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Big Brother 18 – Power Rankings #2

BB

I’m funnier when I’m in a good mood. I’m meaner when I’m in a bad mood. I’m calmer when I’m actually freaking out inside. I’m pretty consistent, in life and on Big Brother. BB.

Have I changed since my season four? Yes. No. Yes. No?

We see time and time again that when BB alum return for a second shot, or sometimes even a third, they’re all over the spectrum of how much they’ve changed. It’s always “a lot” or “a little,” for better or for worse, or worst.

But there’s nothing like the first time, is there?

But first…

Week-3 Alliance7-11-16

(Special thanks to @89razorskate20)

~

So let’s start with Frank…

Team: CATEGORY 4: Frank, Bridgette, Michelle, Paulie

Douche

Frank: Get your damn feet off the coffee table (-50 points). We are all waiting to see if you can still dominate in challenges like you did you first-time around, because without that you’re just (still) meathead-y, but just four years older. Did you return to your cave after BB14 only to emerge for BB18? By Random Draw you got lucky right away, and then you magically won the first Roadkill and then this last one pretty magically too, and all your wins seem to come from Pandora’s Snatch (-50 points). And it’s great that you slap asses as athletes, and even the asses of your friends who are girls. I’m happy for you all. But why the fuck would you put your hands on a woman’s ass, someone’s mother no less, unless you know that’s okay with her (-100 points)? If your mom was playing Big Brother in the house would you want a man CBS put in there with her, to slap her on the ass? What if that man was black? Listen, you douchebag…men do not get to slap women on the ass, especially a woman you only started living with all of a sudden, less than a month ago.  People are very angry about all this, and irrational too, but I’m just keeping it real. You need stronger women in your life. It’s never a bad thing to have too many of. Strong women save lives. You had Boogie, Mike Malin, to guide you your first season, Creepy Uncle Boogie, and now you’re trying to be Boogie this season, and also shouting out the name of his new restaurant on the feeds. Dudes of a feather cock together. I don’t even know what that means but it works for me. Final Tally: -200 points

BridgetteFrank

Bridgette: “I see you around the house. You’re great at this fucking game.” You said this to your dad Frank. Whether you meant it or it was pure strategy, it stroked his meat ego (+50 points). But you’re weird together (-50 points). But I appreciate that you didn’t respond with, I trust you, back to Frank, when he condescendingly creepy uncled you with I trust you (+50 points). Your cute act is vomit-inducing but you’re persistent and determined to make it work and that’s something (+50 points). You literally skipped to the diary room door after voting out Victor on Thursday, like who really skips like that in real life? You are no Shirley Temple, because you drop f-bombs trying to come off as tough, but they fall short of awkward (-50 points). Baking cookies got you compared to me but I’ve only attempted baking maybe a dozen times in my whole life, and never when I was in the Big Brother house. The only other thing I can think of is that we’re both of Asian descent and therefore you will be compared to me forevermore. You should actually be flattered (+50 points). I tweeted once that I’d punch you in your mouth if you ever baby-voiced me to death and apparently some deranged people took it literally, like I go around punching people in the mouth on the regular, and that I’d actually punch you in the mouth if I ever met you. So if you reading this…be careful. Bad fans can be terrible people. Good fans are the best though. Stick with those (+50 points). Your HOH win is great and all (+50 points) but nobody on the jury will give you credit for this week (-50 points) so you need to have a back-up plan if you want to build an actual resume at the end. But your POV win (+50 points) and leaving Bronte up on the block is something of actual substance (+50 points), barely (-50 points). And some more advice…do not bring Frank home to your parents. Ever. He will smack your sister’s ass when he feels comfortable enough to and then smack your mom’s too. Don’t do it girl. Final Tally: +200 points

Mich

Michelle: You are an enigma in your own head. But you’re fun to poke fun at (+50 points) and you lucked out on a team that’s keeping you safe as fuck (+50 points). I don’t dislike you but I don’t love you and you always sound at first like you’re trying to hide the sound of your chronic queefs, hoping that nobody heard them. Your issues with food and weight gain are interesting (-50 points). You eat a kiwi whole, fuzzy skin and all, which is actually more nutritious (+50 points), but so…extra (-50 points). Maybe that’s what makes you queef. You seem to actually seek ways to be weird (+20 points), like making up a boyfriend you never had and wow things like that. You actually have a terrible poker face, but you’re not on anyone’s flaming radar so good for you (+50 points). Being insignificant in a social game seems to be your M.O. Final Tally: +120 points

Paulie

Paulie: I thought you’d be douchier but you’re not, not as much as I thought you’d be, and I’m so relieved for something about this season. So thank you for something (+50 points). You went ahead and took the POV too (+50 points) although I’m not sure you had to (-20 points), but your word “SUSTAINABILITY” was lady boner stuff (+50 points).  “I am a fan of spelling.” Yes you are. But your grammar could use some work (-20 points), “I want to nip stuff in the butt.” Taking Paul down with the veto and backdooring Victor came very easy to you (+50 points) and your butt-nipping ways… And your social game is decent, and far more interesting than prank-pulling James (+50 points) which I apologize for setting such a low bar for. Final Tally: +210 points

Team Name: TEAM UNICORN: James, Bronte, Natalie

Ugh

James: From the moment your face was wedged into Natalie’s perfectly plump ass in that first HOH comp of the season, you dropped Taylor Swift with swiftness. Your drama in the off-season with Meg is only something you two know all the actual details of. But you are the underdog in that tiff and I always root for the underdog (+50 points). But…I don’t know. Is it just me? I wouldn’t want to live day in and day out with a prankster. Who the fuck actually wants that (-50 points)? But still your name isn’t brought up as a target (+50 points) so you’re doing something right. And you live out your creepy Korean uncle fantasies, yay for you, with Natalie, in your head. Because you will not be getting any actual action. I see what you did there sacrificing Victor. But Natalie’s just trying to make Victor jealous by hanging out with you. But I’ll still take your tired old saggy pranks over that big butt meathead Frank though (+50 points). Final Tally: +100 points

Bron

Bronte: You’re such a hot mess. Yawning the whole time on the big screen behind Julie Chen during the live show. You make me feel more pulled together (+50 points). Your fakey voices, yes plural, are baffling and annoy me (-50 points). I wonder sometimes if you’re possessed. But you remain relatively safe and your Spy Girls or whatever alliance has worked in your favor this week (+50 points). James creeps you out, and that’s okay (+50 points), I’m just glad you’ve toned down the Aarynistic behavior (+50 points). Final Tally: +150 points

