharing the blog on various social media platforms… How likely is any of it to effect change?

As a realist I don’t know what a letter to “Mr. Chen” or CBS will do, especially when the numbers aren’t adding up. As I said in an earlier blog you either hit CBS where it hurts most or you stop watching, or keep watching. It’s everyone’s personal decision, and CBS isn’t shoving anything down our throats that the public isn’t asking for.

As we all have seen, CBS has put its disclaimer out and is protected. A letter or petition of a few thousand names will never get to anyone’s desk of worth at CBS, and the millions of television viewers who don’t follow the live feeds will never truly know “what the big deal is” about the big deal this summer. Big Brother isn’t going anywhere as CBS’s summer money-maker.

I’m okay with that, but only because I’ve turned my back to it. Sadly, but surely.

Always dishing,



Big Brother 15 Bullseye – Week 4


Julie Tweet

I don’t know what’s going on from the neck-up anymore with Julie Chen, because I don’t know when it became fashionable to carry your own piss-pot in your hair. That’s what it looked like last night. I’m convinced it was a bowl of rice in case Aaryn was evicted but Kaitlin got the boot instead, and now we’ll never know what Julie had in her hair.



For those of you who have been asking WTH “WTH” is as far scoring the HGs:

Working the house (“WTH”) would be something like Amanda who is neither vehemently disliked nor cherished, yet she has the ability to work the house on her own without anyone else’s help.

Working America (“WA”) would be something like Helen who is clearly speaking more to America than she is to the diary room when she’s spelling everything out for us with the occasional hair flip for emphasis.

Working the potential jury (“WJ”) would be like Howard keeping his cool and thinking long term to jury as he does in life when faced with racism.

This week: Judd still remains #1 overall:



I don’t see King Judd being knocked off the Bullseye soon, but let’s get on with the rest of the messes:


AarynWTH: You’ve done so much damage in the house that it’s actually become an advantage for you because you got zero votes for eviction, and you’re still in the house (+30 points). WA: Your family’s hired a PR crew to clean up your online image, yet America still does not like you (+10 points). WJ: Now that you’ve survived the block twice and won HOH twice your jury speech only gets stronger which make me sick, but at least I have screencaps of you suffering in the mud to make me feel better (+20 points). Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 140 points


GinaMarieWTH: You got zero votes because you are inconsequential to most of the house, and provide comic relief with your severely defective vocabulary (+10 points). WA: You showed America what a girl with no gag reflex looks like on a Friday night in Staten Island, and you actually made me feel inadequate in the deep throat arena. Brava (+20 points). WJI applaud you for not going “gangster” on Elissa when she pushed you away, I guess you reserve your “beatdowns” for non-white girls (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 120 points


CandiceWTH: Attaching yourself to Howard every waking moment is getting in the way of your working the house the way you did at first (+10 points). WA: Half of America loves your earrings and the other half hates them, and i’m just confused by them (+20 points). WJ: I don’t see you having a problem with the jury at the end so long as you win a competition here and there, because you can’t hang on to Howard’s schlong forever (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 180 points


ElissaWTH: You don’t even have to do much to work the house, because some of these people are stupid enough to think you got MVP and nominated yourself only to play in the veto and save yourself (+20 points).  WA: You cry about wanting to go home when you don’t get your way, and then gloat like a rubby ducky but you’re not really fooling anyone (0 points). WJ: You suck at jury management but if you survive this week with Aaryn as HOH, and not being able to play in veto, then your jury speech is better than half the house’s. (+20 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 180 points

Kaitlin: Have a great time in Vegas. Bye.


HelenWTH: You were penalized with two nights of 8pm curfew which probably helped your game, because it meant you had to shut our mouth for longer than usual (+20 points)?! WA: “America”, in this case Rachel’s fans, may not like you turning your back on Elissa this week but you don’t seem to care since you have deals with everyone but Julie Chen at this point (+10 points). WJ: Kaitlin, whom you voted out, seems to think the world of you and I really think the rest of the HGs sincerely like you as well (+30 points). Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 220 points


McCraeWTH: You’re passively working the house while your queen aggressively works it for you, even in the toilet (+20 points). WA: You’re getting a good edit on television, but on the feeds you have your moments aka referring to someone as a “cunt” (+10 points). WJ: Your $5,000 win in the POV competition, plus the fact that you’re Amanda’s bitch, will hurt you come jury time  (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 160 points

