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Picking My Big Brother 4 Bed

EliteEight

PIcking up where we left off, right before Julie instructed the first eight of us to enter the Big Brother 4 house

Standing there on the end of the step next to Jack I was mildly hyperventilating, but once Julie addressed us I felt all-of-a-sudden calmer. It’s finally begun I’d thought. Julie’s robotic voice made it real in an instant.

Bag

The strap on my Big Brother duffel bag dug into my shoulder, because I’d stupidly stuffed it too heavy with bath products. I’d brought my own bath stuff from home because I didn’t trust what CBS might provide for us in the house. I should have put my shampoos and conditioners in my suitcase and not my duffel, but I didn’t. D’oh. I nearly lost circulation in my shoulder because of my BB duffel bag, but more importantly Julie was giving us instructions on how to enter the house.

Instructions?!

“In a few minutes you will enter the house in three separate groups. Once inside you’ll find 3 bedrooms each with its own distinct accommodations. You will have one minute to choose your beds. But each member of your group must choose a bed in a different room of the house. Make your choice carefully.”

Would I have to fight someone for a bed? Would I have to share one? These questions drilled holes in my brain right away. I really didn’t want to have to run or break into a sweat just to be able to sleep in a bed.  I decided I wouldn’t run and I wouldn’t worry too much about a stupid bed. Choosing a bed was the least of my problems this summer.

“The first one to enter the house are Scott, David, Nathan.”

Chenbot had spoken again, and the three guys were off into the house in search of a bed. Meanwhile outside, the rest of us were standing around and still not allowed to communicate with each other. I remembering wanting Julie to call my name next because I didn’t want to miss out on what was going on inside the house. The three youngest guys were in there together alone and I didn’t like that.

“…Jun, Erika, Alison.”

Yes! Chenbot had called my name. I entered the front door with Erika and Ali leaving Dana and Jack outside alone. I was in!

The inside of the house and everything in it looked like the inside of any other house, albeit a little too colorful. Without the intense lighting everywhere and big black bulky cameras in every corner, it felt like a house. Normal houses didn’t have double-sided mirrors lining every wall, but the Big Brother house was no normal house. As far as the smell…it didn’t smell like a house. Every home has a distinct odor to it, but the BB house had none. I didn’t let it bother me. In some part of my brain I knew that I was basically living in a box on the lot of Studio City, but it had to become home to me if I was going to win. I’d felt a sick rush of excitement.  I was about to get to know the rest of the house, and I looked forward to using them all to my advantage.

When I first got in the house I went the wrong way into the bathroom area, and felt pretty stupid. I then quickly realized my error had given Erika and Alison enough time to claim beds for themselves. I ended up in the bedroom with two double beds with Nathan. It was surreal that right away even choosing a bed was so controlled.

I knew Dana and Jack would be entering the house right after me, and I expected Dana to share my bed with me. I was right. I remember Jack came into the bedroom Nathan and I were sitting in, and he basically ran away from us. I thought it odd that Jack would prefer to sleep on burlap with stinky turtles with David and Erika, but that room had a door. Privacy from other HGs. I thought it was a bad move, because privacy can make people paranoid about why you need privacy in the first place. It made sense though after hearing Jack and David both had a military background, that they’d choose the barracks over down comforters. Erika confounded me.

The Big Brother house makes you double-think everything. Then add re-thinking everything again with a heaping side of paranoia, and that’s your average state on any given day in the BB house. Insane.

Which bed you’re sleeping in should be the least of your problems in the BB house.

Always dishing,

Jun

Entering the Big Brother House

EliteEight

I sat in a trailer parked on the lot at Studio City before I actually entered the “set” of the Big Brother house, my season. I remember sitting in the small but clean space of the trailer and staring at the mirror incessantly, and drinking a LOT of water. I took deep breaths knowing I was about to give up my freedom for a chance at half-a-million dollars. Before I was mic’d up to go in, Robyn Kass knocked on my door and came in to the trailer. We hugged and she got me hyped up all over again that I was about to finish what I started during the casting process. Robyn and I took a photo together, which we still each have a copy of and sincerely cherish, and then she was off. I figured she was doing the same thing with every HG and I wondered who I’d be sharing the BB house with.