FullSizeRender-46

Natalie: “I’m happy to evict Victor!” Julie Chen heard your vote loud and clear. Hey. You are a beautiful beautiful woman and you should NOT feel ugly, ever, whether it’s in that ratchet house or in the real world. Zakiyah and Nicole having wtfmances has got you down? I understand. No. I don’t. I focused on winning, not on some short Korean dude, and CBS tried to distract me they did. But maybe you’ll end up using your fellow Korean HG James like I did my ex, Jee. But you need to stop that shit about feeling fat or ugly (-50 points). You are neither. I got fat but never felt ugly on my season. You are definitely not ugly. Be stronger, woman! And work James all you want (+50 points). It’s not like you’re giving him any milk (+50 points). But you saying you don’t want to put up a girl if and when you win HOH is stupid (-50 points). Don’t be an idiot. Put the makeup down, and put up whomever you have to “if and when”  anything. Period. Final Tally: 0 points

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Victor: You’re back to zero now that your ass is evicted. I wasn’t even finished looking at you. Life is so unfair. But your Instagram shout-out on live television might have been enough to make me cut you completely. Final Tally: 0 points

Team: BIG SISTER: Da’Vonne, Paul, Zakiyah

DayAndMichelle

Da’Vonne: “I gotta get her before she tries to get me.” This is the most obvious point of the game, yet you and other HGs keep repeating this to us in the diary room (-50 points). Relax. It doesn’t even matter who “her” is because that’s the whole point of the game. But your ass-slapping drama with Frank this week was hard for me to watch, because you do feel like you have so much to prove after your first run where you couldn’t control your emotions. But that’s not a bad thing. It’s keeping you in check. You’ve grown (+100 points). Good for you. You kept your cool when Frank told you he spilled about the 8-Pack to Paulie (+50 points). And you handled Frank as best you could when he continued to meathead-out (+100 points). But you’re willing to lose team members who could possibly up your probability of safety (-50 points) and I hope that doesn’t bite you in the ass. Final Tally: +150 points

FullSizeRender-48

Paul: “You dropped all the balls. You blew it.” You were talking about Victor (+50 points), not actual oral sex (-50 points), and it was nice to see you actually have a heart (+50 points). You and Jozea and Victor never had a chance as an alliance (-50 points). You need to work your ass off to make sure Tiffany goes home. I appreciate how raw you are in the diary room (+50 points), and in general (+50 points). I hope you don’t leave, but if you make it to the end you will have quite a list of accomplishments to rattle off to the jury. Good luck. Final Tally: +100 points

Kiyah

Zakiyah: Lots of people are pissed about you (-50 points) referring to Natalie as a “thot.” I thought that was a typo of some sort until I actually Googled it. If that’s all the Natalie fans have got on you, then you’re good (+50 points). Basically I’m just some old BB cat lady at this point having to look up words on the internet. Sigh. But I still find you hot as fuck (+50 points) and I’m mildly jealous that you got a lap dance from Paulie as a birthday gift in the house (+50 points). All I got was half a birthday cake and an ex-boyfriend to yell at. Speaking of which, some plaything of two weeks of your life seems to think he owns you, on social media. It’s cute though. It could have been worse. He could have been uglier (+75 points). Final Tally: +175 points

Freakazoids: Nicole, Corey, Tiffany

Nic

Nicole: For whatever reason, including the truth, CBS is editing you as the useless girl who finds Corey dreamy (-50 points). Smack yourself (-50 points). You started off so great (+50 points). And besides that, all CBS could come up with this week was a clip of you choking on water. Is that the extent of your BB legacy? Meatheads and inability to swallow (-50 points)? I never watched your season but I don’t think I need to, to learn anything more about you. Final tally: -100 points

Bros

Corey: “I must have a ‘honk if you’re horny’ sticker on my car with all these horns going off. You know what they say…if the RV is a honking, don’t come a-knocking.” Meat (-50 points). Head (-50 points). How many times did you have to try that whole line in the diary room before you got it right? CBS seems to be ignoring your budding bromance with Frank, and I’m sure it’s for a good reason. Final Tally: -100 points

Vaness2

Tiffany: I thought you were supposed to be good at this! Oh. Wait. No. You played the online version of this stuff (-50 points). It’s your sister Vanessa who will be more memorable of the two of you (-50 points) if you don’t actually start doing something besides looking good in jeans. I was actually mesmerized by your hips on Thursday (+50 points). But so far you’re a little underwhelming, even your unintentional impersonations of Vanessa. But do you. Final Tally: -50 points

~

Julie

Julie: You looked good Thursday. Hearing you shout “Kiss My Ace” made my week. But I need to know, who were those ball boys during the comp? Were they gifts from Les?

~

Paulie remains on top.

Always dishing,

Jun

Big Brother 18 – Power Rankings #1

BB

Enough cryptic life shit.

I’m watching Big Brother again this summer, #BB18.

Frank Eudy is back.

Upon entering the house by jumping out of suitcases, Frank and three other second-timers from different seasons, were all afforded a second chance to win.

Julie Chen dramatically forced everyone all at once, to listen to her big news…this summer would start as a team sport. News of this had already spread like wildfire on social media for weeks, but we all pretended as fans to be collectively wowed. The television-only viewing audience was definitely wowed.

Back to Frank…

Frank

By Random Draw, Frank was magically the first to hand-pick a member for his team, in schoolyard pick. It is why I have nicknamed him By Random Draw.

Da’Vonne Rogers, James Huling and Nicole Franzel are the other other returnees, and they also got “team protection.”

I hated the idea at first, teams…

But I did blog once in 2013 about a new twist where I’d like to see one “mandatory” open alliance from day one. This team stuff CBS gave us the season? I’ll take it for now. It seems to mean nothing to the HGs right now anyway. Though I hope this changes soon…

Because if you play a nearly flawless game it shouldn’t matter whether you start in teams or individually anyway. We all know it will get down to an individual game when production sees fit. Maybe this year they’ll steal from Survivor and give us some form of actual immunity idol that By Random Draw will draw week-to-week and forevermore.

We started out the season with a great blindside. When the house blindsided The Three Stooges on my season, it was delicious. Just like Jozea’s blindside was last week.

Week-2 Alliances BB18

~

Power Rankings #1

Team Unicorn: JamesNatalieBronteVictor

Such a lame stupid name. The stupidest of the four, but then again, the team is led by James. For stupidest team name, everyone on this team starts off with -150 points.