Andy: WTH: You manage to be everywhere and nowhere, and it’s only a matter of time before someone attacks you for it, so you need to be ready with more than color-blocked clown shirts (+20 points). WA: You get to host a competition and look suitably geeklicious, yet today you also throw the word “cunt” around on the live feeds as if it’s easy to just roll off your tongue (+10 points). WJ: Your jury vote is getting stronger the longer you’re a Have-Not in that god-forsaken house, but I don’t believe you’d win. (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 160 points

JessieWTH: You might as well take a long nap until final five because you’re on nobody’s radar, including production’s (+20 points). WA: America needs to know more about you, but CBS doesn’t seem to be interested in providing that yet which means you’re going to be around for a while (+10 points). WJ: If you get to jury you’ll probably be sitting with someone just like you, and someone better than you, so I don’t see you winning (+10 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 160 points


AmandaWTH: You were upset about your key being pulled last at Judd’s HOH nomination ceremony, yet it was your one-piece bathing suit that offended Elissa enough to bring you to tears. Get it together (+10 points). WA: America’s split on you, because many of us enjoy what you bring to BB and others are Rachel’s fans (+30 points). WJ: You’re in a good spot come any jury, just like you’re in a good spot week-to-week no matter who’s HOH (+20 points). Week 3: 60 points // Cumulative: 240 points

SpencerWTH: What you lack in soul you make up for in trivia knowledge from Hitler to sexual predator language to aliens and everything remotely creepy in-between, and HGs actually listen because despite your size you never raise your voice (+30 points). WA: Television-viewers know you to be a gentle giant with rough edges, while live feeders know you to be the guy you never want to live next door to if you’re gay or an attractive tampon-user (+20 points). WJ: If you survive this week you have the “Howard had Candice and I had nobody” argument handy, and if you survive it’s because the HGs think Howard’s a bigger threat. (+10 points). Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 200 points

JuddWTH: You’re HOH and you’re supposed to be “the bad guy” who nominates people, yet nobody hates you and GinaMarie even had a beer ready for you when you got out of solitary. Nicely done (+40 points). WA: Your mom’s letter to you in your HOH basket read, “Your dad hasn’t been this nervous since the day you were born,” and it sounded just right to America (+30 points). WJThings like solitary confinement will make good bullet points when you’re making your jury speech (+30 points). Week 4: 100 points // Cumulative: 400 points


HowardWTH: Doing yoga with Elissa was a good move, as was letting Candice feel up on your man parts with her body during the POV competition, but sticking so close still with a former Moving Company loser may hurt you this week (+20 points). WA: America pretty much loves you, and not all of  America has even seen what’s under those sweatpants of yours (+30 points). WJ: When potential jury member Candice tells you to go get her a pebble you reply, “I ain’t no penguin” yet you let her use you like a piece of Grade-A furniture. Nicely done (+10 points).  Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 280 points

~ ~ ~



~ ~ ~

My Personal MVP Of The Week: Howard’s bulge, I mean…Howard.



~ ~ ~

Oh, and Helen’s back on my Favs list:

Favs Week 4It’s been 4 weeks yet I feel like I’ve aged 40 weeks.

Always dishing,





In the U.S., last night’s episode of Big Brother 15 started out with a disclaimer in white bold font against black background:

“Big Brother is a reality show about a group of people who have no privacy 24/7. At times, the Houseguests may reveal prejudices and other beliefs that CBS does not condone. Views or opinions expressed by a Houseguest are those of the individuals speaking and do not represent the views or opinions of CBS. Viewer discretion is advised.”

We’ve seen it before for Dumbledore, but let’s dissect.

~ Big Brother is a reality show about a group of people who have no privacy 24/7. This is true. You could possibly squeeze into a corner under a bed or cram yourself inside a kitchen cupboard, to avoid a camera, but then you’d just look insanely creepy. There is no privacy 24/7. None, not while sitting on the toilet praying for poop or washing your ass-crack in the shower or having sex dreams in the middle of the night. Not everything is televised, but it is recorded 24 hours a mofo day.

~ At times, the Houseguests may reveal prejudices and other beliefs that CBS does not condone. The first half of this sentence is true and we’ve seen prejudices revealed in  so many Houseguests, but the second half is debatable because of that word “condone”. You can’t wipe someone’s hat across your swampy ass, but you can flip someone’s mattress and bait them into a race war. Condone.



 transitive verb \kən-ˈdōn\ : to regard or treat as acceptable, forgivable, or harmless
~   ~   ~

condone (kənˈdəʊn Pronunciation for condone )


  1. to overlook or forgive (an offence)



Merriam-Webster and Collins English dictionaries can’t really help us or CBS very much in this larger-than-reality-television-topic of racism. It’s because the word condone has a lot of baggage, and with baggage there comes times of reckoning. More often than not we expect some consequences delivered when we’re told we’ve done something that’s not condoned.