I had no idea at the time that it would be with my ex-boyfriend Jee….

A few minutes later it was show time, and I was herded onto the set…to the “faux” exterior of the BB house, where I stood for this photo…

We stood for this photo…

EliteEight

 

We were instructed not to make eye contact or talk to each other while posing, which was incredibly awkward. Facing in front of us were bright lights and cameras and microphones, and lots of producers. Organized chaos.

I didn’t know their names yet, but I recognized Jack and Nathan from my week at finals casting in LA. Finalists were always broken up into groups by sex, and the groups traveled in packs for meals and gym time, etc., under supervision of a “handler.” I knew Jack and Nathan had been in the same group because I’d seen them marching by single file quite a few times when my group of five ladies were lounging by the pool or eating lunch, etc… Nathan seemed cold but Jack seemed very warm, and from behind my sunglasses I watched them walk around the hotel.

We were never ever allowed to talk to each other or even make eye contact with any of the other finalists, whether they were in your group or not, but it’s not like I was going to gouge my eyes out if I happened to turn my head and see someone.

I remembered Scott too because even at finals in the dry LA heat, he wore his knit hats. It was always odd seeing “the skinny dude” before I knew his name, sitting on the terrace in the blazing sun with a wool or whatever mini-cardigan he wore as a hat. So when I saw Scott on the steps of the house with me, about to enter the house, I laughed inside because I knew the hats would make me crazy. I’d also remembered and liked Dana right away when I accidentally met eyes with her once during finals. I say accidentally because some dude talking loudly on his brand-new bluetooth ear thing was sitting by us, and Dana and I happened to look up when the douchebag was shouting.

Both Dana and i looked sharply away. All the finalists were watched by hawks with different sets of eyes at all times, and we were warned we would go home if we were caught violating the rules of the casting process. I was all about following the rules. Of course I’m dramatic but it did all feel like a mini-drama to me, and I hated having to deliberately avoid four other grown women who were vying for my key into the Big Brother house in the final rounds..

My douchebag story has a point because bluetooth guy was sitting between me and Dana, and there were plenty of other “regular” hotel guests there with the BB crew. Most people were there with their kids to check out Universal City just a walk away, or film whatever local porn they were on location for…whatever. It’s not like CBS shut down the Sheraton for BB finals casting, so it really was odd sharing the elevator with people who had no idea there was anything going on.

So Dana and I shared a douchebag experience and without words it created a bond between us, and then when we learned we were both from New York it was an instant connection. It wasn’t our fault how we’d been seated at breakfast during finals. So as Julie told us to check each other out I looked most forward to meeting Jack and Dana.

Erika just rubbed me the wrong way immediately and I can only chalk it up to mismatched menstrual moon cycles, but of course I envied her emaciated tummy. She never ate much from what I saw at the hotel…I also hated her for her perfect but so fake breasts. I was so judgmental, and I still am. I’m working on it.

I thought Alison was so cute but vanilla, and I loved her short short skirt even though Dana thought it was too short. I didn’t sense at all the menacing terror Ali would turn out be, on that first day. She fooled me. David was attractive but very hard to read standing there on the steps but he was a joker, unlike Nathan who turned out to be as slow as I thought his eyes looked…in those first minutes standing around awkwardly.

The vibes from Scott and Erika threatened me most that day. My gut said no to Scott and Erika, but there I was about to enter the house…as a fan of the show who applied the old fashioned way I was ready.

I knew there had to be more than eight people in the house, but I decided to worry about that later and focus on the very seven people Julie Chen just told me to “take a good look around at.”

In my mind the start of the season right then was nothing and everything I thought it would be, and in the moment you’re waiting for Julie Chen to address you for the first time it’s…magic and rainbows and Ashley’s dreamboard unicorns. You can’t see Chenbot but you can hear her Chenbot voice. Then you’re jarred back to the reality that holy shit the game’s already started and the battery pack on the microphone felt damn heavy clipped to the back of my skirt. I’d shoved the pack between my skin and skirt, so my skirt felt extra tight and I felt like a sausage.

No matter how much you’re prepared for Big Brother, everything flies out the window when you get there and it’s up to you to close the damn window. You realize you have to be locked up with most probably and certifiably crazy people around you, and you have to watch your back because everyone wants your $500,000. Plus, you have to pee and poop on film.

