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Big Brother 15 Bullseye – Week 4

WeekFour

Julie Tweet

I don’t know what’s going on from the neck-up anymore with Julie Chen, because I don’t know when it became fashionable to carry your own piss-pot in your hair. That’s what it looked like last night. I’m convinced it was a bowl of rice in case Aaryn was evicted but Kaitlin got the boot instead, and now we’ll never know what Julie had in her hair.

ChenbotHair

 

For those of you who have been asking WTH “WTH” is as far scoring the HGs:

Working the house (“WTH”) would be something like Amanda who is neither vehemently disliked nor cherished, yet she has the ability to work the house on her own without anyone else’s help.

Working America (“WA”) would be something like Helen who is clearly speaking more to America than she is to the diary room when she’s spelling everything out for us with the occasional hair flip for emphasis.

Working the potential jury (“WJ”) would be like Howard keeping his cool and thinking long term to jury as he does in life when faced with racism.

This week: Judd still remains #1 overall:

WeekFour

 

I don’t see King Judd being knocked off the Bullseye soon, but let’s get on with the rest of the messes:

Mud

AarynWTH: You’ve done so much damage in the house that it’s actually become an advantage for you because you got zero votes for eviction, and you’re still in the house (+30 points). WA: Your family’s hired a PR crew to clean up your online image, yet America still does not like you (+10 points). WJ: Now that you’ve survived the block twice and won HOH twice your jury speech only gets stronger which make me sick, but at least I have screencaps of you suffering in the mud to make me feel better (+20 points). Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 140 points

Froyo

GinaMarieWTH: You got zero votes because you are inconsequential to most of the house, and provide comic relief with your severely defective vocabulary (+10 points). WA: You showed America what a girl with no gag reflex looks like on a Friday night in Staten Island, and you actually made me feel inadequate in the deep throat arena. Brava (+20 points). WJI applaud you for not going “gangster” on Elissa when she pushed you away, I guess you reserve your “beatdowns” for non-white girls (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 120 points

Earrings

CandiceWTH: Attaching yourself to Howard every waking moment is getting in the way of your working the house the way you did at first (+10 points). WA: Half of America loves your earrings and the other half hates them, and i’m just confused by them (+20 points). WJ: I don’t see you having a problem with the jury at the end so long as you win a competition here and there, because you can’t hang on to Howard’s schlong forever (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 180 points

ElissaPush

ElissaWTH: You don’t even have to do much to work the house, because some of these people are stupid enough to think you got MVP and nominated yourself only to play in the veto and save yourself (+20 points).  WA: You cry about wanting to go home when you don’t get your way, and then gloat like a rubby ducky but you’re not really fooling anyone (0 points). WJ: You suck at jury management but if you survive this week with Aaryn as HOH, and not being able to play in veto, then your jury speech is better than half the house’s. (+20 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 180 points

Kaitlin: Have a great time in Vegas. Bye.

HelenTweet

HelenWTH: You were penalized with two nights of 8pm curfew which probably helped your game, because it meant you had to shut our mouth for longer than usual (+20 points)?! WA: “America”, in this case Rachel’s fans, may not like you turning your back on Elissa this week but you don’t seem to care since you have deals with everyone but Julie Chen at this point (+10 points). WJ: Kaitlin, whom you voted out, seems to think the world of you and I really think the rest of the HGs sincerely like you as well (+30 points). Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 220 points

Bathroom

McCraeWTH: You’re passively working the house while your queen aggressively works it for you, even in the toilet (+20 points). WA: You’re getting a good edit on television, but on the feeds you have your moments aka referring to someone as a “cunt” (+10 points). WJ: Your $5,000 win in the POV competition, plus the fact that you’re Amanda’s bitch, will hurt you come jury time  (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 160 points

Andy: WTH: You manage to be everywhere and nowhere, and it’s only a matter of time before someone attacks you for it, so you need to be ready with more than color-blocked clown shirts (+20 points). WA: You get to host a competition and look suitably geeklicious, yet today you also throw the word “cunt” around on the live feeds as if it’s easy to just roll off your tongue (+10 points). WJ: Your jury vote is getting stronger the longer you’re a Have-Not in that god-forsaken house, but I don’t believe you’d win. (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 160 points