For me, it’s enough that certain HGs like GinaMarie won’t have jobs when they leave the house. They’ll leave the world of reality into the harsh reality of get the fuck out of the house and back to your life again. I believe CBS is doing all they can to appease the public and BB fan base in showing the live feeds footage of the racial bullying going on, because not showing it would be the worst thing. Not showing it would imply condoning it.

I hope CBS is doing all they can to help those inside the house most affected by all this through the diary room, and I believe they are. When things get out of control, you can “escape” to the diary room and vent or in extreme cases, speak to Dr. Z. There is nobody in the diary room by the way, because many have been asking, but just a cutout in the wall in front of you where the camera is filming you behind the glass.

~ Views or opinions expressed by a Houseguest are those of the individuals speaking and do not represent the views or opinions of CBS. Just because it’s racism this summer doesn’t make it any bigger or better than gay bashing or anti-semitism, and it doesn’t mean CBS is one big racist homophobic neo-nazi conglomerate. Like I said in my blog about my finals casting experience…CBS isn’t the bad guy here because it’s still early in what feels like the longest season ever. There’s time to teach  people inside and outside the Big Brother 15 house some lessons yet.

~ Viewer discretion is advised. Basically, we’re getting dared not to watch, but we watch and I blog.

Always dishing,


RIP Reality Nation


Jumping off the news of GinaMarie’s and Aaryn’s “job losses” and because it’s time some valid questions are answered, I’ve decided to just address them here and now. CBS hasn’t just affected Aaryn and GinaMarie, and those two ladies aren’t the only ones to have lost their jobs this summer. I use the term “lady” lightly with those two, but my point is that people lose their jobs every day across America and the world. We just don’t hear about individual losses so publicly as we have for those two choice HGs…and who knows who else as summer has just begun.

CBS has also affected people at SuperPass, Reality Nation, and probably Showtime, and other places we don’t hear about publicly. And this is all before the summer even started. CBS’s decision to take back control of the live feeds and Big Brother After Dark has left people jobless. If you were a follower of my articles at Reality Nation, then you know that I’m not writing for Reality Nation this season of Big Brother.  There is no more Reality Nation, essentially.


No live feeds at SuperPass, then no news at Reality Nation. That’s life. It happens. But it means jobs opened up somewhere else, mostly at CBS, and such is business.

I worked at Citibank before it merged with Traveler’s Group, and survived, then thrived in the first few years Citigroup bulked up. When I was at Deutsche Bank, my private investment group spun-off and joined LeggMason, and everyone who went along got rewarded handsomely. My years later at AllianceBernstein were brutal like Big Brother can get brutal, but I learned a lot and learned a brutal lesson when I was laid off after the crash, in 2009. I became one more statistic in the numbers reported for layoffs in the financial industry.


What inspired me to start writing…

My layoff inspired me to start writing every day. I was the girl who hated writing essays and book reports in grade school, and writing papers in high school and college had made me miserable. When I lost my job, I used my generous severance package to travel a bit and then returned to college to finally finish my degree, on my own dime. And I changed my major even though it required me to take additional classes, because I wanted to become a better writer. I graduated magna cum laude with an English degree in Creative Writing from CUNY Hunter College. I hope to continue to grow as a writer…

What do I enjoy most about it… 

I enjoy most reading back my own writing. In writing, the fact that I can call myself out on bullshit insincerity or feel the satisfaction of having relayed some sincerity is what I enjoy. The editing process keeps me true to some purpose.

~ ~ ~

This summer I’m focusing on some personal writing, and my steadier writing job, and writing here on my website. I never thought I’d become a freelance writer, but I’m thankful for it, and I really enjoyed my time with Reality Nation. And I’m so very impressed at the level of professionalism the writers and staff possessed during the weeks leading up to Big Brother 15…knowing we’d all be out of jobs. We’ve all gone our separate ways now and I wish everyone success and receipt of good karma. Losing your job due to corporate restructuring is better than losing your job because you’re a racist.

Always dishing,


My Big Brother Finals Casting Experience


I’ve read one particular Andy Denhart article on Reality Blurred several times about the finals casting process, and I read it again today. Since I’m years beyond any contractual obligation to CBS I’m going to add to what is already a very accurate description of what really happened/happens, during finals casting. Finals casting happens a couple of week before the premiere, it’s like Reality Television Casting Olympics. And I was going for gold.