Even at my coolest and most relaxed state I usually have a dozen things running through my head, but when I was standing on those steps my mind and heart were racing. No joke. So what do you do?

I chose to listen closely to the instructions I was given by production and hoped I wouldn’t be the first HG to faint on those stupid fake steps.

So as the first eight of us HGs stood on the stairs leading to the BB4 house, not knowing each other’s names, I felt like I was high. I wondered if they were thinking what I was thinking. Where were the rest of us?! Why only eight?

I’d looked around trying to get a read from Robyn or Kate or Shawn’s faces, anyone from production, but they gave me nothing. Little did I know they were trying not to laugh in our faces as they anticipated drama to the highest degree, because the remaining five HGs yet to arrive were ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends of most of us standing on those steps.

I don’t blame CBS for putting my messy break-up on blast, and making me share a house with Jee. It was a game-changer and better than any twist we’e seen in recent seasons because the producers just let things play out more, but maintained humane conditions.

~ ~ ~

I’m getting asked often now about the fact that I’m the only non-white HG to ever have won Big Brother…but 10 years ago standing on those steps it didn’t matter to me what color my fellow HGs were at the end of the day because the only color that mattered to me was green, in the form of a cash prize at the end. I wasn’t poor in 2003 by any means, but I was greedy and pretty ruthless and I wanted to win. The money was great, but I wanted to win.

~

End of Entering the Big Brother House.

Always dishing,

Jun

 

Big Brother 15 Bullseye – Week 4

WeekFour

Julie Tweet

I don’t know what’s going on from the neck-up anymore with Julie Chen, because I don’t know when it became fashionable to carry your own piss-pot in your hair. That’s what it looked like last night. I’m convinced it was a bowl of rice in case Aaryn was evicted but Kaitlin got the boot instead, and now we’ll never know what Julie had in her hair.

ChenbotHair

 

For those of you who have been asking WTH “WTH” is as far scoring the HGs:

Working the house (“WTH”) would be something like Amanda who is neither vehemently disliked nor cherished, yet she has the ability to work the house on her own without anyone else’s help.

Working America (“WA”) would be something like Helen who is clearly speaking more to America than she is to the diary room when she’s spelling everything out for us with the occasional hair flip for emphasis.

Working the potential jury (“WJ”) would be like Howard keeping his cool and thinking long term to jury as he does in life when faced with racism.

This week: Judd still remains #1 overall:

WeekFour

 

I don’t see King Judd being knocked off the Bullseye soon, but let’s get on with the rest of the messes:

Mud

AarynWTH: You’ve done so much damage in the house that it’s actually become an advantage for you because you got zero votes for eviction, and you’re still in the house (+30 points). WA: Your family’s hired a PR crew to clean up your online image, yet America still does not like you (+10 points). WJ: Now that you’ve survived the block twice and won HOH twice your jury speech only gets stronger which make me sick, but at least I have screencaps of you suffering in the mud to make me feel better (+20 points). Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 140 points

Froyo

GinaMarieWTH: You got zero votes because you are inconsequential to most of the house, and provide comic relief with your severely defective vocabulary (+10 points). WA: You showed America what a girl with no gag reflex looks like on a Friday night in Staten Island, and you actually made me feel inadequate in the deep throat arena. Brava (+20 points). WJI applaud you for not going “gangster” on Elissa when she pushed you away, I guess you reserve your “beatdowns” for non-white girls (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 120 points

Earrings

CandiceWTH: Attaching yourself to Howard every waking moment is getting in the way of your working the house the way you did at first (+10 points). WA: Half of America loves your earrings and the other half hates them, and i’m just confused by them (+20 points). WJ: I don’t see you having a problem with the jury at the end so long as you win a competition here and there, because you can’t hang on to Howard’s schlong forever (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 180 points

ElissaPush

ElissaWTH: You don’t even have to do much to work the house, because some of these people are stupid enough to think you got MVP and nominated yourself only to play in the veto and save yourself (+20 points).  WA: You cry about wanting to go home when you don’t get your way, and then gloat like a rubby ducky but you’re not really fooling anyone (0 points). WJ: You suck at jury management but if you survive this week with Aaryn as HOH, and not being able to play in veto, then your jury speech is better than half the house’s. (+20 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 180 points

Kaitlin: Have a great time in Vegas. Bye.