James

JAMES: Why are you back (0 points)? Final Tally: -150 points

Bronte

BRONTE: Why are you “Wifey Spy?” Fuck no. I want to marry Natalie, not you. And you are far from wifely material, what with your ranting about sending James “back to Hong Kong” (-100 points). I don’t even like him that much but that’s fucked up. Maybe if you’d focused faster and more on your social game then you wouldn’t have gone “there” and you wouldn’t be sitting on the block now (-50 points). One more comment like that and you may enter BB15 territory. You’re not as cute as Aaryn Gries, so you won’t be worshipped like she was undeservedly post-show, by way too many people. But I do like your raw trainwreck-y diary rooms (+150 points) and how your wheels actually turn about the game (+100 points). And when you told Paul to basically STFU and stop being a sexist pig, you won some points (+100 points). Oh, your new and improved strategy to “not trust one single boy in the house” sounds very mature and forward-thinking *sarcasm* (-50 points). Play more like a woman and not like a girl. Final Tally: 0 points

Natalie

NATALIE: You say you’re “sitting there sweating bullets” yet I have never looked half as good as you when I’m sweating anything. It’s very hard for me not to objectify you because I find you quite attractive (+100 points), but it did scare me watching you presumably wiping makeup off in the bathroom (-50 points). YOU WEAR SO MUCH MAKEUP. But whatever. I’m not mildly obsessed or anything, maybe. It’s your face. I sound like Victor don’t I? Oh, but you’re right. You truly “are officially the underdogs of the house.” That’s okay though, because I tend to root for the underdogs (+100 points). I need you to be more helpful to Bronte though, otherwise you will be considered a coattail rider sooner or later. But for now you haven’t made yourself a target so that’s good (+100 points). “Flirty Spy” seems to be working for you. Nobody is really gunning for you. Final Tally: +100 points

Vic

VICTOR: You uttered the words “fair game” in the diary room (-50 points). Who determines what’s fair in Big Brother? Certainly not you. Even CBS hasn’t figured that out yet. Just abide by the contract you signed and the rest is fair game. You don’t want a girl to win? Because your level of emotional maturity is that low? Not good (-50 points). Finance degree or not, social game is key to getting that money in the bank in the first place. But thank you for being so very nice to look at (+200 points). You’re sitting on the block by association by bad self-awareness (-50 points). And geez, you flipped so fast after Jozea was evicted basically bending over for the returnees. Telling everyone right away that you won Roadkill, after you won Roadkill (+100 points)? Not good (-50 points). I don’t want you to go. Sigh. Final Tally: -50 points.

~

Big Sister: Da’VonneJozeaPaulZakiyah:

Stupid team name, again. -100 points to everyone on this team.

DaVonne2

DA’VONNE: I love you I do (+50 points) and I’m sincerely happy for you that you get another tearful chance to win the prize money for Cadence (+100 points). But girl…it seems like you’re trying to go for the BB Meme And Gif Hall Of Fame more than anything else this season (-50 points). But you’re still entertaining as fuck (+100 points). It’s week two and you’re not getting evicted, so that’s major improvement from last season. I know, it’s a low bar to set but it’s all we have. Please work on your happy face when you’re talking to people you don’t like or believe (-50 points). You cannot flop this season. As your Korean virtual mother I forbid you. But your kissing Jozea’s photo once it went black and white had me dying laughing (+50 points). If you make final two with Zakiyah I will fly you and Cadence out to Belgium for a visit with me. That is all. Final Tally: +100 points

Jozea

JOZEA (EVICTED): You are currently drowning somewhere in some faux celebrity river, with Glenn dead in the water floating face-down by you. Jozea. You were THE FIRST (REAL) EVICTEE. Because let’s face it…Glenn doesn’t count. He didn’t exactly get Jodi’d, but that’s what it was in different packaging. Yes, this is supposed to be about you, Jozea, of “My word is my word,” and “Scenarios is scenarios,” fame. Because apparently that is the depth of your critical thinking. This is this. That is that. Jozea. Your delusions of grandeur were fucking fantastic fun to follow and make fun of. Glenn Who?

Paul

PAUL: “The Big Brother universe hates me at this point.” No. It hates everyone equally, Paul. You’re not special. But good for you for taking yourself off the block last week (+100 points) although you really were responsible for getting yourself on the block in the first place (-50 points). You pet your beardfro when you’re nervous, and you liken yourself to Godzilla…let alone you’re not afraid to refer to yourself as Godzilla, publicly. You’re the self-proclaimed black sheep of the family who takes delight in being the black sheep, which screams: you have lots to prove. I should know. You are so rough around the edges but I like you more than Jozea, which is a very low bar to measure up to. But it’s something (+50 points). But you should knock off calling anyone a little Korean or little anything, because you are one of the few very short men in the house, especially when Jozea comes back after beating Glenn. Final Tally: 0 points

zakiyah

ZAKIYAH: Why are you so hot? (+200 points). You have Da’Vonne and Paulie as shields. I love it. Final Tally: +100 points

~

Freakazoids: NicoleCoreyGlennTiffany

Annoying name but whatever. -50 points to all.

Nicole

NICOLE: Even when you’re happy you sound unhappy. It’s a true talent (+50 points), and also annoying as fuck (-100 points). You’re a nurse, but if you came to treat me in the emergency room I’d get anxious listening to you. I’d ask for another nurse. But I don’t mind watching your hot mess of a self on the show (+50 points). It’s quite entertaining. (+50 points). I never watched your season and I don’t hate you (+50 points). Final Tally: +50 points

Corey

COREY: You need to make like your picture above and keep your mouth closed and smiling ever so slightly. It’s your best look (+50 points). It’s your only decent look (-50 points). So stop talking. Stop watching men shower. As a matter of fact close your eyes so you’re not even tempted to. And don’t ever set fires to animals ever again (-100 points) or we will find you. We will hunt you down and your trash friends down. I’ve never heard of peppermint bark before you told us about it and its “life-changing” qualities. But it sounds terrible. You’d better redeem yourself and soon, buddy. Final Tally: -150 points

Glenn

GLENN (EVICTED/GLENNED): I’m using your stock photo. Just go home. Unless the buyback comp is mental, I don’t see how you will outlast all the young bucks exiting the house. You probably have Trump rallies back at home to get back to anyway.

TiffTIFFANY: You are Vanessa 2.0 in so many ways (-50 points) yet you are not her too (+50 points). It’s freaking me out watching you and having to consciously tell myself you’re not Vanessa. Even though I know you’re not. And how can you suck so bad at math in that Roadkill comp (-50 points)? What kind of high school do you teach at?! Final Tally: -100 points

TiffanyTrippy.

~
Category 4: FrankBridgetteMichellePaulie

Sad, but the best name of the four teams. Kudos on that at least. It may be the best thing these people did all summer. +50 points.