JessieWTH: You might as well take a long nap until final five because you’re on nobody’s radar, including production’s (+20 points). WA: America needs to know more about you, but CBS doesn’t seem to be interested in providing that yet which means you’re going to be around for a while (+10 points). WJ: If you get to jury you’ll probably be sitting with someone just like you, and someone better than you, so I don’t see you winning (+10 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 160 points

AmandaWTF

AmandaWTH: You were upset about your key being pulled last at Judd’s HOH nomination ceremony, yet it was your one-piece bathing suit that offended Elissa enough to bring you to tears. Get it together (+10 points). WA: America’s split on you, because many of us enjoy what you bring to BB and others are Rachel’s fans (+30 points). WJ: You’re in a good spot come any jury, just like you’re in a good spot week-to-week no matter who’s HOH (+20 points). Week 3: 60 points // Cumulative: 240 points

SpencerWTH: What you lack in soul you make up for in trivia knowledge from Hitler to sexual predator language to aliens and everything remotely creepy in-between, and HGs actually listen because despite your size you never raise your voice (+30 points). WA: Television-viewers know you to be a gentle giant with rough edges, while live feeders know you to be the guy you never want to live next door to if you’re gay or an attractive tampon-user (+20 points). WJ: If you survive this week you have the “Howard had Candice and I had nobody” argument handy, and if you survive it’s because the HGs think Howard’s a bigger threat. (+10 points). Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 200 points

JuddWTH: You’re HOH and you’re supposed to be “the bad guy” who nominates people, yet nobody hates you and GinaMarie even had a beer ready for you when you got out of solitary. Nicely done (+40 points). WA: Your mom’s letter to you in your HOH basket read, “Your dad hasn’t been this nervous since the day you were born,” and it sounded just right to America (+30 points). WJThings like solitary confinement will make good bullet points when you’re making your jury speech (+30 points). Week 4: 100 points // Cumulative: 400 points

HC

HowardWTH: Doing yoga with Elissa was a good move, as was letting Candice feel up on your man parts with her body during the POV competition, but sticking so close still with a former Moving Company loser may hurt you this week (+20 points). WA: America pretty much loves you, and not all of  America has even seen what’s under those sweatpants of yours (+30 points). WJ: When potential jury member Candice tells you to go get her a pebble you reply, “I ain’t no penguin” yet you let her use you like a piece of Grade-A furniture. Nicely done (+10 points).  Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 280 points

~ ~ ~

DIARY ROOM CRACKHEAD OF THE WEEK: Elissa

Eyelash

~ ~ ~

My Personal MVP Of The Week: Howard’s bulge, I mean…Howard.

HowardBulge

 

~ ~ ~

Oh, and Helen’s back on my Favs list:

Favs Week 4It’s been 4 weeks yet I feel like I’ve aged 40 weeks.

Always dishing,

Jun

 

Pooping in the Big Brother House

RestroomFM

I couldn’t come up with a better title for this blog, because I didn’t want to. If fans can ask me about “how” I pooped in the BB house, then you’ll just have to bear with me on the unsavory title and subject matter. It’s a fair question, and one I asked myself dozens of times a day before entering the Big Brother 4 house. Then the tally went up to a dozen times an hour once I set foot in the house and actually saw for myself the camera in the toilet.

Lest you doubt how seriously I take my bathroom lifestyle, I’ve already outlined how my morning poops have been affected since becoming a mother. So what’s a person to do when they’re entering a house where there are cameras in the toilet and shower and bathtub? You need to FORGET about the cameras. Easier said than done. But we’ve yet to see someone self-evict for poop’s sake.

I really had no choice, because I got so backed up the first few days. You either get bloated then make yourself sick with toxic waste festering in your body, or you take the dump you need to take. Some HGs my season asked for mild laxatives to help them go, because they were so camera-terrified about the toilet. If you’ve noticed, Big Brother footage in the toilet only happens when something’s actually going down in there (and by down I don’t mean feces), be it plotting or having sex or cleaning the toilet with someone’s toothbrush. Remember Shannon?

Toilet

 

(The toilet was WAY bigger back then in the BB house by the way…)

You’ll never see HGs in the bathroom together, with one sitting there pooping on the toilet and the other just standing there talking strategy. If you’re doing something you shouldn’t be doing, or if you’re in there talking to another HG, then the producers will cut and show some of that film. Period. But if you’re just doing your doo-doo business in the toilet, no camera man is sitting there watching you brace for every pinch. At least that’s what you have to brainwash yourself to believe when you’re in that house.