HelenTweet

HelenWTH: You were penalized with two nights of 8pm curfew which probably helped your game, because it meant you had to shut our mouth for longer than usual (+20 points)?! WA: “America”, in this case Rachel’s fans, may not like you turning your back on Elissa this week but you don’t seem to care since you have deals with everyone but Julie Chen at this point (+10 points). WJ: Kaitlin, whom you voted out, seems to think the world of you and I really think the rest of the HGs sincerely like you as well (+30 points). Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 220 points

Bathroom

McCraeWTH: You’re passively working the house while your queen aggressively works it for you, even in the toilet (+20 points). WA: You’re getting a good edit on television, but on the feeds you have your moments aka referring to someone as a “cunt” (+10 points). WJ: Your $5,000 win in the POV competition, plus the fact that you’re Amanda’s bitch, will hurt you come jury time  (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 160 points

Andy: WTH: You manage to be everywhere and nowhere, and it’s only a matter of time before someone attacks you for it, so you need to be ready with more than color-blocked clown shirts (+20 points). WA: You get to host a competition and look suitably geeklicious, yet today you also throw the word “cunt” around on the live feeds as if it’s easy to just roll off your tongue (+10 points). WJ: Your jury vote is getting stronger the longer you’re a Have-Not in that god-forsaken house, but I don’t believe you’d win. (+10 points). Week 4: 40 points // Cumulative: 160 points

JessieWTH: You might as well take a long nap until final five because you’re on nobody’s radar, including production’s (+20 points). WA: America needs to know more about you, but CBS doesn’t seem to be interested in providing that yet which means you’re going to be around for a while (+10 points). WJ: If you get to jury you’ll probably be sitting with someone just like you, and someone better than you, so I don’t see you winning (+10 points). Week 3: 40 points // Cumulative: 160 points

AmandaWTF

AmandaWTH: You were upset about your key being pulled last at Judd’s HOH nomination ceremony, yet it was your one-piece bathing suit that offended Elissa enough to bring you to tears. Get it together (+10 points). WA: America’s split on you, because many of us enjoy what you bring to BB and others are Rachel’s fans (+30 points). WJ: You’re in a good spot come any jury, just like you’re in a good spot week-to-week no matter who’s HOH (+20 points). Week 3: 60 points // Cumulative: 240 points

SpencerWTH: What you lack in soul you make up for in trivia knowledge from Hitler to sexual predator language to aliens and everything remotely creepy in-between, and HGs actually listen because despite your size you never raise your voice (+30 points). WA: Television-viewers know you to be a gentle giant with rough edges, while live feeders know you to be the guy you never want to live next door to if you’re gay or an attractive tampon-user (+20 points). WJ: If you survive this week you have the “Howard had Candice and I had nobody” argument handy, and if you survive it’s because the HGs think Howard’s a bigger threat. (+10 points). Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 200 points

JuddWTH: You’re HOH and you’re supposed to be “the bad guy” who nominates people, yet nobody hates you and GinaMarie even had a beer ready for you when you got out of solitary. Nicely done (+40 points). WA: Your mom’s letter to you in your HOH basket read, “Your dad hasn’t been this nervous since the day you were born,” and it sounded just right to America (+30 points). WJThings like solitary confinement will make good bullet points when you’re making your jury speech (+30 points). Week 4: 100 points // Cumulative: 400 points

HC

HowardWTH: Doing yoga with Elissa was a good move, as was letting Candice feel up on your man parts with her body during the POV competition, but sticking so close still with a former Moving Company loser may hurt you this week (+20 points). WA: America pretty much loves you, and not all of  America has even seen what’s under those sweatpants of yours (+30 points). WJ: When potential jury member Candice tells you to go get her a pebble you reply, “I ain’t no penguin” yet you let her use you like a piece of Grade-A furniture. Nicely done (+10 points).  Week 4: 60 points // Cumulative: 280 points

~ ~ ~

DIARY ROOM CRACKHEAD OF THE WEEK: Elissa

Eyelash

~ ~ ~

My Personal MVP Of The Week: Howard’s bulge, I mean…Howard.