I won’t touch on all of Andy’s bullet points, but I will confirm that:

~ I was flown to L.A. where I stayed during the finals casting, on CBS’s dime plus the $50 per diem aka “allowance” we could use for meals or whatever. At the time I had plenty of money so I went through their $50 and spent some of my own on top of it every day at the gift shop and the bar and wherever I could hang out during my 45 minutes of free time. The rest of the time was very controlled or spent in my room.

~ For dinner, we had the option of eating in the restaurant or the hotel’s bar or just in our rooms. I ate at the restaurant once and I felt like a hooker with other hookers waiting for clients at tables, with our pimp PAs watching us to make sure none of the hookers talked to each other. So after that I just ate dinner in my room.

~ I did sit through “interviews” with all the executive producers, including Allison Grodner and Arnold Shapiro and other major BB decision-makers in the same room at all times. There were always cameramen and other assistants in the room during these interviews and everyone in the room could watch me on a television screen nearby. It’s weird all of a sudden being in front of bright lights and wearing a windy microphone with a bulky pack, but I loved it. These interviews were where they delved deeper into some of the questions you’d answered previously, eliminating people left and right if you didn’t give them that “something” they wanted.

~ I did not get to watch television, and as a matter of fact our televisions were removed from our rooms anyway, and we could get a DVD player and a movie or some video game. That was it. And we were not really allowed to “call people” unless it was an “emergency”.

~ I did get to go from interview to test to meals “by myself” aka without a PA, but I did have to “check-in” like a house-arrest inmate, by calling the production office when I got back to my room.

~ I DID look at another finalist during breakfast one day and she looked back at me, even though we’re instructed NOT to. Because SHIT, it’s unnatural and so at some point you end up making eye contact with somebody accidentally for just a fleeting moment.

~ I did notice numbers dwindling as some of the weirder girls left. I remember Dana had been at finals with me the longest while other women were cut.

~ I did meet with the show’s psychologist, and it was an easy conversation about me and I never felt like my head was shrinking the entire session.

~ I did meet with a “celebrity psychologist”, Alan Downs, and he asked me some questions and I remember he asked me specifically how “manipulative” I was. Apparently that was what he got from me, and so we chat about my skills in manipulation and why I would win Big Brother. Basically.

~ I did take a standardized IQ test and went through multiple personality assessments, and I remember sitting there with my Scantron sheet and No. 2 pencil in one of the banquet halls at the hotel…and I felt so goofy like I was in high school again.

Screen shot 2013-07-02 at 12.14.28 PM

The psych evaluations were not FBI profiler-thorough, in reference to whether or not current Big Brother 15  houseguests would have been evaluated as “racist” or “misogynist” or “homophobe”. But I believe the personality assessments would provide information as to strengths and weakness and volatility of the potential houseguests, based on some of the questions on the tests. The evaluation isn’t diagnostic and more personality-focused than behavioral-focused, at least that was the case my year.

~ I did provide “bio samples” to the show’s doctors for a full medical, and I also had to get a full physical from my personal primary care physician. Big Brother wanted to know how healthy I was physically and mentally and sexually. Listen up people, you CAN go into the Big Brother house healthy and come out diseased, which is why I can’t understand why people have so much unprotected fluid swapping in there.

~ I did receive a schedule at the start of finals casting with blocks of time for meals and “Producers, Medical, Psych A, Psych B, Call Back, and Written Test” and scheduled free time. But “Scheduled free time” is an oxymoron isn’t it? The schedule ran with barely any hiccups and the production team was on top of their shit.

I could go on, but I can tell you that the finals casting process hasn’t changed much since my BB days. Everything I did during finals casting was documented and surveyed, and I saw just how focused the behind-the-scenes crew were and they really busted their asses to get a final cast nailed down. I say this because we give “production” so much shit all the time, yet it’s never the guy behind the camera or the gal running scheduling that get enough thank yous.

The summer I went through finals casting, I only had good things to say about everyone who worked in production. They’re good hardworking people. There’s so much unnecessary filth thrown at Allison Grodner and her crew, and over what. A summer reality show? Alleged rigging? These people at CBS are real people, and they’re the people who called to check on me after my season ended, and to ask about the condition of my father as he became frailer with each call, and they paid their respects from afar when my dad passed away the following year.

I say all this without having planned it. It just came out. That’s what she said…

And for the record, these people actually signed up for the show the real way without a casting agent:


And we all know the rest of the cast just happened to be some of our exes.