What you do in the toilet is the least of your concerns in the BB house. Ironically, the toilet’s probably the safest and most private place in that crazed house where an accidental nip-slip or peen pic will land you a screencap forever archived somewhere. The toilet’s your friend, actually, and it’s a moment by the pool or in the bedroom that will most likely get you.

This Big Brother 15 season it’s gotten David and Howard, and given us a view of their naked man junk. And then you have people like Spencer who was walking downstairs from the HOH room and randomly pulled his peen out, choking it to death, for all of the live feeders to see. Some might say it would be better to have seen Spencer popping a squat on the toilet than having to see his neo-nazi bratwurst.

So why do producers keep the tape rolling even when you’re in there just dropping your deuce? For your protection. This is what I was told, because I did ask. Just in case you have a heart attack on the toilet or you slip and bust your head open in the shower, or some spiteful biatch does unspeakable things to your toothbrush…there’s footage. It protects CBS and it “protects” you.

Always dishing,

Jun

Always dishing,

Jun

Why Momz Would Be Horrible on Big Brother 15

MomzPoseFM

I didn’t know, when I wrote Why Momz Would Be Horrible on Big Brother, that there would be a Part 2. So if you missed it, you can click and read it first if you want. After just two weeks of Big Brother 15, I realized there should be an update to the list:

Why Momz Would Be Horrible on Big Brother 15

10. She would have started out by introducing herself to all the HGs as, “Hi, my name is Song,” which would make sense for only Helen. Koreans say last names first because they matter most. This would immediately put a target on  my mother’s back, as well as Helen’s, because everyone in the house would just assume they’re mother and daughter who also happen to own rice fields and nail salons when they’re not in the Big Brother house.

9. She’d say at least a dozen times a day to everyone, “You know Jun she my daughter, she winning the Big Brother,” which would make her an even bigger target than Elissa who is “The Sister of a Big Brother Legend” aka Rachel Reilly.

8. She can barely turn on a Mac, let alone handle those BB competitions…and for sure she would have joined David in the ranks of not having spelled a word in the POV competition. My mother gets way too nervous with the English language especially when she’s timed.

7. She’d spend the summer harassing HGs about the hazards of anal sex, and probably bring my name up further embarrassing me. This would anger people like GinaMarie, Amanda, Kaitlin and Jeremy and they’d try to backdoor my mother. And I never want to hear “backdoor” and “my mother” in the same sentence. Ever.

6. She’d cock-block everyone, even from themselves, because all roads lead to #7 above including masturbation in house! And this would ultimately lead to my mother’s eviction because this whole house is currently on the road to #7, except for Howard, Helen, Andy, Elissa, Candice, and Nick.

5. She’d make everyone put on more clothes around-the-clock, telling them “This is not the porno!” And then Judd would try to correct her English only to discover my mother, like so many other HGs, don’t understand his English. There’d be a language discrimination issue and subtitles would take over our television screens, preventing us from taking any more screencaps.

4. She’d never want to talk to any HG in private, except for Helen, and thus make Aaryn cry about reverse-racism and Jessie worry that she wasn’t pretty enough to talk to as usual.

3. She’d pose like this in every camera and in every diary room session, because I taught her to. Just for fun.

MomzPose

But perhaps this would get her MVP, although she probably wouldn’t use it very well considering there’s no “V” in the Korean language, only a “B”. So she’d run around asking all the HGs what an “MBP” was and what she had to do with it, thus ruining her game.

2. She could never live without the Korean news, particularly because she’d think Spencer calling her Kim Jong-Un meant that North Korea became the dominant world power while she was stuck in the BB house.

But ultimately…

1. She would cook rice every day, and talk about pizza with McCrae ad nauseam.

Momz loves pizza almost as much as rice, but rice is always #1.

Always dishing,

Jun

Big Brother 15 – What a Kickoff

ElissaJune

We’re just hours away from the second episode of Big Brother 15 where we’ll learn about Have-Nots and Nominations and MVP, etc. All things we can find out on our own through the world wide web, really. Unless you’re avoiding spoilers all-together or you only watch the televised episodes, then Sunday nights watching Big Brother is just filler for winding down.