ByRandomDraw

FRANK: Frank, Frank, Frank…you have aged like a bear. I don’t even know what that means really. You’ve definitely still got your big butt (+50 points), but your game still sucks (-300 points). If you can’t even keep track of all the fake alliances you’ve made then you are actually your biggest pain in the ass. I’m just here to agitate it. But I think Corey wants to agitate your ass more than I do. And kudos to you for publicly confessing that you have hemorrhoids (+50 points) and how you must tend to them and nurse them every so gently with your fingers (+50 points), as you not so gently rebuffed Corey’s voyeurism (+100 points). You said it gave you weird feelings having him watch you. It’s good to talk about feelings (+50 points). Hemorrhoids kills. Well, maybe not, but I’m not a doctor. Final Tally: :+50 points

Bridgette

BRIDGETTE: How old are you? This isn’t pre-teen pageant girl scout camp (-100 points). Women have advanced farther than you are playing but whatevs, you were typecast and you’re playing your role (+100 points). Do what you gotta do sister. If they let you win by swinging side to side like Shirley Temple until your tassels poke an eye out, then do you. I saw a porn once called “Spunky Spice” and it was all about a girl getting spunk all over her face. This has nothing to do with you except your name is Spunky Spice in your alliance. Good job surviving eviction last week (+50 points) even though your bad decisions got you outed as a spy and nommed in the first place (-50 points). But you survived because you’re quite insignificant in the game right now. That’s not a bad thing (+50 points). But this may change. And if it doesn’t then that’s okay too. Sigh. I know you miss your dad, but your kinda crush on Frank is a little weird because it just is. Stop it (-50 points). Final Tally: +50 points

Michelle

MICHELLE: You need to not let the sun turn you into carcinogen (-50 points). You need to not compare Bridgette to me (-50 points). You need to not say bad things about “fat people” unless you have a thoughtful solution to your rudeness (-50 points). But so far you’re laying around eating junk food and hating yourself, basically living out your BB dream, so I’m happy for you (+50 points). You would sell your soul for safety in the house, or the last bag of potato chips, whichever comes at the right time. I love it (+50 points). Final Tally: 0 points

PAulie

PAULIE: You’re HOH (+50 points) after surviving last week’s eviction (+50 points) after going spread eagle for the returnees right away (-50 points), and still losing to Paul in the POV (-50 points) but then you won POV this week (+50 points), but you are beasting out so early (-50 points). Though you would have been a target anyway so at least you’re killing comps (+100 points) and making the best of friends especially in one very hot Zakiyah (+50 points). If you marry her later I will come back and add +5,000 points to this blog. Final Tally: +200 points

~

Power Rankings High:GroupLeft

Two beautiful black women in the BB house.

~

Power Rankings Low:GroupRight

Frank holding on to his nuts the entire live show.

~

Power Rankings Tradition:

PenisHead

They gave Julie dickhead. Sigh.

~

 Standings

(I took the liberty of adding some penalties)

PowerRankings1

Congratulations Paulie.

Always dishing,

Jun

BB17 Power Rankings

BB

Power Rankings is back. If you don’t know what that means it’s okay. It’s just a thing, that I once got paid to do, to do before Rice House ever happened. Three criteria and points tallied accordingly, and according to my current mood.

CRITERIA: 1. Would I trust this HG to babysit Noah for an hour or two?/  2. Would I employ this HG at Rice House? / 3. Would I double date with this HG (and their potential significant other)?

Would I trust this HG to babysit Noah:

MegMeg (+50 points) despite her preference to sit or lie down most of the time and her inability to sense evil, she’s an ideal puzzle and boardgames and movies kinda lazy babysitter.

JuliaJulia (+20 points) alone without her sister Liz, is someone I might actually let babysit Noah.

Liz

But not Liz, no (-20 points).

Steve

But I think Steve would be great because he and Noah would play Legos all day and Noah would adore him for it, and Steve talks a lot and so does Noah so there’s that (+50 points).

James

 I feel like James would be okay although Noah would inevitably pick up on things like James staring at women’s breasts, which Noah already calls “boobies” because it’s all my fault (+10 points).

JohnJohn talks a lot like Noah already, at least when he’s excited, so they have something in common already plus Noah likes dentists (+40 points).

Austin

Austin I fear, wouldn’t ever wash his hands or even properly enough to be a decent babysitter, and that’s all I have to say about that (-10 points).

Vanessa

Vanessa is a no (-20 points).

 

NEXT…

Would I employ this HG at Rice House: James would sexually harass every female patron and piss their men off, and that’s not what I want Belgians thinking Korean men are like sorry (-20 points). Meg would have to be given a desk job but um I don’t have those, so I suppose she could bag food or wash rice if her frail arms could handle it ugh (+10 points). Austin would spend more time trying to woo menstruating women and seek out Belgian wrestling federations with his wheezy breath, and fail at both and make me lose money (-20 points). Vanessa is a no for obvious business reasons (-20 points). Liz is a no because she will eat the whole shift every shift and cost me money, and you cannot speak Dutch with -uhhhhh at the end of every word or risk being beaten by angry Belgians (-10 points). Julia though is a maybe, since she doesn’t eat very much at all, and she seems somewhat ambitious in the kitchen, sigh (+10 points). John would probably work out because he could always do some illegal dental work on the side by day and make a killing, in addition to stickering Rice House merchandise and washing dishes for me by night (+10 points). Steve would be an easy hire for me although he’d have to get used to not having his mom around again, but with his musical background he could provide entertainment at Rice House while customers wait for their food (+30 points).

Would I double date with this HG (and their potential significant other)? John claims he turns himself up to obnoxious levels whenever he’s trying to end a relationship with a girl, so I’d actually like to see him do that in person on a double date (+20 points). Vanessa and her SO would be in truth be quite fascinating to have front row seats to, if you’re into studying couples (+25 points). Steve and his date would be nothing short of polite, and I love chocolate milk and Steve loves chocolate milk, so there’s that (+20 points). Austin is a no (-20 points). Liz with Austin is a no but with someone else possibly a yes (+10 points). Julia is someone I’d double date with, if only to get the scoop on how she beat leukemia ((amazing)) yet still turned out to be so vapid  (+10 points). Meg I’m not sure I could handle in large doses because she always looks like she’s in a state of something between hungry and deranged, and that can be disconcerting on a double date, but maybe (+10 points). James would of course bring Meg, because that’s just something James would do, and he’d stare at Meg’s boobs all night like I would (+50 points). Because, Koreans.

~

Based solely on HGs games and actually being there for the game I give an additional +25 points to Vanessa, Steve and John.

Based solely on the cleanliness of HGs souls, I award an additional +20 points to Meg and Steve.

Based solely on Austin’s speech during his nominations I deduct -500 points from Austin, and Liz by default, and -200 point from Julia by default.

~

TALLY (in order of decreasing suckage):

Austin: -550 points / Liz: -520 points / Julia: -160 points / Vanessa: 10 points / James:  40 points / Meg: 90 points / John: 95 points / Steve: 145 points

~

Steve

Steve wins. We’ll have to see if he survives this upcoming eviction. Sigh.