HowardBulge

 

~ ~ ~

Oh, and Helen’s back on my Favs list:

Favs Week 4It’s been 4 weeks yet I feel like I’ve aged 40 weeks.

Always dishing,

Jun

 

The Best Napper

FiveK

I don’t remember everything about my kindergarten friends, but I remember I had a lot of them. It’s because I was almost always The Best Napper. I don’t know if other kindergarten teachers rewarded good nappers, but mine did. Mrs. Camper.

TheBestNapper

Every day after lunch and play we’d all take a nap before snack time. The quietest and stillest napper in the room got awoken by Mrs. Camper, and was given a paper mache wand with a beautiful star of aluminum foil at the tip. With this wand The Best Napper would awaken the rest of the class one-by-one, and I took it seriously. I’d even tried to replicate the wand at home just so I could have one, but I was never able to and just ended up wasting foil which was expensive according to my mother.

I wasn’t always The Best Napper, but I held the class record and everyone wanted to be awoken first thus everyone wanted to be my friend. To be awoken first meant you got to roll up your sleeping mat and put it away before everyone else did, and you got to get up off the floor and sit in a chair. How small and simple our pleasures were at age 5.

So began my understanding of how popularity worked. Choosing a chair first meant getting the one closest to where Mrs. Camper would serve snacks. It was always two pieces of fruit, and sitting closer to the sink meant you’d get your fruit first. My friends got their fruit first, and because I was The Best Napper I got the last seat and got my fruit last.

In kindergarten I loved doing it for my friends and they loved me for it. In real life I always do such things for my friends and I love doing it. Like seen in Joy Luck Club, I watched my mother always provide the best quality foods to friends and guests. If ever there was a piece of fruit with a bad bruise, she’d cut it out and eat that fruit herself always leaving the freshest fruit for me and my brother and father.

In Big Brother, you must do such things to get to the end. You have to put yourself first but know when to put yourself second. You have to understand the dynamics of power and find a sweet spot to ride out sociopaths and racists and hair extensions all over the filthy pace. We can call it The Best Floater or The Best Napper but it’s not a bad thing. In fact, if there were no floaters in life we’d all just sleep with our bosses or put out sex tapes or other ridiculous headlines in life to get ahead. Not all of us get ahead the way Julie Chen did, and the more power to her right? Not for me, thanks.

So in this Big Brother 15 season chock-full-of reality television insanity, who’s floating?

Big-Brother-15-House-guest-andy-herren-17

Andy’s floating most of all, and I don’t blame him, because there are 12 Type A personalities in there and 2 Type B-and-a-half. Everyone is floating to some degree because it’s impossible not to. The MVP twist encourages floating in fact, though Elissa winning it every week defeats the purpose of anything good coming out of this new MVP twist.

Always dishing,

Jun

Photo Credit: Thanks to OBB for the most enticing photo of Andy.

Big Brother Canada Finale

bbcanada

I just watched the three-minute video of how the finale vote went down on Big Brother Canada, without breathing. I can do that, hold my breath for lengths of time, and I’ve always been able to for as long as I can remember. Now you know something about me that you didn’t know.

I held my breath because I couldn’t believe what was happening. Of course as a longtime Big Brother fan I was shocked, because we’d seen nothing like this on the U.S. seasons. Then, as someone who’s sat in that proverbial seat where Jillian and Gary were sitting, I wished security had come out and escorted Topaz off the set for being over-the-top annoying about it all.

That never would have gone down with Julie Chen on stage. Topaz, and some of her hair, would have been tackled for going near Mrs. Moonves. Maybe even a taser or two would come out, but Topaz was actually yanking on Arisa Cox.

TopazArisa

 

My god, let’s use our imaginations as to what Chenbot would have done. Glorious. Was anyone else surprised Dan didn’t jump up on stage and save the day? He missed a huge coaching opportunity. Chelsea looked beautiful as always.

As did Jillian. I said in my pre-season cast assessment about Jillian:

“She’s a teacher and she went on the show for the same reason I did…out of a long-term relationship and wanting to do it to “shake up” her life.  I consider this a good thing, she seems to be one of the more normal people cast. She reminds me of Rachel from BB6.”