To fans who follow the live feeds, Sunday nights mean diary room session and parts of what is missed when CBS chooses or schedules to go “to fishes”. Fishes…the freaking fishes and BB trivia questions that are the equivalent to elevator music. This is why I’m waiting for Jeremy (McGuire) to go all Jerry Maguire on us when he’s inevitably evicted and shouting, “Who’s coming with me?!” and taking the fishes with him. But that’s just how my mind words.

BB15Headshots

Seriously, Jeremy is bigger-than-douche than I originally thought he was in pre-season footage and has been swapping bodily fluids with Kaitlin while referring to her as a bitch when he goes neanderthal, which is often. It seems Jessie had her kegels set on Jeremy but lost him to Kaitlin, and also lost safety this week as McCrae put her up on the block after he won HOH. I, too, like many of you can’t believe McCrae won the endurance HOH. But little did you and I or McCrae know that his HOH win would also make him prison bitch to Amanda. I, too, like many of you can’t believe Amanda and McCrae have been sloppily sexually active already. Or ever. I mean, McCrae did say he’d use his “unattractiveness as a ploy to mind-fuck the rest of the HGs” so clearly it’s working on Amanda’s vagina.

Then there’s some other fatal attraction action going on between David and Aaryn. David, who forgets about the cameras and shows us his surfer testicles often on the feeds…and Aaryn. Ohhhhhhhh Aaryn. 

Having just now watched the premiere of the season, and followed live feeds updates and various Twitter timelines, I feel like I pretty much know everything I need to. Plus, the fact that I actually spent an entire summer in the Big Brother house once and won, despite having shared the house with racists and bullies and misogynists and mean girls. Wahhhhh. Why should we be expecting more?

We all hide behind the little white “guilty pleasure” excuse when we describe our addiction to Big Brother but really, all reality television jokes aside…

Big Brother is in many ways a pluck of real people from the greater population of America, and we should not be surprised to see and hear people like Aaryn and GinaMarie and Spencer and Jeremy and the rest…being racists and bullies and misogynists and mean girls. BB15 isn’t the most accurate representation of the U.S., but it is some kind of representation. I make no excuses for anyone but myself, and when you are in that Big Brother house and your “real” side comes out everybody gets to see it.

The words “fag” and “queer” and “fruit” in reference to Andy, and references to Helen and “rice” and “Kim Jong Un” are just another pinch of salt on their old and often re-opened woulds. They just haven’t felt the sting yet because they’re still in the house. I say lots of things day to day that I wouldn’t say in a public venue, but these BB15 Houseguests seem to be letting veiled hate fly from their mouths without much thought. I’m really more interested in the life story of Candice and her adoption and reunions, and not whether or not she said “asked” or “axed.” But such is life.

But with only the live feeds audience aware of such happenings will anything be done?

I’m not sure anything should be “done”. Sure, we had CBS communicate something post-Dumbledore, etc…and maybe this week we’ll have something addressed generically. But these Houseguests signed away their souls for the summer and if they catch some STD or ruin their reputations and family names, then so be it. They will each deal with post-BB life their own way, and with their own rewards or consequences both mental and physical.

Am I personally disgusted by Aaryn’s and GinaMarie’s remarks about Helen having to go make them some rice? Yes, but as a rice-lover I am enjoying all the attention rice is getting. And I’m embarrassed for Aaryn and GinaMarie but also happy that their obviously ugly sides are out for everyone to see. At least Aaryn knows what rice is. Circa 2003, my season, Nathan had NEVER had rice in his life before I made it in the BB house. So we’ve made some forward progress on the rice frontier.

But progress clearly has not been made when it comes to the spelling of my name, as Elissa so proudly showcased.

ElissaJuneI can’t believe Elissa is turning out to be one of the more “normal” females to be cast this season, although “normal” is not really a a word in the BB world. But so is Nick, for that matter because he seems to have toned down his spastic behavior he exhibited during interviews, and gets that Helen is a threat. Because Helen is a threat.  Nor is it normal that I’d be rooting for someone like Judd either, but I am, and also for Howard who seems to have found a healthy balance between The Bible and the diary room.

FavsWeekOneFor a first week of Big Brother season, things have been a bigger trainwreck than usual. I love it, and hate it, but love that it’s bringing a few things to light.

Always dishing,

Jun