Always dishing,

Jun

Finding Weird Shit About Myself on the Internet

FMFinding

I didn’t go on Big Brother for fame or to pursue acting. I just wanted to win and bring home $500,000 and say I did it. I got fat because instead of working 9 to 5, like I would have been at my job, I ate. Then I munched at night. I ate and stress ate and then ate some more while running the kitchen ALL summer. CBS kindly aired a montage of my weight gain, and if I was a producer I’d have done the same thing. I’m not embarrassed about it all as much as I’m reminded that reality television looks frivolous from the outside, but on the inside shit gets real. I’ve touched on this before.

 

FinaleNight

 

I gained weight. A lot of weight. I won the whole season, at least 15-20 pounds heavier than I was when I entered the house. I was contacted by radio stations, including Howard Stern, the day after I’d left the Big Brother house. I was asked if I’d eat a tub of ice cream live on-air as the fat chick who won Big Brother. Needless to say I declined, and 10 years later I’m glad I did. I went back home to New York and I eventually lost all the weight again sometimes crash dieting towards the end. Not good.

I’m not the only BB alum eater or porker, and there will always be the fans (including Evel Dick…you know who I’m talking about Dick!) who never let some of us forget.

I’m bring this all up today because I had to watch some of my Big Brother 4 footage when Fans of Flanders was at my home filming the other day, and I cringed looking at my thighs and belly. It was a part of my summer. If I’d ended up going back for All-Stars I probably would have gained weight again.

Having chosen to put myself on television and continuing to keep myself visible to the public now means from time to time I find weird stuff about me on the internet. I’ve had rant blogs dedicated to my me and my early death and all forms of written threats. Since cutting most Big Brother blogging and tweeting out of my life (link to my interview with Buzzfeed), especially after this last season of Big Brother (link to my interview with The Daily Beast), the BB catladies have remained quiet and the hate has died down (it works!) but I know they remain out there watching and waiting…

So I decided to Google “jun song big brother weight gain” for the purposes of finding a fat photo of me in the BB house, and stumbled upon this gem…

 

A choppy creepy photo montage of my life up until Noah’s birth.

I find myself unable to write after watching that, and you too are probably unable to put into words where this blog just went.

Yeah.

Let’s discuss this video and its existence…

Always dishing,

Jun

Big Brother Meets Fans of Flanders

FOFlogo

In the nearly 3 years I’ve been living in Belgium I’ve been interviewed for a newspaper, on radio, and now for television. If I hadn’t won Big Brother and married a Belgian and moved to Belgium, then none of this would have happened. But I did and did and did and today I spent the better part of my morning and some of my afternoon having some of my life filmed.

FOFlogo

The footage will be used in a special guest segment on a Belgian television program called Fans of Flanders on VRT/Canvas and hosted by Chris Dusauchoit who is very dry and very funny. Flanders is basically the top half of Belgium. Without giving too much away before the show actually airs here, I’ll tell you that the segment was about me and my expat living. I’ll share the clip here on the site in a follow-up blog when I get it, good or bad, I promise.

How does something like this even happen? I’ve been asked this since I was a young girl, and I still get asked this now.

Today, in particular, started with just one tweet I tweeted 3 weeks ago.

FoFTweet

Obviously, and it was confirmed, there was a Google search done of me.

So fast forward from the tweet and phone calls and emails later…I opened my home and life to Fans of Flanders today. It wasn’t very different from when I opened my door to Big Brother a few times, for the first time 10 years ago, in that I cleaned my home and smeared on extra lipstick. During the day there was a ton of footage taken, just like there would for American television programming where everything’s edited down to one segment lasting just a few minutes. I had to clip on a microphone pack like the ones I had to wear for CBS, which I just blogged about the other day. I had no idea I’d actually be wearing one today!

Despite all the similarities there was one stark difference.

I opened my front door this morning to see standing there not a “crew” but one sole professional, a lady by the name of Lies (pronounced Lees) to do it all. I mean all. I was surprised, but it’s not the first time I’ve seen stark differences in work crews in all fields and professions.

Belgian work environments, compared to American ones, run on skeleton crews. It’s efficiency on crack sometimes, and I witnessed it when a small road crew dug up the main road outside our house and repaved in days not months. Whether in an office or a supermarket, the manpower used in the States is higher than here in Belgium. So hours later after Lies has gone, I’m still impressed with how she managed to do the work usually delegated to 2 or 3 people back in the U.S.

Noah was very drawn to Lies, and he even sat in her lap and took in everything that was happening and all her fancy equipment…

You don’t know how much you’ve grown as a person while you’re doing the growing. Not everybody needs 10 years between a season on an American reality show and a segment on a Belgian television show to realize how much they’ve grown, but I did realize again today how full and different my life has become. I’m not looking forward to seeing what I look like on television all these years older, but I’m willing.

I wasn’t born shy.

Update as of February, 2014: The interview will be aired on Saturday, February 8th and Sunday, February 9th here in Belgium. I will update again with a link of the clip. For now, you can see a preview if you click on this link and fast forward to the last 15 seconds of the clip. Noah’s in the footage!

Always dishing,

Jun

 

My Biggest Fan

MeDad

DadMe

My dad was my biggest fan in life since the day I was born, and my biggest Big Brother fan too. He told just about everybody proudly in his Korean-accented English, about my CBS reign that summer of 2003. He loved how I was always up to something, and how I’d always find bigger challenges for myself. It’s why he raised me in America.

When my died just a year after I won the showI wasn’t ready to face the reality that he was really gone forever. For a long time I avoided thinking about his death. My biggest fan.

I’ve learned through the years now that grappling with the forever and dead part is painful, and not so helpful. Living is the key. So when I get asked why I don’t “get over” Big Brother and “move on” with my life…I wonder what constitutes “getting over and moving on from Big Brother.” 

I can’t speak for all Big Brother alum, and they can’t speak for me, but…

To me, Big Brother is one of those experiences I’ll never let go of. And not just because I won, but because of what happened while I was on the show. My dad was healthy when I went into the BB house, and he was in a coma in ICU when I came out 3 months later. For me, personally, my Big Brother experience was a turning point in my life because it marked the start of my dad’s declining health. I’d never lost anyone close to me before in my 28 years at the time, and my first hit was my father.

I’ve come to terms with the guilt I once felt about being on some television show completely ignorant to the fact that my father was slowly dying back at home. I’ve let go of a lot of layers through the years, and particularly after becoming a parent myself I’ve forgiven myself for a lot. Big Brother isn’t just some show I won and that I blogged about, it’s a goal I once set 10 years ago and met. I will not get over it and I will not move on from it, as long as I blog and breathe. My biggest fan would have none of that, even from above.

My dad raised me to dish in perfect English.

Always dishing,

Jun

Transparency

NoMoreBB

In the 13 hours that yesterday’s blog Big Brother Hiatus was “live” on my site, where I basically break up with Big Brother 15, it was read 15,244 times.