Thanks again, to Andy, for always putting it all out there.

Always dishing,


Big Brother Hate


There are very specific things I want to discuss today, and they’re specific to what’s been going on in the Big Brother 15 house. Half the house has been guilty of throwing all kinds of hate around, in a dangerous way, and the other half is a mix of those receiving that hate and those standing by and just watching. Wow, that’s pretty much what real life is like isn’t it?

How many real life people, on their own, actually walk up to a racist or bully or misogynist and do something about it? How many of us laugh at the same “jokes” when we’re watching The Family Guy or whatever discolored show we’re watching? But these BB15 houseguests showing us what they’re made of on the feeds are not following a script, but showing us who they are and who they hang out with in real life.

If in 2013 you surround yourself with people who laugh along with you when you throw around bigoted slurs, then when you get into the Big Brother house you’re going to throw around those same slurs. And you know what will happen? Most of the other houseguests won’t say a thing, though one or two may at some point, and the rest will either be hateful with you or be the recipient of your hate. Clearly people like Spencer and Aaryn and GinaMarie and Jeremy get laughs back home when they behave the way they’ve been behaving.

So what is a Big Brother fan to do with this kind of live feeds information? Certainly not bitch and moan and perpetuate more hate on social media and forums, nor harass CBS executives. These are the same people who awarded someone who made repeated homophobic comments, a sweet job and cushy seat repeatedly. If it ain’t broke, they ain’t fixing it.

If you really care about the level of hate that is being spewed on Big Brother 15, and if CBS does nothing about it in any expedited manner, then hit CBS where it hurts…in their pockets. Why should they do anything about it when they’re not “losing” anything? They didn’t intentionally cast people based on hate.


If you honestly want to something done…send letters to the advertisers who buy Big Brother time slots, call the BBB or whoever you have to call and ask for your money back for your live feeds because you do not tolerate a company who promotes racism and bigotry. Or just wait and see how CBS handles this and know that you can spread the word on what’s going on without spreading more hate yourselves. If you really feel so strongly, you know there are strong ways to be heard.

Or like television-only viewers, debate whether or not Elissa is “technically” the sister of a “Big Brother Legend” or just another hot Reilly mess. It makes me sick that we’re all tied up in disgusting human trash on the feeds, instead of discussing how Nick thinks he’s the next Dr. Will and Aaryn truly wants to be the next Jordan. We should be talking more about WOAH what happened to Elissa’s face and when, and how David knows “water by heart”, and how sad I was about the losing Have-Not team. We should also be talking more about the fact that whoever is in the kitchen the most has the best vantage point in the house (um, like I had), and who that is this season.

Clearly what CBS televised last night was what most people “looking for a fun summer show” want to tune into…people like Jack Owens and his family. And there’s nothing wrong with Jack at all, or with his family, just a lot of things right if you think about it. Clearly what you see on the feeds are things you willingly pay for and watch, so you can’t have your cake and eat it too.


If you’re just bitching about how horrible these HGs are and you’re not actually doing anything about it, then how are you any different from those people who just stand by and gossip but never stop the hate? Whether we like it or not, those people in the house are from the everyday we all live. And like it or not, we all have hate in us, so we shouldn’t be holier-than-thou about it. If you feel like nothing is being done then do something in a productive way that’s conducive to effecting change instead of just harassing people.

Always dishing,


Summer Plans


Last night I basically had my last bite of dinner then passed out and slept until this morning, because my body told my brain to get some fucking rest. It’s true. Wahhh I’m so tired even now, but I’ll stop crying as it annoys even me.

Instead of crying it’s time to re-prioriritze, using everything I can control and leveraging things that I can’t…

For months now I’ve been anxious leading up to this summer because Big Brother blogging done right requires so many hours of devotion, and I just have no more hours to devote to anything much extra these days. With my other writing job, running my site here and little Noah in full toddler-gear something’s gotta give.


It’s unbelievable to me that it’s been 10 years since I was on Big Brother wearing fishnet. My whole Big Brother experience has always been my guilty pleasure and good story to tell because I won, and it came along with some cash bonuses here and there after the fact. Most of all it’s connected me with thousands of you instantly, and some for forever. However, this summer I’m letting go of my guilty pleasure a little bit.

“Everything happens for a reason,” is the perfect reasoning for so much happening around me lately and all signs point to taking a step away from Big Brother. For now. Thank you to everyone who’s offered me a writing gig this summer, and to everyone who enjoyed Power Rankings with me, but I’m taking a BB-break.