Big Brother is good for the soul of the broken-hearted. It worked for me, and it did for Jillian. Except she should have just owned her merciless game moves and lied better (as opposed to less, because lying is essential in BB) through the season. She’s most definitely one of the stronger females to have won Big Brother. If Topaz did not make that mistake, then Jillian would have been robbed. End of that story, but for Jillian her story has a good ending in many ways.

I had Jillian as second most likely to win, only after Suzette (another disappointment), in my assessment so I’m happy for her. Overall. She almost lost because of her poor social game, but Topaz Emerald Cubic Zirconia handed her the win.

Now Gary…

If I was Gary I would have found Topaz right away at wrap-up, and brought my elbow down on her tit with all my might. No, that’s disgusting. Besides, that would never happen because I’m not Gary. For so many reasons besides glitter, but basically because I won. Plus, I won on my own with good twists and not stupid shady ones. Anyone who knows anything about Big Brother knows that non-sequestered jurors shouldn’t be allowed back in the house. Sequestering versus non-sequestering, hello.

As far as Peter and Alec and the rest of the disappointments, I’m over them. Topaz should be mortified and persecuted in reality television life, but not in her real life. Fucking fuck if I’m going to ever send anyone death threats over a freaking television game show, whatever, seriously? Stop the madness. With so much violence plastered in headlines and scrapbooks all over and close-to-home…find another way to get your anger out. Don’t threaten to kill Big Brother houseguests. Go kill a dragon instead.

Always dishing,

Jun

P.S.: I know some of you may disagree with me, but it’s not like the first season of Big Brother (U.S.) is something to be fiercely proud of either. Hopefully Canada gets over this one and they get their shit together for the next season.

 

Fifty Shades of Big Brother USA Fans

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Recently, I had one of those days that made me question what the fuck was wrong with certain people out there. Following the news and keeping up with the times, you know there’s no shortage of bad people in the world. But I’m referring to, specifically, certain fans of Big Brother. That’s not to say there aren’t fans who remind me on a daily basis of all the good in the world. There are all types of fans, and I’ve touched on this before.

But, on that particular day, I was dealt yet another reality check about just how sick and vile some fans can be. But I suppose there must be filth, to balance out the fabulous, in Big Brother fans. And so I compiled a list of every shade of the Big Brother fan base. Keeping in mind we all “stumbled upon it” at some point to get to where we are today.

images-19

How many of the shades describe you?

~ ~ ~ Fifty Shades of Big Brother USA Fans ~ ~ ~

1            Those fans with an Asian fetish obsessed with the host, Julie Chen, who would watch Big Brother and anything else out there as long as they could lay their eyes on The Chenbot.

2            Those fans who stumbled upon Big Brother while channel-surfing but stayed on the channel to finish the episode, and liked it.

3            Those fans who stumbled upon Big Brother because friends/family/colleagues/f*ckbuddies or some otherwise fan of the show mentioned it/pressured them, and liked it.

4            Those fans who stumbled upon Big Brother, period, and liked it enough to try to tune into most of the rest of that stumbled-upon season.

5            Those fans who stumbled upon Big Brother, period, and got hooked into watching the rest of that season.

6            Those fans who stumbled upon Big Brother, period, and got hooked into watching the rest of that season and then went back to watch all the missed episodes online.

7            Those fans who stumbled upon Big Brother, period, got hooked on the show and also discovered Showtime After Dark and tuned in to that too “every once in a while” for the rest of the season.

8            Those fans who stumbled upon Big Brother, period, and also discovered Showtime After Dark and got hooked on watching both for the rest of the season.

9            Those fans who got hooked on Big Brother and Showtime After Dark and also went back to watch all the missed episodes from that stumbled-upon season, online.

10           Those fans dedicated to watching some of the next season of Big Brother.

11            Those fans dedicated to watching all of the next season and “maybe sometimes” catching Showtime After Dark.

12            Those fans dedicated to watching the next season of Big Brother and Showtime After Dark and also following live feed updates through Twitter or Facebook.

13            Those fans dedicated to watching the next season of Big Brother and Showtime After Dark and also joining some fan forum to follow live feed updates.

14            Those fans dedicated to watching the next season of Big Brother and Showtime After Dark and also joining some fan forum to follow live feed updates and discuss all things Big Brother.