 

Stats

 

That’s the most views I’ve had for one article on my site in one day, let alone 11 hours. Thank you all.

It’s nothing compared to the number of actual Big Brother 15 viewers. I’m just one person, and I wrote the blog because I can’t just stop watching the show mid-summer and not blog about it. I’d be asked about “why” countless times a day for days on end on Twitter and Facebook, and really I never pass up an opportunity for a dramatic farewell of any kind.

I don’t want Big Brother canceled or dropped like some fetus brains accuse me of, but I wish CBS wouldn’t be so transparent in their cowardice of “not condoning” but very much condoning half the sick behaviors this season.

Since posting my blog in dramatic farewell to Big Brother 15, I’ve heard from fans across the spectrum. I’ve heard it all, or just about, including demands that I return my Big Brother 4 winnings and that I’m pretentious and holier-than-ye. Ye is the plural of thou, right?

I’m not trying to rally others to boycott anything, and I’m not on any kind of witch hunt. I think it’s extreme that family and livelihoods of the current HGs have been threatened and compromised. Fans can be just as bad as any HG, and fans have the means and the freedom to do more damage while the show is going on. It’s a sign of the times good or bad.

Some fans have contacted me in asking for more action to be taken to get the attention of Les Moonves and CBS, however technically HGs are not “employees” of any kind as it is clearly stated in their contracts so there is no legal argument to be made there. It’s not like the “leaders” at CBS don’t know what’s going on, and they don’t have to care until they start losing money which hasn’t happened and won’t happen anytime soon.

My “Dear Big Brother 15” letter was read only 15,244 times yesterday and as the posting of this blog today 4,000 or so more times. So with approximately 20,000 views in the last 24 hours, and only 350 of those readers sharing the blog on various social media platforms… How likely is any of it to effect change?

As a realist I don’t know what a letter to “Mr. Chen” or CBS will do, especially when the numbers aren’t adding up. As I said in an earlier blog you either hit CBS where it hurts most or you stop watching, or keep watching. It’s everyone’s personal decision, and CBS isn’t shoving anything down our throats that the public isn’t asking for.

As we all have seen, CBS has put its disclaimer out and is protected. A letter or petition of a few thousand names will never get to anyone’s desk of worth at CBS, and the millions of television viewers who don’t follow the live feeds will never truly know “what the big deal is” about the big deal this summer. Big Brother isn’t going anywhere as CBS’s summer money-maker.

I’m okay with that, but only because I’ve turned my back to it. Sadly, but surely.

Always dishing,

Jun

 

Big Brother 15: Memory Lane

DavidFirstHOH

What’s been a month of Big Brother 15 so far has felt like a year, and so I’ve decided we should take a trip down memory lane using “my screenshots that never made it into other blogs”…

GroupNow

Remember this group? They’re four down and more to go before someone wins this season of Big Brother. There’s so much time left it’s exhausting just thinking about getting to “Day 100 of Summer” this years. So to take a break I threw out a hypothetical:

NickTweet

 

 

The flash of first 30 responses from most of you on Twitter was Nick.

I would have said Nick or Kaitlin so I’m okay with your overwhelming push of Nick!!! Uhas!!! Nick’s been hanging out with David as of these last 24 hours on Twitter:

NickDavidTweetI feel like laughing more at someone’s expense right now so let’s do that and call it Big Brother 15 reporting, because I came across screencaps only I would dwell on… I’m aware of my eye for ridiculous details.

 

DavidFirstHOH

 

Damn! David was almost unrecognizable to me as I scrolled through old screenshots, and as a matter of fact without his voluminous hair he looks a little bit like a cartoon fetus. How cute!

And how not cute but creepy…

SpencerCreeperRemember this? During the “Keeping Up with the Joneses” I took this screenshot because I could totally see Spencer doing this outside the house, to go hand-in-hand with all his sexually explicit and dark thoughts about women which he shares on the feeds. Spencer’s not your ordinary horny American.

He leers then bites his lip while your back is turned to him kinda-guy…

SpencerYuckThe only thing acceptable about these photos is that it’s Aaryn that has fallen prey to Spencer’s hairy hungry eyes. I could be wrong and he could have been staring at some design on the pocket of her jeans, but I don’t think so not from the musky place he’s coming from. I can smell a hooker a mile away, but I can smell a perv without having to smell a thing.

Speaking of things…

Hailey Jones…

HaileyJonesDear Hailey Jones:

Congratulations on gaining the faith of many BB fans and getting attention from me, but only because I get asked about you many times a BB15 day on Twitter and I need to document an answer. I think it’s cute that you thought up this little Facebook scheme all on your own or not, and all this talk of “pre-chosen” and “pre-determined” made this a religious experience for some. Anyone who really believes in you should be rewarded for their meekness.

Signed,

Always dishing,

Jun

 

 

 

 

Big Brother 15 Bullseye – Week 4

WeekFour

Julie Tweet

I don’t know what’s going on from the neck-up anymore with Julie Chen, because I don’t know when it became fashionable to carry your own piss-pot in your hair. That’s what it looked like last night. I’m convinced it was a bowl of rice in case Aaryn was evicted but Kaitlin got the boot instead, and now we’ll never know what Julie had in her hair.

ChenbotHair

 

For those of you who have been asking WTH “WTH” is as far scoring the HGs:

Working the house (“WTH”) would be something like Amanda who is neither vehemently disliked nor cherished, yet she has the ability to work the house on her own without anyone else’s help.

Working America (“WA”) would be something like Helen who is clearly speaking more to America than she is to the diary room when she’s spelling everything out for us with the occasional hair flip for emphasis.

Working the potential jury (“WJ”) would be like Howard keeping his cool and thinking long term to jury as he does in life when faced with racism.

This week: Judd still remains #1 overall:

WeekFour

 

I don’t see King Judd being knocked off the Bullseye soon, but let’s get on with the rest of the messes:

Mud

AarynWTH: You’ve done so much damage in the house that it’s actually become an advantage for you because you got zero votes for eviction, and you’re still in the house (+30 points). WA: Your family’s hired a PR crew to clean up your online image, yet America still does not like you (+10 points). WJ: Now that you’ve survived the block twice and won HOH twice your jury speech only gets stronger which make me sick, but at least I have screencaps of you suffering in the mud to make me feel better (+20 points). Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 140 points

Froyo

GinaMarieWTH: You got zero votes because you are inconsequential to most of the house, and provide comic relief with your severely defective vocabulary (+10 points). WA: You showed America what a girl with no gag reflex looks like on a Friday night in Staten Island, and you actually made me feel inadequate in the deep throat arena. Brava (+20 points). WJI applaud you for not going “gangster” on Elissa when she pushed you away, I guess you reserve your “beatdowns” for non-white girls (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 120 points

Earrings

CandiceWTH: Attaching yourself to Howard every waking moment is getting in the way of your working the house the way you did at first (+10 points). WA: Half of America loves your earrings and the other half hates them, and i’m just confused by them (+20 points). WJ: I don’t see you having a problem with the jury at the end so long as you win a competition here and there, because you can’t hang on to Howard’s schlong forever (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 180 points

ElissaPush

ElissaWTH: You don’t even have to do much to work the house, because some of these people are stupid enough to think you got MVP and nominated yourself only to play in the veto and save yourself (+20 points).  WA: You cry about wanting to go home when you don’t get your way, and then gloat like a rubby ducky but you’re not really fooling anyone (0 points). WJ: You suck at jury management but if you survive this week with Aaryn as HOH, and not being able to play in veto, then your jury speech is better than half the house’s. (+20 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 180 points

Kaitlin: Have a great time in Vegas. Bye.