A family vacation is in order, and Noah’s first steps have yet to happen so it will be a big summer for me yet!

I’ll miss watching feeds and reporting in all the nonsense and I’ll miss snarking voraciously on BB HGs through Power Rankings blogs, but I’ll be watching from afar and checking in. This is why I compiled the partial list of sites I’ll be following this summer while I’m BB-less.

I’m looking forward to taking a breather and being a voyeur like all of you, and shielding myself and my family as much as possible from some of the threats and hostility I’ve received the last few seasons of Big Brother. Unfortunately having been on Big Brother means you take the good with the bad, but there truly is some bad out there when fans threaten people’s lives over a television show. Having now a family of my own, I know I’m making the right decision in taking the summer off from BB.

Taking Noah to the children’s reading room in the library and to the playground nearby, and all the other summer things that involve an ice cream treat will be my live feeds action this summer.


A family road trip will happen at the end of this month as we drive to France, specifically to Omaha Beach in Normandy where I’ll stand in awe of the history there. I’ll blog about it, and other things too this summer, so I’ll stop being so dramatic as if i’m going to disappear off the face of the freaking earth.

Always dishing,


Does Big Brother Have a Cult Following?

CBS Page

Does Big Brother have a cult following? I think so.

Now that we’re less than a month away from the start of the new season of Big Brother the rabid thirst for information is being felt among a group of hardcore fans. It’s a relatively small group, a subset of the larger Big Brother fan base, but I dare say it’s a cult following. It’s lasted over a decade in an American subculture and should absolutely qualify as having its own cult following.

Here’s some of how Wikipedia defines “cult following”.

“A cult following is a group of fans who are highly dedicated to a specific area of culture. A film, book, musical artist, television series, or video game, among other things, will be said to have a cult following when it has a small but very passionate fan base… A common component of cult followings is the emotional attachment fans have with the object of the cult following, often identifying themselves and other fans as members of a community. Cult followings are also commonly associated with niche markets…”

That’s how I’d describe the “group of fans” that are a part of the cult following of Big Brother, and this includes me and you because of three points above:

Highly Dedicated: Only a “highly dedicated” fan of Big Brother would be writing or reading this blog in the first place

Emotional Attachment: Because we connect with at least one HG per season, and that’s enough to get us through until the next season.

Members of a Community: Because with as many toxic Big Brother fans I’ve come across, I’ve seen a hundred times more fans who check in on each other (and me) in times of trouble or celebration.

I’m sorry to report that the Big Brother Cat Lady would also be a part of this following, casting that Big Brother shadow over our snark and joy. But here’s what I know for sure about this upcoming BB15 season:

1. The season premieres on Wednesday, June 26th. The CBS website currently has two different air times, on their Big Brother home page:

CBS Page


So the premiere is on June 26th at either 8/7c or 9/8c. Okay.

2. Superpass will not carry Big Brother Live Feeds anymore. Feeds will be on the CBS site itself. There are no definitive details as of yet for BB15, but if you want to “Get Notified” by CBS then send in your email address on their lived feeds pageUpdate: Both Americans and Canadians both have access to paid live feeds. Canadian viewers cannot flashback, but CBS probably doesn’t want any more footage of the neo-bratty shameful HGs to be circulating anymore than it already is.

3. Showtime’s Big Brother After Dark is dead and hello and welcome to TVGN’s Big Brother After Dark. TVGN?! Huh? Like, that “TV Guide channel” that I didn’t realize anyone actually watched? And TVGN is owned by CBS, oh. Here’s the official news release on the CBS siteUpdate: This season the shows are neither live nor very appealing to many, because BBAD is censored. Boo.

So basically, CBS is tightening their belt around the belly of Big Brother and cutting out third parties where they can and attempt to save the failing TVGN which most people have never even heard of. Good for CBS. It’s their prerogative, because things such as live feeds and “After Dark” programs are for not for the television viewing audience but for the cult following of Big Brother, anyway. So fans will follow, despite crying foul and “I can’t” this or that.

To check if your area even gets TVGN, you can enter your zipcode on their home page, click on TVGN Channel Finder.

If you don’t get TVGN through your cable provider, then don’t think of it as such a tragic loss…think of it as gaining two hours in your summer nights to do something else, maybe read up on Korean Steamed Vagina or pick up an actual book or sex toy.

Really, it’s up to you what you do with your summer nights. We’ll never be collectively happy as Big Brother fans and that’s half the fun. Commiserating in our BB misery.

Always dishing,