15            Those fans dedicated to watching all of the next season of Big Brother and Showtime After Dark and also downloading some live feeds apps on their smartphones.

16            Those fans dedicated to watching all of the next season of Big Brother and Showtime After Dark and also subscribing to the live feeds.

17            Those fans dedicated to watching all of the next season of Big Brother and Showtime After Dark, subscribing to the live feeds and sharing updates with other fans or perhaps creating an app for smartphones.

18            Those fans who keep up on what’s happening in the Big Brother world in-between seasons via Twitter of Facbeook.

19            Those fans who keep up on what’s happening in the Big Brother world in-between seasons and share information with other fans on Twitter of Facebook.

20            Those fans who keep up on what’s happening in the Big Brother world in-between seasons and join fan forums to discuss all things Big Brother.

21            Those fans who keep up on what’s happening in the Big Brother world in-between seasons and also start their own blog site to discuss all things Big Brother.

22            Those fans who stumbled upon Big Brother, period, and eventually got caught up on every episode there ever was of Big Brother except season one.

23            Those fans who stumbled upon Big Brother, period, and eventually got caught up on every episode there ever was of Big Brother except season one, and also international versions of the show.

24            Those fans who tuned in to watch Big Brother since the first episode of the first season in 2000, and most of the subsequent seasons.

25            Those fans who tuned in to watch Big Brother since the first episode of the first season in 2000, and all subsequent seasons.

26            Those fans who have seen every episode of Big Brother there ever was in the whole wide world of reality television.

27            Those fans who found their favorite BB alum through social media and rejoiced a little bit.

28            Those fans who found their least favorite BB alum through social media and scowled a lot.

29            Those fans who found BB alum through social media and follow their post-Big Brother life from afar.

30            Those fans who found BB alum through social media and reach out through some form of communication.

31            Those fans who get a response/reply from BB alum and rejoice.

32            Those fans who get a response/reply from BB alum and scowl.

33            Those fans who get a response/reply from BB alum and rejoice by touching their genitals for pleasure.

34            Those fans who get a response/reply from BB alum and scowl and immediately hate them with a burning passion.

35            Those fans who get a response/reply from BB alum and rejoice by swearing their love and devotion to them, literally.

36            Those fans who get a response/reply from BB alum and scowl with burning hate, and begin planning their online demise.

37            Those fans who read other fans’ public forms of communication with BB alum and act in any way close to the last six items above.

38            Those fans who publicly interact regularly with BB alum as fellow human beings.

39            Those fans who publicly, and privately, interact regularly with BB alum as fellow human beings.

40            Those fans who have coffee or kosher food or pastrami with BB alum, or even have them over to their homes.

41            Those fans who become angry if certain BB alum do not respond/reply to them in public, or in private for that matter.

42            Those fans who cannot go a day without obtaining information about certain BB alum.

43            Those fans who dedicate large parts of their days to obtaining as much information and eBay items as possible, for BB alum.

44            Those fans who create multiple online accounts to dedicate large parts of their days to obtaining as much information as possible, about BB alum.

45            Those fans who dedicate most of their daily 24 hours to stalking BB alum while touching their genitals for pleasure.

46            Those fans who dedicate most of their daily 24 hours to stalking BB alum, while plotting their slow and painful deaths.

47            Those fans who dedicate most of their daily 24 hours to stalking BB alum, and discussing them on fan forums, while touching their genitals for pleasure with other fans of their kind.

48            Those fans who dedicate most of their daily 24 hours to stalking BB alum, and discussing them on fan forums, while plotting slow and painful deaths with other fans of their kind.

49            Those fans who dedicate most of their daily 24 hours to stalking BB alum, and discussing them on fan forums, while touching their genitals for pleasure while plotting slow and painful deaths of BB alum.

50            Those fans who threaten, anonymously on the internet, to rape or stab or otherwise have the intent to kill some BB alum and their families but would take a bullet for certain other BB alum.

~ ~ ~

If I’ve left anything out, it’s because I had to choose fifty. And shame on you for pointing it out. Oh, and I dedicate this blog to ALL fans of Big Brother, filthy and fabulous, because without you there would be no Big Brother.

Always dishing,

Jun