HelenTweet

HelenWTH: You were penalized with two nights of 8pm curfew which probably helped your game, because it meant you had to shut our mouth for longer than usual (+20 points)?! WA: “America”, in this case Rachel’s fans, may not like you turning your back on Elissa this week but you don’t seem to care since you have deals with everyone but Julie Chen at this point (+10 points). WJ: Kaitlin, whom you voted out, seems to think the world of you and I really think the rest of the HGs sincerely like you as well (+30 points). Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 220 points

Bathroom

McCraeWTH: You’re passively working the house while your queen aggressively works it for you, even in the toilet (+20 points). WA: You’re getting a good edit on television, but on the feeds you have your moments aka referring to someone as a “cunt” (+10 points). WJ: Your $5,000 win in the POV competition, plus the fact that you’re Amanda’s bitch, will hurt you come jury time  (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 160 points

Andy: WTH: You manage to be everywhere and nowhere, and it’s only a matter of time before someone attacks you for it, so you need to be ready with more than color-blocked clown shirts (+20 points). WA: You get to host a competition and look suitably geeklicious, yet today you also throw the word “cunt” around on the live feeds as if it’s easy to just roll off your tongue (+10 points). WJ: Your jury vote is getting stronger the longer you’re a Have-Not in that god-forsaken house, but I don’t believe you’d win. (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 160 points

JessieWTH: You might as well take a long nap until final five because you’re on nobody’s radar, including production’s (+20 points). WA: America needs to know more about you, but CBS doesn’t seem to be interested in providing that yet which means you’re going to be around for a while (+10 points). WJ: If you get to jury you’ll probably be sitting with someone just like you, and someone better than you, so I don’t see you winning (+10 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 160 points

AmandaWTF

AmandaWTH: You were upset about your key being pulled last at Judd’s HOH nomination ceremony, yet it was your one-piece bathing suit that offended Elissa enough to bring you to tears. Get it together (+10 points). WA: America’s split on you, because many of us enjoy what you bring to BB and others are Rachel’s fans (+30 points). WJ: You’re in a good spot come any jury, just like you’re in a good spot week-to-week no matter who’s HOH (+20 points). Week 3: 60 points // Cumulative: 240 points

SpencerWTH: What you lack in soul you make up for in trivia knowledge from Hitler to sexual predator language to aliens and everything remotely creepy in-between, and HGs actually listen because despite your size you never raise your voice (+30 points). WA: Television-viewers know you to be a gentle giant with rough edges, while live feeders know you to be the guy you never want to live next door to if you’re gay or an attractive tampon-user (+20 points). WJ: If you survive this week you have the “Howard had Candice and I had nobody” argument handy, and if you survive it’s because the HGs think Howard’s a bigger threat. (+10 points). Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 200 points

JuddWTH: You’re HOH and you’re supposed to be “the bad guy” who nominates people, yet nobody hates you and GinaMarie even had a beer ready for you when you got out of solitary. Nicely done (+40 points). WA: Your mom’s letter to you in your HOH basket read, “Your dad hasn’t been this nervous since the day you were born,” and it sounded just right to America (+30 points). WJThings like solitary confinement will make good bullet points when you’re making your jury speech (+30 points). Week 4: 100 points // Cumulative: 400 points

HC

HowardWTH: Doing yoga with Elissa was a good move, as was letting Candice feel up on your man parts with her body during the POV competition, but sticking so close still with a former Moving Company loser may hurt you this week (+20 points). WA: America pretty much loves you, and not all of  America has even seen what’s under those sweatpants of yours (+30 points). WJ: When potential jury member Candice tells you to go get her a pebble you reply, “I ain’t no penguin” yet you let her use you like a piece of Grade-A furniture. Nicely done (+10 points).  Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 280 points

~ ~ ~

DIARY ROOM CRACKHEAD OF THE WEEK: Elissa

Eyelash

~ ~ ~

My Personal MVP Of The Week: Howard’s bulge, I mean…Howard.

HowardBulge

 

~ ~ ~

Oh, and Helen’s back on my Favs list:

Favs Week 4It’s been 4 weeks yet I feel like I’ve aged 40 weeks.

Always dishing,

Jun

 

Big Brother 15 Bullseye – Week 3

BullseyeWeek3

Last night’s live eviction was all over the place, but I walked away loving McCrae’s dad and feeling sorry for Julie Chen. Julie’s hair was so bumped up and heavy that it was affecting her speech, like, her extensions must have weighed so much. I never miss a thing when it comes to the Chenbot, and I can tell you no amount of cue cards could have helped last night with all the returning to the rivving room she did. Rivving room? Was that some subliminal racial slip?!

I’m still wondering what the Sultan of Sexy debacle was all about…but I don’t think I’ll ever really know.. But here’s what I do know:

BullseyeWeek3

~ ~ ~

bumpit

AarynWTH: Nobody likes you as a person although they pretend to like you as a Houseguest, which makes you perfect to take to the end (+80 points). WA: If you can’t tell by now with all the hints that Big Brother-watching Americans dislike you, then you’re in bigger trouble than I thought once you leave that house (+10 points). CBS is practically writing you out of the reality television script, oxymoron, by letting America choose the third nominee this week instead of the usual Elissa (+10 points). WJ: You are my Ali to take to the end, except if the jury asked me why you didn’t deserve to win over me I’d say, “Because racism shouldn’t ever be rewarded first place in life or in Big Brother, and especially not with $500,000,” or something to that effect (+20 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 80 points

JeremyGW

Jeremy: Thanks for making me appreciate just how handsome a man George Washington was compared to you. There’s only one winner in Big Brother which just makes you…another loser. Go do some of that work you’re promising to do “on the inside” and you’ll see you’re not very “intimidating-looking” at all, just tattooed and tall.

NickIkeaCup

GinaMarieWTH: The house treats you like a mild mental case as it is, but you have a legit strategy on your hands by being so chemically and hormonally imbalanced at the same time. (+30 points). WA: You’re at times such a train wreck that we should look away but we don’t, and so we enable you, yet judge you deliciously harsh here and other parts of the world wide web. (+10 points). WJ: At this point your jury will have to stop laughing at you before you get half-way through your jury speech, which we expect will be in your usual outdated Brooklyn thug language (0 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 80 points

CandiceWTH: You’re not the brightest bulb in the BB15 house, but you’ve squeaked out sympathy from nearly everyone since week one (+20 points). WA: Your gigantic earrings all the time are killing a lot of us slowly but surely, although your live show dress looked so good on you (+20 points). WJ: You’ve been building credibility here and there, and after loyalty that’s the next best thing to have in the house. If you get to the end we’ll see if your pageant skills come out and you get all speak-with-your-eyes on us like you get with Julie Chen. (+20 points). Week 3: 60 points // Cumulative: 140 points

Elissachel

ElissaWTH: I know it was not easy standing up to everyone in the HOH room and saying “You can’t ask me to do something that I’m not comfortable with.” It’s never easy defending yourself to money-hungry HGs, and I was impressed (+40 points). WA: Your Rachel crying has to go…the one where you guys knit your brows and shut your eyes real tight with your hand at your head? That needs to go (0 points). WJ: If you can’t start talking faster nobody will vote for you. Period. (0 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 140 points

KaitlinWTH: You realize you may need to ditch Aaryn, but it may be too late for you seeing as how being the girlfriend of a “competition beast” has rubbed off on you and made you a threat (+10 points). WA: You have a drag queen hand when it comes to applying makeup, and it scares me as well as others and their pets. Take it easy, and maybe without Jeremy around you’ll be more likable (+10 points).  WJYou’ve won a POV competition and taken yourself off the block so early on, and this will be a great argument to have in your pocket should you make it to the bitter end (+20 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 120 points

HelenThumbs

HelenWTH: This isn’t Survivor and there is no Stealth ‘R Us going on so stop it. Control yourself woman…you have deals with every HG (+10 points)?! WA: Most live feeds viewers are screaming at their screens for you to shut up, but television-only viewers love you and the edit you’re getting. I’d die before giving the diary room two thumbs up, but that’s just me (+30 points). WJ: Judging from your track record so far I know you’ll most likely give a Dan-esque speech at the end, but if you cry those fake tears you’ll lose them (+20 points). Week 3: 60 points // Cumulative: 160 points

25K

McCraeWTH: You’re putting both your balls into Amanda’s basket right now with this showmance going on, and it will get you in trouble eventually. Not just in the game, but when you have to cough up that $25K engagement ring she wants (+10 points). WA: We got to see you use the big bad bitch word last night referring to Aaryn, but you’re so whipped by your Queen Amanda that “bitch” doesn’t even sound like a bad word when you say it (+10 points). WJ: You’ll have a hard time convincing any jury that you could’ve gotten to the end without Amanda, but your social game is still good without hers (+20 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 120 points

Andy: I wrote about you already this week in “The Best Napper” in which I defend you and your gameplay despite many calling you “a despicable floater.” I said just two days ago, “Andy’s floating most of all, and I don’t blame him, because there are 12 Type A personalities in there and 2 Type B-and-a-half. Everyone is floating to some degree because it’s impossible not to. The MVP twist encourages floating in fact, though Elissa winning it every week defeats the purpose of anything good coming out of this new MVP twist.” I still mean it. Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 120 points

JessieWTH: Your decision to separate yourself from Aaryn was a wise one, as was your decision to attach yourself to Judd now that he’s HOH (+20 points). WA: One day you’ll be more secure in your own skin than you are now, and you’ll understand how many opportunities you’ve missed this summer to actually connect with us watching (+10 points). WJ: I don’t envy you being in a house of so many attractive women what with your fear of them and all, but you’ve managed to score a little bit of sympathy from everyone all around so kudos (+10 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 120 points

AmandaWTH: Easy there with your jabbering jaw dear lady because one of these days one of the HGs will tell you to STFU and there won’t be enough bandaids to heal the social damage done (+10 points). WA: Now that America’s seen your family on television there’s more to be invested in, and in knowing your mom stalks CEOs of software technology for your marriage prospects (+30 points). WJ: I don’t doubt you can handle yourself come jury speech, but just keep in mind all these Aesop-fabled speeches you’re currently giving may hurt you down the line. (+20 points). Week 3: 60 points // Cumulative: 180 points

SpencerWTH: You managed to keep a low enough profile to ensure Jeremy got the boot while you fell for Helen’s fake tears, and basically you suck (+20 points). WA: Your thanking your former employer on live televisionwho, unbeknownst to you, fired you while you were singing odes to Hitler and expressing your desire to chew on Jessie’s tampons was fun to watch (+10 points). WJ: Considering you can’t win shit, your social game will be your ticket to the jury’s votes. But with all the time the jury has together in sequester they’ll piece together what an a-hole you really are (+10 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 140 points

McCraeJudd

JuddWTH: You’ve had no real enemies and may even have a showmance on the horizon week three, and even your fugly shirt is making its way around to Helen and last seen on McCrae (+30 points). WA: You’re getting an accurate edit, and you should be pretty proud (+40 points). WJ: You’ll do fine come jury time because you can remind them all how level-headed you’ve been in the game, like when Aaryn came to you asking for acknowledgment of how nice she’d been all this last week. You could have laughed in her face and you didn’t, and it’s just that kind of social game that will get you to the end (+30 points). Week 1: 100 points // Week 2: 300 points 

Howard

HowardWTH: You got yourself in a lot of trouble but managed to get yourself out of it, thanks to diary room paranoia and Elissa’s focus on Jeremy (0 points). WA: Clearly Chenbot let you know that you’re labeled “a man of faith” for the season,  and we all love a good man of faith who’s hung like he’s blessed so thank you for dropping the towel this week on the feeds (+50 points). WJ: You’re putting yourself in a shitty position where you’ll have to defend your faith versus lies you told in the house, and it will be a hard jury speech to deliver effectively without being a hypocrite (+10 points).  Week 1: 60 points // Week 2: 220 points

~ ~ ~

Week3Favs

Dear Judd leads this pack in every way, and I never would have imagined this to be the case in pre-season. We’ll see what his HOH reign turns out like. I’d recommend he either backdoor Elissa or break up the last showmance in the house aka Amanda/McCrae…

And before we go…

DIARY ROOM CRACKHEAD OF THE WEEK:

GMQuote

And just because we don’t have enough crackheadedness…here are the “rules” of this week’s Twists aka MVP America:

“The new HOH cannot be nominated, if the HOH or their nominee gets the most votes. The houseguest with the next highest vote total becomes the nominee.”

Clear, right?! Right.

See you next week!

Always dishing,

Jun